Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency.

Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content.

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Chapter 14

Stephanie stared at the laptop in front of her with more than a little dread. She didn't want to live that day again. She didn't want to watch Ram get shot, she didn't want to watch herself go crazy. She didn't know if she could watch all of that.

If only she could convince herself to wait until Ram woke up. The niggling feeling was driving her insane though. She had a lot of questions, but she needed to know why he stepped in front of her first. If she didn't watch, would she always wonder?

"He respects my skills," she muttered to herself. "He does."

As much as she didn't want to let it, doubt had slowly been creeping in the last couple of days. First it had started with the fact that they hadn't really finished their conversation. In fact, one of the last things he had said was, 'We have a lot of things working against us if we decide to take our relationship further.'

Yeah ok, so he had followed that with one of his 'partner' reassurances, but he always did that. She wanted to believe, but he hadn't been lying about the problems. If he came out of that coma paralyzed, she wasn't sure it'd be something they could overcome on top of everything else. The odds of a stable couple making it after that would be low, let alone a relationship that hadn't even really gotten off the ground.

Love didn't mean everything was going to work after all. Her only hope, if the worst happened with his recovery, was that he would somehow rise above that whole self sacrificing crap. Then she remembered he was of the alpha male tribe and snorted.

Shaking her head, blinking away the tears that had formed, she growled at herself. There was no point in this. Until he woke up and they had a better idea where things were at, then she was just going to have to hope and pray and live like things would work out.

Too bad all of her years vacationing in Denial Land weren't really helping this time. Maybe it was because she was slapped with reality every time she stepped into his room or saw the ever deepening lines on his parents' faces.

Chewing her lip absently, she focused on the laptop again. The worry that he had stepped in front of her in order to protect her from Klein was eating at her. If he had done that as some kind of protective thing, she didn't know what she was going to do. It would seriously undermine her confidence and trust.

Probably she was making too big of a deal about this, but she couldn't help it. Anyone else and she would have yelled at them and been secretly hurt. Ram though … he kept saying that he was proud to be her partner and telling her how well she had been doing. Growing up with her mother had taught her to pay more attention to what people did, not what they said.

Just watch the video Stephanie and then maybe you'll know for sure one way or another. Staring at a blank screen isn't going to give you any answers. You know that you'll always wonder now, even if Ram wakes up and has an explanation.

No one had wanted her to watch the video alone. She was a little nervous about that now. When Nathan had overheard her talking about it with Cal earlier she had expected his offer, but when every single Merry Man offered, strongly, to sit with her, nerves skittered up her spine. Nathan was just being nice – ok and a little nosy – but the guys knew her well enough to know that she liked to handle this kind of thing alone. She didn't even want to think about the fact that they had all probably seen this.

Sitting back down and wondering when the hell she had stood up and started pacing in front of the laptop like a lion at the zoo, she resolutely reached out and pushed the button to turn it on.

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Ok, that first and second time watching it was pretty pointless. The first time she had been reliving it, adding smells and sounds and tactile sensations to everything she saw. That was the only time she managed to watch it until video Steph left the parking lot. She didn't think she'd ever get the image of herself soaked and smeared with Ram's blood, standing over Klein and struggling not to shoot him, out of her mind. She looked insane.

Her second run through started out better. She had even given herself a pep talk. She had assumed that now that she had watched it once, she'd be able to focus on details. Yeah, not so much. On the other hand, she did make it through without feeling like she was going to pass out. So it was an improvement.

Finally she had fast forwarded it to the point where Klein stepped back from her and instead of watching everything; she kept her eyes on Ram. It made it easier, at least up until the point where she saw his face contort a little and he slid to the ground, revealing Klein's shocked face. She had to pause it occasionally, her breathing too fast and her head swimming a little, but repeated exposure helped. A little.

Half an hour later, she was running it for what felt like the five millionth time and saw it. Grabbing the phone, she dialed excitedly.

