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Chapter 14 ~ Spacey Thunder cunts!

If life gives you limes, make margaritas.

Jimmy Buffet

It was an exceptionally windy night, not one we anticipated. The six of us were camping in a remote, wooded area when a Northern cold front came whirling in, leaving us unprepared for the thrashing rain, and whipping winds. Still, we were determined to make the best of our trip and it was our last time together before spring break was over.

We were sitting around the campfire, trying to keep warm. The clouds had moved in and it was a very dark night. Jasper thought it would be an excellent time to tell ghost stories, she he started with the tale of the 'babysitter'.

I can't remember who spotted it first, but looking to the north, we could clearly see someone, or something standing near the edge of the woods. This was no hallucination; we all saw it, beckoning us to come. It looked human enough but what was strange is that it wasn't completely opaque; it appeared to be a male apparition of sorts.

Jasper was the first one to get up, wanting to check it out. Needless to say, the rest of us were reluctant. Not only was the cold wind unpleasant, the thought of going near it was a frightening prospect. Being a completely, egotistical "man" Emmett was the first to volunteer to accompany Jasper on his quest for answers.

Having watched the "Book of Shadows, Blair Witch 2" on DVD with Alice before our trip, I was beginning to feel a bit jumpy. Since this was my first camping trip, I don't know why I let Alice talk me into watching that movie before we left. Especially since, I'm so terrified of scary movies. Edward, who was once again in his own little world, chose not to go with the guys. So they took off on their own, leaving us shivering and apprehensive.

Now unable to see the shadow-like apparition, Emmett and Jas disappeared into the trees. They were in full view up until a certain point.

What the hell are they doing trying to surprise that damn thing?

Paying no mind to the boys who wanted to go ghost hunting, I slid over to Alice who nudged her head in Edward's direction. All I could do was shrug my shoulders. Edward hasn't really been his upbeat self since the other night…

Let's not go back there, I think to myself.

What happened next almost…and I do mean almost, made me run straight back to Seattle.

Tree branches wrestling, we heard a deafening scream.

"OH FUCK!" I shouted gawking at Edward who was fiddling with a damn stick.

Emmett crawls out of the trees on his hands and knees, blood dripping from his face and neck, covered in sweat with a panic-stricken look on his face. He quickly glances over his shoulder as a man stalks him from behind.

Yelling for Edward to help him, he turns on his back and raises his arms to defend himself as this lunatic raises his ax (which btw I didn't notice until now due to sheer terror) to slice and dice Emmett.

I pitch myself up, knocking Alice over in the process. I see Rose slightly giggling as I run like the wind towards Emmett.

What! The! Fuck! … This is Rose's 'monkey man' and this psycho's about to turn him into a monkey shish kabob! I think to myself as Edward's words ring in my head.

"Jasper cut it out."

I glare down at Emmett he waves at me with a sneaky smirk.

Can this really be one big ass joke, and I'm the butt of it?

I take a gander over at Rose, and she's trying desperately not to bust a gut laughing.

Nah! No way… at the very least Alice would have warned me.

Wouldn't she?

I turn around to look at Alice, she obviously can't contain herself a moment longer, she bursts into hysteria.

No!

Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett are laughing like little hyenas' at the butt of their joke.

The butt being me!

Flustered and furious as a red-hot chili pepper, I storm off cursing every one of my friends and boyfriend into the hereafter.

That shit wasn't fucking funny!

God damn it!

All to mother fucking son of a bitch!

Assclowns!

Cock suckin fuckwads!

Piece of horses ass!

Pecker headed pile of cow dung!

Thunder cunts!

Quoting Steve Martin in Bringing Down the House, "KISS MY NATURAL BLACK ASS!" I shout at them, in my best Ebonics accent.

"I told you guys not to play that joke on her, just because V loved it didn't mean Bella would." Edward says.

I could hear someone catching up to me but I didn't really want to deal with any of them right now, especially Edward! Shit all he did was just sit there and fiddle around like a damn bump on a log. If he knew, I wouldn't like it then why didn't he say something sooner?

Butt monkey!

Keeping to the path, I can see a faint silhouette of our trucks up ahead. Happy to soon be out of the dark spooky woods, I cling to my pullover while the wind whips around me. Luckily, the rain has subsided for now.

Approaching the clearing, I see Edward come from the right to cut me off.

As if he were silently calling to me, I look up at and immediately lock my eyes with him.

How could I possibly stay mad at him?

He was my Edward, my heart, my soul, my everything.

In a silent understanding I wrap my arms around his neck and he scoops me up, cradling me in his arms as a if I were a baby. He then walks us over to the bed of my truck.

Sliding his left arm out from under me just slightly, he lifts up on the tailgate handle and let it down. Delicately placing me on the tailgate, walking around towards the passenger side of the truck he opens the door. I could hear him rummaging thru some of the bags that I had left in the truck.

Apparently bringing all my makeup and a battery operated blow dryer on a camping trip was just…how did Emmett put it?

Oh right…ridiculously absurd.

The locking of the truck door as it closed startled me out of my lite daydream. Edward was coming back around the back of the truck when I noticed the emergency blanket in his hands. He unfolds it and flings it in the air, laying it flat on the truck liner.

With a firm but delicate grasp, he pulls me into him by my hips. Gently brushing a few strands of hair out of my face he wraps his hand around the back of my neck and looks deep into my eyes.

"I know I've been weird lately but I need you baby."

That was all he had to say. I quickly wrapped my legs around his pelvis and dove into his mouth, tongues savagely fighting with the other.