Should I or should I not

I look at Jellal as he walks out of my bedroom, memorizing every step he takes. Then listening as he goes down the stairs, the front door opens then closes. Every moment, every step he takes, my heart screaming at me to run after him. To go to Spain with him, run off into the sunset on a white horse with him.

But I don't move, I stay paralyzed to my spot on the bed. Just sitting their, like an old doll on a shelf. For a second, I asks myself whether or not Im breathing. Then slowly tears begin to flow again down my cheeks, thats when I know I'm alive and breathing.

All of this pain gives me the answer, I then move into a crouching position. Hugging my knees as tears flow down my face. I begin to sob, to cry and scream gripping my hair tightly, ripping some of it out. Hoping that the pain will somehow ease, or at least for the pain to be felt some where els.

After what feels like hours and probably was, I get off the bed and walk to the bathroom. I start to get undressed and turn on the water. I had planned on taking a shower, but even standing seems like a challenge right now. I decide to plug the drain and take a bath, I fill the tub with warm water and step in.

When I get inside my thoughts turn back to Jellal, just like always when I had nothing els to distract me. But unlike all the other times, when my thoughts went to him, instead of trying to think of something els. I let myself think about him, I don't care anymore.

In the past I didn't let myself think about him because I didn't want to get attached to him, I didn't want to let myself grow feelings only to feel hurt in the end. But I already feel horrible pain, what difference will it be to feel more. At least when I think of him, I can numb the pain, even if it does hurt more in the long shot.

I continue to soak in the bathtub, my thoughts turning to the first time we met when we were jogging. A small smile grows on my face, "What an asshole..." I whisper to myself. I then remember when we were arguing with each other in my office buildings parking lot when he found out about Juvia's and Gray's relationship.

The smile on my face goes wider followed by a chuckle, "Who are you thinking about?" I suddenly hear. My head snaps to the sound, leaning against the door with a huge smile on their face is Mira. I breath a sight of relief, "You scared the living shit out of me!" I yell at her. She just laughs, I get up from the tub and wrap a towel around me.

"What are you doing here anyway?" I ask her. She pouts, "What? I can't come check on my best friend?" she asks. I walk into the bedroom with her behind me, I change into some fresh clothes. Mira sits on the bed, "Its nice to see you smiling, so...who where you thinking about?" she asks.

I finish putting on my shirt, my back is to her. I turn my head in her direction "Someone" is all I say, I walk out of the room and go to the kitchen. I look at the clock on the oven and see its already 5 o'clock in the afternoon. I usually wake up and 6:30 in the morning, how long was I on the bed after Jellal left?

I hear Mira walk into the kitchen, I open the fridge realizes how hungry I am. "Was it Spanish?" she asks, I look up at her from the fridge. "Im a I that easy to read?" I ask, she shakes her head. "I have been with you for years, yet I still I'm not sure as to whether or not you like me or put up with me" she says then smiles joking.

I take some Chinese food from the fridge, then go to the counter and start eating. "So...what happened?" she asks. I look up at her, debating to whether or not tell her. In the end I decide to tell her, I mean she is my best friend in the whole wide world.

I talk while she listens closely not interrupting me, when Im finish talking she just looks at me, a blank look on her face. Then she flicks me on the forehead, "Why in the hell didn't you go!" she scolds me. I rub the spot, "How can I...I can't just pick up and leave" I say.

Mira stops glaring at me, "You should go Erza, didn't you say he will be waiting for you tomorrow at 6:30?" she asks in a soft voice. "Yeah..." I say looking down. She pulls my face up to look at her, "You should go Erza...go be happy with Jellal in some foreign country" she says in a soft voice with a loving look on her face.

"You and I both know I can't...how will I ever face Laxus or worse our grandfathers" I say. She sights, "Who cares...Sure it will cause them pain, but only for a little while, and besides it will be worth it in the end" she says. Then she gets up and walks back with two glasses and a bottle of wine.

"Were going to need it" she says. I smile pretty soon we get stone hard drunk and pass out on the somehow the living room floor. How we made it there I have no idea, I woke up with both of us on the floor our heads next to each other as we lay on opposite sides.

I feel a horrible headache when I sit up, "I really should quit drinking" I say to myself. I hear someone groan, and look as Mira also gets up and feels the affect's of last night. We both look at each other then get up and run into the bathroom and throw up.

After that horrible scene we brush our teeth and take some aspirin, with still a small headaches we walk to the kitchen. I clean up the mess from last night and Mira makes us some hangover soup. After we eat and finish cleaning the huge mess in the kitchen its 2 almost 3 o'clock in the afternoon "Three more hours" I whisper to myself.

I feel Mira wrap her arm around me, giving me a sympathetic look. We decide to watch a movie, but I can't keep my eyes on the TV. My eyes keep wandering to my watch looking at the time, I keep on thinking about how I could still go and meet him. Like when you can't sleep and have work or school the next day, and you keep looking at the clock thinking about how if you fall asleep now you will have this many hours of sleep.

Finally the clock hits 6'o clock, my breath gets caught in my throat. This is my last chance, I could get my keys and still meet him. I turn to Mira when she suddenly stands up, she grabs my hand and leads me to the front door.

"Where are we going?" I ask, "WE, are not going anywhere. You, however are going to a foreigner country apparently" she says and opens the front door. "Wait what" I say surprised and stop walking to the door. "Erza I see the way you look at him, I see the look in your eye. You want to go Erza, go be happy in some foreign country with him" she says.

I look down then back at her, I put my hand out to her. "Ill go...or at least try, but I want to go by myself" I say in a soft voice. She glares at me and reluctantly hands over the keys, "If you come back here...I swear ill kill you" she says in a deathly voice.

I shiver, and take the keys. I get inside the car and take a deep breath, I start the car and with my heart beating at a million times a second I drive to the airport. I park the car and text Mira to tell her where it is so she can come get it with the spare keys, I walk toward the entrance.

My heart falls to my stomach, across the street from where I am, I see Jellal right in front of the entrance. Looking around and a couple of times looking at his watch. I smile, he's waiting for me. I snap out of it when I see him turn around and walk into the airport. I quickly try to run to him, not wanting him to leave me behind. I don't pay attention to where I'm going, all I see is Jellal walking away from me.

All of a sudden I hear something, I turn to my side. All I see is a bright light, it takes me a second to realize that it is two lights and that they are headlights, connected to a truck. A truck is coming toward me, but by the time I realize its too late. I feel a horrible pain on my side then everything goes dark.

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