If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

14. I'm Amazed at the Way I Really Need You

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-We're back with Edward. Once again, words cannot express my gratitude for those that have read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from this story. The PMs and revs that mention they now see things in a new light, or that they can't hear The Beatles without thinking of these two boys, just warms and inspires me. Thank you all.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, they wouldn't be here.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine own.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't known just what I needed …

"**~~**"

The rubber wheels of my chair squeaked on the smooth hardwood floor as I crossed the threshold and entered the huge gym. Maroon plastic bleachers lined three sides of the court and were almost filled with students and parents, large felt banners claiming our state victories hung high on the walls. The team benches, separated by the official's desk, were opposite the bleachers.

After spending more hours in that gym than I could count for practices, games, classes, I knew every inch of the floor, from the scratch on the floor near the far basket to slippery spot in the lower right corner. I was more comfortable on that court than anyplace else, except with Jasper. We had often talked about how we felt about our passions, his running and my basketball, about the sacrifices we made, the pressure we put on ourselves, the strain we forced on our bodies. While the sports were very different, they affected us in similar ways. I could relate the high Jasper got from running because I got the same feeling from making a game winning layup.

Entering that gym should have been easy, after all, it had always felt like a second home to me.

Until then.

It wasn't my second home anymore. In those first few seconds, it was foreign, unknown, and stifling all at the same time. The hardwood floor would never be my home again. My feet would never feel the greasy feel of a recently waxed floor, my sneakers would never squeal as I stopped hard to set a pick on someone, my legs would never lift me off the ground as I jumped to block someone's shot.

No, the court would never be my home again.

A chair made of metal and rubber and leather had stolen that honor.

I swallowed down the bile that had begun to rise at the sight of all the people. They were watching their teams warm up, talking and socializing. They were walking up the bleachers, standing with friends, jogging out into the corridor to grab a soda before the game.

They were doing things I never would.

Even though he wasn't touching me, I felt him there.

Jasper.

For about a week, I had been telling myself he was all I needed, that with him I could get through anything. He had told me the same thing, he had promised to be by my side no matter what, but deep down I knew there were going to be things I had to face alone.

This was one of them.

Simultaneously the teams finished their warm-ups, the music stopped and hundreds of heads turned as we entered.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath.

Even with Jasper beside me, my heart raced as hundreds of people looked at me, each face blurring into the next. I could almost sense the pity hanging heavy in the air as they all stared at me. I glanced around for my parents and found them at the end of the bleachers. My dad nodded and my mom smiled at me. Pushing forward a few more feet, I gnawed on my bottom lip nervously, my eyes firmly on the shiny wood floor beneath me before I came to a stop just a few feet short of the end of the court.

Then something unexpected happened.

The entire crowd began clapping and applauding and stomping their feet against the bleachers, the roaring sound echoed throughout the large gym.

"Holy shit," Jasper mumbled in awe next to me, his eyes wide as he watched and listened. "Not exactly what I was expecting."

Nodding in agreement with him, my eyes scanned the crowd, finally being able to recognize the some individual familiar faces of the other students, even the kids from my music class were cheering.

For me.

Unsure what to do, I just sat there stunned until Coach ran over to me.

"Edward," he greeted me with a smile. With a hand on my shoulder, he watched the crowd with me until they gradually quieted down. "Come over to the bench with us."

He led me over to the bench and I glanced behind me at Jasper. He was still standing where I'd left him, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on me the entire time. With a slight nod, he smiled encouragingly. As I neared the bench, my teammates all held out their hands for me to high five as I pushed by them one by one. Each of them saying how great it was to see me back, how much they'd missed me. When I reached the end, I stopped and turned my chair to face the crowd.

"Welcome to Spartan's Senior Night," the announcer said from behind the desk. "Please welcome the seniors of 2010! Will the seniors and their parents come out center court as we call you," he instructed. "Starting center, Matt Sullivan, and his parents Cathy and James."

