Chapter 14

Sam suddenly pulled in a short breath as he blinked rapidly, raising his head up and realized Dean was leaning into him looking anxiously at him and had a hand cupping his cheek. He wasn't sure what just happened but knew they had been arguing and suddenly his mind just quit working. He had no memory, only darkness.

"There you are." Dean said as he breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me scared there for a moment Sammy. Are you okay? Do you wanna go back inside?"

"No...How can-can I be...Be-lieve you? You've lied be-before..." Sam finally whispered as his voice cracked and the sob he couldn't hold in came out. He quickly looked away wiping his face with the back of his hand and hitched his breath to stop the next one from coming out. "I know about the angel grace. Things were decided for me again. It's like I never get to make my own choices..."

"Damnit Cas...You can be so naive..." Dean muttered knowing he had to have told him. He had planned on leaving that part out and wasn't sure if he would have told Sam or not. Dean hung his head for a moment knowing Sam was right. After all he had said to him and accused him of and kept secrets from him, he knew Sam didn't have any reason to think what he said was true. He had acted just like their father when Sam left for college, telling him if he chose to go with Ruby to not come back. "You know I couldn't let you die if there was any way of saving you. Cas couldn't heal you...I had to do something. You were unconscious, dying, what else could I do?" Dean asked frustration coming out in his voice but knowing he needed to get rid of it and drew in a slow, long breath before continuing. "I've not given you much reason to believe me I guess...But I'm still not going anywhere and I'm gonna help you get back on your feet, no matter how long it takes. I broke a promise I made the first time I ever saw you...And well...I want to make it right. I realize the trust between us will have to be rebuilt, but I'm willing to try if you are."

"Lucifer? Running free..Destroying the world." Sam questioned. "Shouldn't you be trying to stop him?"

"I've contacted some other hunters who are tracking and trying to find him. There's others who are researching a way to stop him. I've got everyone I can working on it and they'll get back to me if they find anything out. All you need to worry about right now is getting better."

Sam slumped in the wheelchair, drawing in on himself as he listened to his brother talk. He hated he was a cripple right now and was having to depend on Dean or someone to help him. He wiggled his feet up and down slowly, willing his legs to move too but they didn't. He didn't even feel the punch he had given his leg a while ago and that worried him.

"Why don't we sit out here another fifteen minutes and I'll have Cas take you back upstairs. I'll rub your legs down again and exercise them before I go start dinner." Dean told him as he settled back in his chair and sipped on his water.

"Fine." Sam mumbled picking up his water and drinking some so he wouldn't have to talk, but it looked like Dean wasn't going to say anything else right now anyway. He sat quietly not able to look at his brother for fear of breaking down. The hurt and pain was still raw in him and made his soul ache with the misery.

Dean did seem sincere, but could he really get past the betrayal? Could they somehow have that trust once again or would there always be that seed of doubt there and Dean waiting for him to screw up again so he would have a reason to leave him? Sam's head hurt and he felt like he was slipping away again and tried to hold on to reality as he gripped the water bottle too tightly making it spew out on the blanket in his lap. Dean didn't say anything as he removed the wet blanket and hung it on the railing to dry.

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Sam drew in a quick breath as Cas transported him back to the bedroom and waited for Dean to join them. The angel stood beside Sam feeling awkward and not sure what to say. He could feel Sam's anguish and guilt and misery and knew that was something he couldn't take away.

"Going to bathroom Cas." Sam told him as he rolled the chair backward so he could move around the bed to go out the door.

"I can push you there." Cas offered starting to reach for the chair handles.

"No..." Sam said quickly. "I-I'll do it myself, please."

"As you wish." Cas said stepping back and watching Sam work the chair to the door and out of the room.

"What ya doing Sammy?" Dean asked as he climbed the stairs to see Sam pulling the chair from the room.

"Bathroom." he said as he rolled down to the door.

"Let me help you get through the door." Dean told him not waiting for him to reply as he grabbed the handles and got the chair turned where it would go into the bathroom. "Do you need help?"

"No, I can d-do it." Sam said waiting for him to leave and close the door.

"I'll be right outside if you need me." Dean said not wanting to leave him, but knew he needed to let him try. He closed the door leaving a small crack so he could hear better.

Sam moved the chair back and forth until he had it at the commode and looked from it to the chair, trying to decide the best way to do this. He knew the arm came off and started pushing and pulling on it until he had it off and put it on the counter out of the way. Sam grabbed the sink with one hand and pushed on the chair with the other and shifted his body to the commode. He sat there a moment to catch his breath before struggling to get his sweats and briefs down so he could relieve himself. He leaned to the sink to wash his hands before getting his briefs and sweats back up. He studied the chair and how much energy it took to shift himself and felt his arms tremble. Not wanting to do it, but decided it was better than falling in the floor he called to Dean.

"Dean..." he called with a huff.

"Yeah?" he asked sticking his head into the room.

"Need help..." he said dully hating every minute of this torture. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't woke up. Was he going to get well enough to hunt again? He couldn't see Dean staying around if he never got out of this chair and the depression kicked in causing him to shiver and tears form in his eyes. He blinked them away and tried to hide the turmoil bouncing around in his head.

"No problem bro." he replied stepping in and bracing himself in front of him and looping his arms under Sam's and shifting him quickly to the chair. He sat his feet up on the foot rests and stepped back to allow Sam to push it to the door and through it. Once he had the chair in the hall, Dean pushed it back to the bedroom and to the side of the bed. Sam let Dean shift him to the bed and eased back on it, letting his head rest on the pillow with a sigh.

