A/N: Thank you so much for all your wonderful thoughts. I truly enjoy reading them.
Betad by the wonderful Michelle Renker Rhodes (Though all remaining mistakes are mine).
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest are mine.
Chapter 14 – Of Scourge or Demigods.
My eyes fluttered open.
Once again, I woke in the unfamiliar room and on the foreign yet comfortable bed. And once again, I turned and gazed up at the ceiling for a few minutes. Yet unlike all the other times after waking from my dreams, this time, I remembered them clearly, and…I knew now they were more than mere dreams, much more.
I squeezed my eyes shut. "God, what a fucking…" Not knowing how to complete the statement, I left the last word unspoken. Had it been a day, a whole night, an entire weekend or even a year since that scene in the alley had occurred? But it was more than that uncertainty which struck me as strange in that moment. The words I'd spoken aloud made a peculiar sound in the room - almost as if I'd spoken them into a vacuum.
Regardless of comfortable beds, strange dreams or sharp acoustics, it was time to figure out exactly where I was – even though I had my suspicions, of course. The stiffness in my limbs and joints hinted that I'd been out for a while, but there was no clock, and strangely enough – as if my whole life hadn't turned into one big shitload of strange – there were no windows in the room, nothing to give away the day or time. I pressed my hands against the mattress to lift myself into a sitting position, and that was when the scraping burn in my palms made me remember something else about that alley.
Warily bringing up my hands in front of my face, I frowned curiously at the pristine, white gauze carefully wrapped around them. Only my fingers remained free, and I wiggled them around a bit while my mind replayed what they'd done in that alley.
Panic bubbled to my throat, but I clamped down on both it and on the scream which threatened to emerge on its heels. Neither panicking nor screaming were appropriate reactions anymore. I was beyond them because if what I remembered had really occurred, and if I wasn't simply insane, then neither reaction would get my anywhere.
"Stay in control, Bella," I encouraged aloud.
Yet again, I noted the strangely vacuous sound my words made, sharper in intonation, and louder somehow. When it all threatened to bring about an encore of the panic, I threw back the covers, determined to figure out where I was and what was going on. What I found was that under the covers, I was wearing a robe instead of my own clothing. And when I peeked under the robe, I saw my underwear.
"Fuuuuck," I breathed. "Alright, Bella, don't freak out. Do not freak out."
Placing my feet on the white-carpeted floors, I confirmed that my limbs were sore but all in working order, which helped my anxiety to recede a bit. After all, I might need them in good condition to make a run for it. Then, I snorted to myself. After what I saw in that alley, I knew I wasn't making a successful run for anything.
On bare feet, I padded over to the only mirror in the room, my heart pounding despite my attempts to remain in control. Whatever my reflection now showed me would either allay most of my fears, or it would send me into all-out hysteria. So with careful and deliberate languidness, I inspected my eyes first. They were, reassuringly, still a normal brown. Swallowing, I moved the inspection to my neck, which I rotated from side to side, closely observing its reflection for any signs of bites or punctures. Lips pressed together, I stroked my fingers back and forth over every part of my neck, feeling for any abnormalities and sighing in relief when there were none.
With the confirmation that I was still human, or as human as I'd been a few weeks ago, I took in the rest of my reflection. That was when it hit me that the image of the woman staring back at me wasn't only human, but she looked better than she had in a while. Yes, my hair was disheveled, but it was nothing beyond what a long night of sleep usually caused, certainly not the hair of someone who'd been caught in an epic downpour followed by a supernatural battle where she skidded down half an alley and knocked her head on concrete. In fact, my hair looked shiny, and…as I ran my fingers through it, I noticed it felt washed and brushed. What's more, the robe I wore wasn't just a robe which had been hastily thrown on me at some point, something that had been found lying around. It was luxuriously soft, plush, and neither too large nor too snug. It fit as if it had been waiting for me – made for me. Most impressive of all, my eyes were no longer rimmed by dark, tired circles, and my pupils no longer had that frenzied look in them. Rather, for all the bewilderment still running rampant in my mind, I physically looked and felt well rested, well taken care of - cherished.