One by one the seniors went out to the middle of the court to stand there with their parents. Each senior was handed a flower by a cheerleader, which he then gave to his mother. Then they would stand with their arms around each other and smiling for the photographer. After each picture was taken, the boys would kiss their mom's cheeks and shake their dad's hands before heading back to the bench. I sat and watched each one, my eyes constantly jumping from my teammates to my parents and then to Jasper. They would linger on him the longest, tracing the lines of his smile as he watched me intently.

"Here, put this on," my coach said, handing me my basketball jersey.

"But…" I glanced down at my shirt and tie.

"Just put it on over it."

I unbuttoned my jacket and pulled it off before taking my jersey from him, the satin material familiar in my hands as I tugged it over my head. Holding out the bottom of the jersey, l looked down and saw my number twenty-one. The same number I'd worn for four years.

Just when I thought I couldn't do it, that I didn't have the courage to follow through and push myself to the middle of that gym with everyone looking at me and whispering about me, I looked at Jasper again. Once our eyes connected, there were no more crowds.

There was only him and me.

The strength I needed I found in the pale blue eyes gazing at me. They were calm and sure and full of love. I don't know how he did it, I don't think I ever would, but somehow, with one brief look, he gave me everything I needed, everything I could have ever asked for.

"Point guard Edward Cullen and his parents, Carlisle and Esme," the announcer said and I took a deep breath. My mother and father walked toward the middle of the court and a cheerleader handed me the rose for my mother. I placed it on my lap before gripping the handrails tightly and slowly rolling forward. As I reached the center of the court, stopping the wheelchair on the Spartan's logo painted on the floor, one small girl stood in the crowd, her long, brown hair swaying over her shoulders as she began to cheer loudly. Bella's eyes never left me as she grinned proudly. After a few seconds, everyone followed her and stood up as well, their applause drowning out the announcer's words.

I handed the flower to my mother and she leaned down to kiss my cheek. As I turned my chair to face the photographer, I heard my last name being chanted by a group of boys behind me. With my mother's hand on one shoulder and my father's on the other, I smiled at the photographer and waited for the flash. He kneeled in front of us and took the picture before giving us the thumbs up.

"I'm proud of you," my mother said as she hugged me.

"I am too," my father agreed as he held out his hand for me. "We couldn't have asked for a better son."

"Thanks, Dad," I said quietly. The ovation never quieted the entire time I was out there. As my parents stood next to me, I looked over to my boy, and found him hooting louder than anyone. Blushing, I began to push myself back to the bench.

"Congratulations," Coach said as I approached. When I went to take my jersey off, he stopped me. "Leave it on. We want you to sit on the bench with us for the game."

Looking down at the row of my teammates, I saw their smiles. "Okay," I agreed hesitantly. The coach pointed to the end of the bench next to him and I turned my chair, backing it into the spot.

The officials called the captains out to the center of the court and Coach put his hand on my arm.

"That's you. You're a captain, Cullen," he reminded me. When I looked unsure what to do, he nodded and I followed Matt out to where the officials and other team's captains stood. The referees reviewed the rules and we shook hands with other team, wishing them luck before turning and heading back to the bench. Our teammates leapt off the bench and circled around us, just like they always did.

"This one's for Cullen," Matt said and they all began clapping. "Who are we?"

"SPARTANS!"

"What are we?" I asked, picking up the line I always said.

"SPARTANS!" our teammates shouted back.

"Spartans, Spartans, Spartans," we all shouted.

With one last synchronized clap, we parted and all but the starting five returned to the bench. I returned to my spot next by the coach. He instructed the players before sending them out for the beginning of the game.

Standing with their legs slightly bent, preparing to jump for the ball, the center's faced each other. The referee threw the ball up and they both jumped, one's fingers tapping it toward his player before the other. As the game began, my upper body tensed reflexively, my hands readying to pass to the post player as he worked his way under the basket. Instinctively, I read the other team's zone defense, and my team's plays crowded my head, moving through it with blinding speed.

"Run Kansas," I mumbled under my breath and then saw Brent, the point guard that had taken my place, hold up his fist, signaling the same play I had said. He passed the ball right and then cut, surprising the defensive player in the middle before catching the ball and making a layup. I could practically feel the basketball in my hands, hard and bumpy, as I watched what I could no longer do. Bodies moved in and out and against each other as another shot was taken and the teams went after the rebound, only to have the ball fall through the basket. The crowd cheered their approval, all eyes following the players as they ran down the court.

