-Celeste-

I kept my eyes plastered on the surgery tent the entire time. It didn't feel right. No one else came in or out. No nurses, no assistants, no anesthesiologist. I suppose that the Followers of the Apocalypse had limited resources and people here in Freeside. At least they were better off than my brother and me when we opened our clinic. That was just the two of us in a tiny metal shack.

Livius only got up a few times to get water. Other than that, he was completely still and silent. I wanted to ask him about Silus, but I figured I better not.

The surgeon stepped out of the tent a lot sooner than I expected. He spoke with Julie Farkas, the pointy-haired woman from earlier, but they were so far away I couldn't hear them. Her expression said enough. She looked over at us. Livius perked up in his seat. Back when I had my clinic, I remember having to initiate this conversation many times. Theodore would always make me tell them for him. I never thought I'd have to be on the receiving end.

She walked over and knelt down in front of us.

"I am so sorry." Her voice dropped to a low whisper. "We couldn't save your friend."

I saw Livius's eyes widen, his skin grew pale. He hunched over in his seat and tangled his fingers through his hair.

"I should have brought him here sooner."

"Dear, dear. No." She placed a hand over his and he jolted. "You did everything you had to. There was nothing else you could-"

I shook my head and she stopped.

"My apologies. I'll give you two time to grieve."

It still didn't feel right. Even if the surgery wasn't a success, it was still a lot quicker than it should have been. I frowned and looked over at Livius.

"I'm going to get some sodas. You want anything?"

He shrugged, still staring down blankly at the floor. I stood up and made my way around the perimeter of the fort so I could slip into the tent.

I gripped the thick beige cloth and pulled it over my head. The inside of the tent was oddly well-light and lined with medical equipment. I knelt down next to the surgery table to examine the anesthesia used. Nothing. Anything that could have been used to knock him out during the surgery was stored away.

Silus's body was covered with a white cloth. I took a deep breath and pulled it up. The bullet hit him in the side and it didn't look like it made any contact with bones or vitals. Silus was a healthy man in relatively good shape. It didn't make sense that this would kill him.

I pressed my palms against the edge of the table and leaned in closer. No surgery scars. It looked like the bullet was still imbedded in his flesh. At first I was going to assume that the surgeon sucked that much, but then I noticed his arms. Just above his black legion tattoos were bruises, as if he was restrained. Upon taking a closer took, I saw more imprints around his nose and mouth in the shape of an oxygen mask. He was forced to breathe something in, just not anesthesia.

"What are you doing?"

I spun around to be face-to-face with the surgeon. His pale face was covered with a white surgical mask, but I could hear him loud and clear.

I gripped the edge of the table. "That's my line."

The surgeon crossed his arms. "What do you mean?"

I stepped to the side to show him the body. "I've been sitting outside for twenty minutes, but it doesn't look like you got that far with the surgery."

He moved away to the other side of the tent. "I understand you're upset about your friend. But I did everything-"

"-And these bruises weren't here before! What do you have to say about that?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I think you'd better leave."

I stood up straighter. "I will. And I'll come back with your supervisor."

"You do that."

I stormed out of the tent and made my way to Livius and Julie.

Livius tilted his head to the side. "You didn't get the soda?"

I grabbed his upper arm. "You need to see this."

Julie trailed closely behind us. "Is everything okay?"

"You'll see."

I lead them both into the tent. Silus's body was covered again. The surgeon was still sitting in the far corner, his hands folded carefully in his lap.

"Oh, so you did come back."

"Can it." I marched over to the body and gripped the sheet. "You have some explaining to do."

I flung the sheet up. My stomach twisted into a knot. Along the side of his body was a deep surgical scar. That was definitely not there before, but how could someone replicate it that quickly? The bullet appeared to have been removed too.

Julie and Livius were staring at me hard. I fumbled around for a response.

"Okay, well what about the bruises?"

"I had to carry him here." Livius's voice was quiet. "It's probably from that."

I stared at him in disbelief. Julie covered the body again.

"I understand you're upset. But we did everything we could."

"But-"

"Celeste." Livius's voice caught me off guard. "Surgeries fail sometimes. It's okay."

I wasn't used to hearing Livius defend medical procedures like this. I locked eyes with the surgeon again. It felt like his glare was stabbing me in the face.

Without breaking eye contact, I nodded and left the tent.

-Livius-

I know Celeste was just trying to make me feel better, but I wished that she found a different way to do it.

We went back home and Celeste wouldn't stop talking about it. She said that she knew Silus's death was set up. I didn't want to hear it.

"...and the anesthesia!" She continued to pace around the room. "Why would you start a surgery and not have the anesthesia?"

I curled up on the couch and brought my knees up to my chest.

"Not to mention the bruises! I know those definitely weren't there before. If I-"

"Celeste." My voice came out more shaky than I wanted to. "Stop."

She did, her face softened as well.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"We need food." I got up from the couch and made my way to the door. "I'll just go to one of the stands."

"Livius, are you sure you want to be out right now?"

I tightened my jacket around my body. I felt like I swallowed a fistfull of sand.