"Where is he?" I murmured to myself.
I swept my gaze around the room, now noting the inherent masculinity of the bedroom and of its furnishings, the neatness in its sparsity, and the cleanliness of all its surfaces. It was the room of a man who took care of things. My eyes landed on the remote resting on the nightstand, and I shuffled over, picking it up and turning on the TV.
"Repeating our top story, the unexpected and brutal storm that took Seattle by surprise on Sunday afternoon with multiple lightning bolts hitting the same block in succession is now being blamed for over a dozen deaths and for the destruction of two apartment complexes…"
It was strange how I was almost as fascinated by the sharpness of sound in the room – by the lack of echo that the voices on the TV made, just as mine failed to make – as I was by the news story.
Perhaps it was the news story, or maybe even this final evidence that the bedroom was soundproof which propelled me toward the door in the center of the room. I curled my non-bandaged fingers around the knob and exhaled in audible relief when the door not only opened easily, but it also opened up onto a basic yet elegantly beautiful hallway. As I stepped out of the hallway, I saw that I was on the second level of a well-appointed house with landscape portraits on the walls, comfortable and functional furniture, and most reassuringly of all, windows – plenty of light-giving, air-providing windows.
"Hello?" The word echoed in the large, open space as words normally do. Yet, an echo was all the response I received. I took a couple of steps toward the spiral staircase a few feet away, and just as my feet alighted on the second step to head down, Edward came into view.
He stood at the foot of the staircase, eyes bright and green and as intensely focused on me as ever – even more so, if possible. For all the lack of normalcy in the past few weeks, he looked completely and utterly normal, dressed in a normal tee shirt and regular sweats, his face ruggedly handsome and…clean.
And for a split second, I could almost make myself believe that everything, everything had just been a dream; that I'd met Edward in one of the many normal ways men and women meet. For one moment, I pretended that he'd taken me on a date to some pricey restaurant, and then he'd brought me back to his place with the excuse of showing me his baseball card collection or some such nonsense which I'd pretended to buy. Then, he'd plied me with glasses and glasses of wine on which I'd willingly overindulged, and afterward, he'd carried me upstairs and into his pristine bedroom, laid me on top of his plush bed, and made love to me all night long - the way normal men and women did things.
But I hadn't dreamed it all, and even what I had dreamed I now knew to be more than mere dreams. And in a million years, there would still be nothing normal about us.
Yet normal or not, my heart contracted painfully at the sight of his obvious anxiety, his jaw tightly clenched, and his shoulders stiff and rigid. I'd been frightened in the room by myself, but seeing him now reminded me that I knew, inherently, that I had nothing to fear from him. Yet at that moment, as selfish as I knew it was, I simply couldn't relieve his fears.
And while all those thoughts ran through my head, my feet remained still and unmoving on that second step - both of us glued to our respective spots and silently holding one another's gaze.
"How are you?" he finally asked, his voice hoarse as if he hadn't spoken aloud in a while.
"I'm okay." My own voice came out as barely more than a whisper. "I feel well-rested, at least. How long was I asleep?"
"You've been asleep for about twenty hours."
My eyes grew wide. "Twenty hours? I missed this morning's lecture hall!"
He nodded. "I texted the dean of your department from your phone and explained to him that you had a stomach virus. He said he hopes you feel better soon and not to worry; they had someone cover for you."
"I suppose pointing out the intrusiveness of that would be nonsensical now, considering everything else."
"Considering everything else, I didn't think you'd appreciate losing your job."
"Along with my sanity?" I grinned mirthlessly.
He didn't return the grin. Instead, he swallowed hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing. "I'm at a loss as to what else to say right now."
"I think there are volumes and volumes for you to say."
Snorting, he dug his hands deep into his pockets. "Perhaps I should say I don't know where to begin."
Once again, we simply stood locked in one another's gaze. When he lifted a foot onto the staircase's first step, my breath hitched.
"Edward, wait."