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Sitting in Ram's room, three hours later, Stephanie flipped through his hospital chart and kind of wanted to throw it across the room. She had even braved staying during Judy's visit hoping that inspiration would strike.

He had seen something. His eyes had widened. He had stepped in front of her for a specific reason. She didn't care if the guys didn't believe her, she knew it was true. Maybe it was small of her, in the grand scheme of things, but the relief that he had simply seen something she hadn't settled a lot of the nervous twining in her stomach.

Now if she could just figure out what he saw.

Nibbling on her nail, she didn't notice Judy watching her with a sad expression. The anger and fear that had consumed her the first day had faded as her son stabilized. When they had reached Anthony's home that first night, she had been greeted by Ella, a small Hispanic woman with kind eyes.

Ella had fed them and worked with them to make sure everyone had somewhere to sleep. Cal, of the flaming skull tattoo that still made her shiver a little, had very kindly explained that the SUV they were in would be theirs to use for the duration of their stay and that he had programmed the GPS so they could get between the house and hospital easily.

Shame had filled her as she listened to these people help her family on orders of the woman she had attacked a few hours ago. Yes she had apologized, but she had seen Stephanie's eyes. The woman didn't believe her at all and probably assumed she was just saying it to keep the peace. And maybe she had been, a little.

Over and over in the past few days Stephanie had impressed her. She rarely left Anthony's side and Judy hadn't been oblivious to the fact that it was usually when she came to sit with him. Her sons enjoyed her company and her husband liked her. The men they worked with held them both in high esteem, but the way they spoke of Stephanie was startling at first. She had seen her stand up to one of the biggest men Judy had ever seen in the waiting room the first day, but she had thought that was an aberration.

Hal and Binkie, between them the shyest and sweetest of the guy's she'd met so far, tried to explain it but kept getting twisted up. As they were trying to explain, Cal had come to the door to give Hal his break and overheard. His answer was simple and to the point.

'Stephanie accepts us for what we are and still believes in us. She makes us want to be better men.'

Her mother was a piece of work. Judy hadn't been in the waiting room when Helen Plum had stormed down the hall, but Henry had been. His shock and horror at how her own mother treated her made Judy squirm in guilt as she remembered her own behavior.

All of those things convinced her that she had misjudged this young woman. The fact that she avoided Judy instead of forcing a confrontation, something Judy knew from watching that Stephanie didn't shy away from, showed that she cared more about Anthony than how his family might perceive her.

The few instances when she had managed to see Stephanie touching or talking to Anthony when she didn't think anyone else was around made her heart hurt. She had to find a way to mend this breach, because based on what her oldest son was telling her, Anthony felt the same way about her. She still didn't understand why he hadn't told her about it, but had decided that her hurt feelings weren't important right now, fixing this was.

Stephanie seemed agitated, flipping through Anthony's chart like she was looking for something. Judy hadn't said anything to her yet, not wanting it to sound as if Stephanie was overstepping, but she really wanted to know what she was looking for.

Looking up from her magazine when Stephanie blew out a breath, she smiled at her. Noticing the red eyes and drawn expression, a fist squeezed her heart and her smile dropped to be replaced with a look of concern and fear as her eyes went back to the chart.

"Is there something wrong? Something they wrote in the chart?"

Stephanie flushed and her eyes slid away from Judy's. "No, it's nothing like that at all. I'm trying to figure something out and I was hoping that inspiration would strike. It's just that I don't understand anything written in here, not that I can read most of it. I think if my handwriting was this bad I'd just give up and walk around with a keyboard."

Relief flooded her system and Judy's smile returned. "Well, maybe I can help? I'm a pretty good listener, not that I've shown you that side of myself yet." She wasn't surprised when Stephanie started to refuse, but then her mouth clamped shut and she glanced at Ram.

"They act like that because they care. Damnit Ram. I hate you sometimes you know, you're making it very hard for me to be childish and hold grudges. You better not tell me to forgive Tank and Lester and Bobby when you wake up or I'm going to withhold sex."