"It's daytime. No one's going to attack me." I grabbed my machete just in case.

Celeste reached for her own coat, but I stopped her.

"No, stay here." I opened the door. "You'll be safer."

"Livius, I can handle myself."

My hand tightened around the doorknob.

"An elite legion commander was defeated by a kid who barely knew how to use a handgun. I can't risk it."

I closed the door before she could respond.

I just needed to walk. Walking helped keep my feelings in check. I refused to cry. I wasn't going to cry over my centurion. Somehow that felt disrespectful. A recruit outliving his commander. It seemed stupid. I remembered that he pushed me out of the way. That confused me. I wasn't the one with value. I still don't know why people expect me to be more than I am.

There was a small line in front of one of the stands, but I didn't mind waiting. Just when it was my turn to buy something, I noticed something through the corner of my eye.

A young man in patchwork clothing digging through a trashcan.

The man who shot Silus.

My mind blanked. Something flashed before my eyes and I abandoned my place in line to chase after him. He recognized me at once and he ran. I was faster. I unsheathed my machete. I would kill him in front of the entire population of Freeside, I didn't care.

I chased him through the streets. I didn't care where I was going or what I was bumping into. We reached a dead end. He shuffled in place, I could see his mind racing from where I was. He turned around in defeat and fell to his knees. I didn't stop. I raced closer to him, my blade ready to strike.

"Please, I'm sorry!" His voice was wobbly and small. "I didn't know what I was doing!"

The machete was shaking in my hands, but I held it closer.

"Here's a lesson for you then." I pressed the edge of the blade to his throat. "Don't kill unless you're prepared to get killed yourself."

"I didn't-"

I pressed harder.

"I don't tolerate cowards. And I really don't tolerate cowards who expect me to spare their degenerate lives after they killed my friend."

He didn't speak. It was all up to me. My eyes locked on his. They were large and terrified, staring up at me like he was an injured animal. My machete trembled. He flinched when the blade scraped against his skin.

I bit my lip, closed my eyes, and put the weapon away. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me in disbelief. Honestly, I felt the same way.

I stood up and sheathed my machete. "You aren't worth my time. But if I see you again, I may not be as nice."

He scurried away without a second thought. I just stood there in that alley for a solid minute, then I slammed my head against the wall.

"I am so stupid."

...

I came home without any food. I failed my duties. Not ideal legionary behavior.

It wasn't like I cared. I sank to the ground the second I closed the door. Celeste looked over at me from the kitchen.

"You're back."

My head fell to the side. "Everyone I care about dies."

Celeste walked over and sat down next to me.

I wiped my eyes. Oh great, I was crying. This isn't what I wanted at all.

"My squad, Michael, Silus. You're all I have left. I don't want you to die too."

"Well it seems like I'm trying awfully hard to with this mission." She patted my shoulder. "But I'm not going anywhere."

I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my face against my knees.

"We can't continue this operation!" My face was completely wet and gross. "It's consuming you and I don't like it. You could get shot in the head again and maybe you won't survive this time! I know I won't be able to go home again. I just don't want you to die!"

Celeste was silent for a long time. I was scared to look up at her. Then I felt her hand on my back. I froze up completely.

She yanked her hand back. "I'm sorry..."

I lifted my head up. "It's okay. You've seen them, right?"

"What?"

My voice failed me for a moment. "My scars."

She looked down at the floor, then nodded.

"It's okay." I picked at my fingernail. "It's a part of me. I've hidden from them for too long."

"Is it alright if I ask about them?"

I felt my stomach twist into a knot, but I nodded.

"Whenever I did something wrong in the legion..." My voice trembled and my hands clenched into fists. "I would be tied down and whipped. Sometimes in front of my entire squad." I wiped my eyes with the back of my wrist. "Each scar is a symbol for how I let Caesar down. I can never escape my failures."

Celeste stared at me in shock. "Sounds like the legion has a purely punishment system going for them."

"Huh?"

"I mean," She ran her fingers through her choppy hair. "Do they ever do anything to reward you?"

I thought about it for a long time.

"They let me live."

Celeste frowned. "That's kind of morbid."

"No, that's not what I meant." I wiped my nose and stared up at the ceiling. "They gave me a shelter, food, water, friends. They gave me a community, a home. They gave me a sense of loyalty I haven't seen in profligate territories." I leaned back against the wall. "Though you're not of the legion, I will use that loyalty to make sure you are safe. If anyone ever tries to hurt you, I will destroy them."

Celeste looked stunned, then she broke into a smile.

"No one ever said that to me before."

I smiled too, but mine was a lot more weak.

"You're my squad."

She laughed and pulled me into a hug. It was stiff and awkward and my face was still wet with tears and snot, but I didn't care.

"I'll need that attitude when we kick Benny's ass."

I looked up at her.

"We're still doing that?"

"I didn't drag you halfway across the Mojave to give up now."

I smiled against her shoulder. I probably would have tracked Benny down myself if she didn't want to. But my years in the legion taught me that going off to kill people in teams is a lot more fun than going alone.

The legion has a lot of valuable lessons to offer.