Authors note- Before starting this chapter I just want to address something real quick, some had problems with the direction that the last chapter ended with, I just want to say upfront that it was in no way in favor of Jesse or Finn's side and it was also in no way to create pointless drama, I had planned that for a while now and I'm very happy with my choice, I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Now I know it's hard to see past some things if you are initially on one side or the other but again this wasn't a choice meant to benefit Jesse or Finn, it was for Rachel. Finn saw how destroyed Rachel was after his panic attack that landed him in the hospital, he couldn't even imagine about how she was when he died, she was broken and he couldn't live with himself if he dragged her into his now unstable life, he doesn't know if this miracle is permanent or not and he can't be constantly worry about if he might suddenly die again, he loves her too much. This all boils down to his love for her, he wants her to life the life she has, you have to understand that she has grown in her career and as a person in these five years, she went through something traumatic that changed everything and she has grown from that, Finn needs to catch up on what he has missed, this doesn't mean that they can't grow together, it means they need time to still grow on their own before they can come back to each other. So please everyone in the future, just don't let your own personal bias cloud your enjoyment for the fanfic, I work really hard and I know I can't please everyone but I do things for a reason, and as the author you just need to trust me. With that said I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you are interested for an explanation as to where I have been for months I will explain after the chapter is done, if not I hope you enjoy and I love you all, until next time-Izzy
Six months later
Rachel's POV
I scan the page over and over again, trying to absorb all the information I can. I am scrolling down when I hear his footsteps coming from behind me, I shut the laptop shut quickly and get up trying to act like I have nothing to hide. I go into the closet and pretend to look busy, pretend to be looking for something. "Rachel?" I hear him call out through the apartment.
"In here" I yell back to him, I continue to be looking through my closet, I can't let him catch me with a guilty expression on my face.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Just looking for something, it's not important though" He comes over and wraps his arms around my waist.
"You sure?" I turn to face him while I answer.
"Yeah" I lean in a kiss him gently.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, will you tell me where we are going?" He takes my hand and we walk out of the apartment and down the street.
"It's a surprise"
"You know I'm not good with surprises" He laughs in response and opens the door for me. As we are seated and Jesse pulls out my chair for me my mind keeps wandering to the computer, what was on the screen. Ever since Finn rejected me I still couldn't shake the questions that rack my brain. How did he come back? Why, why now? Are there others like him out there? these thoughts consumed me and I needed to find answers. Jesse understood why I did what I did, he took me back in with open arms and we moved on together, he meant it when he said he would always love me. That is why I still feel so guilty for the ache my heart feels knowing Finn is out there somewhere, alive and breathing but still without me. I wait until Jesse is asleep to search the internet for answers, or even just some comfort knowing that there are others out there, going through what I have. I have read countless stories about people coming back themselves or having loved ones who have come back, there are those crazy people out there but it's reassuring to know that I'm not the crazy one. I am snapped back to reality when the waiter comes to take my drink order. I order some water and am back in thought again, I am pulled out by Jesse's actions, he is getting down on one knee. I should have seen this coming, I must have had some clue and yet this hits me square in the chest.
"Rachel Berry, I have already proposed to you once months ago, things got in the way and we needed a little time apart to see if we could come back together and now that we are I am so happy, even though we took some time apart nothing changed, I still love you. I still love you so much, and I still want you to be my wife, so will you marry me?" I don't even have to think about my response, it is already out of my mouth before I can stop it.
"No" I look down at the ring, it is staring back in my face. It is just as big as I remember it, and thinking about it's size makes me think about my other engagement ring I received years ago. Thinking of the two together really can't compare, the one from Finn wasn't much but it was so beautiful, it wasn't the size of the ring, it was the person hiding behind it. "I'm so sorry"
"I understand, it's because of Finn"
"I just can't marry you when I know he is still out there"
"He's your soulmate, something I can never be"
"Jesse I want you to know I still love you, I will always love you"
"I love you too. I guess it means something though that you couldn't marry me when he was dead and now knowing he is alive"
"I didn't want things to end like this between us"
"I didn't either"
"Just know that if it wasn't for him, it would be you" He gives me a weak smile and it almost breaks my heart.
"Thank you for a little more time, no matter how short it was" I lean down and kiss him, I savor this moment knowing it will probably be our last.
"I have to go" I give him one last look as I exit the restaurant, I can't thank him enough for all he has done for me and hope that no matter what happens he knows that.
Finn's POV
I pour myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, I sit at the table and eat my breakfast, waiting for the rest of the house to get up. Soon Burt and my mom come into the kitchen, pouring themselves some coffee. "Morning"
"Morning" My mom gives me a warm smile and comes over to kiss my cheek, it's been a routine for her to physically touch me, as if it is some way for her to insure that I really am still here, not buried in the ground somewhere. "Did you sleep okay? Not nervous are you?"
