Warnings: Sex, violence, talks of child abuse, talks of physical abuse, talks of murder. I'll probably add more as I write, but if you see anything you want me to add just tell me and I will!

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A sigh of relief fell from Deeks lips as he crashed onto the couch. Instantly Monty was jumping up next to him cuddling into his side. Smiling he buried his fingers in the shaggy fur wondering what he did to deserve such a good friend.

The dog had rarely left his side before the explosion and that hadn't changed. The man had no idea how he knew what happened to him, but with every passing day he proved that he had figured it out and was there to help in any way.

Sometimes that involved him getting Deeks attention when someone was knocking on the door or when he was cooking and the timer went off and he didn't feel his phone vibrate. A quick nip to the tips of his fingers and the man knew exactly what was going on.

More often than not though it involved getting him to stop thinking. That usually meant doing exactly what he was doing now. Cuddling up against his side forcing him to remember that he wasn't doing anything alone.

Most days Deeks could remember that on his own, but there were days when he felt more alone than he had ever before. Considering he had just gotten back from his therapists office one of those days was today.

He had always loved learning. It had been his escape when he was younger. Anything that he could get his hands on he wanted to learn. Languages were one of the things that he hadn't really ever had the time to learn though, outside of Spanish.

That had actually been his New Year Resolution for the past few years. He had been thinking about asking Callen to teach him Russian, but every time he tried to bring it up they were pulled into a new case and he forgot for awhile.

Now he had to learn ASL and it felt as if all the passion and love he had for learning was gone. It was just frustrating instead of fun. Especially whenever he messed up. Which was happening a lot more than he really liked to think about.

He wasn't used to having to use his fingers as much as he was now. They cramped up every once in awhile making it so that he misspoke. Every failure learning the language made him want to just give up on the whole thing.

That wasn't a luxury that he had though. This was the only way that he was going to learn how to communicate with people. Him not learning how to not only speak ASL but to understand it when others spoke it wasn't going to happen.

Deeks never thought of himself as the type of person that would just give in when things got tough. Hell, he had proven to himself time and time again that he wasn't that person. That didn't seem to matter anymore.

Letting out a sigh he began to reach for the remote to turn the tv on only to freeze. They had figured out how to put up the captions for the show, but that meant he was going to have to pay attention.

It was strange to think of how many things he did just out of sheer boredom. Most of his private life really did consist of just sitting around listening to the same five songs on repeat or staring blankly at a television screen.

Shaking his head he looked down at Monty and found the dog staring back up at him. Smiling sadly he bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. At least he still had his family and friends by his side.

It had taken him awhile to remember that the world hadn't stopped. His world hadn't stopped. It had changed drastically and he had to relearn it, but it was still going. Even when he wanted it to stop it never did.

Not knowing what else he was going to do with his day he took his phone out and started to send a text to his husband only to stop once again. He wanted to talk to the older man, but, unlike before, he had no idea what Callen was doing.

For all he knew he could be in the middle of an interrogation. The last thing he wanted to do was have the man leave that because he thought that there was something wrong at home. He couldn't do that to Callen.

His stomach twisted angrily as he thought about work. He knew that it had been up for serious discussion whether it would be him or Callen quitting their work as undercover operatives, but that had been their choice to make.

Now that life was ripped away from him without any say and without any chance of him ever getting it back. He didn't regret what he had done that put him in this situation. That didn't mean that he didn't hate it with everything he was though.

He hated himself for it, but when Callen left for work in the morning it felt like punch to the gut. Here he was sitting at home doing nothing with his life while his husband ran around saving the world from the bad guy of the week.

That had been his life and he loved it with everything he was. Now it was all over. He wasn't going to be able to do that ever again. He didn't even have any ideas what he could do with his life anymore.

Monty suddenly sat up causing Deeks to look at him. The mutt stared at him for a moment before jumping off the couch and making his way over to the door telling him that there was someone waiting for him.

With a roll of his eyes the man stood up and followed the dog over. A part of him wanted to completely ignore the person and continue to sit there, but instead he found himself opening the door to reveal Michelle and Kamran standing there.

