Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who is still reading.
"Happy twenty first birthday." I said, holding my wine glass high as I winked at Malachite, despite my reservations about this day I wanted him to feel special.
He chuckled as he chinked his glass to mine.
"Thanks for that." He said.
"Well this is a landmark." I said, placing my glass back on the table and I began to run my finger around the rim. "I just wish Tobias was here to celebrate with us."
"He was sent on a mission." Malachite said with a shrug. "Anyway, it's nice that it's just us two, the only warm people in Volterra."
"Shhh." I said with giggle, the wine starting to go to my head. You don't want the humans to hear.
I know, but we can talk without them hearing. Malachite pointed out.
Yeah but they'll get suspicious because your not so good at hiding the conversation from your face. I pointed out.
He looked confused for a moment then shrugged.
"So what shall we talk about great master?" He asked, with a little sarcastic edge to his voice.
"Did you read that book I gave you?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said, rolling his eyes.
"What did you think of it?"
"It wasn't that good. In fact it was boring in parts, I thought I'd fall asleep." He said, his voice dispassionate.
I snorted.
"Typical boy." I remarked.
"That's man now." Malachite said and winked.
"Of course." I said, and tapped his hand. "Typical man."
Malachite sniggered as we placed our glasses down and picked up our forks.
"This sure looks delicious." I said, spearing some ravioli. "That's one of the things I hate about Tobias being away, the food up there goes down hill."
Malachite mumbled something under his breath that sounded a lot like, "It's about the only thing I hate about Tobias going away." But I wasn't sure and I didn't want to accuse him of anything since we were here to celebrate his birthday so I put it away to think about later.
"Is the fish good?" I asked.
"Very." He replied, after swallowing a mouthful. "Here," He added, putting a large helping onto his fork. "Try some."
He put his arm across the table and held the fork in front of my mouth. The fish smelt good and I reached out for the fork, holding it steady while I ate the piece of fish. I nodded my head, chewing as the flavours exploded in my mouth.
"Yeah. Very nice." I said.
"So how's the ravioli?" Malachite asked.
"Good too."
"Can I try some?" He asked.
"Sure." I said, moving my plate closer to him.
He looked at me expectantly for a moment, but then sighed and picked up some with his own fork. He placed it in his mouth and nodded his head.
"Very nice." He declared.
"Good." I said, smiling back and continued to eat my food.
We were silent for a long while, but after a while I noticed that Malachite wasn't eating, he was just watching me instead.
Is something wrong? I asked.
Malachite shook his head.
Then why aren't you eating, you know you need to eat human food as well, and this is really expensive human food.
"Yeah." He sighed and started eating the fish slowly.
I frowned at him for a moment then went back to eating my food.
I had two glass of the wine, Malachite would have had the rest of the two bottles had I allowed him but I was worried how this would affect him. But it was his 'twenty first' birthday and if he wanted to get drunk at least once in his life it should be this day. As long as I got him home ok I didn't think the drink would harm him and anyway, he seemed to be handling it better than I ever could.
Not that I had much experience beyond that ill-fated date, and even though Marlin and I had decided I'd been under some sort of spell, the experience had made me wary of alcohol. I hadn't touched it since and only had two glasses tonight for Malachite's sake.
As he was filling his fourth glass and looking, well and truly sloshed I thought it was best to cut him off. I pulled the bottle out of his reach and motioned over the waiter.
"Drink the rest of this if you want." I said in Italian. "My friend has had enough."
The waiter nodded and took the bottle away.
Malachite was grinning at me over his chocolate pudding and I smiled back as I tucked into my tiramisu.
"Can I try some?" Malachite asked.
"Sure." I said, directing the bowl at him.
He reached his spoon across but didn't seem to have the hand-eye coordination for the job.
I rolled my own eyes and broke off a piece with my spoon and held it out for him. Malachite placed his hand around mine as he moved his mouth closer to my spoon, his tongue whipping out to taste the coffee-rum pudding before he closed his mouth over the spoon. He melted into the taste with a delightful him.
He licked his lips as he pulled away and I couldn't help observing him with a sceptical frown.
"I should have chose that." He declared with his eyes closed.
"Well you would go for the chocolate." I teased, although I was starting to feel a little uneasy about teasing him.
Malachite opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Remind me to go for the tiramisu next time." He said.
"I will." I promised as I finished off my desert.
"Or maybe we could get the share-size one to save money." He remarked.
"This was the share size one." I stated, pushing my empty bowl to the centre of the table.
Malachite gave me a questioning look.
"Come on Mal." I said, feeling my cheeks burn. "You must know how big my appetite is by now?"
"Didn't realise to what extent." He observed.
"I eat a lot. Fast metabolism. Part of being a Quileute." I declared with confidence.
"I wish I could enjoy food as much as you." He said sadly.
"You will one day." I promised. "My mom, she eats like a horse. She puts my dad to shame."
"Do you think I'll get to meet them one day?" Malachite asked solemnly.
I was shocked for a moment; Malachite had never asked me such a direct question about my family before. I felt touched by it, that he considered me worthy enough to want to meet my family.
"Of course." I said. "You're my little Mal, of course I want you to meet Nessie and Jake. Nessie just loves meeting other half bloods. You should go check them out if…"
"I'm not gonna leave you." Malachite said, placing his hand on mine. "That world out there is big and scary and I don't want to navigate it without my Essie."
I smiled and stroked his hand back.
"I'm glad you feel that way, but you'll have to work for Aro if you wish to stay." I pointed out.
"I'll do it if you want me to." He declared.
"Thanks Mal." I said with a smile. "But I don't want you to make this decision on a whim. You have to think long and hard about this."
"I have." He said, catching my eyes and holding them. "I have thought about this and the thing I want most is to stay with you."