My heart ached as I watched my teammates glide around the court, their feet guiding them effortlessly, their legs strong and sure as they jumped and ran and braked. Overwhelmed, I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to control the emotions that began to flow through me. The longing to be out there with them, sweaty and running, was undeniable and powerful. I watched the players, each basket and pass pushing me toward the edge of something I wasn't sure I could handle.

I needed him.

Looking down the bench, I searched for him where I had left him but he wasn't there. Worriedly, I scanned nearby for his blond waves and soothing eyes. A whistle blew and a foul was called. The crowd grew almost silent as one of our players went to the foul line for his two shots. My attention was not on the player, but looking around for Jasper. Skimming the bleachers, I scoured each row, desperate to find him. With each face that wasn't him, my heart pounded, the ache increasing forcefully and my fingers wrapped around the handgrips.

Finally, I spotted him sitting next to Bella, staring at me, and I knew then that even though he had moved, his eyes had never left me. To him there was no game going on, no people around him, there was just me. When he saw the turmoil storming in my eyes, I saw his shoulders straighten and he tensed. Next to him, I saw Bella follow his stare and land on me as well, then she placed a hand on Jasper's forearm and spoke to him. He ignored her.

"You okay?" he mouthed.

I honestly didn't know.

Physically I was fine, but watching the game had affected more than I had expected. For the past few days I had been worried about seeing all those people, wondering what they would think of me, what they would say, but it had been watching my team play without me that bothered me, far more than the crowd had. My breath caught in my throat when I saw him start to stand, preparing to come rescue me. I knew he would do it. He wouldn't hesitate to leave Bella, walk around the court and come take me away.

He was there for me.

I knew he always would be.

That alone gave me the strength I needed.

I nodded and he slowly sat back down, but his eyes never roamed from mine. I held his gaze for a few moments, concentrating on nothing but the slight curve of his lips and the way his hair fell in front of his eyes. Gradually, my heart began to measurably slow, the pace eventually becoming normal. Coach called a timeout and the players all walked over, blocking my view of Jasper but not the strength I received from him.

The game continued, and when the buzzer went off for halftime, we were up by seven. The team headed for the locker room, but I waited by the bench. Only seconds after the team had left me, I was no longer alone. Jasper sat casually on the end of the bench.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, but it's hard."

"What is?"

"I can't…not here, not now," I whispered.

"Okay," he said quickly. "We'll talk later. I have to get Bella a Coke, do you want something?"

"A Dew, please."

"Be right back."

He stood and walked out with the flow of the people heading for the small concession stand just outside the door. I found my parents sitting on the bottom row near the end of the bleachers closest to me. They both smiled and waved and I returned the gesture. A few other kids came up and said hi, kidding around how the team would be up by 'a fucking lot more than seven' if I had been playing. When Jasper returned, he handed my drink to me and sat on the bench again.

"You can go back to Bella," I told him, watching her as she sat next to Eric and Angela.

"At the end of halftime I will. I'm not leaving you here alone."

I wanted to argue with him, tell him I was perfectly fine alone, but I knew it wasn't true. I wanted him there, next to me.

Always.

"So, how's the team doing?"

I shook my head, knowing damn well he was trying to keep my mind occupied with the logistics of the game so I would think about how much I missed it.

"Defensively, they are pretty strong. Nice shot blocks and rebounds, but offensively, Sully needs to set more picks and Brent has to pass the left quicker. Their post player is reading that pass every time," I answered him, probably with more information than he wanted.

"That's bad, right?" he joked.

After watching of hundreds of games with me, he knew the game almost as well as I did.

"Yeah, that's bad," I laughed. Behind us, the locker room door swung open and the team walked out.

"I'll meet you after the game," he said and stood up. With one last look, he was heading back to the bleachers, but before he reached them, the announcer spoke up.

"Could Edward Cullen please come the announcer's desk?"

