Liara

I step through the elevator doors, expecting the thick cloud of smoke, the stench of burning flesh, the horrors of death and destruction wrought by an enemy's action. I anticipate chaos and a cloud of fear so thick in the air that I cannot breathe. However…the atmosphere changes.

No longer am I aboard a burning ship in the void of space. No longer do I hear my lover's blood-choked breaths behind me, driving me forward. Instead, I bring my hand up to shield my face from the gleaming, overpowering light of the sun. A gentle wind caresses my cheeks and the air is sweet, filled with the smell of honeysuckle and nutmeg, spicy and rich.

Verdant grasses wave, surrounding me in a sea of green, of peace, of utter and complete calm. My heart rate slows as I witness the bright world, the trees standing tall, the rush of the river beside me. My hands no longer tremble and when I look at them, the bright red stains of blood are gone.

In the distance I see four figures and I walk closer, listening to the sounds of laughter brought to me by the wind. As I approach I am able to make out their features and my heart clenches as I recognize them from the melds and pictures that Serena has shared with me.

An older woman with fiery hair streaked through with grey sits among the grasses, reclining on a blanket. A man lies beside her, his head pillowed in her lap; his gaze focuses on her with nothing but the utmost admiration and love. I recognize the fire in his eyes, for I have had it directed towards me in a shade of glimmering silver that serves to mesmerize and comfort. The woman threads her fingers through his hair, tousling it in the same playful manner that the wind moves the grasses.

Her eyes are fixed on a small child held in another woman's arms. The baby's head is covered with downy hair, thin and wispy, but already the same color as her mother's. I walk closer and the child's eyes open, the Shepard shade of silver that arrests the heart and moves any with an artist's proclivities to create something of beauty in homage to it.

The baby reaches up towards the face of the woman that holds her, attempting to grasp long, thick strands of obsidian hair that tickle her cheeks. The small fingers wave and attempt to clench, but fail, and I see full crimson lips smile down at this perfect human baby before pressing light kisses to each little finger-tip, eliciting a warbling coo that warms my heart.

"Sweet Elizabeth." the woman speaks, and my heart clenches as I recognize the voice of Avi Rivera. "Beautiful and bright, just like Serena said."

Avi looks up and smiles at Hannah and Jackson Shepard, Serena's mother and father, taken from this world years ago on the colony of Mindoir.

"Thank you." she says, her hazel eyes filling with a sheen of sorrow. "Thank you for letting me wait here with you."

Hannah's lips turn down at the corners, but her voice is one of warmth as she speaks. "You are family, my dear." she says, her accent marked by a gentle lilt.

Avi's expression darkens. "Thank you…I simply wish that we were all gathered here for a…happier occasion."

This is a reunion. My eyes fill with tears as I see the peace of the place I am in, the bright sun, the beauty of the land. This is the "bright world" that Shepard's melancholy songs speak of, the afterlife wherein those we have lost wait for us…where we return to what has been taken. They are all here, waiting for her, waiting for her to come from her life of pain and tragedy and bask in this peace with them, to restore the years that were lost, the love that was stolen. This is a place where pain is erased, where suffering seems as nothing. Serena will be given back all that was taken…she will be loved, cared for, cherished, and I will continue to live…apart…severed from this place and her life forever more.

I wish to find peace in those thoughts, but I cannot. I cannot look at the hope on the faces of her family and the woman that she loved…not without the breaking of my own heart. We were meant to have forever…Serena had said I was first in her life and first in her heart, but this proves those words wrong. Here, they wait for her. Here, she will at long last be at peace. My love was nothing more than a temporary comfort. Here, Serena will be truly…happy. Happy as I could never make her.

"It is what it is." Jackson speaks and the first tear slips from my eyes and traces down my cheek.

Serena inherited her father's voice. Low, gentle, resonant, weighted with a simple wisdom. Hannah smiles down at her husband, though her brow creases at his simple phrase, as though the pragmatism in it disturbs her.

"What do you mean, darling?" she asks.

Jackson smiles, and it is Serena's smile, somehow confident, wise, and mournful simultaneously. "Our girl is coming home, Hannah. All that we were never able to give her, never able to tell her…all those years are going to be replaced." he reaches for his wife's hand and squeezes it. "We'll be able to give her our apologies, maybe repair the wounds she suffered in our absence. That's worth something."

"It's too soon." Hannah whispers. "It's too soon, Jackson. My children," her eyes flit to Elizabeth in Avi's arms, "my children should have had long, happy lives, filled with love and peace. I never wanted this. Not for my Serena. Why did she become a soldier, Jackson? Why would our little girl to that to herself?"

"Because she loved you." Avi answers, drawing both Hannah and Jackson's gaze. "Because she never wanted any child to lose their parents. She wanted a world without widows and orphans and suffering. That's what made her a damn good soldier. That's what made me fall in love with her. I joined the Alliance because I wanted to honor my dad's legacy, make him proud. Kind of selfish reasons, when you think about it. Serena joined because she wanted to protect people. She's the most selfless person I've ever known."

A quiet sob echoes on the wind as tears stream down Hannah's cheeks. "She could have been anything." Hannah whispers. "But she made her choice and now she…she…"

"She's coming home." Avi echoes Jackson's words. "We'll all be together again." the soldier presses a kiss to Elizabeth's forehead. "We'll be a family."