"I want you to stay too. But that's selfish Essie. I want you to stay, but you need to get as far away from this place as possible. If you want to be happy you'll choose to go." I said in all seriousness.
"But you make me happy." He said, brushing my cheek. "You protected me and you love me, why would I want to be anywhere else?"
"You really need to think about this Mal. I've got no choice but to do dark deeds for Aro lest he hurts my family. You can leave if you want. If I had that choice I would."
"You're the only one to love me other than my parents and they're dead. I've got nobody out there who understands me. You do, and I can endure Aro's darkness to know that." He said softly with nothing but sincerity.
I smiled at Mal then patted his hand.
"You're drunk my boy. Think on it some more before you sign away your life to Aro." I counselled.
"As long as you're still here this place isn't completely dark." Malachite observed.
"That's nice of you to say, but you need to get out there and live your life." I stated.
"I can live my life here." He countered with a little aggression in his voice.
"What about… You have an adult body so you must think about…about sex." I said, feeling a little embarrassed.
"I do. But I have ways of dealing with that." He said as his cheeks turned scarlet.
"But you're gonna want to involve someone else in time and I doubt there's anyone in Volterra who fits the bill." I said with a snort, it was hard to imagine Malachite liking any of the vampires.
"There's potential there." Malachite said softly.
"I'll have to take your word for that." I said dryly. "Shall we head back?"
I settled the bill and we left the restaurant.
I was feeling a little lightheaded thanks to my two glass of wine, but not as woozy as Malachite appeared to be. He was swaying slightly as I supported him home. We were swaying a lot and he looked as if he was about to throw up so I thought it was better if we had a rest. We had reached the big fountain in the middle of the plaza and so I guided him down onto the flat stone and sat beside him so that we could rest a while.
"This is why you shouldn't drink so much." I teased, rubbing his back as he sat with his head dangling between his knees.
"I'm not drunk." He whispered.
"Sure kid." I said with a chuckle. "Don't worry, everyone does this at least once in their life, the trick is to learn from this experience."
"I'm not drunk." He said, sitting up and smiling at me. "I'm just making my mind up."
"You're mind up about what?" I asked with a frown.
"This and that." He said with a frown. "Just wondering what my age really is."
"Why?" I asked with a frown.
"I have reasons." He said. "God! It's so bad having these urges and convention says I'm too young. Yes I've only been on this planet for seven years, but look at this body. Does it look too young to you?"
"Too young for what?" I asked, although I suddenly had the feeling that we were revisiting our conversation from earlier.
"You know." He said, giving me expressive eyebrows.
"Well, if you're talking about you know…really Mal, I had no idea you had anyone in mind for 'you know'. Call me unobservant or whatever, but I haven't thought about you having those sort of feelings for anyone you know." I said, tripping over my words.
Malachite looked at me in all seriousness as he asked, "Why not?"
"I just haven't. But if there is some girl you like, then maybe you should let her know, although you should probably tell her a little more about yourself before you do." I advised, thinking how pissed, never mind freaked out I'd feel if it turned out some guy I liked was a lot younger than he looked.
"So if she knows all about me being seven but looking twenty one and treats me like an adult rather than a kid I should just go ahead and act?" He asked.
I shrugged, how should I know?
He was silent for a moment, but then he nodded his head with a smile.
"Ok." He said.
Before I knew what was what he'd placed his hands on my shoulders and his lips to mine, and not in a platonic way either. I gasped and pushed him from me, shooting to my feet.
"What the hell!" I gasped, "What did you do that for?"
"I was letting you know." Malachite mumbled as he looked down, his cheeks bright crimson.
"What?" I gasped. "No. This is just wrong on so many levels."
"Why?" He demanded.
"For a start you're only seven." I yelled.
"I'm twenty one." He growled.
"To me you're seven and even when I think of you as twenty one I don't think of you as…no…" I shook my head. "I think of you like a brother, a son even, but not…" I shook my head again. "I couldn't think of you in that way even if I was inclined to anyway."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm imprinted to Tobias and no other man will do for me. It's Tobias or nothing, my lover 'til the end." I said firmly.
"Tobias!" Malachite snapped, shooting to his feet. "Always Tobias. How can you stand his cold? How can you trust him when he lied to my parents and got them killed?"
"You're parents were as good as dead anyway. All your father had to do was let Aro read his mind, but no, he wanted to keep your gift to himself, and be damned the consequences, even if it meant you died. He was willing to risk your life to keep your gift secret. That's why your parents died." I growled angrily, not thinking about what I was saying at all.
"No." Malachite gasped, tears in his eyes and I remembered in that moment he was still just a seven-year-old boy. "No."
"Just forget I said that." I said, patting his shoulder. "It was a load of BS."
Malachite glared at me, "Whether it's true or not you did it to hurt me." He hissed.
"And you hurt me." I countered.
"How?" He demanded.
"By saying nasty things about Tobias. If there's any monster in our relationship it's me. At least Tobias doesn't deliberately lead the lambs to the slaughter." I stated.
"What? But you don't do that." Malachite gasped as he took my hand and lifted my chin up with the other. "You do the best you can to save people."
"I betrayed my own." I said in a harsh whisper. "I unleashed the wolf in Carita and led the Hunters to her pack."
"But wasn't she a Child of the Moon. She's not your own. You're not a werewolf. You told me that. You're a Quileute shapeshifter and you're a protector. Not some poor deranged creature that's controlled by the moon."
"They're still wolves and I wish I could help them somehow. I wish I could help them overcome the wolf and take control." I said a little more aggressively than I'd intended.
"If anyone can figure it out you can." He remarked and I looked up into his eyes.
"I doubt that." I said.
"Really?" Malachite asked.
I nodded my head, feeling a little hazy again; the heat of his body nearby seemed to be stirring up the feel of the alcohol once more.