"I slept okay, and no I'm not really nervous"
"That's good, I'm just glad you are ready for that big interview" She gives me a reassuring smile. I have since returned to college and have been making up the work I missed, it wasn't easy to make up an explanation for why I was gone for so long but luckily they weren't completely interested in everything that happened. Mr Shue set up an interview for me today at McKinley for a substitute teaching position, he believed in me all those years ago and he still believes in me today.
"Yeah, hopefully I can get this, it will be a big step in the right direction"
"Even if you don't get it, know that there is always a job for you at the tire shop"
"Thanks Burt" I look at the time on the stove and see that it is almost nine, I have to leave soon to make the nine thirty interview set up. I say goodbye to my mom and Burt and drive to the school that I used to attend, the one that holds such a special place in my heart. As I walk inside and down the halls I feel the feeling of being their quarterback again, of having everything figured out. A place in glee club, a place on the football team, a place in Rachel's heart. Just being in the place where I fell in love with her makes me think of her, I let my mind wander to thoughts of her from time to time, I don't for a second regret letting her go, I couldn't hold her back, couldn't make her move backwards when she has spent the past five years moving on. That wasn't fair to her, it wouldn't have been fair to ask. Even though I don't regret it doesn't mean I don't miss her, that I don't still miss her like crazy. I push those thoughts far away as I sit waiting for the start of my future, my new start.
"Thank you Mr. Hudson, we will definitely be in touch" He shakes my hand and I give him a big grin, that couldn't have gone any more perfectly. I let myself linger in the halls a little while longer, I am tempted to walk down to the choir room or to the auditorium, to feel like I am back in high school just one last time. I almost swear that everything is getting to me when I hear the sound of her voice, calling my name.
"Finn" Am I going crazy? I must be imaging things. "Finn" I turn around and see her standing there, she is really here.
"Rachel? What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't do it, Jesse proposed again and I still couldn't say yes. I know that you didn't want me, you thought that we couldn't still work after so long but I don't agree, you are the only one for me, always have been and still are"
"Is that what you think? That I didn't want you"
"You couldn't have been any clearer in your rejection"
"How do you still not get it, I did it for you, I can't have you waiting around for me to get my life back on track, you have lived, you lived your dreams and it isn't fair for me to make you sit around and wait for me to catch up on what I missed"
"How do you still not get that maybe you don't always know what I want. Because I want you. Like you said, I already lived my dreams, I don't have a problem waiting for you to achieve yours" I now notice that she has taken a few steps forward every time she has spoke, we are so close to each other now.
"Rachel I can't make you any promises"
"I'm not expecting you to, there is still someone waiting in New York who would be willing to marry me" She laughs and I can't help but grin.
"You never answered me, what are you doing here?"
"I'm home" She gives me the biggest smile and I can't help but smile back. I don't know what the future holds, or if she can even manage to be apart of it but for right now we are both home.
Authors note- I just want to tell you how sorry I am that I have been gone for six months, so much has happened this year already and I will explain everything hopefully is a quick way that is also in chronological order. So at the beginning of the year I had a lot of personal stuff going on with my mom and my dad, my mom got really depressed and we had to constantly watch her and it was really scary for a while but luckily things got better, that was January. In February I finally made things official with this guy who I had been practically dating for a few months at that point but hadn't made it official yet. I also had a lot of drama going on with my unstable grandmother who called me a bitch and basically trashed me any time she could and refused to pick me up from school anymore so I spent a lot of time upset over that and getting home late 3 out of my 5 day school week because she wouldn't pick me up and then when I did get home I had to focus on homework. In March I not only went on vacation to Florida but the week before I sprained my wrist and couldn't type for two and a half weeks, also my dog injured her paw really badly and it was time consuming to watch her constantly. In April for about three weeks my boyfriend was in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt and it was really scary and super difficult to deal with. In May it was my birthday and my grandma started things back up again, on top of that my boyfriend got out of the mental hospital and was very distant and broke up with me without an explanation as to why. Since then he has completely shut me out and the friend I once had before we dated didn't even acknowledge me anymore and it really fucking sucked. Also I had my last part of drivers ed and got a job to pay for my car, this was also all in the same week when I got walking pneumonia and was in the hospital for two days. A week later I went on a trip with my choir to Chicago, and then when we got back I was still sick and then when I came back to school my music program won a grant from the Grammy foundation, and won an actually Grammy so that was pretty exciting, and all those events happened over a span of like three weeks. Then in June it was my last month of school and in my school that month is known as project month so I had about four projects all due around the same time for different classes and that wasn't even including all my finals tests I had, I literately just got out of school three days ago and I had tried to post this chapter before but it got delete and I was too emotionally drained and or sick to have the energy to try and re-write it. I am really sorry guys and hope you can understand where I am coming from, I know I should always put my writing first but I felt like I physically couldn't. Again I am really sorry and until next time-Izzy