Chapter 14: Out of the Ashes
A hospital nurse led Victor and Tora into a small waiting area where their bodyguard and Detective Daniels were already sitting quietly in chairs near Nico and his worried looking parents.
"There is a bathroom over there that you can use to clean up a little," she told Victor in a sympathetic tone.
"Thank you," Victor answered softly.
He turned his attention to his teary-eyed daughter.
"Come. We should wash up."
Tora followed him wordlessly into the bathroom, where Victor ran the water into the sink, then took Tora's bloodstained hands and carefully rinsed them. Tora stared dazedly down at the reddened water that leaked off of her hands and ran down the drain.
"Is Yuuri-san going to die too?" she asked, still staring at her hands, "Is he going to die like mommy died, trying to save me?"
Victor finished washing her hands and arms, then he turned his attention to his own.
"I don't know what's going to happen," he answered solemnly, "but I want you to understand something."
He took Tora's wet hands in his and looked down into her guilty and leaking eyes.
"Both your mother and Yuuri were right to want to protect you," he assured her, "You shouldn't feel bad about that. I hear from Nico that you protected him."
He gave her a little, proud smile.
"You offered to go with them, so that they would let your friend go. That was a very brave thing to do, Tora."
"I didn't know what else to do," Tora answered, "I didn't feel brave. I felt scared."
"Of course you did. Your life was in danger. Anyone would be scared in that situation, but not everyone could overcome that fear and put someone else first. You're only ten years old, but you acted like someone much older."
His smile wavered and his blue green eyes saddened.
"Sage and Yuuri were both faced with equally difficult situations," he went on, "They were in danger, and they were scared, but you see, being brave isn't about not feeling fear, it's about overcoming it. You didn't meet Yuuri until recently, so you may not know, but he used to be a very anxious person…a person with a lot of fears. He used to be so afraid of what would happen in a competition, that he would panic and make mistakes. He failed a lot. But Yuuri never stopped trying. He never stopped trying to overcome his fears, and he never stopped trying to win."
Tora managed a shaky smile.
"Yuuri-san told me that he learned not to be so afraid of everything, because of you. He said that with you beside him, he feels like everything is a lot less scary."
"Mmhmm," Victor agreed, "being close to me gives Yuuri confidence, and it helps him to conquer his fears. Just like, being close to your friend, Nico, gave you confidence that helped you make the difficult decision to protect him over yourself. You are very lucky to have a friend like that."
Tora gave him a confused look.
"But, I thought you didn't like Nico," she objected, "I thought that you were all worried he wanted me for his girlfriend."
Victor let out a piqued breath and met his daughter's eyes apologetically.
"Is it too late for me to tell you I'm sorry for that?" he asked, shaking his head, "I suppose I misjudged him."
"Boy, did you ever!" Tora laughed, rubbing her still damp eyes.
Victor frowned and looked at her expression more closely, then his breath caught slightly.
"Nico is attracted to boys?" he asked, "You don't have to tell me if it's meant to remain between you. It probably should have occurred to me. I miss things like that sometimes."
"He's not ashamed of it or anything," Tora explained, "He just hasn't figured out the best way to tell his parents."
"Ah, that is a big decision. I'm sure he'll figure it out. It's good he felt comfortable sharing that with you."
"He has a little crush on you," Tora teased her father, bringing a little flush to his cheeks, "You didn't notice him blushing and practically tripping over his tongue whenever he talks to you?"
"Victoria," Victor chided her, "that boy is half my age, and I am married. That is completely inappropriate."
"He's not serious or anything," Tora giggled, "He just idolizes you because you're good looking and you're the best figure skater in the world. You can't be mad at him for that, right?"
"I suppose not," Victor answered in a flustered tone.
He thought for a moment, then curved a warm palm around his daughter's cheek.
"I especially can't be mad that the two of you took care of each other during a very scary time. You were both brave, but Tora, you were also wrong to run off like that."
"I know," Tora answered, clouding up again, "It's because of me that Maret died, and Yuuri-san…"
"That is not your fault," Victor insisted, "Someone is trying to hurt us. It's that person who is at fault for hurting Maret and Yuuri. Don't you even think different."
"Do you think Yuuri-san is going to die too?" Tora asked, her eyes brimming with tears.
Victor stiffened slightly, but managed a little shake of his head as he put an arm around Tora.
"No, I don't think he'll die. I have to believe that he won't, because more than anything, Yuuri wants to stay close to us, and if I know one thing about Yuuri, it is that he can be very, very stubborn."
Tora's lip trembled, then she dissolved into tears. Victor dropped onto one knee and hugged her tightly.