"You don't realise how special you are." He whispered, and he brushed his hand against my cheek before he kissed me again.
I shot away from him, turning my back.
"I think you'd better sleep the drink off and we'll talk in the morning when you have a clear head. I'm going back to the castle but you can do whatever." I declared and began walking back to the castle.
But suddenly my limbs felt too heavy, I couldn't move forward as I rose slightly from the floor and began to rotate back toward Malachite. He dropped his hand and glared at me.
I glared back as I gathered a telepathic bubble around me.
"YOU WILL RELEASE ME AND NEVER USE YOUR POWERS ON ME AGAIN!" I declared.
I felt the pressure release from my muscles and I prepared my body so I didn't land too hard when I fell the few feet back to the floor.
Malachite frowned at me until beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.
"It won't work." I said softly.
"Why?"
"Because I told you not to." I stated, my voice surprisingly cold.
He frowned.
"I have powers you can't even begin to imagine little boy." I hissed. "If you really want to play who has the best mind gifts that's entirely up to you, but it's something I really can't be bothered with. So I suggest you go sleep off the wine and we'll talk in the morning.
"Goodnight Malachite."
I didn't wait for his response before I turned and headed back to the castle. I figured he'd want his space right now. I made my way back to the chamber in almost a dream like state as I bolted the door and got ready for bed.
I went to sleep, but my dreams haunted me, Malachite's image merging with that of Darius, it wasn't right. Malachite wasn't like Darius, he was just a little confused and I was sure I could straighten out our differences after we both had a good nights sleep. That thought was enough to carry me through the night and I felt refreshed enough by the next day.
I got up and showered and dressed. I ate a breakfast of cereal wondering when Tobias would be back and I could have something better. It was as I was washing my bowl that I remembered the events of the night before.
God! How could I have been so tactless? Malachite had been acting out of misplaced desire yes, but I was the adult in that situation and I acted so irresponsibly.
I forgot the dishes and rushed to Malachite's room. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I opened the door and felt the sick lurch in my stomach to find that it was devoid of anything that hinted to the room belonging to someone.
I moved quickly up to the Audience Chamber. Santiago and Barry were on door duty as usual.
"Is Aro available?" I asked.
"Yes. But you may wish to avoid him this morning." Santiago advised.
"Just let me through." I said.
Santiago and Barry exchanged looks and shrugged; they opened the doors for me.
"Where's Mal?" I demanded as I stormed into the hall.
"You tell me." Aro hissed. "He came to me last night stating that he was of age now and as per the terms of our agreement he wanted to leave with all the benefits promised him."
"Leave?" I asked in shock. "He left?"
Aro nodded.
"He left without saying goodbye?"
My knees grew week and I actually sank to the ground.
"Why did you turn him against me?" Aro demanded.
"I…I didn't turn him against you." I said, frowning at his sudden display of hostility. "I wanted nothing of the sort. I wanted him to stay, but last night he came on to me. I think I could have probably handled it better, but my behaviour wasn't enough to make him pack up and leave."
"Stop the theatrics. This was your intention all along." Aro snarled.
"No it wasn't." I shot back, feeling a little guilty that I had told Malachite that this was for the best.
"I believe it was and in punishment I confine you to your chamber until I see it fit to release you." Aro said in a flat voice.
"What?" I demanded.
"Guards!"
Santiago and Barry entered the room.
"Escort Miss Black back to her chamber and see that she remains there." Aro informed them.
"Yes Master." They both agreed.
Santiago took hold of my arm and I was too numb with shock to protest as he led me back to my chamber. I closed the door on my guard before I sank into my armchair. What the hell was going on here? Sure I'd messed up big time with Malachite but Aro's reaction was way out of character, it was more like something Caius would do. But then again maybe I'd only been seeing the nice side of Aro and this was his real face.
I was upset, but not because of my confinement, Aro could do whatever the hell he liked to me I didn't care, it was because Malachite just took off. He didn't say goodbye. He didn't even leave me a running away note, which I was sure kids were supposed to do when they ran away.
I messed up big time. I could have handled the situation a lot better. Why did I act so childishly? I was the adult, I should let him down gently, but instead I shot him down. No, I'd bombed him out of the sky. Hurricane Essie strikes again! Is that all I was good for? Ruining the lives of anyone who came into contact with me?
Time seemed to pass me by that day as I sat and brooded. It was only when my bladder called to me that I looked up and realised it was fully dark. I went to the bathroom and then returned to the chair and I didn't move for another six hours.
I'm not sure how many days I spent in that mode, sat in the chair hating myself, only moving when my body demanded it. I must have been in a very dark mood because Miss Vampire and Miss Wolf didn't even give a whimper to be set free. I was miserable human Essie and I was bad.
I didn't move until I was summoned to the Court. Santiago and Barry came to collect me. I left the chair reluctantly and followed them up the corridor, which seemed never ending. I was exhausted since I hadn't actually slept since Sunday and my body felt heavy, and numb and human.
I walked into the Audience Chamber and was surprised to find it empty apart from the brothers and their entourage. I looked at them with incomprehension, as my vision seemed to swim.
"Essie my dear. I was beginning to think something was wrong with you. Where have you been this last week?" Aro asked, back to his jovial self.
I frowned and brought my hand up to my head, which was too stuffy to deal with this right now.
"You…you told me… You confined me to my room." I said, swaying slightly.
"Santiago, bring a chair for our friend." Aro called, then his eyes were boring into me. "Now why would I do that?" He asked.
"You blamed me for Mal leaving." I said and slumped into the chair that Santiago put behind me.
"I don't think so." Aro said, shaking his head.
I stared at him for a long time, waiting for the façade to crack, but he was bemused.
"Santiago and Barry took me there." I stated.
"Is this true?" Aro directed at Santiago.
"No." Santiago said promptly.
