My mother was silent when I walked in yet again in the early morning. She was at the kitchen table sipping her coffee with her uniform on. I couldn't tell if she just got in from work or was on her way out. These days aren't always that clear to me as of late.

I place my keys on the key holder beside the door and slip out of my shoes, leaving them beside the door as well.

"Good Morning," I say to her in Spanish.

She glances over her shoulder at me and simply looks away, going back to her food.

I stand still, confused as I watch my mother give me the cold shoulder.

"Is Jase uhm, ready for school?" I ask, not knowing what else to say.

She inhales very deeply then sighs.
"It's Saturday."

My jaw drops and I clear my throat, "Right, I knew that."

I walk across the living room to get to the kitchen, hoping there is coffee left over.
I make a strong mug with little milk and sugar before rejoining my mother in the living room. I knew if I went straight to my room she'd know something was definitely wrong.

I sit on the couch and lean back, resting my aching back, god damn Billy.

"Shouldn't you be on your way out?" I ask looking at the clock to see it's almost 7. She's usually waiting for the bus by now.

"Had to call out, I wasn't sure if you'd be home or not." She retorts stiffly.

"Ma, when do I never come home?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes, I can't see her but I know her well enough.

"I don't know, you been out a lot in the past few months."

I take a hard sip of my coffee and roll my eyes right back.

"It hasn't even been that many times," we both know it's a lie. Almost every weekend I've been out.

If I'm not partying with Tara I'm at Billy's apartment.

"You smell like sex and whiskey Reese." My mother spits.

I freeze instantly and she glances over her shoulder at me. I want to hide under the couch, anywhere that's away from her accusatory eyes.

"I-I, ma I'm not-"

She points a stern finger at me and in Spanish says, "Don't you lie to me."

I close my eyes and grip the handle of my mug tightly. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"What do you want me to say then?" I ask with a meek shrug.

"I want you to tell me the truth…" she trails off and I raise a brow, waiting for her to finish talking.

"Have you started drinking again?"

I think I'm perfectly capable of looking her in the eye until that moment. My gaze drops and I stare at the dark liquid in my cup.

"It's nothing I'm not in control of ma." I reply, "I don't even get drunk half the time."

"And what about the other half? Huh?"

I shrug, "It's not a big deal ma, it's not like before. I can handle it," I can tell my trying to reassure her is only pissing her off more.

"You didn't answer me. What about the other half? I'm not stupid, tell me which low life you chose to ruin your life over?"

For whatever reason I get extremely defensive. Even though I had no intention of telling her of Billy, the idea that she could ever speak about him as if she knew him pissed me off. But I bite my tongue.

"He's not like that…he's good to me," I stand up abruptly and go back to the kitchen to empty the mug in the sink.

"Good to you huh? What is he a drug dealer?" she asks from the kitchen, making me freeze again.

I could ask how she'd know something like that but we've all grown up in this town.

I walk to the doorway of the kitchen, facing my mother where she sat at the table.

"And if he is? Would you please tell me how he'd be any different from my father?"

My mother's eyes go wide. She looks like I stabbed her in the chest and I almost regret it.

"Christ, I hope you're not as stupid as you're sounding right now Reese."

I open my mouth to say something else when she cuts me off.

"And if he is, then no. He would be no different than your junkie fucking father! Do you understand what kind of a world you're setting yourself up for?!" She exclaims.

"It has nothing to do with that ma! I've grown up! I know how to handle myself now, I'm just having fun for Christ sakes!"

"It's all fun and games until your stupid ass gets pregnant by one of these lil' boys running around here thinking he's a man. And you find yourself slaving to keep a roof over stupid, ungrateful kids that keep making the same dumb mistakes you did."

I clench my fists and glare at her, "This could be the dumbest mistake I'll ever make but right now I've never been happier, he makes me happy! And I'm not being stupid. Yea I drink sometimes! But I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be! I have it under control. And unlike you ma I know what birth control and condoms are."

She watches me intently, looking all over my face before inhaling very deeply and exhaling roughly.

"You know what?" She asks.

"What?"

"Fine. Do whatever you want. Just don't come crying to me for a damn thing. He makes you happy?" She asks.