He halted immediately, returning his foot to the landing before looking back up at me through wounded eyes.
"Bellar-" He cut off what he almost said, pressing his lips together tightly, but it was obvious what he'd stopped himself from calling me. "Bella, I will never hurt you."
"I know that," I murmured shakily. "I may not know much right now, Edward, but somehow, I do know that."
"You know quite a bit by now, Bella," he contradicted. "You simply have to allow yourself to believe it."
"I can't very well deny much anymore now, can I? Unless I'm ready to accept that I'm insane, and insane people don't usually know they're insane, then I don't have much of a choice but to accept the alternative. So, either way, I have to accept this."
He chuckled humorlessly but otherwise made no response.
"Well, we can't very well get anywhere like this, can we?" I smiled. "I'll come down to you."
He nodded and waited as I carefully made my way down, giving me a wide berth when I reached the last step. Once more, we stood locked uneasily in one another's gaze. Looking around, I took in my surroundings.
"This is your house?"
"It is."
"It's so nor- nice," I stumbled. "So nice and…traditional."
"Yes," he sighed, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. "We hid the coffins and the iron maiden in the underground dungeon, but I'm afraid there wasn't much we could do about the moat outside."
I stared at him.
"That was a joke," he emphasized with a rueful grin. "You were obviously expecting something else. But I apologize for my attempt at humor. It was in poor taste."
I quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, it was."
When he looked down at his feet, obviously chagrined, I regretted my rebuke. I had expected something else, so I tried again.
"Do you live here alone?"
He met my eyes again and shook his head. "Emmett and Jasper live here as well. They're not here now, but they can be back in an instant if you'd feel more comfortable."
"No," I said quickly. "No, that's fine. You and I need to talk." With a deep breath, I moved my gaze to the living room, which appeared to have another lit fireplace in front of a set of sofas just a few feet away.
"We can sit there," he said casually, having seen where my eyes wandered, "but there's an area further down where you might be more at ease – that is, if you're not afraid of where I may lead you."
This time, when I moved my eyes back to him, he looked almost…challenging.
"Edward, I'm not afraid of you."
"We'll see." The half-smile he gave me was devoid of any warmth. And as he moved aside so that I might walk ahead, he swept his hand in exaggerated invitation.
"Shall we then?"
As I moved ahead, I remembered how he'd guided me through the streets of Georgetown, his hand gently yet possessively on the small of my back. I remembered how safe and cherished it had made me feel. This time, he neither touched me nor walked too closely. Instead, from a few feet behind me, he gave me monotone verbal instructions on when to turn before we reached a sunroom closed in on three sides by floor to ceiling windows. It gave us a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree view of everything in front of the building.
"The garden," I smiled, sighing wistfully. It felt like ages since I'd been there with him. "It's the garden behind the tavern." I pivoted around. "Your house backs up to the garden?"
"Yes."
Turning back to the windows, I walked to the one in the center and placed my fingers on the cool, glass pane. The cherry trees surrounding the garden rose before me, their fruit red and hearty, and their leaves green and soothing. And as I stood there and allowed it all to ground me, I let out a long breath, feeling my shoulders slacken and relax.
"You've always known how to calm me."
"I have always tried my best."
"The trees. Did you have them planted for me?"
"Yes."
I swallowed thickly. "Because…because I've always loved them."
"Yes. You have."
"How long have you been living in Seattle, Edward?"
"A few months, ever since I found you."
I closed my eyes, blood pounding in my temples.
"And before that?"
"Before that…I've spent centuries all over the world, searching for you."
"I…don't even know what to say to that," I turned around and faced him, "or how to begin."
"Tell me where you would like to begin, Bella." He emphasized my name, and again, he swept his arm, this time in a gesture for me to take a seat.
"Maybe you can start by telling me why your bedroom is soundproof and has no windows." I settled into an upholstered chair by the window. Edward lowered himself onto a loveseat opposite me, a few feet away, and half his mouth lifted into a crooked grin.