"You trying to screw with my mind?" I demanded.
"No." Aro said, looking appalled at the idea.
"Then why are you acting like you didn't yell at me and lock me up?" I demanded, although my voice was sluggish.
"I think you've been over doing it Essie. Or perhaps you haven't been taking good care of yourself." Aro suggested.
"I know what happened." I growled, clutching at my head. "I came here looking for Mal, you told me he'd left and it was all my fault cause it was what I wanted all along and then you confined me to my room."
"How can you be sure?" Aro asked, and suddenly he was in front of me, his hand on my chin lifting my head up. "You can hardly function. When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you fed?"
"I…I don't know." I admitted as I tried to search my foggy mind.
"If you can't keep track of such things then obviously you were hallucinating." Aro stated.
"I…" I shook my head. "I know what happened."
Aro moved away from me and my head slumped forward as he left my chin go. I lifted my head and tried to focus on him.
"Sulpicia my dear, would you be so kind as to fetch some blood for our honoured friend?"
Sulpicia nodded her head then drifted from the room.
"Honestly Essie, I have no idea where you would come up with such a story. Our agreement was that Mal could leave if that was his choice when he came of age and we allowed him. We even set him up with enough money to get a head start in life. It was something we agreed on four years ago, I never renege." Aro said firmly.
"Doesn't mean you can't get pissed about it." I pointed out.
"Granted. But I would not take it out on you. I see every thought Essie. I know every thing you've told Mal in his time with us. And although some of it has indeed been rather, let us say, hurtful that you would think that of me, you have not actively encouraged him to go away.
"And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Mal was acting out of spurned affection. He had mistaken his feelings for you as love and when you turned down his advances he couldn't bear to remain here because of the hurt he felt that you refused him and the embarrassment he felt that he had shown that side of himself to you."
"I know all that. But you still blamed me and sent me to my room." I said, getting agitated that he wasn't listening to me.
"I think you were merely pining for the loss of your student. You shouldn't take it out on yourself my dear. Tobias would never forgive me if I allowed you to wither away to nothing in his absence." Aro said, sounding sincere in his concern.
"Why do you care what Tobias thinks?" I snapped.
"I care about all my children." Aro said in an intense voice.
Sulpicia came back in and I could hear the thump of a heart and the rush of blood around a warm body. I naturally honed in on the source, and then groaned.
"I don't feed off humans." I whined, realising that I was starting to sound like a toddler, was I regressing or something? "I can't drink human blood."
"Oh. I forgot." Sulpicia said, and even in my delirium I could tell she wasn't sincere.
Bitch! I thought toward her and she actually blinked.
"I'll go fetch something more suitable." She said.
"See that you do my dear." Aro said in kindly tones, but I had a feeling he was a little angry with Sulpicia as if she'd acted prematurely on a carefully laid out plan and thus destroyed any chance of a payout.
"Essie, you think I am a cold lump of stone, but I have deep affection for all those in my care. If I didn't then I wouldn't be a good leader. Just because we feed off humans doesn't mean we are not a family." Aro stated.
I tried to keep the sceptical look off my face and I felt too exhausted to talk.
Sulpicia returned with two bundles of fur in her hands.
"All that's to spare are these wretched things." She said with disgust as she dropped the rabbits in my lap.
Miss Vampire surfaced and grabbed the rabbits before they could escape. I held their limp lifeless bodies as I looked up to meet the concert of red eyes that watched me in fascination.
"You condemn us for feeding off humans and yet you attack defenceless little animals." Sulpicia said with a glare.
"I've never been a rabbit. But you were human once." I countered, feeling a little better with the blood inside me. "And compared to you aren't humans defenceless?"
"A good point Essie dear, and good to see you've regained some of your usual spirit." Aro said calmly and his wife fell into her usual blankness behind him. "Are you feeling better?"
"A little."
"How about your senses? Are you still maintaining the absurd theory that I confined you to your room?"
"I…" I looked into his mind, I didn't like to, but I did and I saw that he had no recollection of ordering my lock down. "It must have been a waking dream." I whispered. "But it was so real."
"Sometimes they can appear that way." Aro said softly.
I shrugged.
"I merely wished to see you well and I hope you join us in Court this evening." Aro stated.
"Will do." I said cheerfully, although I felt as if I was being made a fool of.
My stomach grumbled.
"Guess I'd best go feed the wolf now." I said, rising to my feet.
"Of course Essie. And make sure you attend this evening." Aro said politely, but it was obviously an order.
I nodded and left.
The blood had helped a little but I was still feeling sluggish as I walked back to my chamber. I felt drained, but too exhausted for sleep. Besides, I really wouldn't have time for a truly refreshing sleep before Court this evening. I'd sleep just long enough to make me feel worse.
I realised I'd need some food. If what Aro had said was true then I hadn't eaten in a week. Was there any food I could actually cook in the chamber? Would I want to eat any of the food? The thought of food actually repulsed me, but I realised I was giving myself a complex. I had to eat and that was that.
I went into my chamber and looked through the cupboard and the fridge. All I found was a tin of baked beans, half a loaf of stale bread and some cheese that had been left out of the plastic wrapping and had gone hard. It was hardly appetizing.
I sighed realising I'd have to wash and dress in order to go get some food from the human employees' lounge. I'd only ever had to use it twice and those times had been enough, but if I wanted to eat I'd have to use it.
I was going to just wash my face, but I realised I hadn't done anything toward personal hygiene within the last week. With another sigh I turned on the shower and collected my clothes together.
I showered quickly, although I made sure I washed thoroughly, and then I dressed in something a little better than my favourite shorts and t-shirt but not as fancy as the purple dresses.
I grabbed some money and went back along the corridor; I actually felt a little better now I'd had a wash. I had to pass through the Audience Chamber to get to the human side of the castle. This always seemed a little odd to me, but maybe Aro liked to keep an eye on who was coming or going.
