Chapter 14 Knock Some Census Into You

The next morning, Roy and Celia went back to Bowser's Castle with the picture in their possession. They recalled the events of the previous night to the rest of the Koopalings, who listened with keen interest. When the two of them had finished, the others had some of their own comments to make.

"So he just got straight up and left?" asked Larry as he stole another glance at the picture. Celia nodded her head, her brow furrowed.

"Wow," said Wendy. "That guy sounds like a real jerk."

Celia snorted. Roy recalled the harsh words she had used to describe her father the night before; "my dad was a pig."

"Oh, I don't know if I would lay down the hammer on him just yet," said Morton softly.

Everybody turned toward Morton. They all looked like they had come face to face with a three headed monster.

"What was that, big guy?" asked Roy.

"What I meant was that I don't think we should judge Singe too harshly," he said. "I mean, after all, there are two sides to every story."

Celia scoffed, louder and more brazen than she had ever done since Roy had met her.

"Two sides to every story?" she asked incredulously. "Morton, I have no idea how many times you've been hit on the head with a frying pan recently, but I've gotta tell you that I think that this story is pretty one dimensional. My dad was too much of a coward to stick around, so he left my Mom with his daughter and a big screw you."

Morton shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "I still think that there could be more to this story than meets the eye."

Iggy grabbed a hold of the picture and stared at it.

"You know what?" he said. "I think there's a possibility that I met this guy before."

Celia perked up.

"You have?" she asked.

"It's only a possibility," said Iggy. "But I do remember building a robotic limb for somebody when I was six years old. I think that person might have been Singe."

Celia gawked.

"You built a robotic limb? At six years old?" she asked. The Koopalings just laughed.

"Celia, I think you underestimate Iggy's intelligence," said Wendy.

"Yeah," said Larry. "When he was four years old, he discovered an element: galaxium."

Iggy grinned.

"The only drawback is that I didn't have as great a memory as I should before I turned eight," he said. "I think that was because I was over compartmentalizing." Iggy then took a second glance at the photo. He stroked it, as if it was a precious artifact.

"I wonder how old this is?" he said, more to himself than to the anybody else. He turned on his heel and headed straight for his lab. Curious, everyone followed. When he got to his lab, Iggy put the picture onto a table, where it was scanned by a blue light. Typing something quickly into his computer, Iggy analyzed the data that the scan produced.

"It appears that this portrait is about twenty years old," said Iggy as he turned around.

"Cool," said Roy with a little uncertainty. He looked around the group, hoping that someone else would say something and fill him in on why this discovery held such importance. When no one did, he swallowed his pride and braced for embarrassment. "Uh, what exactly does that mean?"

Ludwig flashed Roy a filthy look, and Roy was certain that he was going to insult him, or worse, shock him again. Thankfully, Iggy spoke up before that could happen.

"Well, this kingdom holds a census every four years," said Iggy. "Considering that we just had our last census two months ago, that means there was a census right around the time this photograph was taken. That means we should be able to find Singe's name and address in the records if we do some searching."

"Okay, but that still doesn't provide us with much help," said Wendy. "It could take us forever to find the census records and go through all of that information."

"That would be true," said Iggy with a grin, "if we had to search through the books. Thankfully, that won't be necessary, because over the summer I have taken the time to enter the data from the last fifty censuses into my computer. Finding the information that we need will be a breeze." While he said this, Iggy turned around and started entering some information into the search engine. Roy leaned over and whispered to Lemmy:

"Yeesh. I never thought I'd say this, but thank goodness Iggy's a nerd, am I right?" This got him a well meaning but tough elbowing by Wendy.

"Okay," Iggy said after a generous amount of searching. "It appears that twenty years ago, there were ten koopas with the first name Singe."

"Ten? Just ten? That doesn't sound so bad," said Lemmy.

"I wouldn't speak so soon," said Iggy. "Let's take a look at the last census." He typed some more information into the search engine and pulled up another page. The screen lit up like a fireworks display with highlighted names.

"Just as I thought," said Iggy. "The number has dramatically increased in that timespan of twenty years."

"How many Singes were there this time around?" asked Larry.

Iggy turned around and smiled. He let the silence hang in the air so that the suspense could build.

"Infinity," said Iggy.

Roy nearly reeled over when he heard that.

"What? Infinity?" he shouted. "How are we going to find Celia's dad if there are that many Singes lying around?"

Iggy laughed.

"I was just kidding Roy," he said. "That isn't mathematically possible. There are actually five hundred and fifty two."

Roy stopped. He didn't like being embarrassed because of mistakes like this.

"Right," he said. "I knew that."