"I feel really, really bad that I was ever mean to him! I said awful things to him before!"
"You said awful things?" Victor mused, brushing the tears away from her eyes, "What about me? I said something horrible to him right before all of this happened, and I haven't been able to tell him how sorry I am. Tora, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We're lucky to have someone like Yuuri in our lives, someone who accepts who we are without reservation, and forgives and loves us through everything. I think we're better people, just knowing someone like him."
Victor took a tissue from the tissue box on the sink and handed it to Tora, then he took her hand and led her back out to the waiting area. Nico looked up at them and he patted the seat beside him.
"Come and sit here," he urged her.
Victor started to say something, but he stiffened and went silent again as a tired looking doctor entered the room.
"Mr. Nikiforov?"
"Yes?" Victor said, moving to join him, "How did Yuuri's surgery go?"
"We were successful in removing the bullet from his shoulder, and he has stabilized," the doctor reported.
"Thank god," Victor sighed.
"He had lost a lot of blood, so we had to transfuse him, but that went well and he seems to be recovering as well as can be expected for what he's been through. He is still in serious condition and we are carefully monitoring him to make sure there are no problems in his limbs because of the loss of blood before, but there is every reason to believe he will make a full recovery, although, obviously, he won't be able to compete for awhile."
"He won't be happy about that," Victor speculated, "but we'll manage. Can we see him?"
The doctor nodded.
"He's still unconscious, but we are moving him to a private room. You can come and sit with him, but for right now, it should be just you. We are still getting him settled. Once we do that, he can have two visitors at a time. I also understand that you will need to post a guard outside his room. We're prepared to do that."
"Thank you," Victor said gratefully.
He motioned for Sava to join him, then he looked from Tora to Detective Daniels, who looked back at him silently for a moment before saying anything.
"Victor, you of all people know that I won't let anything happen to Victoria," she commented quietly, "I will watch over her until she can join you."
"But I want to go with you, Daddy!" Tora objected.
"You'll be able to come in soon," Victor said soothingly, "Just stay with Nico and Detective Daniels. We have to be mindful of the fact that the person who did this to Yuuri is still out there somewhere. We are safest if we stay together."
He glanced at Detective Daniels again.
"I…appreciate all you've done for us, Arden. Thank you for watching over her."
The detective nodded and moved to sit down next to Tora and Nico.
Victor and the bodyguard followed the doctor out of the waiting area, to an elevator that carried them up several stories and opened to a nurse's station.
"Nurse Allen, will you please show Mr. Nikiforov to his husband's room?" the doctor requested.
"Of course."
Victor and Sava followed the nurse to a room at the end of the hall, where Sava took up a protective position outside, and Victor entered the room. He moved slowly to Yuuri's side, hating the odd silence that hung in the room, except for the sounds of the monitors.
I never liked hospitals at all. Only painful things happen there.
He stood for a moment, pausing to take in the reality of the scene in front of him, the white walled room, the scent of sterilizing solution, stiff bedding and monitoring equipment all around. Yuuri's body laid on the bed, amongst all of it, connected to the monitors and looking pale and small, almost too fragile. Victor realized suddenly that his teeth had clenched and that he was holding his breath. He let the breath out and sat down in a chair beside his unconscious husband carefully lifting Yuuri's hand and bringing the warm palm to touch his face. He leaned forward, letting his head come to rest on his husband's gently rising and falling breast, keeping Yuuri's hand pressed to his cheek to feel his closeness.
It's strange.
I feel like crying, but I just can't. I've been drinking to keep myself calm, to numb the intense emotions, so that I could handle everything. But, I wasn't really handling anything. I was selfishly thinking of my own feelings and not doing enough to help Tora and Yuuri. I never should have listened to Arden when she said that I couldn't tell them. I know her secret is dangerous, but Yuuri and Tora have a right to know it, and we all need to be on the same page if we want to stay alive, and see our stalker caught. When Yuuri wakes up, I'm going to tell him. He needs to know.
He made his breaths silent and listened to the steady beating of Yuuri's heart.
"I know you're supposed to be resting right now," he whispered, "but I really want you to wake up. It's not enough to know that you're breathing and you have a heartbeat, I selfishly want to see you look at me, even if you're mad at me."
He let out a long breath and closed his eyes.