"I'm going to have food in the employee lounge." I explained to Aro.
He waved me on as if I was taking up his valuable time with needless commentary. I moved out along the secret passage and into the human waiting room without another word. I headed along the corridor toward the employee area when I felt a hand on my arm.
I spun with a growl, uncomfortable with being touched by an unknown person and angry with myself that I hadn't sensed them approach me.
"Relax Essie. It's me." Laurana said, making calming motions. "I am surprised to see you out here, are you planning a tour?"
"No. I'm just going to grab something to eat from the lounge." I explained.
"I'm just on my lunch break, may I join you. We have catching up to do, no?" She said cheerfully, looping her arm through mine.
"I guess." I said softly, happy for the company but dreading the catching up.
"Good. Well Mama has finally opened the new room in her restaurant and is doing a roaring trade." Laurana began as she led me through to the lounge. "The tourists love her cooking. You will have to come visit with her again, she does like your company, and especially little Mal. Where is he?"
I took a breath to speak.
"Never mind, I'm sure he has better things to do at the moment and you can do with a rest. Honestly it seems that boy never leaves you alone. He is enamoured by you…"
Laurana carried on chatting away as we purchased our food and sat at one of the small tables. I looked down at the pasta, it was not the best-cooked food, but as the scent hit my nose my stomach rumbled and I ate it quickly. Which was a mistake, since I hadn't eaten in a week it hit my stomach like lead. I put my hand to my stomach and tried to ignore the ache.
"Are you ok?" Laurana asked, putting her hand on my arm.
"Yes." I said with a smile.
"You are being very quiet and you look pale." She observed. "Are you ill."
I snorted.
"I don't get ill." I reminded her. "I…I haven't been looking after myself is all. Just so much crap, and I go and make it worse."
"What did you do?" She asked in concern.
"I acted like a complete child and crushed Mal when I could have let him down gently." I said quietly.
"Excuse me?"
"You know he's gone right?" I asked.
"They sent Tobias away again?" Laurana asked with a frown and I had to wonder if she was being deliberately misunderstanding.
"No. Mal, well he…he kissed me." I said raggedly.
"You kiss all the time." Laurana said with a shrug.
"No." I said, shaking my head. "He kissed me." I added, trying to emphasise the word so she couldn't misunderstand the nature of the kiss.
"Ah. And you…"
"Blew him out of the water. Totally sank his battleship and took half his armada with it." I said sadly.
Laurana gave me a confused look.
"I said horrible things that I shouldn't have. With his face it's easy to forget he's just a kid. I should have been tactful with him, but instead I was a monster. And so he left. He didn't even say good bye." It was that last fact that had hurt me most.
"Maybe he thought you wouldn't want to see him." Laurana pointed out.
"I told him we'd talk in the morning." I replied.
"Then perhaps he was too embarrassed. You know what boys are like, and men come to that. He will go out, see the world and see that it is not so good and then he'll come back to you." Laurana said with a smile.
"I don't want him to come back to me. I'd rather he'd stay away, for his safety. I just wish he'd had the decency to say goodbye, or at least leave a note." I murmured miserably.
Laurana merely patted my hand and we fell into silence.
"What did Tobias say?" She asked.
"He doesn't know yet. He's 'on assignment' again." I couldn't help the bitterness in my voice and the inserted quotation made me feel like I was being cheated on, which was absurd.
I was starting to grow tired with the way my brain was reacting to things at the moment; it just wasn't acting right at all. It kept coming up with ridiculous notions that I knew couldn't possibly be true, but it still hurt when I entertained the ideas none the less.
"I should get back. The Padroni are expecting me at Court this evening." I said. "I hope this means Tobias is returning."
"I am always here if you need to talk." Laurana said, taking my hand.
"I know." I said, patting her hand. "And thank you."
She hugged me before I left and that made me feel a little better, but I realised that all I wanted right now was Tobias.
As I entered the secret passage my suspicious mind was turning again. Why was Laurana so conveniently there for me? Was she working as a spy for Aro? It would be just like him to have her on beeper. A more rational part of my mind pointed out that Laurana would never be that involved with Aro because of her mother. It helped me remain calm as I passed through the Audience Chamber. As I was heading along the corridor toward my chamber my new suspicious mind pointed out the Laurana's mother was more of an indication that Laurana was working for Aro. Wasn't the only reason I was working for Aro because he held my family to ransom?
I pushed the door open on my chamber and entered feeling beaten up by my own mind. Who was this person in my head? I never thought like this, never. I slumped back into my armchair and stared at the black rectangle of the TV screen. The blankness seemed to suck at me, the darkness calling me fourth.
"Essie!" The sharpness of the voice and the sting on my cheek brought me round.
I rubbed my stinging cheek as I looked up into the stern face of Jane.
"Enough of this moping." She said, "Where is the fierce wolf child? Get up and change you are due at Court in ten minuets. I tell you it's a good job I stopped by."
I looked at Jane in incomprehension.
"Change into your dress." She ordered, pointing at the wardrobe.
I nodded and rose to my feet.
"Quickly." She ordered.
I picked up my pace and got a dress from the wardrobe. I went to go to the bathroom.
"Change here. I don't want you blanking out again." Jane said sternly.
I went to protest.
"I will burn you if I have to. Now change. We are all girls, there is nothing you have that I haven't seen before." She declared.
I sighed and removed the shirt and jeans I'd put on earlier. I should just be glad I'd worn a bra I guess, although the dress had thin straps and was underwired so I didn't need the bra but I decided to put the dress on first.
"Now that is something I haven't seen." Jane said reaching out and she took hold of my ring. "Is this Tobias' ring?"
"Yes." I answered, resisting the urge to snatch it back.