"Why do you think my bedroom is soundproof and has no windows, Bella? Do you think it's so that no one can hear my victims' screams when I bring them back to my bedroom and ravage them? Do you picture me stalking the streets at night, kidnapping innocent maidens, and sucking the life out of them?" His nostrils flared. "Or am I that monster lurking in dark corners and alleys which all parents warn their young daughters of?"
"Now you're simply testing me, trying to shock me."
"I am," he admitted bluntly.
"Exactly what reaction are you looking for? What did you expect me to-"
"What did I expect?" he countered. "I expected you to be my devoted wife! I expected you to see more than a monster, I expected you to see your husband!" When he banged a fist against the armrest, I heard the wood crack underneath before it splintered and fell apart. "I expected…" Suddenly, all the fire in his gaze seemed to leave him in a rush. With a deep and painful sigh of resignation, he sank back into his broken chair. "I expected too much, Bella, and that is entirely my fault, not yours."
"Edward, I don't think you're a-"
"I expected you to see me that first day in your lecture hall and to recognize me instantly." His ensuing smile was so wistful and despairing that my heart clenched painfully. "If not recognition in your eyes, I expected recognition in your heart and soul, in the very blood which flowed through your veins telling you that I was your husband. And once I realized that it would not be that simple nor that instantaneous, I told myself that all you needed was a reminder of my devotion – your name whispered in your ear with all my love poured into it or those eternal vows we once made one another spoken aloud once again, and it would all come rushing back to you. And as much as I've despised the agony your dreams have caused you, every time I saw you, I prayed they had finally woken your dormant devotion to me. But as I said, I expected too much."
"I…" I swallowed through the painful sting in my throat, "Edward, I'm sor-"
"Don't." He smiled sadly. Then standing, he walked to the windows and stood there with his back to me. "Please don't apologize. You don't need to justify or to apologize for anything here. I'm the one who's been pushing and pushing."
"That's why you…you remained on him, on that thing in the alley - to open my eyes to everything, once and for all."
"It is," he admitted after a couple of heartbeats.
"Were those men vampires as well?"
At this, he turned his head around to meet my gaze, brows lifted high as if he hadn't expected me to actually come out and say it.
"If you want to begin there," he shrugged, "no, they were not vampires, but neither were they mortal men."
"You ripped them apart. You tore them to shreds limb by limb. Then you…drank from the last one."
I started laughing. Quietly at first, then louder and louder while Edward turned around again, watching me through bemused eyes. "Oh God," I shook my head, still chuckling, "I can't believe I'm actually discussing these things. You're a vampire," and looking down at my bandaged hands and at my unblemished fingers, I added, "and I'm some sort of witch."
"Witch is an archaic term for the power which flows within your veins."
I met his eyes again. "Seriously, we're going to argue semantics right now?"
He pursed his lips.
"How about Jasper and Emmett?"
"Also vampires," he nodded stoically, "as you so semantically phrased it."
"Well, what do you call yourselves if not vampires?"
"Immortals, Predators, Undead, Afflicted, Scourge, Demigods." He shrugged his shoulders as casually as if we were discussing the different terms for a breed of monkeys. "The title we give ourselves depends on whether we're feeling more pity for ourselves or for humanity at the moment; although, the three of us are centuries past pitying our fate."
He held my gaze as if waiting for me to ask the follow-up question that was on the tip of my tongue, but which I simply wasn't ready to ask. And seeing my hesitation, he sighed. "The word vampire is accurate."
"If those other men were neither mortal nor any of those terms you just mentioned, then what were they?"
"You tell me, Bella." No, he wouldn't let me run anymore. He was past allowing me to feign ignorance. "What were they?"
"Garwalf. Werewolves."
"Correct."
"Shapeshifters," I added. "Their faces changed. First, they were Jake, then they were-"
"None of them were Jake." I waited for him to elaborate. With a sigh, he scrubbed a hand down his face.
"That man you met and danced with on the rooftop that night was not Jacob," he sneered, and I only momentarily wondered how he even knew of that night. "That was one of his pack. Jacob would never risk himself by making an appearance on a night when he knows I can easily overpower him. So he sends his creations, his minions if you will. He will wait until the summer solstice."
