Chapter Fourteen
I have just packed my clothes into the drawer he cleared out for me when there is a knock on the door and I let out an annoyed sigh. The last thing I expected was to move into his room and I am not sure how I feel about it and I more than a little annoyed with him for leaving me alone. Maker knows where he went and right now I couldn't be bothered.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"Wynne… May I come in?" she asks.
I open the door, "You would probably come in even if I said no," I reply as she walks past me.
"True… Where is Anders? I wanted to speak to you together," she states.
"I don't know. He took off as soon as he brought the last of my belongings. He didn't say where he was going and I don't really care," I reply as I indicate to the chair. She nods her thanks and she sits down. She points to the bed and I really have no choice but to sit down. Sighing despondently, I grab his pillow and I hug it to my chest.
"Not the response I expected… I can't say I blame you," she states.
"I am not thrilled about the idea, either, Wynne. It was bad enough sneaking around to be with him and now this… And he is not here…" I trail off.
"I saw him with Solona and I bet that doesn't please you," she states.
"Is it that obvious?" I ask.
"Do you trust him, Marian? Do you trust him enough-"
"For what, Wynne? His wandering eyes? I know he had a thing with her. He told me and she constantly rubs my nose in it and he does nothing to put her on her place. He claims to love me… How can he make such a declaration when she often comes up in our conversations? No, Wynne. I am not pleased. I would rather have my own room. A place I can escape to when I need to me on my own, but what can I do about that now? I don't get my own room until after my Harrowing and that is only if I get through it without succumbing to malignant spirits."
"Mmm… This clearly is a bad idea… Tell you what… I think I am going to have a word with Irving. I know for a fact there is a room waiting for you and I am going to ask him you would be happier being in your room," she says.
"You…You would do that for me? After my shameful behavior in the library in front of my fellow mages?" I ask, trying and failing to prevent myself from shuddering.
"We live and learn, Marian and you have certainly learned your lesson, however I have one concern," she says as he walks into the room, followed closely by Solona.
"We are diligent, Wynne, but in all honesty, I don't think that is going to be a problem anymore. Do you think I can go back to my dorm until I hear from you?" I ask, deliberately ignoring him and my cousin who won't wipe the smug smile off her face. I grab my bag and pack a few of my things into it.
"Yes, you may… I will let you know as soon as I know, but I don't foresee a problem either way… I will find you later," she says and she walks out. I sling my bag over my shoulder and I deliberately ignore his questioning gaze as I walk past him and into the corridor. I swallow the hard lump in my throat and I furiously wipe my tears away.
"I warned you, Anders. She's no good for you…," she says quietly and I whirl around.
"It's thanks to you I have to do this, Solona. Anders, I can't do this anymore. Not when you always go back to her… I can't. You say you love me…" I trail off completely aware of the hurt in his eyes.
"I…I… Mari, don't do this," he says softly.
"If you stopped going to her or talking about her, then we wouldn't be standing here discussing it, now would we? I can't…"
"I knew she would hurt you, Anders," says Solona and I approach her.
"You are a bitch, Solona and to think I was actually considering getting to know you simply because you are my cousin, but you are not interested… And frankly, nor am I…" I clench my hands tightly and I swallow hard, "You have absolutely no idea the importance of family do you? And you won't even consider giving me a chance and now you have fucking ruined a perfectly healthy relationship I had with Anders…" I hiss, glaring at him.
"Had, Mari?" he whispers.
"Yes, had, Anders. I can't. Not while you…" I sigh, "Just let me go."
"But, Mari," he pleads as he reaches for my hands, "I don't understand… I thought this is what you wanted. I thought an us is what you wanted. Was I mistaken or are you just angry for some reason I can't fathom?"
"Anders, perhaps you should let her go… She is not worth your time," says Solona and I see red. I push past him and I slap her. The crack resounds in my ears and I stagger backwards cradling my hand.
"Don't be such a bitch, Solona. I am not the enemy. You should respect him for the choice he made. The choice to be with me. You need to let him go… And what about Cullen, huh? He's good man who worships the ground you walk on or are you using him to get back at Anders?"
"No…I… Of course not," she murmurs, quickly recovering herself while she massages her cheek that bears the imprint of my hand.
"Then what is your problem?" I ask, but I am distracted by Anders who is gently examining my hand that simply won't stop throbbing. He examines each finger with that look of concentration I love so much, but when he examines the middle of my hand, I whimper.
"Oh Mari… You silly, wonderful woman, you have cracked a few bones… Maker, you certainly have a lot of strength for someone as petite and beautiful as you…"
"What?" I whimper as I flex my hand, but I cry out and hot tears of pain, hurt, anger and frustration flow, "Andy," I murmur as he gently wraps his arm around my shoulder while he heals my hand. I feel the bones creak back into place and it makes me feel quite ill. I clutch his shirt and I force the rising bile back down to where it belongs.
"Just relax. I'm almost done…," he says softly, "There you go," he murmurs as he slips his arms around me. I hoist my legs around his waist and he walks back into his bedroom. He tries to deposit me onto the bed, but I don't want to let him go.