Where are you, Serena? I wonder, looking to the horizon, looking for my love to emerge and find her happiness, find all that had been torn from her restored. As much as I long for you, miss you, need you…I will not deny you this. Avi's love, your mother's affection, your father's pride, your sister's forgiveness. Where are you, my love? Come, take your rest. You have earned it.

I wait, unseen by all as the sun begins to sink lower in the sky. Still, Serena does not appear. My features contort into a frown as I continue to listen to her family speak of memories, of love, of how much they cannot wait to greet her after all of this time.

This is not right, I resolve, though it cracks my heart. She should be here, surrounded by love. I…I have to find her. I have to bring her to this place. Where she will no longer be alone. Where she will be loved in the land of the dead as I loved her in life.

I walk away from the four of them, from their laughter and light. Venturing deeper into the shadows, I watch the landscape change. The verdant fields break, and the soft earth beneath me turns to cracking stone. The air becomes hot, almost oppressive, difficult to breathe.

A loud snap breaks the ominous silence and I look down, gasping in horror as I see the corpse beneath my feet, the bone I have stepped on and splintered into dust. I back away, looking at the land around me. It is an obscene scape of corpses in various stages of decomposition. All species lie around me, batarian, krogan, asari, salarian, turian, hanar, quarian, vorcha, volus…death represented by all who have experienced it.

At the center of this mass graveyard a fire burns, shooting sparks into the air. Before it stands a woman. I would know the lean, long line of her body anywhere. I would know the flash of hair, the same color as the flames that leap into the sky.

"Serena." I call her name and she turns from the fire with a slow, methodical movement.

I gasp as I see her countenance. I have looked into the darkness in her eyes before, but never has it dominated the calm that defines her, the light that she keeps so closely guarded, so that she does not lose her identity beneath the horror of the task she has set herself to. Now, however, it dominates her. The scar across her face is a fresh wound, blood seeping from the ragged edges of torn skin. Her eyes are haunted, hollow, and bruised.

"Why are you here?" she asks. "I told you to go, and you did. You saved yourself. You should not be here, Liara."

"I've…I've come for you." I stammer. "I have seen your family…your mother and father. Elizabeth. Avi. They are waiting for you, Serena. Why are you…why are you here? In this place?"

"This is my birthright." Serena speaks, her voice dark and tinged with bitterness. "This is the end I bought for myself. I am a monster, Liara. The dead surrounding you are my ghosts, my companions, the voices that whisper to me in the night. I belong to them, to their hell. Blood must be paid for in kind. I have taken lives…so many lives. My own, in death, is forfeit."

"No." I shake my head, refusing to believe. "You have done such good in the galaxy. You are a beacon of hope in the darkness. It cannot take you. I will not let it! Come with me!"

"Álainn anam." she whispers, calling me a 'beautiful soul' in her mother's dead language. "You let me die. You did not save me. What makes you think you can return me to that bright world? This is your failure, Liara. Maybe, had you come with me, had you not left, I would have been able to find your love beyond death, and let it guide us to our own bright world. Instead, I am forever bound, torn away from those who love me."

"You asked me to leave." I step back from her, stunned, hurt, shocked by her words. "You demanded that I seek safety. Why are you saying this to me, Serena? I do not understand!"

"You failed, Liara." Serena says. "I'm in hell. Because of you, I am trapped here, in a landscape of death and suffering caused by my hands. All of my wounds bleed. Every scar is torn open, every injury present. My eternal torment and pain are your burden to bear. I will not return to you. In your supposed love of me, you cursed me for eternity. So go back. Go back to my mother and father. Tell them that their daughter is damned. Go to Avi and tell her that you failed, that the love, the love of me, that she entrusted to you is too weak."

She moves forward and takes my hand, coating it with a thick layer of blood. "Take back my blood on your hands and go back to your life. Leave me in the hell you have built for me, Liara. Leave me with my ghosts and my tragedies and the constant remembrance of a love that wasn't enough."

My entire body begins to tremble as Shepard turns her back to me in a perfect, memorized about-face. My lips part in a wordless cry as she steps into the roaring fire, letting the flames coruscate and leap around her body. Once more, she turns, facing me, and the silver in her gaze is full of wrath, anger…betrayal.

"No." I whisper, torn to shreds by the image of the woman I love burning alive, blaming me for the flames that devour her. "No, this cannot be happening! This is not real! Please, Serena! Please…come back! This is not real!"

"No!" I screamed, sitting up in the bed, looking at the room.

Everything that had been in careful order now lay strewn on the ground. The sheets that covered me were shredded and torn, and the walls were scorched with biotic energy. Bile rose in my throat as my stomach rebelled, the stench of blood and death and burning skin still lingering from the dream.

I threw myself off of the bed, stumbling and staggering to the washroom, leaning over the toilet as my body bucked and heaved. Acid scoured my throat and my tongue, my teeth ached as I retched until nothing remained in me. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and collapsed onto the floor, pressing my forehead to the cool tiles. I wrapped my arms around myself as my body began to tremor and shake in uncontrollable spasms.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to the remnants of the dream. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."