Judy choked on a laugh, realizing that Stephanie had been talking to herself. She had heard of her habit of accidentally talking out loud, but it was different to actually experience it. Watching a red flush stain Stephanie's face, she waved it off with a smile.

"I'm assuming he's the one who keeps repeating that people sometimes act in ways you don't like because they care," she said wistfully. At Stephanie's nod, Judy smiled faintly, her eyes far away. "That's something my father used to tell him."

Seeing that Stephanie was uncomfortable, Judy steered the conversation away from emotions. "So you're looking for inspiration?"

Biting her lip, Stephanie glanced back down at the chart. Judy had been pretty sensitive about the shooting, but if she rejected this offer of help would it undo the tiny steps they had been making? Emotions were crap.

"I'm trying to figure out why he pushed me down at the scene," she finally admitted.

"You don't think he was trying to protect you?" Judy asked, surprised.

Stephanie's head tilted back and forth like a metronome. "Yes and no. I think he saw something that I didn't. I just can't figure out what it was." Her voice got far away as she ran the scene through her mind again. "When you're in a situation like that, training is supposed to overcome emotion. Ram broke too many rules when he did that for me to think he wasn't responding to something else."

Judy was quiet, watching her work it through.

"I watched the video today. I saw his eyes, he saw something. Not that the guys believe me, but …"

"So you think there was an additional threat that you couldn't see? What would he have stood in front of you for?"

Stephanie hummed and smiled at Judy. "Good question. Not a bomb or anything like that. I didn't see anyone else in the parking lot that day and I ran the video enough times to know that if someone else was there they were a ninja. So what … wait …"

Digging quickly through the chart, she flipped to the back, bypassing the EMT reports and patient history. There was a drawing here somewhere.

Sitting back in the chair and staring at the drawing representing his injuries, Stephanie focused on where he had been shot. What was she seeing?

Absently picking up her phone while she tried to figure out what was bothering her about this drawing, she dialed by touch.

"Hey Junior, can I talk to Bobby?"

"I don't know why I didn't call his cell phone; my fingers did it without asking me. Is he around or not Junior?" she asked, irritated.

Glaring at the phone, she growled and redialed, this time tapping out the number for Bobby's cell.

"Bobby, I think I have something, but I don't understand what I have," Stephanie said earnestly, completely serious and oblivious to Judy's snorts of laughter.

"I told you guys earlier that Ram saw something and then I was talking to Judy," she paused and her eyes flicked to Judy guiltily as she flushed. Judy didn't have to be a mind-reader to know why. "Shut up. So we were talking and she asked me what Ram would step in front of me for, which really, rules out a lot of stuff. But then I remembered something in his chart, there's a little drawing of a man, front and back and they use it to mark all the spots you're hurt, you know? Ok, so the answer is on this page. I just don't know what it is yet."

Rolling her eyes, Stephanie's voice was exasperated. "I just said I don't know what it is. I don't understand enough of what's written here to know what it is, but it had to have been something someone mentioned to me at some point. If I send you a picture of this can you translate it for me?"

Taking an extra picture of the text that looked like it kind of explained the picture, she emailed it to Bobby and waited for him to receive it. The silence was tense, Stephanie still annoyed with how her information about Ram seeing something had been received. They were convinced she was seeing something. The subtext that she needed to give Ram an excuse for protecting her was pissing her off.

Eyes falling on Ram, she smiled softly as Bobby began translating his injuries. They'd find out tomorrow if he could start coming out of the coma. The hope was that he'd begin to rise out of it right away, even though they'd need to keep him intubated until they were sure his lungs were functioning correctly.

"Wait, what was that? What's that mean in regular people terms?"

She frowned, her forehead crinkling up as she stood up and acted it out a little. Holding her other hand in the air she tilted it until she had the degree mostly right and stared at it.

"That can't be right Bobby."

