Chapter Fourteen: Goodbye
Friday night approached fast enough with Sara avoiding Grissom like he was the plague. She had successfully made it to Friday morning without seeing him much, at least not alone at all. Grissom had tried cornering her several times to talk to her, or ask her over, but she had an excuse each time. When he came to her apartment, the door was locked and by all accounts she wasn't home and hadn't been home much all week. Unknown to Grissom, Sara had anticipated his requests, assuming that it was merely for sex, and to avoid him, had been spending much of her time at Greg's.
Grissom, however, was as determined to find her, to talk to her, as she was to avoid him – to the point that he did something he swore he would never do.
He used being her boss to his advantage.
"Sara, can I see you in my office please?" He had announced Friday morning in the break room as the entire team sat finishing paperwork from the night's activities.
When she, along with all the other's looked up questioningly, Greg with a scowl, Nick, Catherine and Warrick with an all-knowing smirk, and Sara with complete fear he was struck with a deer-in-the-headlights look.
"Can it wait? I'm kind of busy with the rainforest of paperwork here." She spoke to her papers, rather than looking into his eyes, once again afraid of what she might see there. She had to be strong, she knew that. But knowing and doing are on two completely different playing fields, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to partake in that sport.
I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right…oh fuck, this is pointless.
"Uh, not really." The red creeping up the back of his neck and the careful evading of his eyes from hers told her that this was not about work.
It told Greg as well.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Greg whispered to Sara who was seated beside him at the table.
"It's alright Greg, but thanks." She gave him a genuine smile before turning back to Grissom. She knew that she wouldn't be able to avoid him forever, but she was hoping to make it until tomorrow. With a resigned sigh, she stood and answered her boss. "Lead the way."
Despite her words to him, she left the room before him, leaving him to scurry to keep up with her as she power walked to his office. Before entering, she checked first to be sure that the blinds were open as well as the door.
Grissom followed her, not helping himself as he shamelessly took in the curves of her butt and the way her hips swayed as she walked. While he followed her to his sanctuary, he realized his mistake.
He had no clue what he was going to say.
All week, ever since 'overhearing' AKA 'eavesdropping' Sara's conversation with Greg, he had been trying to figure out what to say to her, what to do, and each time he came up blank. He only knew that he had to do something. He couldn't for the life of him think of what.
The most he had come up with so far was in knowing that it would be a bad idea to inform her that he had in deed heard her little confession to Greg or that he knew of her date with Mike Flynn. After all, one of her original rules had been that she was free to see other people if she wanted. Even if it killed every cell in his body to think about it.
Thinking back, Grissom could understand now why every time he tried to tell her anything about him wanting to be with her fully Sara had stopped him. It wasn't that she didn't want to hear what he was going to say, but rather she thought that he was going to end what they had, the little piece that it was. He needed to tell her, he needed her to know.
But how?
"What's this about?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and he realized then that they were standing in his office, and by the look on her face, for quite sometime and he had yet to speak.
"I uh…" He stumbled through his opening as he stepped closer to her, only to have her take a step back.
Now he was worried.
"Look, Grissom, it's end of shift, I'd like to leave, so if you don't actually need something right now, I'd like to go. Have a good day Griss." She didn't want to sound so harsh to him, but just being in the same room as him was breaking her resolve and she knew she had to get out of there. Hastily, she moved for the door.
But he was blocking it.
"Excuse me Griss." She asked politely, avoiding eye contact, knowing full well that if she looked into his cerulean orbs she'd be lost and wouldn't be able to say no to anything he asked of her.
"No." Her head snapped up to meet his when that one word fell from his lips with such certainty, such confidence that it actually made her heart skip.
"No? Please, Grissom. Just let me go."
"I can't do that Sara." Finally her eyes met with his and in that instant she knew he knew about her date, and he knew it too.
With misty eyes, she pleadingly whispered one word.
"Please."
And they both knew she was begging for more than to be let out of his office, she was begging him to release her heart from the hold he had on it since the first day they met.
Seeing the pleading nature of her eyes, and the undertone in her voice, he couldn't say no, he couldn't deny her of her happiness. He wanted to make her happy, he knew she wanted him to be the one to make her happy, but he knew that she wanted to see if someone else could, so wordlessly he stepped aside and set the love of his life free.
Several silent minutes passed with both Grissom and Sara staring at one another. Sara was fighting an internal battle with her heart and her head. Stay or leave. She didn't know the true intentions of Grissom wanting to talk with her, didn't know that he wanted to be with her. With one last wistful smile, she ducked her head and moved to the door. With her hand on the knob, ready to open it, and her back to him, she quietly whispered the two words he never thought he would hear again, never wanted to hear again.
"Goodbye Grissom." With tears threatening to fall and her resolve crumbling at her feet, Sara hurried from the room, the building and him.
"Goodbye Sara." Grissom said to the now vacant room. Two words he never wanted to say again. Saying goodbye to the woman you love is the hardest thing, setting her free to be who she is without you, it's something that Gil Grissom had officially done twice now, and he realized that it hurt just as much if not more the second time around.