I nod.

"We'll see how long that lasts."

I roll my eyes at her and turn to my room for a much, much needed nap.

3 heavy knocks hit my bedroom door and I lift my heavy head from my pillow and look at it. It's then that I realize I'm still in my clothes and collapsed across the bed with little care.

"Reese?" a deep voice calls me.

Dropping my face back on the pillow I groan, "What?"

"Can I come in or what?" Collin asks.

I sit up again, more excited than before.

"Come in." I call out clearing my throat.

He opens the door and comes in, facing me with a bright smile before closing the door behind him.

"Just gettin' home?" he asks strolling over to my bed.

I roll on my back and watch him as he plops down at the end of my bed as if it hadn't been years since he last did so.

"Yea." I reply.

"Been with your boyfriend a lot huh?" he looks down at his shirt, avoiding my gaze.

I don't reply and clear my throat.

"Take that as a yes," he mutters, "Have to say, I never thought I'd see the day you'd stoop that low."

Collin and I have always been totally honest with one another. But I have to say, I wasn't expecting that.

My eyes go wide and I cock my head back a bit.
"Wow," is all I can really say.

"Don't fuckin' act like I don't have a reason to say that Reese. Ya smarter than that."

I lean back against my headboard and sigh.
"Collin, please."

"No," he retorts sternly, "I'm only gonna say this once, you stay with him an' you're gonna learn real fast just how scum operates." His pointed finger makes me feel the way I do when Billy gets on me about shit, like a child.
"He's no good for ya."

"I don't understand how you all can judge and you don't know anything about him and I. Okay, yea, he's not the ideal guy I saw myself with, but he doesn't treat me bad. He makes me happy."

"Reese." He groans cutting me off, "I know you're young and I know you still want to have fun. But I've known him longer than you have. I've seen him do this bullshit with a few other little girls with a nice ass and long hair. The sex, the money, all that shit is fleeting. Billy will fuck you over and you won't even see it comin'."

His words literally terrified me. I wanted nothing more than to be able to heed his warnings, to agree and tell him I'd make everything right. Give back all the gifts, all the money before it came to the pain I could potentially be exposing myself to. But that arrogant side in me was defending him.

He'd never do that to me. I'm different, they don't know…

As I sit there in silence, damn near tears, pulling on my comforter and staring at it intensely my phone which had been on the night stand directly beside me buzzes.

I glance over at it, not intending to answer it until I saw who it was.

I look at Collin who was shaking his head. He didn't even have to see who it was before his face turned even sourer than a moment ago. I bite my lip hard as the phone starts to ring and vibrate, the thought of ignoring the call of course crosses my mind. But I can't.

For the first time in my life I feel like I could understand my father. The unwanted need to ruin your life; knowing things won't turn out the way they should, but reaching for that drug with a deeply seeded hunger that wouldn't go away.

I ignore the glare Collin fixes me with as I stand up, grabbing my phone and answering it as I made my way to the hallway to talk in private.

"Hey." I answer dejectedly, my voice very low because I didn't want Collin or my mother to hear.

"Yea, doesn't the kid nee- what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm great. What were you saying?" I'm praying he lets it go. But the long pause before he continues speaking says otherwise.

"Where you at?" he asks sharply.

"Home still."

"You better tell me what's up or I'm comin' over there t'find out for myself, Reese."

I swallow and close my eyes, "I need to call you back, I'm in the middle of something with my mother. Just relax, I'll call you in a little while okay?" I ask softly, hoping my calm tone would ease him.

"Unh huh." He replies stiffly.

"Bye." And I hang up.

When I got back in my room Collin is standing near my dresser, eyeing a small picture, the only picture I had of him and I stuck to my wall with the others of my family and friends.

He glances at me when I come back in the room, closing the door and leaning against it.

"You're mad at me." I sigh.

He doesn't say anything but clenches his jaw tightly, this means yes, he's pretty pissed at me.

"Collin, please don't be mad at me."

I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. He puts his hands on my waist and tries to push me away. I remain where I am, hugging him tighter to me.

