Chapter Fourteen: Fix You

(Disclaimer: I am not Shore. Ergo, I do not own.)

Days after Lacie had been cured she started her physical therapy, Cuddy started meeting with Peter to 'discuss a charitable donation to the hospital' and House had stopped having sex entirely, much to his distress.

"Wilson…" He sighed, wandering into his friend's office. "I haven't had sex in almost two weeks."

"I'm…. Sorry?"

House scoffed and took his seat across from Wilson, resting his chin on his cane and half-heartedly glaring at him. "You're sorry? I'M sorry. I'm more than sorry. This is worse than Vicodin withdrawals."

Wilson looked up from his phone, this statement being more concerning than the sext he was sending to Steph. "Really?"

"No. But it got your attention. What the hell are you doing, anyway? Playing Tetris?"

"…Yes."

"Liar, stop trying to get your girlfriend all hot and bothered, I'm more important."

Clicking his phone shut, Wilson rolled his eyes and looked up at House. "I don't know why I even bother lying to you."

"Nor do I. What do I do with my problem?"

"Um, have sex?"

"I can't, obviously, Cuddy hasn't been… Responding to me well."

"What?" Wilson exclaimed, his shock obviously sarcastic with a hint of annoyance. "Cuddy isn't responding well to you? I don't know what to say, you're so easy to get along with."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I'm better at handling insults and sarcastic barbs better than you."

"I still don't see what the problem is. You had sex before Cuddy. Hire a hooker if you're that desperate."

House made a face and slumped in his seat. He picked his cane up and twirled a few times, looking almost lost in thought as he quips, "Don't want a hooker."

"Date."

"Don't like dating."

"So what you're saying, House, is that you just want… Cuddy?" Wilson raised an eyebrow at him and leaned forward, anxious to hear the answer to that question, even if it was obvious to everyone already. The only thing that was missing from House and Cuddy's relationship thus far was an actual title, and he doubted that either of them actually cared about that. They just needed to vocalize their feelings and move on so that the rest of them, namely Wilson, could finally have some peace.

House looked up at Wilson with a sincere, anxious look, and he opened his mouth to say something, most likely something he would never say again, when Wilson's phone buzzed loudly on the table. The two doctors both looked down at the little cellular device before looking up at each other.

"More dirty texts, Wilson?" He smirked, making a mad grab for the phone at the same time as his flustered best friend.

"Shut up, you're in love with Cuddy and you know it. You need to go tell her and ask her to be your girlfriend for real this time so that I can relax and actually get something done other than fix your problems."

"Please." House scoffed, letting go of the phone and smirking as Wilson jolted back in his chair. "So far you have fixed zero of my problems."

"Well you never listen to me." Wilson shot back, opening his phone. Upon reading the message his eyes widened and he cleared his throat softly before shutting the phone and shoving it into his pocket. "I uh, yeah, how would you know if I could fix your problems or not if you just ignore all my advice?"

"All of your ideas suck, obviously. I'll leave now so that you can take care of whatever business Steph is throwing at you."

"Very funny."

"I think so." He smirked, standing to his feet and smoothing out his jeans. "Not funny enough for me to stick around though. That's a little gay, actually."

"Just leave, please."

"Right. I'll see you for lunch?"

Wilson groaned almost inaudibly as he opened his phone and reread his text. "No."

"Thought not."

Hours later the lunch dateless House wandered into Cuddy's office, two cups of coffee in hand, one stacked rather efficiently on top of the other. "Good afternoon, Captain Cuddles. I brought you some coffee in hopes that you'll go to lunch with me instead of doing your girlfriend in your office."

Cuddy looked up at him quickly, a terribly disturbed look on her face as she exclaimed, "WHAT?"

"Oh, crap I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to the other Jewish doctor that I socialize with. My bad." He sat down and scooted one cup of coffee over to her before picking his up and taking a swig. "Wilson and Steph are getting dirty on his desk."

"Wow, House." She sighed, rolling her eyes and focusing on her paperwork once again. "What's the point in that story?"

"…That it's true and disturbing?"

"Of course. What's the point in you being here?"

"I told you, I need someone to buy me lunch."

"Well, it's not going to be me. Sorry."

"You suck." He mumbled. "You keep ditching me after work and now you aren't even bugging me about anything during work. You're just getting boring."

"So why do you still want to bug me if I'm so boring?"

"…You have a nice ass?"

Cuddy looked up and glared at him, tossing her pen on the desk and folding her arms over her chest. "House. Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood. I'm filling out some of the final adoption papers for Rachel before I go to lunch."

"Great, go to lunch with me."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to lunch with Peter, ok? I'm going to lunch with him, then we're going to dinner tonight, so please leave me alone because I won't be spending any free time with you today."

House clucked his tongue softly before nodding and standing up silently. "Well… Have fun."

"Right. Thank you." She rolled her eyes and picked up where she left off with her paper work. Then, as she reached out for her coffee she found herself grasping at air and looked up to see House with both cups in hand again. "What the hell, House?"

"My bribe didn't work, so no prize for you." He smirked, turning around and heading out the door.

Cuddy couldn't help but laugh as she put her head in her hands and muttered, "God I hate that man."

"Do not!" He called through the glass doors.

"You have four hours of clinic duty!"

"Ok, you do. Don't punish me." He gave her his best puppy dog face before turning and, for real this time, heading back up to his office so that he could mope and ponder in peace.

Mostly ponder on how much he hated that Wilson was usually right.

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A/N: So… I've been out of town… which is my excuse for lack of updates .

Also, Sexting, not Texting. It wasn't a typo .