Out of The Darkness.

'Singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.'
- Reba McEntire.

Ludovico Einaudi. 'Oltremare'. Possibly one of my favourite piano pieces of all time. I had it playing in my ears as I reclined in the bath, bubbles covering my chest as I inhaled the sickly sweet smell of cleanliness. I leaned forward and ran the hot tap again, unable to go five minutes without wanting more of the warmth to wrap me up. I turned it off and lay back, closing my eyes. In mid air, I traced my fingers over imaginary piano keys, remembering how I would play the song. Small water droplets fell from my fingers. The music was so beautiful. My mind let itself wander to the thought that we had the exam in a week. I closed my eyes sleepily. I was seeing Demyx tomorrow morning. I wanted a change of song. The early sections of 'Oltremare', especially around thirty seconds in, always reminded me of 'Behind Blue Eyes'. Another song I was fond of. I reached over lazily and text Demyx to suggest it to him before dropping my phone back on the bathroom floor.

I returned to my room, getting ready for bed, shivering from the cold. It was mid-December now. To me, it seemed pointless, but we had two weeks off, 'study leave', apparently, one week of exams, and then another two off for the Christmas Holidays. Whatever. Geek or not, I wasn't going to complain about getting a break. I hadn't really studied these holidays though; Roberto had taken up a lot of my time with lectures and supposed training which had actually just been him droning in my ear about how I could best exploit Demyx. I had zoned out and waited for it to be over; I had no intention of betraying him. I climbed into bed just as my phone vibrated in my pyjama pocket. I pulled it out to see his response.

'Yes. Definitely yes, Zexion. That song is absolutely perfect, you don't even know how much I... just... this is a good song for me right now. Thanks Zex. You're always full of good ideas. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.
Demyx
xx'

I smiled. Full of good ideas? At least someone thought so. I lay back drowsily, my wet hair still clinging to the back of my neck. I was exhausted. This kind of sloppy behaviour wasn't usually my style, but... I didn't even have the energy to conjure up an explanation for myself. I fell asleep before I could do that.

'What it's like to be hated,
To be fated, to telling only lies.'

I found those lines terribly apt for Demyx if his future was really as tragic and bleak as what it seemed to be – being caught up in gang life was far from fun. I told him I already knew the song on piano, which I did. He had his own sitar inputs, but for me, it was his voice, again, that blew me away. I closed my eyes when I played, just enjoying the sound of an A* piece. I smiled. Eventually, we packed away our music equipment, both agreeing that no more practise was needed. There was enough emotion in that song, as well as musical talent, to carry us both to full marks. He walked over to me with an empty smile. We held each other in a lie and touched our sinning lips together.

"Demyx," I complained, burying my head in his shoulder. I felt constantly tired lately. Everything I cared about at school I had lost my passion for. I wasn't sure why. I did try to convince myself that I cared, but I was just going through the motions. There was this constant feeling of emptiness that lingered in me, and so far, Demyx's voice had been the only thing that had made a scratch on that.

"What's the matter, Zexy?" He asked. The false happiness was getting to be a strain on us both, I thought. I was starting to see the underlying pain in his voice when he spoke.

"Nothing, Dem..." He lifted me up and I lay limp in his arms until I was set on the bed. He lay beside me, stroking my hair.

"Didn't you sleep or something?" He asked with concern in his voice. I was so sick of these games.

"No, I slept." Yes, I'd slept twelve hours that night. I was still exhausted though, probably from the waking up about eight times in between. He kissed me and I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I was furious at him for not just saying it, because I knew it was slowly throwing up a wall between us. I knew I wouldn't be able to break it down once the construction was complete. I couldn't say it, so why wouldn't he? I hated not knowing where I stood with people. He didn't look at me when he spoke to me anymore. He looked through me.

"Then why do you look so tired?" He asked. I didn't know. I wasn't only physically tired, but I was mentally drained as well. My brain wouldn't connect and engage with anything. Every thought was like grabbing through a thick mist just to grasp helplessly at a few coherent words. I muttered inaudibly and just closed my eyes.

"Zexy, you can't fall asleep already, it's only one pm, come on," He complained. His words were apart from me now though. I was drifting away into a deep sleep. My manners and really rather compliant nature had got lost somewhere in the concrete wall. Maybe they were on the other side. That was my last thought before the blackness took me entirely into its depths.

I left when he was asleep and we didn't speak after that until the exam on Monday. It was last period, and I was glad the day was drawing to an end; it physically hurt to open my eyes now, and they burned when I blinked, because I so longed to keep them closed.

"Ready?" I poised my hands above the keys and I looked over to Demyx, who had been as equally quiet as me. I wondered which voice he would use for this, his beautiful, strong one, or the infantile tone that had begun to grate on me.

"Yeah. I'm ready." And so we began. I watched him when he sung; I knew the piano part off by heart, so I didn't need to look at the keys. I had never heard him sing as passionately, or with as much emotion as he did then. I saw his hand trembling slightly around the microphone as Demyx sung the words with powerful conviction. One part of the song put me off a little though, and my fingers almost slipped on the keys.

"No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings... Like I do... and I blame you," He looked right at me on those words and fear shot through me. He knew. That look told me all I needed to know. Somehow, he knew exactly what I had been doing that night, and he knew the role I was going to take on. I had never seen anger or hatred like that. It practically drowned me in his eyes until he looked away and I could breathe again. If looks could kill... I didn't look up at him again. No one bites back as hard on their anger... I suddenly believed that. Maybe Axel had been right. I really didn't realise what I was getting into by opposing Demyx.

At the end of the song, we made our way over to opposite ends of the room where we had seated ourselves, and then we left. I ran out as if he were hot on my heels. Trapped. My heart raced. My palms were sweating as I clutched desperately at my heavy bag. Roberto. I had to see Roberto. What the fuck had I gotten into?