"Please." I whisper pressing a light kiss to his cheek. This works on most men, including Billy. I know it's wrong to use this kind of intimacy to benefit me, but I can't help it. Especially with someone I care so much about.
"You and my mother think I'm so stupid all of a sudden. Nothing has changed, I'm with him yes, but I'm not going to let that keep me from what I'm supposed to do."

He looks down at me, our faces probably too close as we meet eyes.

"Yea? And what you supposed to be doing?"

"Getting out, remember?"

He snorts, remembering how often our plans to leave would change depending on what new movie we watched and became obsessed with as kids.

"Yea well, I fucked that up. Not much a con can do…you still got a shot though."

"I'm not stupid Collin."

He gives me a very skeptical look but caves eventually. The slight pout I was giving him might have helped.

"You trust me don't you?" I ask jerking him with my arms.

He nods, "Always, it's that fucker I don't trust."

"As long as you trust me and have nothing but our best interests in mind then that's not something I'll argue you on. I understand Collin, and I love you for coming over here to talk some sense into me."

"Well it didn't work," he shrugs.

I smirk, "Not the way you wanted, but it worked."

He chuckles shaking his head, "Sneaky fuck."

"You love me."

He pulls me close and holds me tight.
"Yea, I do."

"Good, 'cause I love you too."

We hug for a very long time and don't let go until he lets go.

"A'right, I gotta go." He mumbles pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Okay, text me or something this week please."

He nods again and hugs me from the side once more before leaving.

The moment he leaves I collapse on my bed with a sigh.

Everything Collin's told me is running rampant through my mind. How does someone continue on in a relationship unsure of almost everything about the other person? Sure he says his intentions are pure…most of the time. But to know for sure I'd have to stick around and find out…right?

And I already know Billy would make me feel like a complete asshole if I bought to his attention my doubt in his intentions…yet again.

So I won't. I'll keep that in my back pocket as a reminder, a cautionary supplement throughout this ordeal.

"Hey," I answer when his end of the line picks up.

"Yea," he replies as per usual, "So ya mom[MH1] reamed ya or what?"

I smile and collapse on my bed with a sigh.

"Sort of, but she'll get over it."

"She know about me[MH2] ?" he asks.

"Kind of, she doesn't know what your name is though. When I walked in she said I smelled like whiskey and sex, so she knows we're fucking."

He barks out a loud boisterous laugh and I only roll my eyes.

"It was embarrassing Billy." I whine.

"We drank whiskey last night?" he asks gruffly.

"Yea, don't you remember you did the shots off my stomach."

"Yeaa." He sighs, "Fuckin good night uh?"

Smirking I roll onto my stomach and sigh, "Mmhm. But now she's pissed because I didn't get here soon enough to watch Jase before she left for work. She thinks I'm going to backslide."

"Backslide inta' what?" he asks confusedly.

My eyes go wide as I realized I've revealed something I had no plans on revealing to Billy.

"Long story." I reply dismissively, hoping he'd just drop it, "You were going to say something when you called before, what was it?" I ask.

Someone on his end, in the background says something, the voice is muffled. Billy mutters 'yea' back.

"I gotta go, but didn't you say the kid needed money for some trip?"

"The Fenway trip?" I ask.

"I guess," he replies.

"Uh, yea. But I'm just going to take him in a few weeks when I get paid."

I'd told Billy earlier this week that Jase was upset at my mother and I because we didn't have the money for a school trip to Fenway park. It would be his first ever ball game and he wanted to go so badly but it was that time of the month where all the bills matched up exactly and sucked my mother and me completely dry. So no trip for Jase, and cold shoulder to from him to my mother and me.

"Meet me by the store in a hour."

"Billy?"

"Just be there, I gotta go," he says quickly before hanging up.

"Ok" I sigh even though no one is on the line.

I know what he's getting at already, and while I truly admire the gesture, I'm still on edge about things. But while I'm thinking so intently about things…shouldn't this add to my views of him?

I mean if Collin is right about all the other girls Billy has been with and dropped then am I just another one of them? Am I an exception? How many girls did he buy expensive things and pay for their little brothers' field trips? Somehow I don't find Billy to be that generous or giving. I know him much more than I did all those months ago when we met and it seems entirely plausible that I'm right and he'll stick around…

Right?