"Mari," he sighs as he manages to sit on the bed and he jiggles himself until his back is against the wall, "What am I going to do with you?"
"Do you really have to flatter me to this extent?" I ask, breathing in his familiar scent that reminds me of home.
"I flatter you because I love you, Mari. What am I supposed to do to so that you can believe me? And ending my friendship with Solona is out of the question if that is what you are thinking… Solona, would you mind giving us some privacy?" he asks. I was not even aware she was still here and I don't even want to look in her direction because I am too angry, too hurt and I don't want her to see the extent of my feelings towards Anders.
"Later then," she says.
"No… There won't be a later today, Solona. I've done enough damage as it is and I need to fix things. You have to understand something, Solona, what you and I shared – it's over. I can't give you what you need. I love Marian and you have to accept that otherwise you are going to make yourself unhappy. You told me the other day Cullen makes you happy. That he gives you what you need, yet you are under the misconception we have a thing going. We don't. We never have. I love you, I do, but I love you as a brother loves his sister. We will always be friends, Solona. That hasn't changed," he says quietly.
"Tell me, Anders, if she didn't arrive, would there have been a chance-" she trails off.
"No, Solona, and I told you that long before she arrived… Now, if you will excuse me, I need to speak to her," he replies.
"Okay… I need to be somewhere else… The Chantry is where I will be. It's the only place I find any solace from my upcoming Harrowing. Did you hear about the dance?" she asks.
"Yes… And we are going together. Why don't you ask Cullen? It's going to be an evening of fun," he suggests.
"It's just before my Harrowing, Anders. Why would I want to go to a dance before my Harrowing?" she asks.
"Fine, suit yourself. I just thought it would be a good way to take your minds off things," he says.
"I will think about. I better go. See you later," she says and with the closing of the door, she is gone and we are finally alone.
"Are you seriously considering going back to your dorm, Mari? And what did you ask Wynne?"
"Um… She's going to find out if there is a room available to me… I don't think sharing the same room with you is a good idea, Anders. Sometimes I need space to think and I can't think around you because you distract me," I explain.
"I distract you? What about you, Mari? You don't think you distract me? Like now. The way you are looking at me," he says quietly.
"Is it really a good idea, Anders?"
"Can't we give a try at least? For a week or two and if we find we can't do our assignments, then you can move into your own room and why do you want time away from me?"
"I don't, Anders," I reply, running my fingers through my hair.
"But you-"
"I know what I said… I like being with you. You make me happy except when you insist on mentioning Solona or running off to talk to her about Maker knows what and I don't care to know either."
"She's going through—" he trails off as I gracefully remove myself from his lap, and I grab my bag.
"I don't care what she's going through, Anders. You heard what she said earlier about how I am going to hurt you. That I am no good for you. How do you think it makes me feel to know that my boyfriend is discussing me with Solona, when you more than likely know more about me then she does?"
"I never discussed anything with her… Don't you see, Mari? She said that deliberately to get a reaction out of you and she has succeeded… And why are we fighting about something so trivial?" he asks as he stands in front of me. I study his hurt expression and the pain in his eyes and I realise I am being immature. I love him. Why am I fighting with him? And I drop my bag and launch myself into his arms hard enough we stumble onto the bed. I seek out his mouth and when I find it, I press my lips against it and I demand an entrance. He shoots his arms around me and rolls with my until I am beneath me. He doesn't give me a chance to say anything and he seals his mouth over mine. I thread my fingers through his soft and silky hair. He half-moans, half-whimpers into my mouth as I relentlessly explore him. I reach between us for the belt of his pants and I pause. I am in control here and do I really want to stop after a few, heated kisses?
"Mari, please? I hate it when we fight, I really do. It is so insignificant compared to the way we feel about each other," he murmurs.
"And we shouldn't resolve our disagreements in this way, Anders…"
"And what way is that, exactly?" he asks.
"Making love, Anders. Every time we fight, we make love. What about making love when we want to establish a connection? What about making love just because…" I trail off.
"Just because, huh? Well, we aren't fighting now, Mari," he points out as he caresses my cheek.
"Anders…" I whisper, brushing his fringe back and curling my hand around the nape of his neck.
"You know we aren't," he says softly as he kisses the corner of my mouth before trailing a path of kisses along my jawline.
"But still, we shouldn't. We have already got into trouble because of what we did in the library," I remind him.
"And if I recall, we were interrupted. I don't think we are quite finished with each other just yet…" he says as he rolls with me until I straddle him. He reaches for the hem of my robes and he tugs it off.
"I really hate wearing those."
He reaches around and loosens my bra, "It's off now and so is this."
"Mmm… Obviously," I chuckle as I loosen the buttons of his shirt. I can't wait to press my hands against his chest. I hold my breath when I notice a few chest hairs peeking through and he chuckles as he rubs my arms.
"Always so soft and silky, Mari, especially when you are pressed tightly into me. I enjoy going to sleep like that. It makes me happy. Everything about you makes me happy," he says, skimming his fingers along the curve of my breasts.
