Okay, so I literally lost my computer charger for TEN DAYS and have just been able to get enough done to constitute an update. I really hope you all like it and I PROMISE (mostly because I've been so writing-deprived) that an update is coming very soon. Thanks so much to those who took the time to comment and review, and I always love reading what you think! Love you readers, you rock

Chapter Fourteen

Daryl…

It was a strange thought, the idea that the moon he was looking at now was the same one they used to watch together in the empty fields that surrounded them. It felt different. The moon that shone in his memories of her was a warm orange. It covered them like a blanket and all seemed safer as long as it lit up their forest. The moon he was staring at in this moment was a cold gray. So different. Everything was so fucking different

Eli's footsteps were faint as she climbed the cement stairs to the tower. Daryl closed his eyes, pretending like he wasn't listening to every small noise, every cricket and low guttural moan from lingering walkers.

"Hey." She was trying to sound casual. He could always tell. She was terrible at small talk, after all.

"Hi." He answered simply. Eli slumped down against the wall to their backs, settling in about a foot from him.

Silence followed for a few nervous moments before she spoke up. "So, this is what you all do on watch? Seems like you could hardly stay awake if you tried."

Daryl swallowed hard and turned his head. His nose was inches from her cheek. She smelled like lavender… he didn't give a shit if it was in his mind or not. It was real enough for him. "It's easy if you got somethin' to stay awake for." He whispered.

It was her turn to look nervous. Daryl watched as she began to chew on her bottom lip, keeping her eyes away from his at all costs. "Yeah, I suppose." Eli turned her head then, letting herself face him head on… so close… and it was okay. It was natural. Sure… Daryl was a bit skittish, but only because this wasn't something you dealt with every day. He could face the Governor, the endless stream of flesh eating un-dead, the constant threat on his life… but the girl with the strawberry curls… the girl with the strawberry curls… the band played on in his mind.

What a pussy… he berated himself in his thoughts. Don't let her get to you.

"So, why did you invite me up here Daryl? Because you were bored?" She was tapping the piece of concrete between them at a rapid pace with her forefinger. It was always something she did absentmindedly when she was disinterested… or afraid. "This does seem like something that would be difficult to get through on your own, ya know, for practical purposes. Like being bored to tears and exhausted…"

"You never shut up, do ya?" He snapped. Daryl wrung his hands together in front of himself before shaking his head at her. "Maybe this was a bad idea. Sorry, I wasn't thinkin'… and now that I am… I'm sorry, and I shouldn't a' asked ya up here."

His eyes stayed glued to the floor beneath them, waiting to watch her fingertips separate from the ground… but they didn't. Instead, she pressed them against cement so hard they turned white. "I don't accept that." Her voice was shaky.

"What?"

"I don't accept that." She sounded hoarse, every word more difficult to get out than the previous. "I think that's bullshit." He felt the familiar pang of guilt that accompanied every tear that fell off her cheek when he saw her eyes well up in frustration. "This wasn't a bad idea, so quit actin' this way. It just makes me feel like shit, and I don't know if you realize this, but I've spent the past ten years or so feelin' like shit because of you."

"You felt like shit because of me?" His whole body reacted to the surprise, his chest lurching forward and eyes getting wide. "What about what I felt like cuz a' you?"

She didn't respond besides sighing and sitting back down next to him. Quiet settled over them, a peaceful quiet, despite the animosity floating around in the air. Even when he was angry with her, he was still comfortable. He didn't ever remember that coming from anyone else but her.

"Should we just stay mad at each other forever?" She questioned, letting the back of her hand brush against his. "I mean, is it easier than either of admitting that we're actually wrong?"

"Neither of us are wrong." Daryl stated simply. "Just think about what happened, and know that we both fucked it up. Royally. Assumptions and stupidity…." He closed his eyes tight. "and jealousy."

"I missed you every minute."

Daryl's lips pressed together tightly, straightening into a thin line. "I missed you every single moment… I never stopped."

"I'm sorry for what happened."

"That's another thing I've never stopped… being sorry."

