XIV

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It took a while for Haruka to get back on his feet.

The Sultan made sure to pay him a visit every day; not only because he was deadly worried even though Haruka's life wasn't in danger now, but also because he realised now how much he had missed his friend during the months after his coronation. In retrospect, Rin couldn't understand how he had managed to keep up that hectic rhythm for so long.

Most times he found Makoto in the infirmary; Rin had heard Haruka talk about him in the rare moments he opened up a bit, but they had never personally met until the man showed up in the palace with the message Rin himself had sent that day. He was a soothing presence, once the nervousness from being in the same room as the Sultan faded away, and seemed to really care for Haruka.

About a week after the attempted murder, though, Rin didn't find him in the infirmary. He sat down on a chair, bracelets jingling together and carving a frown on his friend's relaxed face. Haruka kept sleeping, though, his expression relaxing after a few seconds as he moved his lips to say something the Sultan didn't hear.

Perhaps Rin had gotten too used to have Haruka to know about the many things nobody usually told him, but he surely hadn't just sat by in the last days. With the Vulians' confession and the tiny bits about what had happened he was slowly gathering, Rin was coming to his own conclusions. He didn't know how accurate they were, but he didn't like where the hints pointed at.

Dolat had snuck into the palace using one of the servants' entrances, then passed near the infirmary. What Rin found strange, though, was the path he had followed. Judging by the place he had been caught at and the hallway where the Prince had found Haruka, Dolat had walked towards the gardens… which weren't even close to Rin's chambers. And then he had clearly had the intention of getting out again; the guards arrested him only three hallways from the closest exit.

Rin would think he had gotten lost had he not counted with help from the Vulians. They had probably made sure he knew everything about the building's layout; yet Dolat hadn't tried to get to the Sultan. It was as if he had never intended to kill Rin.

As if his target was Haruka all along.

Rin didn't know what that meant, but he didn't like it. Technically Haruka wasn't anything else than another employee at the palace; yet someone had thought his life was important enough to risk being caught like the pair of merchants had.

And then there was Haruka's yell when he had woken up. Rin doubted Haruka would tell him about it without being prompted, but the Sultan wasn't only curious. Haruka's uneasiness hadn't vanished a bit since that day, and it concerned him.

As if he had heard Rin's thoughts, Haruka stirred, opening his bleary eyes and looking around.

"Good afternoon," Rin muttered.

Haruka's scowl couldn't quite hide the tiniest smile as he blinked the sleep away. "Don't you have things to do?"

"Visiting you happens to be one of them. And I don't remember giving you permission to take such liberties while addressing me."

"If you say so." Haruka turned to his side, completely facing Rin. "Highness, stop watching me sleep. It's creepy."

Rin stuck out his tongue.

"It's not my fault you're always sleeping these days," he replied, but realised something was wrong the moment Haruka looked away. "By the way, I have good news for you," he added, hoping to cheer Haruka up; but there was a dullness in Haruka's blue eyes since he had been attacked that didn't vanish no matter how often Rin visited him or teased him. Still, he reluctantly looked at the Sultan again.

"Can I go out now?"

Rin sighed. Haruka asked that at least once every day. And the answer hadn't changed yet:

"No; doctor Napis says you need more rest."

Haruka's jaw tightened.

"But you're the Sultan," he reasoned. "You can order him to let me outside."

Being bedridden was starting to affect Haruka. Rin himself found it unnatural, but there was nothing he could do for his friend besides trying to distract him. Nothing could replace real freedom, though; and while Haruka's wounds were healing well, his emotional state was worsening with each passing day.

"Anyway, you'll like this. I've been talking to doctor Napis before and he says it's not good for you to stay in bed all day." Haruka's hands closed into fists. "So you can get up and walk for a bit every day, if you feel well enough."

It took them ten minutes to get to the garden of myrtles. Haruka was able to walk on his own, but every now and then pain contorted his otherwise focused expression. At this point Rin knew better than to force his friend to accept his help; he walked close to him, talking about unimportant things and pretending he wasn't just adjusting to Haruka's slow pace to make himself useful if the situation required it.