"You make me happy to, Anders, except when you upset me, but I am willing to overlook that… Instead of this, why don't we rather go for a walk around the rose garden?" I ask as I gracefully slide off him. I open my drawer and I grab a blouse and my comfortable pants. I quickly pull them on before he gets any ideas and I extend my hand, "Walk with me, Andy? Please?"
"Oh, my poor wounded heart and here I thought I was in for a surprise. I guess I will have to wait for another day when my girlfriend is a bit more compliant," he jokes.
"Andy," I sigh, "I would really enjoy a walk with you. Come."
"Okay… Okay. If you insist, but do I get to hold your hand or are you still annoyed with me?" he asks.
"Oh honestly, of course you can hold my hand," I chuckle as I lace my fingers with his, "Better?" I can't resist asking and because he looks devilishly attractive with his mussed-up hair, I give him a kiss on his cheek.
"I will assume all is forgiven," he chuckles.
"For the moment…," I murmur.
-v-
We slowly stroll along the path leading around the rose garden and I take a few deep breaths of the cool, fresh air and my head clears and I realise how petty our argument was and I also realise that perhaps my handling of my cousin was out of line and I want to ask Anders, but he is busy plucking a red rose from the bed. He grins at me, but he doesn't give it to me, instead he beckons me to follow him to another bed of flowers and I grin.
"Andraste's Grace, here, Anders?"
"Yes, recently bloomed, my love and," he says as he plucks a flower and he gives it to me along with the single red rose, "Just as beautiful and intoxicating as you are."
"Here we go…again with the flattering. What is with all the flattering or are you making up for what happened today?"
"Well, when my girlfriend decides she would rather have her own room rather than accept Irving's offer of sharing a room with me, I realised I must have done something to really upset you…" he sighs, "Mari, I am truly sorry…"
"And I have forgotten about it already, Anders. Let's rather focus on us… And I am still going to befriend Solona. I am going to try damn hard to do so. I care about her, I really do."
"Do you really want to know what is bothering her, Mari?" he asks as we find a bench to sit on.
"It's her Harrowing, isn't it? And the fact that she is an orphan. An unwanted child. It's wrong and unfair," I reply.
"Exactly… And that reminds me, are you and I still going to the dance next month?" he asks.
"Who else would I go with, Anders?" I reply.
"Another yes then," he replies.
"Yes… What are we to where, though? It's not as if they have clothes or robes for that type of occasion lying around in the Circle."
"I don't think it is a formal affair and I am sure the children will be included as well. It would be unfair to leave them out otherwise. The children… I feel sorry for them. Most of them remind me of myself when I first arrived here. I was overwhelmed, scared and I was sick with fever on top of that. Not exactly pleasant."
"At least you had Wynne and Solona to help you through it all. Most of the children are too distraught. Too homesick to really care," I murmur.
"And that is why they have people like you, Solona, Wynne and me to help them through their adjustment period. It took me six months to settle down nevermind the fact I was traumatised by what happened when the Templars forcibly took me away from my Mom…"
He shudders slightly and I slip my arm around his waist, "Hey, I'm here, Andy. I'm here for you," I murmur.
"I know. I don't like thinking about it because it only serves to remind me of my deep hatred towards the Templars. Something that will more than likely cost me my life one day," he says softly.
"Don't say that… You have a good heart and a lot of love to give and I would hate it if you lose that. I would miss my healer mage," I chuckle.
"Your healer mage, huh? What about my healer mage? Who is still non-compliant," he chuckles.
"Anders, I think you are full of nonsense this evening, however, I may be more compliant much later, but for now I am happy being with you," I murmur as I place my hand on his thigh and I am delighted by the way the muscle tenses. Feeling a bit brave, I skim my hand upwards to his stomach and the muscles also tense. Smiling sweetly at him, I place my rose and flower next to him and I swing myself onto his lap.
"Now she wants to comply… Maker, help me," he murmurs. I expect him to slip his arms around me or at least place his hands on my hips, but he sits back and rests his hands on both of my thighs, "Do you know that this is a very compromising position, Mari? Do you realise that anyone, if they should walk by, will see us and do you want that after what happened in the library today?"
"Mmm… And he claims to know me so well… Just give me a chance," I reply as I tug his shirt free of his pants. I push his shirt up exposing the planes and muscles of his stomach and I press my hands against the flat of his stomach and he elicits a low sigh. I smile up at him and he rolls his eyes.
"Mari, don't tease me," he murmurs huskily.
"I am not teasing you," I whisper, curling my hand around the nape of his neck and I give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth.
"Mmm, I would say you are and I am more than willing to allow you to continue teasing me in the privacy of my… No… Our room," he says.
"Not tonight. I have studying to do and I would appreciate if you could tell me what you know about Elemental Magic…"
"Again, she disappoints me… But I will tell you what I know if you do something for me in return," he says.
"Fair enough. I won't ask what you have in mind. I think I will leave that for you to decide."
"Then you are in for a surprise, my beautiful Mari," he says softly and by the intense look in his eyes, I know exactly what he has planned for us.