"Can I have the files the boys gave you? The ones on my shooting and..Montgomery?"

"The..the files?" Castle choked out, staring at her blankly. "Beckett, I don't think that's a good idea.." In fact, he thought it was a terrible idea but he needed to break that to her carefully - straight up saying no was sure to cause fireworks.

Beckett frowned at him; she hadn't been expecting resistance. "Castle," she snapped. "They're the files from my shooting. I wasn't asking for your permission to read them, just for you to get them for me."

This had been the moment he had been dreading. He knew her, he knew her passion and her drive and how she wouldn't let this go until she either had the guy or had pushed herself too far. And the latter wasn't an option, not anymore. "Beckett," he began. "The boys have looked at the files a million times and they couldn't find a useful lead, there's nothing there for you to be able to pick up on either."

"They didn't know what they were looking for," she retorted exasperatedly. "They don't know this case like I do..like you do." She backed her last remark up with a flutter of her eyelashes which was so not her but Castle was more used to that sort of behaviour.

Oh she was good. "Flatter me all you want, I still don't think it's a good idea." That was his decision and he was sticking to it. "I don't think I need to remind you that your mother was murdered, along with her colleagues because someone didn't like what they were digging into. Montgomery got involved-"

"That was a mistake," she practically growled at him. "He was a rookie, he didn't know any better."

"I know, Kate," he shot back. "But still, Montgomery got involved and tried to stop them getting to you and so they killed him, too." Was she getting the pattern yet? "And then there was you. They've already tried to kill you, and they nearly did." He was hoping his bluntness was going to be enough to make her see sense. "I watched you pass out in my arms, Kate. I saw the light disappear from your eyes after you got shot. We both know what they're capable of, and you must know that if you keep digging then they're not going to give up until you let it go?"

Apparently he had gone too far. "Don't you dare tell me to let it go, Castle!" She shouted at him, her anger bubbling up to the surface. "I am an adult. Do I need to remind you that I'm not actually your wife?" He definitely didn't need reminding of that. "We might kiss and never talk about it but we're not married. I am a fully grown woman, one with a gun - you don't get to tell me what I can and can't do. I became a cop so that I could find the sons of bitches behind my mothers murder. And yeah, I might have killed the guy that actually stabbed her but he wasn't working alone. I want the guys that are behind it, and I'm not going to let you stop me."

Castle winced at her words; he had never before heard her speak so crassly about her mothers murder and he definitely didn't like it. "They are not going to stop, Beckett! Not until you're dead. Is that what you want?" He was getting angry now too, pleading with Kate Beckett to drop the one thing she had worked for since she was 19 years old was not easy, but he had hoped she would be a little more open to dropping it than this. Montgomery had called him to that hangar the night he died because he knew Castle was the only person who could stop Beckett. So if she wasn't going to listen to him now, how was he supposed to get her to leave it? "You might not realise it, Beckett but you have people that care for you. No, we're not married - not that I needed you to tell me that but that doesn't mean I don't care about you!" She was the most frustrating person he had ever met in his entire life. "And I'm pretty damn sure not one of them wants to see you go back down that rabbit hole, back into that darkness. I know you're used to doing everything alone and pushing people away when they get too close but you're going to have to learn to live with it." Hell would freeze over before he let those bastards take her away from him, he wasn't giving into this one without a fight.

Beckett huffed at his rant. This wasn't about people caring about her and whether or not she was used to it, it was about getting justice for her mother. Castle couldn't see this from her point of view and as angry as she was, she prayed he never had to, but she needed him to see where she was coming from on this. Sure, Ryan and Espo had looked over the files and not found anything but they weren't her. They were great detectives but she was better. It wasn't arrogance or big headedness that made her think that, it was having been on the other side of the table. Every single time she sat a family down to tell them their loved one had been murdered, it took her back to the night she and her father had been told about her mother being found in that alley. And that made her better than the rest, she had been there and that gave her the drive and the passion to strive for justice and to arrest those responsible. So she needed to look at those files, she needed to see for herself that there really were no leads, nothing for them to go on.

But for now, she had had enough of fighting with Castle over it. "I'm gonna go and get a drink," she muttered, climbing out of bed without even looking in his direction. For the first time since she had left the hospital and temporarily moved in with Castle, she wished she could go home. She needed space right now, some time away from him and she couldn't get that in his house. She busied herself in the kitchen for a few minutes making hot chocolate. She half expected him to come out and join her but by the time the milk was heated, she was still alone.

She settled on the couch with her drink, pulling a heavy blanket over herself to keep warm. This was their first proper fight. Even in her married world they rarely fought, and they'd never had one this bad - and they weren't even married, not together..just slightly more than friends. God, this was going to take some fixing. By the time she was halfway through her hot chocolate she was still alone and that was how she knew Castle was upset with her - he pushed and prodded and never gave up, so the fact that he hadn't joined her to try and talk this through was a sure fire sign that he was pissed with her.