"The summer solstice?"
"Bella," Edward said much more softly, "your ancestor's curse, Rena's curse, must be acknowledged literally. The shifters of her time were very powerful, but with every passing generation, their powers have diminished. Now, they need full moons to shift."
"We're in the middle of this month's full moons."
He nodded. "During full moons, shifters have greater powers than they normally do. However, my kind can still easily overpower them – except the closer we get to the solstice. They are more powerful during full moons that arise closer to the solstice, and it is harder to defeat them then. And on the night of the summer solstice, we are all at our most powerful."
"You drank from one."
Edward shook his head. "My kind cannot drink from full-fledged shifters. Our…bloodlines are incompatible, you might say. The creature you saw me drink from was newly shifted – the blood flowing through his veins was still mostly human. At that point, yes, we can still drink from them."
"But if he was still mostly human, couldn't he have been saved instead of-"
"No, Bella," Edward said gently. "Once they have been bitten or scratched, they become shifters, and they answer to their master. There's no turning back. They are cursed, as we all are."
Again, he waited for me to ask, but I couldn't. Instead, I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"God, it's too much."
"It's a lot. I know," he acknowledged. "And we don't have to go through it all at this moment, but there are certain things we must clear up now."
I reopened my eyes. "If they're only powerful during full moons, why have you asked me to stay home after dark every night?"
"They are no danger to us on regular nights. But to you…that is a different matter. Besides," he smirked, "what would you have thought at the time if I said to you, 'Bella, please stay indoors after dark on the nights when the moon is full?'"
"I'll be honest," I snorted humorlessly, "it didn't sound much saner the way you originally phrased it."
He chuckled quietly, nodding. "No, I don't suppose it did." Then he frowned, his expression much more dismal. "Bella, Jacob…Jakob…Iakobus was always going to find you. He has searched for you for ages. He hides everywhere, behind any face, so it has been impossible for us to draw him out throughout the passing generations. And once I found you…he wasn't far behind. I'm so sorry."
"I don't blame you for any of this, Edward. I blame this…curse," I spat, "these myths. Yet at the same time," I snorted, "I hate myself for believing something so illogical."
"It is only illogical because all of us, all supernatural entities have written history to make you believe it illogical. We have been around since the beginning of record-keeping. We know how to keep ourselves hidden. So yes, your logic rebels against it, but deep inside you believe it because you are part of this mythology. You are at the core of it, my love. You always have been."
When he called me my love, he poured so much emotion into those words that my heart soared and clenched painfully all at once.
"There's so much to take in and understand," I murmured.
"There is. But as I said, there is one thing of which you must be clear now. You must be ready for the solstice, Bella, for now that he knows where you are, on that night, he will try to claim you."
A shudder ran up my spine. "Jesus, what does he want from me?"
Edward locked me in his gaze. "He wants your power, plain and simple. He wants to combine his powers with yours and not only recuperate that strength which he has lost to Rena's curse, but he also wants to create a being more powerful than this world has ever known, and he wants to control it."
"Fucking hell," I breathed. "He wants to mate with me."
In an instant, Edward was on his knees in front of me. His hand shot up as if he'd touch me, but then he rested it back on his thigh. "I won't let it happen, Bella," he hissed. "I won't. You do not have to choose me." He swallowed. "I told the creature Jacob sent in that alley that you'd chosen me just to taunt him, but you do not have to choose me. On the night of the solstice, when he comes out of hiding, I will destroy him, and I'll free you to choose whomever you want, to live your perfectly normal…mortal life any way you want."
My head swam in confusion. It was too much, too much to decide, to understand…to choose.
"So, I am mortal?"
At this, he did lift his hand, and slowly, he palmed my cheek. And despite everything, I melted into the heat of his touch.
