"Here." I look up to see Trina standing in front of me with a cup of coffee. "Lane busted it out, said it was needed today." I take the cup from her hands, sniffing it before taking a drink. "Anything?"
"No." I frown, leaning to put the cup down on the bedside table. "Nothing. She hasn't even moved all night." I run my hands through my hair, then look back down at the bed.
"She'll wake up. Don't worry." She pulls a chair from the side of the room and places it next to mine. "Mind if I sit?"
"Yeah, sure." I pick up my cup, taking another drink. We sit in silence, besides the occasional gulp from a cup. I know Trina doesn't want to push me, make me talk about things that I don't want to, and I'm grateful for that. It's me that breaks the silence. "What if she doesn't wake up?"
"She will. You know her. I know her. She's strong… stronger than this. She just needs some time." Trina puts a hand on my shoulder. I don't flinch, or move away like I normally do. The touch is comforting. "You're gonna drive yourself crazy sitting here. Have you even slept?"
"I tried, but I just couldn't. It's like my eyes wouldn't stay closed." I frown.
"You look like shit." She tells me honestly.
"Gee, Trina, tell me how it really is." I deadpan.
"You think she wants to wake up to find that you've been sat here practically destroying yourself?" Her hand rubs my back.
"It's my fault this happened, she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me." I sniffle. "I fucked up."
"This isn't your fault. It's not like you knew what'd happen, is it? What happened, before, with Cat, the reaction was completely valid. We all got that, his friends even did. And they didn't know it'd happen. Is it your fault the other girl died?"
"Yes. No… I don't know. It sure feels like it." I drain the last of the coffee from the cup and place it back down. I sigh. "I just wish she'd wake up… I feel so lost without her."
"She's finding her way back to you. Don't punish yourself. She needs you, but so do we. Even I do, although I can practically feel 17 year old me screaming at me in my head for that." She laughs, and I even chuckle a little. "I should go find Andre, he wanted someone to help him till some more land for his stupid vegetables, and everyone else was mysteriously busy." She stands up, pushes the chair back against the wall. "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. I might try and get some sleep."
"Good." She heads to the door, then turns to look at me. "Jade?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for looking after my little sister."
"You can thank me when she wakes up."
She doesn't say anything else, and the door clicks closed behind her. I sit for a minute, watching Tori's chest rise evenly then move to grab the chair Trina had pushed up against the wall, and a blanket from the bottom of the bed.
Throwing my feet up, I cover myself with the blanket and try to get comfortable.

Try as I might, I just can't get to sleep. I spend an hour lay across the chairs, another hour lying on the floor. I even try curling up at the bottom of Tori's bed, but nothing. I'm exhausted, and every part of my body aches dully but I pull myself up. I sigh, dropping my head forward into my hands and rubbing my arms.
The rooms still full of Cats stuff, her bed untouched, a crumpled t-shirt laying on top of the sheets. I walk over and perch on top of the sheets, careful not to rumple anything. I didn't even think of sleeping here. I can't. It's her bed. It smells like her. I never got why she wanted to share a room with Tori, even when we found the new house. I thought after spending seven years together they'd want some time apart. They were together right up until the end. Maybe that's why Tori isn't waking up now. Cat meant so much to her, I'd never rival that. Maybe she's got no fight left.
I smooth my hands across the covers, surprised when my hand hits a lump near the pillow. I don't want to disturb the sheets but curiosity gets the better of me so I carefully slide my hand underneath, grabbing the object. The plastic wrapper crinkles against my skin and I smile. Bibble. I pull it out and laugh under my breath.
Cat and her bibble. I remember when Tori and Cat first moved into the old house, I was walking past their room one night and I could hear them talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying at first, until I heard the crunch of the wrapper and realised that Tori was telling Cat off for eating in bed.
When we were younger, Cat would eat in bed when I stayed over. It'd drive me insane because she'd get crumbs everywhere, and then it'd feel like I was lying in sand and I couldn't get to sleep. She could sleep through anything though.