"Then why not wear it?" She asked as she let it swing on its leather cord.
"I do." I said pointedly.
"Around your neck. That is hardly traditional." Jane scoffed.
"If I wore it on my finger and fursploded I'd destroy the ring. This way I get to wear it whatever form I am." I explained as I pulled the dress over my head and did a little shuffle to remove my bra. "That's why I don't wear jewellery."
"That is sad." Jane remarked as I pulled my dress into place. "Come. We are expected."
"Ok." I said, following Jane. "But why the sudden need to have me there?"
"Essie, you are one of us and we are all to attend tonight."
I felt angered by that 'us', but how could I protest? I was signed in with the Volturi now. I was one of them, Essie the Volturi lapdog willing to do tricks for scraps. I had finally become the monster I had always feared, all I needed to do now was start drinking human blood and I'd be all the way there.
We got to the Audience chamber and I took my place behind Marcus' throne. I didn't spare a glance to the other wives, I know I had no quarrel with Dora, but I was too pissed at Sulpicia to look past her. I stared out at the hall instead and noted that everyone resident in Volterra was present and in their finest attire.
This was a special Court then. Aro wanted to impress somebody.
We went through the usual tedious business and I longed to return to my armchair. Or at least grab something to eat, now that the pasta had settled I was hungry again.
Finally the doors opened and two kids were led in. I felt something within me stir; this wasn't going to end well. I really should stop coming to Court. The boy was maybe seventeen when he'd been made vampire, the girl perhaps fifteen. There was a family resemblance between them, although it didn't take a genius to work out that she was a newborn, and not quite in control at that.
The boy looked apprehensive while the girl looked truly savage. I couldn't see Aro's face but he made a gesture with his hands as if beckoning them forward in a benevolent way. I felt my guard go up as the boy tapped the girl on the shoulder then stepped forward, and in front of her.
"Mr Aro?" He asked.
"That is I." Aro confirmed.
"I am Josiah and this is my sister Ruth, we have travelled here from America." Josiah said carefully as if he had rehearsed this many times in his head.
"Was the journey hard?" Aro asked politely.
"I knew we could swim the ocean, but Ruth found it hard going that long without blood. She is a newborn, I am not." Josiah explained as if we wouldn't understand.
Aro nodded and I could almost hear his thoughts without reading him, get on with it boy and make it worth my while.
"I was made vampire two years ago by one who called himself Randall. He gave no other name I'm sorry. He bit me and I become this demon, but he guided me through that first year and I emerged better for it. I realised, we're not demons, just a step higher up the food chain than humans. We're part of god's plan.
"Once I realised I was through the worst of the change I started to remember my old life, and my poor sister now alone in the world. Randall would say I was whining, that I should forget my human ties. But I could not. How could I forget my sister alone in the world?
"Randall grew impatient and then I thought he grew to understanding. He took me back near the village I was born and he returned, with Ruth. She was asleep even as he carried her. He said that if I missed her so much then he had no choice but to indoctrinate her into our world."
I gasped; horrified by the fact this boy had elected his own sister to become vampire.
"He held her sleeping form and looked up at me. 'Joss my boy. If you can turn her, she can stay' and he grinned at me. I asked the process and you all know how hard it would be for a yearling to do it but this was my sister and somehow I found the strength to bite and not feed.
"Randall was unhappy, and I know now it was cause he wanted me to fail, to kill my sister and sever my mortal ties. But I had changed her and he told me she was my responsibility and I had to train her. I've tried Mr Aro, I really have, but she has an insatiable thirst. More so than I had. I can't train her properly but I don't want her to cause trouble. I heard what you do to vampires who cause trouble." Josiah's plea was heartfelt; he really did want to help his sister.
The room fell into silence and I knew Aro was surveying the boy in silent contemplation.
"I must consult my brothers." Aro said levelly before holding his hands out to either side.
Marcus and Caius took them and they let Aro know their views.
They let go of each other's hands and Aro stood.
"Why Joss my boy, we would like nothing more than to take care of your sister and yourself. We will start her training in the morning if you become a fully-fledged member of the guard. I think you have skills we can find most useful." Aro said as he placed his arm around Joss's shoulders.
"What kind of skills?" Joss asked.
"You are good at tracking." Aro stated.
"Randall said I was."
"We could really use your skill." Aro said happily, and I had a sudden sick feeling at how Aro had emphasised the 'your'.
Joss nodded.
"And we will sort out Ruth for you." Aro said, placing his hand on the girl's head.
She backed away slightly, hissing at the thought of threat.
"It's ok Ruthie. These are good people." Joss said softly. "They'll help you get better."
Ruth looked at her brother and nodded her head.
"Now you do as these nice people says and you'll get better I promise." He stated.
Ruth nodded again, but then she paused. She sniffed at the air.
She moved so fast and I was still in my slow funk so I didn't have time to respond. Suddenly she was on top of me snapping at my neck. I pushed at her but her strength was phenomenal, she was pinning me to the ground, choking off my oxygen as she sought out my neck. I had enough strength to fend her off but I couldn't find the Quileute fire anywhere. Where are you Miss Wolf when I need you most?
Suddenly I could breathe and as I sat up, struggling to catch my breath as I noticed the hive of activity in the middle of the floor complete with the high pitched screeching. They were tearing poor Ruthie apart.
Poor Ruthie? She just tried to kill you. The other me demanded.
But she's a newborn. She has no control. Aro shouldn't have had me here tonight. I pointed out.
The excuse was a little flimsy, but I felt a light inside. That thought, that little thought of sympathy for my would-be murderer reminded me that I was not one of them. I was Essie Black, Quileute and Cullen, I was not a Volturi and I would never sink to their level.
"What did you kill her for?" I demanded rising to my feet.
"She was trying to eat you Essie." Aro pointed out.