"Bomber, I'm just translating what's written here, 'in regular people terms'. The bullet entered from the front, traveled at an approximately 150 degree angle from front to back, and it was farther from his shoulder when it exited, after first breaking his collarbone and pushing three shards of it towards his spine."

"I don't care that it's just what you're reading, that can't be right. Klein was a little shorter than Ram, there's no way the bullet track should be angled down at all. And he was standing directly in front of us, not off to the side. But …" her voice trailed off, seeing Ram push her down to chest level again.

"He saw someone else with a gun. That's why he didn't just dump me on my ass on the ground; he was trying to cover me as much as possible. Shit that means Klein didn't shoot him, someone else did."

Looking around like she'd see the shooter coming towards her now that she figured it out, Stephanie's eyes fell on Judy and she grimaced a little. How would she react now that Stephanie had just proven that her son hadn't been injured in a normal way? Ok, so being shot wasn't normal, but at least they could point to their job and say it could happen. Judy's face was blank and watchful, so she couldn't even get a read on her.

"Bobby, you guys told me that there wasn't any specific threat. I think unless you can tell me that Ram has been hiding things from me that we're going to need to talk about that again. I want to know exactly what Batman told you."

Stephanie was trying to let go of her anger, but his weak protestations pissed her off. "Oh stop sputtering. Just stop lying to me. Tank is told months ago, based on how long we've been fighting about my privacy, that there is some kind of threat against me. Months pass and you still have no idea who or what it is, but I still have my detail. You refuse to tell me anything when I ask and all three of you have been treating me differently, don't think I didn't connect those dots. There is only one person in the world who could order all of that and you guys would follow it without arguing. Ranger."

"Steph …"

"Don't. Don't say anything if you're going to lie to me. I know you're following orders, I do and I'm trying to avoid thinking about how much of this screwed up situation could have been avoided if you'd just …" She swallowed hard, her eyes tracing Ram's face. "Just be happy that I recognize that nothing would have been different if Ram and I knew. Maybe we would have been more alert, but we'd have done the same things we did on Monday."

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "None of us liked it, any of it."

"What I don't get is why Ranger would order that. He's never lied to me and telling you guys to lie to me amounts to the same thing." Stephanie was hurt and feeling more than a little betrayed. She had thought she could always count on Batman to tell it to her straight, even if she didn't like it. Well, when she could get him to use more than one word anyway.

"I'll talk to Tank and we'll set something up, explain everything, ok?"

"I want Ram there," she stated emphatically.

Bobby winced. "I don't know if that's a good idea Steph."

"I don't really care. Ram will be there if he is physically able to participate. Whatever you're holding back affects him and he deserves the chance to ask his own questions. You don't seriously think that I'm not going to tell him everything anyway do you?" she scoffed loudly.

"Alright Bomber, I'll tell Tank that too," he said quietly. That conversation wasn't going to go well, but maybe if Ram was there he could hold her back when she found out what else Ranger said. "Hey, Lester really misses you."

"I'm not ready to talk to Lester yet Bobby. I don't know when I will be. I need to go."

Hanging up the phone, Stephanie took a deep breath and faced Judy, prepared for her to start yelling again. Maybe she could maneuver her out of the room so they didn't fight in here?

"Oh Stephanie, I'm not going to blame you. I told you I was wrong before. I don't blame you for doubting me though. My son lives a dangerous life, this could have happened with or without you nearby. I will say though, that I think he'll live a happier life if you are nearby."

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Tracing her fingers up Ram's muscular arm, Stephanie was talking to him softly about random things, more to break the silence than to share anything.

Chest suddenly tight, she dropped her forehead to the bed as her fingers curled around his arm. "Oh God Tony, I'm scared. What if tomorrow they tell us you're not ready? What if you're never ready?"

"I've been trying to be strong, like I know you'd want, but I'm so fucking scared," she admitted as tears ran down onto the bed, soaking the sheet.