"You are very mortal, my love. But you are…you are Bellaria reborn," he swallowed, "a mortal with an ancient and extremely special bloodline, and as you saw in that alley, you possess great powers." His thumb caressed my jaw. "But you must learn how to use those powers and control them, and unfortunately, we only have a short period of time in which to work on that. There is much more we must discuss regarding your lineage, but this must take precedence."
I lifted my own hand and brushed my free fingers across the scar on his face. His eyes fluttered closed, and he lifted his own hand to cover mine while a wistful expression engulfed his features. "You used to caress my scars all the time."
"My friend, Kate, doesn't see them," I murmured.
His eyes opened. "They are not visible, Bella. None of my scars are visible to mere mortals…only to you."
"Because I was your wife or because of my…powers?"
"I'm not sure, but it's most likely a bit of both," he smiled longingly.
"What about us, Edward? What happened to us? What will happen with us?"
His nostrils flared with emotion, and he took my hand and brought it to his mouth, his warm lips grazing each one of my fingers. "We will discuss what happened to us, but Bella," he shook his head, his fiery gaze locked on mine, "there doesn't have to be an us – not if you don't want it. I will fight to ensure you have a choice."
He wanted his wife, and I…I simply wasn't her, not really. No matter what curse or powers or reincarnation existed, logically grounded twenty-six-year-old Bella of 2016 could never be impulsively impetuous eighteen-year-old Bellaria of 1086. We were too different, and he now saw that clearly.
So I simply nodded.
OOOOOOOOOO
As Edward drove me home a short while later, I stared unseeingly out of the windows. The streets of Seattle were rarely loud streets to begin. We weren't in L.A. or New York City. But a strange stillness seemed to thread through the streets. Block by block, an eerie calm had descended on the city, like a lull before an even greater storm.
Or perhaps, knowing what I knew now and knowing what was coming for me, it was all in my head.
I shuddered in my seat, my nerves once again making themselves known through the tingling in my fingers, a tingling I now knew wasn't anywhere near as benign as I'd always thought it; although, how it worked, I had no idea.
And as always, as if he could sense my mood, Edward reached out and laced his fingers lightly through the unbandaged parts of mine. He gave me a sidelong glance.
"Don't be nervous. I won't let anything happen to you. None of us will, not I nor Jasper nor Emmett."
"Jasper and Emmett, your squire and my…brother."
"Yes," Edward said, his eyes on the windshield and his Adam's apple bobbing. "Emmett is your brother, and he'll be happy to know you're able to at least acknowledge that relationship."
"Edward-"
He let go of my hand to shift into park, and I looked around, realizing we'd arrived.
"One of us will come pick you up tomorrow afternoon," he said evenly, his eyes front and center with his hands now locked around the steering wheel. "And we'll go back to either the garden or to our house, whichever make you feel more comfortable. We'll discuss the rest, and we'll help you figure out how your gifts work."
"All business now," I said.
"It must be the priority, Bella. We'll work on it until you have it all figured out, and that accursed demon from hell," he gritted, "is no longer a threat to you."
I nodded casually. "Alright, but can you please just…answer me one more thing?"
He held my gaze stoically.
"I don't understand completely what you are. I mean, yes," I added quickly, "you're a vampire, and you frightened the hell out of me in that alley, but I don't believe you're a monster. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this."
"I understand."
I fought to keep my bottom lip from quivering. His wife had been a brave woman. I'd learned that much from my dreams.
"I want to know why your room is soundproof and why you have no windows - and don't tell me it's because you ravage people in there," I smiled faintly, "because I know you don't."
He exhaled through narrowed lips, his jaw clenched tightly for a few moments before he answered, his gaze cast downward.
"We sleep – nowhere near as much as required for…humans, but we do sleep." He met my eyes. "But because of our heightened senses, we need a space completely devoid of any noise or any stimulation."
"Hence the lack of windows and sound in your bedroom."
"Exactly," he breathed.
"Alright, Edward. I understand now. Thank you." When I turned to open my door, he held on to my fingers until I met his eyes again.
"You haven't asked me the most important question. You haven't asked me…how we feed."