"Yeah. Because she is an out of control newborn." I pointed out coming around the thrones.
Joss stared at me with his mouth agape.
"Aren't you angry they killed your sister?" I demanded.
"It was the best thing for her ma'am." Joss said in a flat voice. "I have a new family now."
I turned a glare on Chelsea, knowing it was her spell working on Joss. I felt angry, real angry and this seemed to awaken my senses that had been dormant for days. I sniffed at myself and realised I reeked of Laurana where she'd been all touchy-feely this afternoon.
"No wonder she went for me. I smell like a frigging human." I snapped.
As I looked at Aro it clicked into place.
"This is what you wanted." I said with realisation. "You wanted Joss but not his sister."
"She has gone to a better place." Joss said on cue.
I shook my head in frustration.
"His sister was too unruly to train." Aro said. "It's sad, really it is. But this was the kindest thing. I have removed the one thing holding Josiah back from his true potential. It's amazing how cooperative some people become when you remove a sibling bond. They become the hunters they were born to be."
I went to argue, but something about his words stopped me.
There was a commotion near the door and more vampires entered.
"What's going on?" I heard a familiar voice demand.
"Tobias." I gasped and I turned and pulled him into me.
Tobias hugged me back before he pulled away to look around the room.
"Who got burned?" He asked.
"A newborn who thought Essie might make a tasty snack." Aro answered before I could.
"Oh. Well, I'm glad they didn't hurt you." Tobias said, examining my face with a frown.
"She wouldn't have done if I hadn't have spent some time with Laurana. I smell like a human, that's why she went for me." I explained.
"Why was you with Laurana?" Tobias asked.
"I ran out of food and went to the lounge." I said, feeling a little embarrassed to admit this.
"Oh. Did Mal go with you?" Tobias asked conversationally, since this would have been a given up until a week ago.
"No. He…" I couldn't say it, not in front of an audience.
You're shaking, what happened? Tobias said in concern and I got a flash from his mind that something awful had happened.
"I…I…" I stammered.
"Where is Malachite?" Tobias asked, directing his question at Aro.
"I will allow Essie to answer this one." Aro said with a smile. "Perhaps back in your private quarters."
"Essie?" Tobias questioned.
"Come." I said, taking his hand, knowing that we'd been dismissed.
Tobias and I were silent as we walked to our chamber, but I could feel the questions forming in his mind.
We reached the chamber and I felt suddenly panicked, I'd overreacted to Mal big time and I knew Tobias would be disappointed in me. Tobias locked the door as I sank into my armchair. Tobias moved to his own chair and sat down.
"Mal kissed me." I blurted out.
"He kisses you all the time." Tobias stated.
"No Tobias, he kissed me." I said, "Not in the usual platonic way but like he was making a claim on me. And I freaked out. I said some terrible things and I really hurt him, and he's gone. He left Volterra without so much as a bye or leave. I feel hurt that he did that but ashamed that I wasn't an adult. God damn it! I haven't matured at all since leaving home! I'm still the little brat I always was. I acted like a brat and I said awful things and now he's out there somewhere getting into god knows what kind of trouble." I was crying by the end of my statement, the tears streaming down my face.
"I should have been here." Tobias said softly.
"No. It wouldn't have happened if you'd been here. He would have just bided his time until he got me alone to declare his feelings. Whatever, it would have been the same outcome. Where I crushed him so extravagantly."
"Essie, show me what happened." Tobias said calmly, holding out his hand.
I placed my hand in his and showed him what happened that night. Was it a week ago? It seemed like it was only yesterday, or maybe years ago, my mind was still in a muddle over the time frame of the last week.
"I see." Tobias said. "It came unexpectedly, that would explain your actions. Although I think it was harsh to say such things about his parents."
"I know." I said, dropping my head. "I wasn't really thinking."
Tobias put his hand to my cheek and looked at me solemnly. Then he pulled me against him and hugged me as if he was afraid of losing me. He stroked my back as I wrapped my own arms around him, burying my face into his neck.
"You feel frail." He said, leaning back and frowning at me. "What has caused this?"
"I really don't know what came over me this week. I have this vivid memory of Aro confining me to my room and I spent a week just sitting in this chair. I wasn't even aware of the time going really. And I didn't enter any alternate dream world, I was just here, staring at nothing, hating myself for what I had done." I whispered.
"You should not have punished yourself so. I wish I had been here, if not in time to stop the incident, than at least to help you through the aftermath. Damn Demetri and his wild goose chase!" Tobias growled.
"What wild goose chase?" I asked, thankful for a distraction from my despairing thoughts.
"Apparently we were on the trail of an old vampire who had finally lost his mind. We always seemed to be one step behind him. Turned out the vampire was a deranged human who was swiftly dealt with by the human authorities. I ask you, what good is a tracker who is unable to note the difference between the scent of a vampire and the scent of a human?" Tobias demanded.
"I thought he tracked people's minds?" I said with a frown.
"He should still know the difference if he is such a great tracker." Tobias said sourly.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Forgive my manner, but I am tired of these fruitless quests. There is no need for me to go on half of them, yet Aro still insists on sending me thus separating us. What is his game?" Tobias finished darkly.
"I don't think he knows that himself." I said with sigh.
"I think I have to agree with you there." Tobias said with a small laugh as he placed his forehead to mine. "Come my love, I will cook you some food since you have been neglecting yourself."
"There's no food here." I murmured, remembering why I'd had to go out to the employee lounge in the first place.
"Then I will go find some." Tobias declared, rising to his feet.
"No." I cried, taking hold of his hand. "Please stay with me. I just wanna sleep."
Tobias paused and regarded me for a moment with worry playing in his mind. He stroked back my hair and rested his hand against the side of my head.