"I don't know when I've ever felt so alone and I'm surrounded by people. I'm constantly switching between this insane optimism and being so angry that I can barely see. The anger, I get that. I know how to deal with anger. I wouldn't be surprised if the clerks at the Tasty Pastry or Pete at Pino's can tell exactly how angry I am based on how much food I'm going through."

Turning her head to one side so she could look towards his face, she sighed. "I don't even enjoy it most of the time. The guys are worried because apparently I'm not moaning. Which sounds really bad, but I know you know what they mean. Lula almost had a heart attack and insisted she taste my food to make sure that it wasn't tainted. I think she just wanted my breadsticks."

"This optimism though," she said, enjoying the feel of his warm skin under her fingertips, "I don't even know where to start with that. I'm not optimistic Tony. Unless we're talking about getting skips or something, but even then I'm pretty sure most people would call that stubbornness. This is like 'I know everything is going to be ok'. What the hell?"

"It's insidious, that optimism. I tell myself that I have to be realistic. That all sorts of things could still go wrong. Hell I even remind myself all the time that we have a very important unfinished conversation. And yet the next time I turn around, I'm back to feeling like everything will work out. I'm not sure I like it. I'm much more comfortable from the pessimistic side of this equation, that way things are happy surprises."

Whoosh, thump, whoosh.

"It will be different not to have that sound anymore. I thought it was creepy at first, but now it's soothing." Her breath hitched as she tried to calm down.

"You're going to be ok, right? They're going to do your scan tomorrow and say that the swelling is down and your spine looks fine and they're going to let you wake up. And you're going to wake up, you're not going to lie around and make me worry, right? Bobby keeps trying to tell me that when you lose a lot of blood that sometimes … but you're not going to do that, right? Because I know you don't want to worry your family. You're too good to do that.

"You have no idea how many times I've wished we could just go back to that morning. Instead of you being so noble, I'd have rolled you over and pinned you down and we'd have spent the entire day naked in your bed, conversation be damned. Who says we couldn't have had the conversation naked? Are there rules? I'm pretty sure I could have convinced you not to go to work if you hadn't almost made me black out.

"Now everything is going to be different. For one thing, we're going to be in a fishbowl at work. My inability to hide how I feel about you has made that clear. Which sucks, because as much as I love the guys, even if I am still pissed at them, I'd rather have a relationship that isn't part of the Burg's network or break room conversation.

"All of this waiting around is really trying my patience you know. We both know that patience is not one of my virtues."

Standing up she wiped her face and then dug around in her bag for a second. "I'll be right back; I need to go change into my jammies. And no, I'm not doing it in front of you. If you want to watch, you're just going to have to wake up and open your eyes."

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The following morning was tense. Stephanie and the Ramsey family watched anxiously as he was wheeled away to get his new MRI and CT scans. Bobby had come early, bringing coffee and donuts, which Stephanie had made a considerable dent in.

Knee jerking up and down, she didn't look over when someone sat next to her in the waiting room. She really wasn't in the mood for conversation. Staring straight ahead, she did her best to empty her mind. When someone sat on the other side of her too, taking her hand in theirs, she growled a little and looked over.

Hector narrowed his eyes at her, hand firmly gripping hers. Turning to the other side, she saw Lester, still looking miserable, but determined. Watching him for a second, she realized that he wasn't here to apologize or talk, he just wanted to support her.

Eyes filling with tears, she leaned against his shoulder, trying to keep it together.

They spent the next three hours in silence, Lester's arm wrapped around her and hugging her close while Hector held her hand, tethering her to reality.

When they saw Ram's doctor walking towards the waiting room, they all sat up straight. He stopped in front of Henry and Judy and said something in a low voice before gesturing to a small room nearby.

Stephanie's heart stopped, her nails digging into Hector's hand and Lester's thigh.

"Breathe," Hector ordered softly.

Stephanie watched with her heart in her throat as the Ramseys started walking towards the little room. Judy suddenly stopped and looked back at her.

"Stephanie, you are coming aren't you?"

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Next up – The answer to the question, "Will he be ok?"