"Thanks Cas, you can go on downstairs, I'll be down after I massage Sammy's legs." Dean told him moving the chair out of the way so he could get to Sam easier.

"Alright." Cas answered leaving them alone.

"You ready Sammy?" Dean asked him as he positioned himself to work on his right leg first.

"Whatever..." Sam mumbled sounding disheartened and depressed.

It didn't get by Dean the tone of Sam's voice, but he didn't say anything about it. He didn't want to make him feel any worse than he was by pointing it out. He took his right foot and began to gently rub it, making it twitch when he hit sensitive spots, and making Sam jump. At least he was still able to move his toes and foot and had feeling in them, so hopefully he would get back the use of his legs too. Sam had never liked anyone messing with his feet even when he was a baby. He worked his way up the foot and to the ankle carefully rotating it as he moved up to the calf. Dean massaged the muscle of his calf with slow steady pressure and bent the leg at the knee, pushing it up toward Sam's chest. He did this ten times pushing the leg a little higher each time to stretch and work his leg muscles to keep them from atrophying. Dean moved on up to his thigh, glancing at Sam to see how he was doing.

Sam lay still, staring up at the ceiling letting Dean work on his legs, not feeling what he was doing. Dean finished one leg and moved to the next repeating the process until he was done. He looked down at Sam to see his eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. Dean saw Sam's eyes were moving back and forth under his eyelids as he twitched ever so slightly. He hoped the bad dreams would stay away and let Sam have some peaceful rest. He grabbed a blanket from the bottom of the bed and spread it over him before quietly leaving him to rest until he had dinner ready.

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Dean found Castiel sitting at the kitchen table waiting on him. He went to the fridge and grabbed two beers before joining him.

"Here ya go, have one so I don't have to drink alone." Dean told Castiel as he sat a beer in front of him.

"How is Sam?" Cas asked accepting the offering from Dean.

"To be honest...I don't know. He's resting now. His speech is getting better at times, but you know I don't know what else he might've forgotten how to do. I think he's getting better physically, but his mental state...He zoned out on me for like nearly five minutes before coming back and that scared the shit out of me. What if he does it again and doesn't come back? I know he's depressed because of his condition, I mean who wouldn't be...I'm just not sure how to pull him out of it." Dean sighed as he twisted the top of the beer off and took a long swallow before continuing. "I tried talking to him, but I don't know...I'm not sure he believed anything I told him. Guess I haven't given him much reason to trust me."

"Don't give up hope Dean. Remember Sam is suffering from all that has happened to him and has to come to terms with that. You will need to have patience with him and let him see you will be there for him."

"I know, but...Man Cas, to see the way he looks at me sometimes breaks my heart." Dean mumbled wiping a hand down his face. "Guess I need to start some dinner. Wanna help?"

"Of course, what can I do?" Cas asked getting up as Dean did and going into the kitchen.

"How 'bout peeling some potatoes while I work on the meat."

"Alright." Cas said looking around for a bowl and knife and the potatoes.

"They're in the laundry room; in a basket on the bottom shelve." Dean said when he saw Cas looking sort of lost. "I'll get you a bowl and knife. Just don't peel all the potato away dude."

"I will do my best." he replied stepping into the laundry room to find the basket of potatoes. He brought them back out and sat them beside the bowl Dean sat out and picked up the paring knife. He held the knife carefully and began to take the peeling from the potato, trying to do what Dean requested. Cas wasn't a big help in the kitchen but you couldn't fault him for trying extra hard.

Dean smirked to himself knowing it would take him twice as long or longer to peel the potatoes to cook. He was being so painstakingly careful to do what Dean had asked and only take a small amount off with the peeling. It would at least give him something to do while he got the meat and other vegetables ready to cook.

spn

"Cas you think another shot of your grace might help Sammy to walk faster?" Dean questioned as he stirred the pots on the stove.

"I do not know Dean. I told him we gave him my grace to help heal him?"

"About that...I wasn't going to tell him until he seemed more stable. I was afraid of how he might react and didn't want to upset him. He's already going through so much right now; I didn't want to add to his distress."

"I didn't know that when I told him. He didn't seem upset about it. Did I overstep again?"

"It's okay; I know you were trying to help Cas."

"If the feeling is coming back, maybe you should let it do it on its own."

"You're probably right, but I can see how being helpless like that is wearing on him and stressing him. Sam was never one who liked to be dependent on someone else. It's just not in his nature."

"Hopefully it won't be for much longer, some things can't be rushed. We just have to have patience and faith that it will be alright."

"Yeah, I guess so." Dean mumbled. He was not one who sat around and waited for things to happen. He was a man of action and liked to get things done and out of the way. Taking things slow was just not his style, but if that's what it took to help Sam, then he would step back and take things on step at a time. He finished prepping the meat and put it in the oven to cook.

Dean went into the living room and grabbed his laptop deciding to do some research about Sam's conditions and what after effects he should be looking for. If he knew more then maybe any other symptoms wouldn't scare him as bad like the one on the deck did. He wanted to better prepare himself for what might be coming down the road.

A/N: So the talk didn't go as well as Dean hoped and will Sam be able to get past all that has happened to him? Thank you to all who are reading my story and I hope you are being entertained. Your thoughts are my bread and butter, if you have a moment please leave me a review. NC