"I know not what you have been through this week, tomorrow you will tell me. If it is sleep you desire now, then sleep you shall." He promised.
I nodded my head as I placed my hand over his. I drew it from the side of my head and kissed it.
"That's what I want." I whispered before rising to my feet. "Just a peaceful night's sleep."
Tobias nodded and I kissed his lips.
"I'll just go change." I said.
"I will wait for you." Tobias promised.
I smiled at him, my first real smile since the previous Saturday, and I went to the bathroom to change.
I slept well that night with Tobias by my side, and maybe after a good night's sleep I could deal with Malachite's departure on a more rational level. I sat up and stretched before I smiled at Tobias. Tobias smiled back, but then his nose wrinkled.
He got from the bed in a slight daze before he went into the bathroom. He came out carrying the dress I has worn last night in front of him. He held it a little gingerly.
"Sorry I didn't put it in the hamper." I said, ducking my head a little.
It is not that. He thought toward me. Smell it. He said, and tossed the dress to me.
I looked at him in question before I picked the dress up and sniffed at it. It smelt really good and it took me a moment to realise why.
How'd they get the scent to stick without staining the dress? I asked.
That is what they made the pattern with I believe. Tobias said softly.
I hadn't thought much about the pattern yesterday, to tell the truth I was too out of it to realise the abstract flowers clashed a little with the lilac background. The Volturi had found a new way to use blood and I shuddered at the thought.
No wonder she went for me. I said, staring at the bold pattern almost blindly.
How did that come to be here? Tobias asked, I would have known before now if it were in the wardrobe. I would have smelled it, yet I did not.
Because it wasn't there. I said simply. One of them must have planted it yesterday knowing I'd go for the first dress I'd come across. It was probably Jane, that's why she was rushing me so I wouldn't notice. Do you think you was due back last night?
I believe that Demetri would have kept me longer had the police not apprehended the 'vampire'. I do not think we were due back for another week had he had his way. Tobias said, he was frowning now as he was coming to the same conclusions as me.
And in the state I've been in I probably wouldn't have noticed the blood on my own. I would have blamed myself for them killing Ruth on my behalf and I'd have gone into another bout of self-loathing. I said, feeling oddly cheerful, but it was possibly because I knew I wasn't going mad.
That is underhand, even by Aro's standards. Tobias exclaimed.
But not unimaginable. I pointed out.
I can see him trying it. Tobias agreed.
Kill two birds with one stone. Get rid of the dead weight with an apt reason and keep me in my funk. But it kind of backfired because when I got angry at them for killing Ruth even though she was going to kill me, I realised I'm not like them at all. I stated, realising just exactly what was making me feel cheerful.
Something you must always remember. Tobias said firmly.
I will from now on. I promised. So what shall I do with this?
Put it in the laundry as if we haven't noticed. Tobias said promptly.
Do you think they'll buy it? I asked.
Tobias shrugged, But at least this way we'll have Aro guessing rather than if we go in all guns blazing.
Yeah, I'm never doing that again. I said and chuckled. I did when Mal had gone; I thought maybe they'd done something to him.
Do you still think it true? Tobias asked with concern.
No. He just left. I don't know, but I think I'd feel it if something happened to him. I observed.
Tobias nodded.
"Anyway, I could do with a nice shower." I said, getting up from the bed.
"And I will make you breakfast while you wash." Tobias said.
"Oh no you won't." I said, taking his hand. "I haven't seen you in two months, I want some us time."
"Us time?" Tobias asked. "That sounds great."
"Yep." I said, and pulled him into the bathroom with me.
We had a nice sensual time in the shower, nothing that really counted as sex, but it felt good just to be near Tobias again. The reassurance that he still existed was better than anything in the world.
I felt good by the time we left the shower, almost myself again. I was even humming a little tune, as I wiped dry and dressed. Tobias was dressed before me and so he entered the main room a few seconds ahead.
I entered with the towel wrapped around my head to find Tobias looking into the cupboard with a frown.
What's wrong? I asked.
I thought you said there was no food here. Tobias stated.
There's not. I replied.
Then what's this? He asked, indicating the inside of the cupboard.
I rounded the counter and looked into the cupboard myself. It was full of food.
"Where did all that come from?" I gasped.
You're sure there was no food here yesterday? Tobias asked.
I nodded my head.
Then I think someone is playing silly buggers with you. Tobias said sourly. I am now convinced more than ever that Demetri was meant to keep me away longer in order for them to play about with your mind.
I didn't pull you into my dream last night; did anyone come in the room? I asked.
I would have awoken you if they had. Besides, the door was locked. Tobias pointed out.
Ok. But I can't lock it from the outside. They might have come in when I was with Laurana, or maybe when I was staring at the TV. Sometime I wouldn't notice but before they knew you'd be back. Then when you were back it was too late to remove the food, but they could always claim that I imagined there being no food in the first place. I reasoned.
That's settled, I will resign my position if they treat you thus. I cannot leave Volterra when they seem determined to drive you slowly insane. Tobias said firmly, and from the set of his jaw I knew he meant it.
No. You can't do that. We'll be even more vulnerable if you do. Just carry on like we don't suspect a thing. At least now I know to look out for it. I'll just play along with them and not allow them to get me down. I said firmly, knowing that the Volturi could do a lot worse to us if they thought they were losing their control
They may choose to get physical if they find the mental torture no longer works. Tobias warned.
Then I'll just have to play along for now. I said with a shrug.
I don't like this one bit. Tobias replied looking ill.
Neither do I. I replied with a sigh. But we haven't really got a choice.
Tobias looked sad, oh so sad. I drew him to me, hugging him close for what little comfort it would give. I thought my time in Volterra would be tough but I didn't realise it would be to this extent. I had feared dark times ahead, I didn't realise I had to fear for my sanity too.
Thank you for reading
Please review
Gemma x