Iggy and Ludwig nodded; Iggy still had a grin on his face while Ludwig looked a little incredulous. Roy seriously considered going into his shell so that he wouldn't be subject to embarrassment anymore.

"It's amazing, really," Iggy said. "I have done research on the name a few years ago as part of a little project of mine. Half a century ago it was just a synonym for burn and was not used as a name for koopas at all. Now, if you were to look at a modern day graph, you would see that there was a major elevation in the use of.."

"Uh, no offense Iggy, but we don't really care about that," Wendy said.

"Yeah, all that I am interested in at the moment is finding my dad," said Celia. "Can you do a run through of the censuses and see which Singes show up in both of them?"

Iggy's mouth curled and his eyes drooped into an expression of disappointment. He reluctantly turned back toward his computer and input some more data into the search engine. Roy felt sorry for Iggy, but only a little; Iggy's rants about subjects could be insanity inducing. Iggy sat in front of the computer for a moment or two before he turned around, a completely new list occupying the shining screen.

"Alright," he said a little indifferently, "I've compiled the list and can print it out for you. There are some interesting names on it: Dullblade, Blueybakedalaska, Potatoes…"

"Are there exactly ten?" Celia asked.

"No, they're are eight," said Iggy. "One of them, Smartalecklee, has passed away in the fall of last year. And another one, Marksmite, didn't show up in the census at all. No death records, no records of change of residence, nothing. He seems to have gone off the grid. If you like, I can give you the address belonging to their relatives."

Celia nodded and shrugged.

"Yeah, I don't see why not," she said. Iggy copied the names onto a document and sent that document to his printer. Roy glanced at Celia.

"Sooo...are we just gonna go from door to door of these different people?" he asked.

"Yeah," Celia said. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No, I just thought you had a different plan, that's all," Roy said.

Celia raised an eyebrow.

"And what plan do you think that would be?" she asked.

Roy shrugged. He hadn't taken the time to think about it.

"I don't know," he said. "Do I look like the person who comes up with plans around here?"

Celia smiled slightly at this remark, and Lemmy started jumping up and down.

"Ooh, I know what you guys can do!" he said. "Why don't you send these guys emails?"

Celia looked from Lemmy to the computer and snorted.

"Yeah, I'm sure that would work," she said sarcastically. "'Attention Singes, my name is Celia and there is a possibility that one of you is my father. Please meet me in a dark alleyway so that I may proceed with beating the living daylights out of you. PS thanks for abandoning me.' I mean, who would respond to that?"

"I don't know," said Larry with a grin on his face. "I think there might be one or two street fighters who would respond to that email."

"Or professional wrestlers," Ludwig said in a caustic tone. Wendy and Lemmy stifled back laughter as Iggy went to his printer and handed the list to Celia.

"Here you go," said Iggy. "Are you sure that you want to go through this plan? After all, interrupting someone's private life to beat them up seems a bit intrusive."

Celia wasn't listening; she was too busy examining the list. If she had been listening, she would have agreed with Iggy; however, her anger was still present. Part of her didn't want it; she hated how it was burrowing into her. It was like a parasitic worm that existed on a diet of everything positive in her life. Part of her believed that doing this to her father would relieve her of the burden, even though morally she knew that it was far from right.

"Hmm," she said with her eyes on the list. "The Marksmites appear to have the closest address. So it looks we'll be visiting them first." She folded the list up and put it in her pocket. "You ready to head out, Roy?"

Roy stumbled in shock.

"What? You want to go now?" he asked in a loud tone. Celia gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah," she said. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Well," Roy began, and was cut off by the rumbling of his stomach. "I was wondering if we could get some breakfast first?"

Celia glanced at the Koopalings, who shrugged and gave her smiles. She sighed.

"Fine," she said. Roy breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good," he said. "I know the perfect place where we can eat, too."

Celia nodded her head, her mouth in a thin, curved line. Not wanting to waste anymore time, she headed toward the door of the lab and climbed up the stairs. When she reached the top, she turned around and gave a smile to the Koopalings.

"Bye you guys," she said. "It was nice going on an adventure with you."

"Yeah," said Lemmy. "It sure was fun."

"We're going to miss you," said Wendy.

"We sure will," said Roy as he stared dreamily at Celia up on the steps. The Koopalings exchanged looks with one another and Ludwig rolled his eyes.

"Uh, Roy," said Iggy while he put his hand on Roy's shoulder, "you're going with her."

"Oh," said Roy. "Right." Roy joined Celia at the top of the stairs.

"Okay," he said with an embarrassed smile. "Well, I'll see you guys later." With that, Celia and Roy headed out.