I groaned to consciousness the next morning. OH GOD MY HEAD!! I thought, barely opening my eyes. I felt around my bed, I was fairly positive Edward had spent the night, but it was just me tangled in the covers. Maybe it was just a really great dream, I pouted to myself, unwilling to give anything more thought, my head was freaking killing me, all I wanted was to just go back to sleep and not wake up until tomorrow.
"OH you've got to be kidding me!" I moaned to myself. I could hear Hendrix running around the house and barking. Ugh the poor guy probably needed to go out, I had to get up. I groaned again, before stepping out of bed. Whoa! The world was still spinning, I stumbled a few steps before steadying myself. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I thought to myself as I stumbled out of my bedroom and halfway through the living room, still not willing to open my eyes.
"GOOD MORNING!!" A far too cheerful, smooth voice boomed from my couch! My eyes shot open, he had nearly scared me to death!
"You're entirely too…awake this morning." I grumbled.
"Yes well, that's probably because I'm not the one who drank an entire bottle of jager and case of beer last night." He laughed and jumped off my couch.
I winced at the memory. "UGHHH…coffee….and Advil." I continued to stumble to the kitchen. He chuckled and followed behind me.
I was measuring out the water for my coffee, he came up beside me and leaned against the counter.
I could see humor dancing in his eyes before he even spoke. "So, I was just wondering…I mean, figure maybe I should prepare myself if this morning I'm still what you want more than anything else in this entire world." He exaggerated the words I barely remembered speaking last night.
I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to disappear. Oh god, if there was no other, then my huge mouth and horribly embarrassing honesty was surely a reason to never take another drink in my life.
"Shut up Edward!!" I chocked out.
He was trying very hard to hide the laughter and keep a straight face. "Well I mean it only seems fair, if you're going to continue to attack me and try to steal my virtue, I should at least get a fair warning."
"Oh god, I hate you!" I groaned, trying to hide my smile.
"Oh no Bella, you said so yourself, you don't hate me, you loooovvveeeee me." His whole body was shaking with laughter as he mocked my voice.
NO!!! I couldn't have!! I mean I know I was drunk, but I wouldn't have told him that?! Oh God no! I tried to replay last night in my head, but so much had been washed away by the alcohol. I remembered confessing it to Alice, but surely I wouldn't have told him. CRAP! Me begging him to stay, and apologizing for what I had said suddenly came back to me. CRAP!
"Yes well, I love everyone when I'm drunk." I made my way back to the living room, coffee in hand, praying he would buy my desperate attempt to cover for my stupid declaration last night. He followed behind me and sat down on the couch after I had.
All his laughter had stopped, and the silence became awkward. I tried to read his face, but wasn't having much luck. I thought he looked disappointed, but couldn't fathom why. I wrapped up in my favorite warm fuzzy blanket and turned on the TV, hoping to cut through the silence and give my face a chance to return to a normal color.
"So does…" he hesitated obviously deciding whether or not to finish. "Does that mean, you didn't mean it?"
CRAP!! I groaned. "I don't say that unless I mean it…even when I'm drunk." What the hell did I just do?!? I screamed to myself!!
He smiled "Good."
Are you freaking kidding me?!?!? I confirm that I do infact love him, and he says good. Well if that isn't ego crushing, I'm not really sure what is. Oh well, I guess I'd rather that then him say it if he didn't mean it. I sighed to myself.
"So I think you should tell me more about Bella."
"Uh yeah I don't think so!" I laughed. "I've done nothing but talk since I met you!! It's easily your turn!" My face flushed. "Start with you umm…last name?"
"So, you love a man and you didn't even ask his last name. You're going about all of this quite backwards don't you think?" He winked. "It's Cullen. Edward Robert Cullen."
I grinned. Isabella Marie Cullen. Great! I'm 13! What 26 year old woman actually does that?!
I shook those thoughts from my head. "Well ok, Mr. Cullen, there are lots of chapters for you to fill in."
"Which would you like to know about?"
I smiled to myself. "Tell me about your ex girlfriends. All the gory details, that will make me loathe them!"
He chuckled. "You mean my ex girlfrienD" emphasizing the singular.
"Are you seriously trying to tell me you've only had one girlfriend…ever." I eyed him doubtfully.
"That is exactly what I'm telling you." he leaned over, laying his head on my stomach.
"You're going to have to explain that to me." I ran my fingers through his soft hair.
"Shy remember."
"Not buying it." I rolled my eyes.