When they finally reached their goal, Haruka plopped himself down rather ungracefully, a hand against the healing wound as he regained his breath. Rin unfolded the quilt he had brought with him placed it around Haruka's shoulders, shrugging at that blue glare as he sat down next to his friend.

"The sun is setting," he excused himself, relieved when Haruka's pale hands grasped the fabric and tightened it around himself.

Haruka tore his gaze off him, looking at the spring in the centre of the garden. He was thinner, Rin noticed; lately his friend had lost his appetite, and only Makoto could convince him to eat. The Sultan wanted to think it had something to do with being in a bad mood due to the pain of his wound, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that something within Haruka had changed when he had been stabbed, as if that dagger had pierced not only his body but also his soul.

Rin wondered if he had realised he hadn't just been unfortunate to be in the wrong place, too.

That, or–

"Hey, Haru." Blue eyes looked at him expectantly. Rin wanted to think they were brighter, reflecting the joy of being outside for the first time in what had felt like an eternity for the Sultan too. "I know– Maybe this isn't the best moment to talk about it, but... Do you remember the first time I came to visit you?"

"It wasn't that long ago," Haruka replied, offended. "Only five... uh... seven..."

"Eight days," Rin softly informed him, even though it had been longer since– then. Ten days since Haruka had been stabbed. Ten days since Rin had almost lost him. "I had been there a while before," he admitted, not wanting to dwell in those memories too much. "I was planning on going to sleep already, but I heard you yell. What happened?"

Haruka looked away abruptly. "I had a nightmare."

Rin would have believed him any other time. But Haruka was a terrible liar when he was desperate for avoiding talking about a particular topic.

"What about?"

"Nothing important."

"You yelled for nothing important?"

Haruka's knuckles were white where they gripped the quilt as if he were to fall if he let go; even his lips had lost their colour.

"Drop it," he hissed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Rin was ready to keep pressing, to annoy Haruka until he blurted out what was bothering him, but he had never seen his friend that distressed, as if there was something physically hurting him for only thinking about whatever he didn't want Rin to know. Disoriented, doctor Napis had said. What could alter Haruka that much?

The Sultan sighed and looked down, though.

"Alright. Sorry," he apologised. "I didn't mean to upset you. But… you don't have to keep it for yourself."

"As if you didn't keep anything for yourself," Haruka replied through gritted teeth.

"Huh?"

"What use do you really plan on giving me?"

The question took Rin off-guard.

"'Use'? Haru, I'm not using you." Rin didn't understand where Haruka's sudden anger came from; what he was throwing to his face when all Rin had done was trusting him. "If you don't want to keep doing it, it's fine," he added in a whisper.

Haruka shook his head.

"What am I here for?" he rephrased. There was fire in his eyes, but Rin didn't like it. It was dark, destructive– it was nothing like the sharp glow the Sultan was used to.

"Seeing what I can't see and listening to what nobody would say if I were present," he quietly answered.

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else."

In that moment, the Sultan knew, without any doubt, that those words had hurt him as much as they had hurt Haruka. His friend hung his head so Rin couldn't see his eyes.

"...I see," he whispered. "Sorry."

Rin instinctively reached out to wrap an arm around Haruka's shoulders, but a silent, devastating realisation stopped him.

It shouldn't have happened like that. It should have been when Haruka smiled and Rin realised he had been staring, when he noticed how much he liked looking at his friend. Maybe even watching him sleep, heal slowly after what he'd been through, or when Haruka finally told him what was wrong.

Not then, as the sun set and the garden became dark and cold, as Haruka refused to look at him and Rin didn't dare say anything, as an invisible breach opened between them and split the bench they were sitting on in two miserable halves. Not when they walked back to the infirmary in silence and Haruka just burrowed himself under the blankets, when Rin's unanswered goodnight echoed in the dim lit room and the Sultan finally understood why his chest hurt like he had been stabbed too, why he had been so terrified of losing Haruka, why his fingertips itched to touch his friend whenever he was close.

But it was that night when Rin realised he was hopelessly in love with Haruka.