Eli…

Her tears were blinding as she ran down her road. The dust was still swirling from Brett's squealing tires, the air smelled like smoke and dirt and heartache. The look on Daryl's face when he'd seen them… it felt like a punch to the gut. He was hurt. She had really hurt him, and it made her want to die.

She couldn't keep running with the crying that her body was experiencing. Every muscle hurt, and she felt like her eyes were swollen shut. Why was she doing this, running after him? If she was caught at his house her father would kill her… and it wasn't like Daryl would listen to her anyway. She'd be lucky if he ever looked her way again. Kissing Brett… she might as well have told him to fuck off and die, that she never loved him for a minute. Daryl felt inferior to Brett, he always had. She wished she'd had the chance to tell him the truth… that Daryl was worth so much more than that boy ever could be.

When she reached the forked corner separating Dixon Lane from Walsh Road, her feet wouldn't continue to move. The air escaped her lungs in choked sobs and the inevitable thought churning in her mind… 'What if he doesn't forgive me?' She began to slowly back up into the woods, sitting on a tall rock just off the shoulder of the road. Eli sat there, thinking of a way to get out of this, trying to remember exactly the right way to speak to him when he was angry. Trying to remember how to talk to him at all. They'd lost each other over the past year, torn straight from one another's arms, and forced into solitude. She just sat and thought of all the things they'd missed because of her father. In that moment she wanted to wrap her slender fingers around Connor Walsh's throat and squeeze until the life left his eyes. She wanted to take his world, because that's exactly what he'd taken from her. Her whole world. And now Eli was in danger of never getting it back.

The night fell over her as she slumped to the ground and wrapped her arms around her knees. Out of tears, out of reasons to stay… but staring at the sign with his last name scrawled across it was comfort enough for the moment. It made her feel like dying wasn't the only option.

Daryl…

The knocking at the door was loud in and incessant. He'd let it go on long enough, yelling as much as he could to leave him the hell alone. He wouldn't have Eli see that tears were ever in his eyes. Daryl would never let that girl look at him again… his anger felt real enough to touch. When he swung the door open he knew how he must have looked, but surprise was definitely what took over in that moment.

"What the hell do ya want Kate? The fuck ya keep knockin' for?" He yelled, shocked to see her frustrated face instead of Eli's. She didn't even bother coming after me. He knew in that moment, she didn't really care at all. Had she ever?

"Why were ya yellin' at me like this is the better question Daryl! We were supposed to meet up to go with some of the guys to The Red Door. Remember? Ya never showed. I wanted to make sure ya were okay." Daryl moved aside and let Kate past she pushed her way inside, looking around in only a way that someone who is afraid of being caught looks. "Yer' dad here?"

"Nah, gone for the weekend." He ran a hand over his face, attempting to hide from her intruding glare. "Sorry I never showed, been sick. I needed to sleep."

She kept silent and dared him to look at her with her stare. He could feel her deep brown eyes boring a hole into his forehead until he glanced up to meet them. "Have you been crying?" She accused.

Daryl didn't answer, except to grab her arm and pull her toward the door. "Get out, time to leave."

"Wait, stop!" She shoved his hand away as she stood between him and the doorknob. "What the fuck man? What's going on?"

"How about it's none of yer' fuckin' business, and like I said two fuckin' seconds ago, get out." He saw Eli's face cradled in Brett's hands when he closed his eyes, and if he believed himself to have anything left of a heart… it was broken. That was it. Stick a fork in him, he's done.

"Daryl…" Kate's voice was softer now, he felt her hand on his shoulder. "You can talk to me ya know… what happened?"

He should have told her to get out for a third time. He should have made her leave. There were so many things in that moment he should have done… but only one he actually wanted to do. He needed to talk and someone was there to listen. Finally. "I went to Eli's, I miss her… fuckin' shit Kate… I miss her too bad. I couldn't take it no more."

She pressed her palm against the middle of his back, lowering him to the floor in front of his porch, door hanging wide open. He had been about to shove her out, and now the thought of being alone made him light headed. "I know it's been bad." She answered him quietly. "She misses you too Daryl, she talks about it all the time."