He sighed, as if wishing I would just let it go. "I've not always been this guy Bella. If I were a girl, I wouldn't have dated me. I'm positive you wouldn't have even spoken to me, if I were that same guy."
"What was so different, I mean what could have been so bad?" I asked, million things running through my head.
"Does it really matter?"
"Well, no, I mean I guess not."
"Ok then, next question."
I sighed, why couldn't I do that when he was prying at me!? "When did you break up? How long were you together?"
"Hmm, I guess we were together for about 4 years, on and off. And we split up shortly after basic training."
"That's a long time to be with someone."
"Too long."
"So I guess it wasn't a good break-up?"
He laughed. "Relationships that horrible, hardly ever end well."
"What was so bad about it?"
"We were just poison for each other. Her bad habits fed mine, and mine hers. I'd play a show, we'd get drunk, have sex, then she'd shoot up and I'd leave. It was like that movie groundhog day, only it lasted for 4 years."
I was shocked at how casually he talked about those things. "Well, why'd you guys finally break up?"
He hesitated for a minute. "I came home after basic, I had gone out with a few friends, when I came home, she was fucking my best friend."
"Oh god, wow, I'm sorry."
He grinned. "It's ok."
"Well, what was her reason?" I felt like I was interrogating him, he wasn't giving me much of anything.
"I really have no idea."
"Well, what about your friend?"
"No clue."
"Huh?" I was confused.
"I walked into the apartment, saw them, and turned around and walked right back out. Never talked to or saw either of them again."
"Wow…not even your friend?"
"Especially not him." He sat up. "I value almost nothing above loyalty in people. If I can't trust you, I have no use for you. You see this tattoo?" He pointed to his left forearm. "It's Latin, it means for family, anything. I guess it's not too different from your pop's saying. But my dad was the only real family I ever had, my mom is a flake. My friends became my family. There isn't a single one of them I wouldn't give up my life for. All I ask for in return, is the same. I don't judge anyone, everyone starts at the same place with me, if you just sit back and watch, people show you who they really are, and once you know that, there shouldn't ever be a need for a second chance."
I was shocked at how cold he seemed, how unwilling to bend. Could he really see no grey area? People make mistakes. His ability to just write people off horrified me. The last thing I need is another man turning their back and walk away like Jake did. I tried to keep the worry off my face but I obviously failed.
"What are you thinking?" He lightly touched my face.
"Nothing…I mean, I dunno. It's just, I'm trying very hard not to be that girl who gets way too attached way too quickly. But I guess the whole I love you grossness kind of blew that out of the water." I rolled my eyes at myself. "I just don't want you to walk away, I don't want to never hear from you again. I give second chances, and there isn't a lot you could do that I wouldn't forgive you almost instantly for, so it scares me that you wouldn't do the same." I looked down, praying for once my body wouldn't betray me and I could keep from crying.
Yep, go figure, EPIC fail. The tears were streaming now. He wiped them away, as quickly as they came. "Bella, I'm not your ex boyfriend, or your ex fiancé, or anyone else who's hurt you. I'm here. I don't write people off easily, cheating and lying aren't things I can forgive, other than that, I don't walk away easily."
"You're not my ex boyfriend, and you're not my ex fiancé, so what are you?"
He looked at me confused. "What do you mean?"
I groaned…UGH does he not know I'm not good at this crap!! We might as well be in 3rd grade again…will you be my boyfriend? Check yes or no. Gross!! "I mean what are we, are we friends, or are we more."
He sighed and pulled me closer. "I don't know. I would love to be your boyfriend Bella, I really would. It just doesn't make much sense, you know I'm leaving soon. Friends kind of seems like our only option."
I pulled away from him, stood up, and walked outside onto my back deck, praying he wouldn't follow. I could feel every part of me coming undone. He had just given me that speech about how he was different and he was here. What crap. "What the hell is wrong with me?!?" I groaned out loud. I couldn't hold back the emotion anymore, my sobs were rocking my entire body, thankfully I had the railing to hold myself up. I heard the back door open, that just made my sobs harder. I didn't want him to see what he was able to do to me. For the first time since I met him, I just wanted him to disappear.
"Bella, please don't cry." He hesitated behind me.
"Just leave Edward!!" I shouted.
"I never meant to hurt you Bella, I swear I didn't." He reached out for me.
"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" I slapped his hand away. "You didn't mean to hurt me?? What crap Edward, what exactly did you intend on doing then?! Why couldn't you have just let me alone???"
"Bella, I…" He started but I interrupted.