"Hello, Marty," Michelle signed slowly to him while saying the words out loud for Kamran, "Can we come in?"

Nodding his head he moved out of the way letting the two in. Instantly the little girl was rushing over to Monty wanting to play with him. The dog looked towards Deeks and Michelle before moving with her.

A tap came to his shoulder making him look back over at the woman. Michelle smiled gently before motioning with her head towards the kitchen. Smiling back they walked into the other room and he poured two glasses of water for them.

"How are you?" she asked when he was looking at her once more.

Taking a deep breath he placed the glasses down his mind already working in overtime. She looked so calm signing. Of course that wasn't surprising considering who her husband was and how she was even a bigger badass than him.

"I don't really know right now," Deeks signed his signs slow and sloppy, "How are you?"

"Busy," Michelle replied with a shake of her head, "I hear you are too. Or you are going to be. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

For a moment neither of them spoke. There were a millions questions running through his head about what she was doing there, but he didn't want to be rude. He had been rude enough to people he cared about lately.

He had a strange relationship with the woman though. Yes, he cared about her like he cared about everyone, but he didn't actually know her all that well. Mostly because while he and Sam had gotten closer they still had some barriers up.

Deeks knew that it was because he was different than anyone the older man was used to be around. He couldn't really find fault with that. Sam was different than anyone that he knew himself. It was just who they were.

It had taken them awhile to get in a groove together. It was a bumpy groove and times, but neither of them doubted the other would have their back. They simply doubted their abilities in aspects of their work. That wasn't going to be an issue anymore though.

A hand was placed on the forearm causing him to look up at Michelle once more. He hadn't even noticed that he stopped looking at the woman. That was the worst part of losing his hearing. He had to be completely focused to notice things. Like someone talking to him.

"It will get easier," she finally signed.

"I know," Deeks responded instantly, "I just have to get used to this language."

"That's not what I meant. I meant not being at work. It will get easier not being there."

Instantly he looked away from her not wanting to have that conversation. He knew that if anyone understood that part of this it was the woman across the table from him. He just didn't want to deal with that right then.

Feeling the table move he glanced at the woman just in time to see her step in front of him. She gave him a look before motioning for him to stand up. He wanted to refuse, but she looked too determined to let him do that.

"Listen to me, Marty Deeks," Michelle signed the look in her eyes more serious than he had seen from her, "You are going to be fine. Things are tough right now, but you will figure them out."

"How?" he questioned feeling his frustration mount, "I don't know if you can tell, but I'm sucking at this ASL thing."

"You're new. It will get easier once you're used to it. I doubt Callen is doing all that better in his lessons with Sam."

"Sam is teaching Callen ASL?"

"Yes. Also, you're doing great. You haven't once asked me to repeat myself. You just think you're doing poorly because you mad that the situation."

Deeks stared at the woman in shock. She was the first person to really talk to him like that since the explosion. An almost giddy smile came to his lips after a second and he couldn't stop himself from pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you," he signed pulling away from her.

"You're welcome," Michelle replied with a smile of her own, "Now, as I was saying. You're going to get used to not working as a cop. It's not going to be easy, but it will get easier."

"I hope so. I hate being mad at Callen for leaving every morning."

"You will. Soon you'll be mad at him for something totally different."

Laughing out loud he nodded his head in agreement. For the first time in a long time he felt almost normal. Like he was starting to be a person again. It was something he wasn't sure he'd ever feel again.

"You're going to miss it," Michelle continued when he quit laughing, "I miss it everyday and I know that it's not the same thing. I might go back one day when Kamran is an adult, but I can tell you this. Once that baby is in your life being an undercover cop isn't going to be more than a passing thought."

"What if it's not enough?" Deeks asked finally voicing what had been going on in his head, "What if I start to resent Callen or the baby?"

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

"I know you though. Everything that both Callen and Sam have told me says what I need to know. You're going to be fine. You just need to stop thinking of the negative."

"Hard not to."

"I know. It'll work out though. You'll see."