"No!" He lurched forward, trying to pull away from her hand. She wouldn't allow it. Kate pressed even harder, letting him know it was okay he was falling apart. "She don't miss me one god damn bit Kate. All this time I'm the fool down the road wishin'… wishin' so many stupid fuckin' things… and she's fuckin' that piece of shit Brett." He felt Kate's hand falter a moment at this information. They were both on their knees. "Of all the people in the god damn world… why him?" He turned to her, holding her by the shoulders. "Cuz he's fuckin' different from me, Kate, cuz he's better."

The next few moments happened faster than he could remember. Her body was pushed against his, hands in his hair, mouth pressed against his neck. His kept his palms on top of her thighs as she straddled him, pushing his head down to the floor. Daryl could feel the door frame on the back of his skull, startling him into a place of realism. Kate pulled away for a moment, holding him by his face as they both caught their breath. Her lips were full and swollen, sex hidden under her hooded eyelids. "Brett ain't better than you Daryl Dixon… not even on his best day."

Daryl had hoped to remember his first time just a little clearer… but in retrospect he was glad he couldn't. It wasn't with Eli.

"Do you remember that day you came over and my Daddy chased ya out with a paintball gun?" She sipped on the dark rum Daryl had kept to himself for such a long time now. 'Nostalgia with Eli' turned out to be a fun sort of game, each of them thinking up the best or worst story, one-ups-man-ship… if that was even a phrase. The gray moon felt a little warmer, making her glow, beauty like the edge of a very sharp knife. Before, there had been a softness to her, a naïve allure enough to stop you dead in the middle of the street. Now, as she told stories under the twinkling stars, danger surrounding her very being. It had started at Mill Road and continued on until now. Anger inside of her no one knew how to stop. It led to Connor Walsh's death… it led to her being there in that very tower, he supposed.

She sighed heavily, placing the bottle in between them. "It's strange, ya know, rememberin' all this with you."

"Why's that?" Daryl spoke softly, brushing his hand against hers as he pulled the sour liquid toward him.

"Because I'd never thought I'd see you again." She stated simply, cocking her head to the side and smiling. "Because… it's like a dream you don't want to wake up from."

"I never really have those."

"All those years we were apart, ya didn't dream of me?" She sounded hurt.

"Nah, it ain't like that Eli." He shrugged, taking a deep swig off the bottle. Daryl struggled to find the words to explain… I didn't want to dream of ya… he thought sadly. It hurt too much. "Mostly what I felt when ya came up in my head… I was guilty El, I felt like shit." He sighed heavily, closing his eyes to her gaze. "And I was still mad as hell at ya… most complicated shit I've never known what to do with in my whole life. Merle was easy, ya see, cuz he's an asshole, but he loves me. Pops was easy too, because he's an asshole and he ain't never loved me. But you?" He shook his head. "You were a… what's another word for mystery? Conundrum? Riddle? I dunno, somethin' like that. You loved me, you were sweet… I pissed ya off regularly, and ya were meaner than a snake. You were an open book, and then you were a secret… and I should'a just left ya be a hundred times over…"

"Then why didn't you, if I was so fuckin' confusing?" She snapped, snatching the bottle away with one smooth motion.

"Because I was addicted to ya, that's why, dumbass." He frowned at her as she hauled off the Captain Morgan's. She could handle her spirits better than she used to, that was for sure. "The moment I met ya I wanted to know who were you were. Never quite figured it out. But hell if I didn't love the fuckin' challenge."

She smiled down at her bare feet, brushing the pad of her thumb along her own veins. Angry one minute, grinning the next. That was Eli Walsh in a nutshell. A million things at once.

"And ya weren't afraid of me neither." He just watched as she took another swig. Daryl was shocked she wasn't half way lit yet… or maybe she was… it'd been years since he'd had a drink with the girl. "Everyone in my life either hated me or was scared of me… til' the day I met you."

Their eyes met, a deep understanding forming. "Everyone gave up on me… til' I met you." She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. "No one even really tried to love me. And then you walked me home and waved at me through the window as you left… and I was hooked for life."

"Life?" His throat got tight watching her face light up as she remembered their eight and ten year old selves.

"Yup. That's all it took. A walk home and a shy wave, and that was it. You were it. Forever."