Beckett contemplated spending the night on the couch; it was comfy and warm, after all..but Alexis was upstairs and if she came down to find Beckett on the couch, she was going to need to explain that she and Castle were fighting - and there were some things a 17 year old didn't need to be bothered with. So finishing up her drink with a sigh, Beckett rinsed the mug and left it on the draining board and made her way back through Castle's office and into his bedroom.

He was already asleep when she climbed back into bed beside him.

She was calmer when she woke the following morning in an empty bed. She could hear noise coming from the kitchen and smell freshly brewed coffee so she figured Castle was already up and making breakfast. She had gone to bed angry last night, but sleeping on it had calmed her down and she was beginning to see where Castle was coming from. She was just about to figure out how she was going to make it up to him when she was sure he was going to be mad with her still, when he entered the room holding two coffees.

"Here," he muttered, handing her the latte he had made her. He sat on the edge of the bed as she sat up, settling herself against the headboard.

"Thanks," she said, not meeting his eyes. God, this was awkward. "I uh..thought you weren't bringing me coffee anymore?" Humour. That was something she had picked up from Castle, using humour to reduce the tension in an awkward situation. She regretted it at first when his eyes widened in shock but then he half smiled at her.

"I guess I'm trying to say sorry," he admitted, eyes fixed into his mug.

"Castle, you don't need to-"

"Yeah, I do," he cut in. "I was an ass. It's your mothers murder and it's your shooting, I shouldn't be trying to stop you from looking at those files. I know you're more than capable of looking after yourself but I still worry about you."

"I know," she said softly. In reality, she thought it was sweet that he worried about her, as well as knowing how strong and independent she was. She carried a gun and this sweet, caring man still worried about her. "I didn't want to do any of this to hurt you, you know?"

"I know, Beckett," he replied.

"I just..I'm halfway there and I can't just give it all up now. I know it's scary and yeah, I'm worried about what's going to happen too but I can't just quit." She had been shot once and she wasn't naive enough to think they were just going to give up after one failed attempt, but she would be more careful now that she knew exactly what she was dealing with. "And Castle?" He looked at her, eyes filled with concern and worry and love. "I'm not going to go back down that rabbit hole again, okay?"

"You can't know that, Beckett."

For now they were just words, she knew she was going to have to prove to him that she could handle this without going in too deep but she was going to tell him anyway. "Last time..last time I was doing it alone. My dad was either drunk or looking for a drink and I didn't really have any friends. But now..now I know I can do it without getting lost in it because this time I have something worth coming back out for. I have you. And there is no way in hell I'm losing you - or Alexis - over this, okay? So that's how I know, this time it's different because the second it gets too much, I promise you I will stop."

Castle didn't say anything, he just nodded.

That would do for now. "And um..I think I need to apologise too," Beckett winced. "For what I said last night. I didn't mean to throw it in your face that we aren't actually married, and I'm sorry that I did." It had been a low blow and she was feeling extremely guilty about it now that the dust on their argument had settled. "I'm so lucky to have you, and I know that. So I really am truly sorry for throwing it all in your face when I was angry, okay?"

Castle sighed. Of all the things they had fought about last night, it had been that that had hurt him the most. But he had to remember that he knew her and he knew she was grateful for what he was doing and she had just been angry. It damn near killed him everyday living with her whilst not even being able to do anything to move towards a relationship with her and then for her to throw that comment about not really being married out had hit him right where it hurt the most. "Okay," he said finally - he could see by the fall of Beckett's face that she didn't really believe him.

She was contemplating pushing it further and making him see that she was so sorry for saying it but decided now wasn't really time. They'd just made up and she couldn't deal with another fight yet, that was something she was going to have to work on.

Castle moved back up the bed, settling himself into a similar position to Beckett instead of all the way at the end. "I'll get the files for you."

Beckett squeezed his hand. "Thank you," she whispered. "I just want to look at them, okay? I just need to see for myself that there really are no leads. I'm not about to go out all guns blazing." Castle squeezed her hand in return and she figured they were okay. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I know you well enough to figure out the combination to your safe, I could have got the files anyway." It just seemed polite to ask.

Castle wasn't about to admit that she was probably right. "So," he said. "Did we just have our first fight?"

The familiar mischievous glint in his eyes was back and Beckett couldn't help how amazing that made her feel. "Yeah, Castle," she laughed. "I guess we did."

"Does that mean we get to have make-up sex now?"

"Don't push it."

A/N: response for the last chapter was a little quiet, hope you're all still with me! I know this fic was originally about Beckett's memory but it seems to have taken its own turn now! But more chapters focusing on her memory will be coming soon, promise! Thoughts appreciated on this chapter :)