"Just don't…I already know. You were just being nice, you saw a girl who was upset and you were just being nice. I was the stupid one who took it farther, I am the stupid one who let myself go too far. Why do I always do this??" I was talking to myself more than to him now. "I fall in love with these men, I fall too hard and too fast, and this is what happens, every time. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't anyone ever just love me back, why don't they ever want me back…" My sobs wouldn't let me continue.
I didn't even have time to react, his lips were crashing into mine. I tried to push him away, but it wasn't long until I surrendered, tangling my hands in his hair, pulling him closer…he could never be close enough. With that, he swept me up in one quick motion, carrying me inside to my bed. He laid me down gently, and quickly slid the shirt off of his back.
"Edward…" I started, no matter how much I wanted him, I was sure this would be a bad idea for my heart later.
He kissed my lips softly. "Shh" His lips moved from my mouth, up my jaw, down my neck, and then back up to my ear. "Don't ever think I don't want you Bella." He whispered softly, before continuing with his soft kisses.
I helped him slide my shirt off. He laid a gentle trail of kisses and touches from my collar bone to between my breasts. He kissed around each of them softly before letting my right nipple slip into his mouth, while massaging the other with his slightly shaking hand. I arched my back towards him and sighed with pleasure. His hand made it's way down, finding my leg, wrapping it around him. His tongue laid a sensual path down my stomach, leaving goose bumps across my entire body. He stopped to deliver one small kiss at the edge of my pajama pants resting low on my hips, before swiftly removing them. My naked body shivered adjusting to the cold room.
I pulled his body back up, my lips found his, our tongues tangled lightly before I pulled away. "I want you" I sighed with a ragged breath.
His answering grin stopped my heart. God how I wanted him. "Not yet love." With that, he pulled away, and began once again dancing down my body with his tongue, causing me to tremble in delight with every sensual touch.
Anxiety and desire knotted in my stomach as his fingers delicately stroked my inner thigh. A loud moan of pure pleasure escaped my throat as his tongue found my center. He flicked and swirled his tongue lightly, his hand making it way up to cup my breast and his fingers gently kneading my nipple.
With one hand I grasped for headboard, desperately needing to hold on to something to keep me from falling over the edge. "Oh, Edward, please don't stop" I sighed, tangling my other hand into his hair.
Encouraged by my pleading, he increased the pressure in all the right places, while sliding two fingers deep inside of me. I bit my lip, trying to stop my head from spinning, but I couldn't hold on any longer. An orgasm raged through my body, shaking me to the core.
My body fell limp on the bed, his name escaped my lips in a low purr. I laid there in pure ecstasy with my eyes closed until I felt his hands release me.
He sat up to take off his pants, revealing all of his perfect body. I reached for him, not being able to stand our bodies not touching any longer.
He found his spot, strong arms holding him above me. I couldn't imagine another place he fit so perfectly than here with me. His breathing was ragged now as he nestled his head into my neck. "Are you sure?" He whispered.
"Please" I panted as I snaked my legs around his hips, locking them on his lower back, pulling him closer.
With one strong, yet gentle thrust he was inside of me. Pleasure tore through my entire body, my hand wrapped tightly around his muscular arms, causing my nails to dig deeply into the beautiful art work that covered them. I knew it must have hurt, but he didn't seem to mind. His head tilted back and froze inside of me, a low moan boomed from his throat. He bent to kiss my eye lids, my forehead, my nose, and lips while picking up a long, slow, and perfect rhythm.
It was like he could read my mind, every moan, he picked up on, and adjusted to my body perfectly. I was quickly losing all control. "Edward?" I asked as a question, almost as if I was trying to be sure this wasn't all a dream.
"Yes love, I'm right here." he smiled, and brought his lips gently to mine.
That's all it took, something about the sound of his voice, and his perfect eyes gazing into mine. My body unraveled and I erupted beneath him, grasping his arms tighter than before. He took a sharp gasp of air, moaned intensely as my body shook and vibrated around him, and with one last thrust, harder than the rest, he collapsed breathlessly on top of me.
We laid there softly caressing each other, just enjoying the contact before he rolled to his side. Laying there with him, face to face, with his perfect green eyes all but took my breath away.
He smiled softly before he spoke. "Do you love me Bella?"
"Con tutto mia cuore. Per sempre"
He didn't question what that meant, he just pulled me close. I took in a deep breath letting his scent wash over me. I closed my eyes, lost in our perfect moment and drifted to sleep in his arms.