Forcing myself to speak through the dryness in my throat because I knew anything less would be unacceptable, I posed the question I'd been avoiding since the moment I discovered what Edward really was.
"Edward…how do you feed?"
"In the past, before we learned self-control, we fed on humans, on the true scourge of the Earth - or at least on those who in our eyes as demigods," he sneered, "we deemed unworthy of living. Nowadays," he shrugged, "we hunt in the mountains."
"So when you went hiking the other day…?"
"We were feeding."
"Is it as satisfying as feeding on the scourge of the Earth?"
Again, his eyes grew wide as if he hadn't expected me to process and speak of it all so calmly. Then he snorted.
"It's not the same, no, but it's close enough. It's like trading steak for tofu."
"Hmm," I nodded, truly considering the difference. "Alright. I think I understand."
OOOOOOOOOO
I spent the rest of that day and night alone in my apartment, ignoring Kate and my father's texts and calls, catching up on university assignments which had gone neglected during my utter exhaustion. Now that I was well-rested, I could focus on grading, and I could distract myself with the television and normal books. I could almost pretend I wasn't Bellaria reborn.
Early the next day, I drove to the university to attend to my required office hours. I smiled and laughed with the administrators, thanking them for their well-wishes the previous day and explaining the accident I'd had on the sidewalk a couple of days earlier, which had caused the bandaged hands. I worked with a couple of students who needed extra help. Then I got back in my car and drove.
As soon as I parked in front of Edward's loft in Georgetown, he was in front of my driver's side door, pulling it open the second I unlocked it and reaching for my hand to help me up and out of the car.
"Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked, knitting his fingers through mine. "Your brother was to pick you up in a short while."
"I know," I nodded. "I know. And I know I'm Bellaria. I feel it in my bones, but at the same time, I don't feel it, Edward."
"I understand, Bella."
"No, you don't." And despite all my plans to remain completely composed, my voice shook. "I have lived twenty-six years of my life as Bella Cullen. Twenty-six years, Edward, and I understand that to you, twenty-six years is less than a drop in the bucket, but to me, it's my entire life. Bellaria's life is to me nothing more than a recent dream, recollections that come in quick bursts and flashes. And I know you wanted her back-"
"Bella-"
"But I don't know if I can ever give her back to you. I don't know that I can ever be her. I don't feel married."
His face fell, but he quickly recovered and tried to disguise the despair in his eyes by nodding stoically and casting his gaze downward between us. "I know, Bella. I know you don't."
I took a step forward, closing the space between us and waiting for him to lift his gaze back to me. "But I did feel you, Edward. That day you walked into the lecture hall, I felt you in my heart and in my soul and in the blood that flows-"
Before I could finish, he slid his hands around my neck and pulled me in, crushing his mouth to mine. And I slipped my bandaged hands around his shoulders, exhaling in relief against his lips, reveling in their warmth as we stood out on the street hungrily bringing our mouths together, brushing our lips across each other's cheeks, eyes, and jaws, and pulling one another in closer and closer until we were almost one. I pulled away to breathe and because I simply had to finish what I'd tried to say before.
"I don't think we could ever be Lady Bellaria and Sir Edward again – no matter what. But can we try, somehow, through all this other madness, to be Bella and Edward? It might be the only way I'll make it through this without truly losing my mind."
Edward cradled my face in his hands, gazing at me with so much…fathomless devotion that I could feel it heating my blood.
"Bella, I don't need you to be exactly who you were then. All I need," he said slowly and emphatically, "all I dare hope is that you'll allow me to be yours again despite what I am now."
I drew in a deep breath, smiling as I released it. "Edward," I kissed his warm hand and looked up at him, "what you are now is all I've ever known. There's no comparison."
A/N: Thoughts?
Chapter Song Rec: One Last Breath by Creed.
BELLARIA won Third Place in the "Drop Everything Fic" category for the 2016 TwiFic Fandom Awards. Thank you. I'm truly honored. I was honored with a few other awards as well, including a Fandom Achievement Award. If you'd like, you can check them all out on my facebook group page. :)
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See you guys next Monday!