"I can deal with you being mad at me, but I don't know how to deal with you not being able to even look at me…talk to me. I know I messed up and I hurt you in the worst way. I only said what I did to you, because I was feeling inadequate. Ever since Tora came to us, you've been constantly putting her first, giving her a break, understanding her, helping her through things, helping her make sense of things. I've been trying, but I really am a terrible parent…and I think I just showed that, sometimes…I'm not a good husband either. I was keeping something from you, not because I didn't want to tell you, but because it isn't my secret to tell. And just knowing it puts us in more danger. I let the stress of that get to me, and I made the poor decision to numb everything with liquor, instead of turning to you. Then, I got angry with you for calling out my bad behavior and I made an even poorer decision to say what I did. I didn't mean it, not even for a second. I was drunk and in pain, and instead of looking for comfort with you, I lashed out at you."
Victor burrowed his face under his unconscious partner's chin, breathing in his warm scent and feeling a burning in his still closed eyes.
"I'm not like you," he confessed softly, "I've never had to really take care of myself, let alone anyone else. I was a skater brat, practically raised on the ice. I hardly saw my family, once I started training seriously, so when Tora arrived, I didn't know anything at all about how to do right by her. She's lucky that you were there, because god knows I've never been there for her. I may have had an excuse because Sage didn't tell me about her. But, who can blame her? Maybe in just that little bit of time we spent together, she figured out what a mess I am, and she didn't want Tora to end up like me. The truth is, most of what I know about being in a family is what I learned from your family while living in Hasetsu with you. You grew up so differently than I did. I mean, I had Yakov to encourage me and yell at me while he tried to make me listen to him, but you didn't leave your family for skating. They were a part of that little world you made for yourself and lived in until we met. I may have widened your world and brought out the prince in you, but you gave me far more. You're the only reason I haven't fallen completely on my face, trying to parent Tora. I was wrong to say what I did, and I will never say anything like that to you again. As God is my witness, I will find a way to be the husband and father that you and Tora deserve."
Victor startled as Tora's voice sounded behind him.
"I hope so," she sighed, "because you haven't been doing a very good job."
Victor frowned, but kept his head resting on Yuuri's chest as Tora entered the room and sat down beside him.
"Young lady, hasn't anyone ever told you that it's not good manners to listen in on other people's groveling? How did you get in here, anyway? I thought it would be awhile."
"Detective Daniels convinced the nurse to let us in."
Victor sat up and met the lady detective's eyes gratefully.
"Thank you."
"It's no problem," Arden assured him, "Nico's parents took him home. I've made sure that someone is watching over them, since he was threatened in this attack. But truthfully, I think that your stalker will back off. There were indications at the scene that at least one of the shots Sava fired, made contact. I don't know how bad the wound is, but it should warn the perpetrator off for now."
Victor gave a shaky sigh and nodded.
"I just wish that this wasn't at Yuuri's expense. He's going to be very upset when he learns that he's out of the Grand Prix Series."
"The nurse said that he should recover enough for the Japanese Nationals," Tora offered, "And I know he's going to make it into the Grand Prix Series again next year."
"I'm sure he will," Victor agreed, laying his head on his husband's chest again, and bringing Yuuri's hand to rest on his cheek.
"If you two will excuse me, I have to get back to work," Arden said, heading back out the door, "I have agents watching the hotel when you decide to go back. Just…don't wander off, all right?"
Tora colored.
"We won't," Victor promised, "I don't want to leave until Yuuri wakes up."
"I-I'm awake," Yuuri mumbled, moving the fingers that rested on Victor's face and working them into the silvery strands of his hair, "Are w-we late?"
His lips frowned and his eyes cracked open and squinted up at the ceiling.
"Where were we going again, Victor?" he asked in a confused tone.
"You were shot while protecting Tora and Nico," Victor explained, holding Yuuri's hand against his face, "You just got out of surgery a little while ago. You're in the hospital, resting now."
"I don't remember that," Yuuri said, trying to sit up.
"Hey, stop!" Tora objected, "I don't think you're supposed to get up yet."
"Lie down," Victor said sternly, gently pushing him back down, "I said you were supposed to rest."
"S-sorry," Yuuri managed weakly, "But, if I'm supposed to rest, then, why did you want me to wake up, Victor?"
Inexplicably, Victor's usually considerable defenses crumbled and his eyes filled with tears. He deflated, dropping back onto Yuuri's unhurt shoulder, burying his face under his husband's chin.
"Because I'm so selfish that I couldn't wait to have you look at me, so I would know you're going to be all right."
"Stupid Victor," Yuuri sighed sleepily, "I'll be fine."
He closed his eyes again and petted Victor's hair gently.
"What time do we have to leave for the competition?" he asked dazedly.
Victor and Tora exchanged amused glances.
"It'll be awhile," Victor answered, "Go back to sleep now."