I miss her. I wish she was here. She'd know what to do, what to say to me to make me feel better. Hell, she'd probably be the only person who'd be able to wake up Tori. This is a mess, how did everything even end up this way? I lost Cat. Twice. And now I'm probably losing Tori too. I run my hand through my hair then stand up, beginning to pace. I throw a look over to the bed where Tori lies, chest rising evenly. She's paler than I've ever seen her. Paler than when I brought her home last night. She looks like a ghost. She feels like a ghost, her skin is so cold, even though half of the blankets we own are currently covering her.
I feel tears rise up into my eyes, shake my head angrily. I'm Jade West, I don't cry. I shout, and I scream, and I break things, but I don't cry. Except I do. I feel like all I've done since Tori turned up is cry. I feel so weak, I am weak. This isn't who I am. Or who I was. I don't even know who I am. And now all I want is to stop fucking thinking for five minutes but I can't.
My anger gets the better of me and I rip a chair up from the floor, throwing it against the wall. It's loud, and the chair splinters, pulling bits of paint and plaster off the wall. Tori doesn't flinch. I feel like screaming.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I turn around to see Sam in the door way.
"I…" I don't even know what to say. "I…" I feel the tears welling in my eyes again. Sam is definitely the last person I want to cry in front of but I can't stop it this time. My face crumples. "Why won't she wake up?" My voice is small, and it cracks over the last letter as I sink to the floor. "Why?"
Sam says something to someone outside the door then comes in, closing it softly behind her.
"You've gotta give her time." She tells me, sitting down cross legged next to wear I crouch. She picks up part of the chair I've destroyed.
"She doesn't move. She didn't even flinch." I don't need to explain that, I'm pretty sure half of the house heard the chair break. My head falls forward, hair covering my face. "I was fine until she came along, and now… I can't sleep… I can't eat. I can barely even breathe when she's just lying there. Whenever people talked about heart break, I always thought they were being pussies, that they were weak people, but now, it hurts. It feels like my hearts breaking in two. I can't do it anymore, not if she's not here."
Sam doesn't say anything, but her hand rests on my back, rubbing it softly.
I let out a shaky breath. "Everyone keeps telling me that it's fine, that she'll wake up, but what if she doesn't?"
"I'm not gonna tell you it's gonna be fine." Sam says, taking her hand off my back. "She might die. She went through a lot last night. People in hospitals have died from less, and we have no sterile equipment, barely any antibiotics. None of us are doctors…"
"Not helping." I tell her darkly.
"Shut up. We're unprepared, is what I'm getting at. But Tori, she loves you. She wouldn't leave you without a fight. There's only so many times you can have this conversation, Jade.
And she's lucky, the stories she's told? The stuff she's gotten into even while she's been here? She could've died a thousand times over. She's avoided the infection. She's survived being shot, being mauled by a feral. We nearly blew her up and she survived that. Think about how pissed off she'd be if she let a guy with a knife kill her.
You've gotta get out of your head, or you're gonna kill yourself before you even get a chance to see if she wakes up." Sam stands up, then holds her hand out to me. "Come on. You're gonna shower, and get something to eat, and talk to your friends, then maybe get some sleep. And tell Beck you broke the chair.
I'll stay here with her." I start to interrupt her but she stops me. "No. Get out." She points at the door.
"Sam?" I move toward the door, she looks up from sweeping up the chair with the side of her foot. "Thanks."

This is short, but as the chapter title states, it's part one of the this chapter. My cats doing the wiggly bum pounce thing and it is cute.
I might actually have the next chapter up before the weekends over. Or today's over. It depends on how fast I write while my washing is washing.

Thank you for being patient with me, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's a little dull. I just wanted to get inside Jade's head a little bit.

ok, as always, I hope you enjoyed it, and please review.