Confused, I glanced to my parents and saw my dad shrug. Immediately, my eyes moved to Jasper. He'd stopped and was watching me from the end of the court.

"Edward?" Coach said from in front of the desk, my entire team standing behind him.

Hesitantly, I gripped the wheels and pushed myself toward them. Coach grabbed the microphone from the desk and turned to the crowd before speaking. "Edward Cullen has been playing for me since his freshman year. I remember he came to me, too small and scrawny to play, but he was quick and had natural court vision. You can't teach what he already knew. He tried out for varsity that year and not only did he make the team, he became our starting point guard. Each year, he's improved and I've never seen anyone so devoted, his love for the sport shines down on us all, making his teammates want to be better players. It is with great pleasure and pride that I present this game ball from the last game you all played together signed by the team to you, Edward. Thank you for being the incredible inspiration you are. It is my honor to coach you, and the team's honor to play with you."

He held the ball out to me and I reached up and took it, choking back emotions as I placed it in my lap.

"Thank you," I said quietly. There were a few seconds of utter silence and then the crowed exploded into cheers even louder than before. The photographer returned and took a picture of us all. I was in the middle with Coach behind me, the team spread on both sides. When he was done, my teammates surrounded me, slapping me on the back and playfully shoving my shoulder. Unable to say much more than thank you, I returned their smiles. The officials called the start of the second half and we returned to the pine bench.

As soon as I was settled with my ball safely nestled on my lap, I looked for Jasper and found him next to Bella again. She was sipping on her Coke and waved to me. I waved back to her, but my eyes went to his. He was smiling and relaxed and looked beautiful.

Jasper was always beautiful, even at his sweatiest, dirtiest moment, he was sexy, but sitting there in his sweatshirt and jeans, his body loose and free as he leaned his elbows on his knees with his hair falling over one eye, he looked perfect.

I watched the remainder of the game with as much emotion as before but it was different. I still missed it, and knew a day would never pass that I didn't yearn to play again, but I was able to watch it through Jasper's eyes and not mine. Instead of wishing it was me making the passes, I was able to break down the other team's plays and offer advice to my teammate's as they came off the court. It was with the knowledge that I gave them, that Jasper's had inspired me with, that my team was able to pull away even further and win the game. The final buzzer rang and the game ended. When I went to take the game jersey off, Coach stopped me.

"Keep it," was all he said with a smile.

The bleachers emptied, the students and parents heading out the exits for their cars. Just as he promised, Jasper appeared by my side before I had moved more than a few feet.

"That second half was much better. I saw that Brent started making that pass to the left a little quicker. Someone must have given him some advice," he commented with a coy smile.

Smart ass.

If I hadn't picked up on his strategy before, I would have then.

"Thank you," I said, looking up at him.

"C'mon, let's go," he replied. My parents met us at the door and offered to drive me home, but Jasper spoke up. "Nah, I can do it. I left my backpack there and need to pick it up anyway."

We all walked out together, parting when my parents headed for their car. On the way to his truck, people walked by and said it was great to have me back and congratulated me. I wasn't sure what for, but I nodded and thanked them. At the truck, Jasper lifted me into the cab and put my chair in the back. After he got inside and started it, he turned on the heat. I had set the ball on the seat between us.

"Want to go get an ice cream or something?"

It was such a normal thing for us to do. Often after my games we would hit McDonald's or the local ice cream shop for some celebration junk food. Sometimes we sat with other kids, sometimes we just did the drive thru and sat in the parking lot. Normal was never going to happen for me again, at least not the way I knew it, but Jasper refused to let things change because of my chair.

"Yeah, actually, I do," I said.

"Lago's?"

"Definitely."

While he drove, I took out my phone and called my mother to let her know I was going for an ice cream. Her voice was a mixture of happiness and concern. I assured her I was fine and wouldn't be late. Jasper pulled into the ice cream shop and parked. There were a few other cars around, mostly people from the game.

"What do you want?" he asked, reaching for his wallet.

"Double chocolate coconut with sprinkles."

"Sugar high much?" he teased as he opened his door. "Be right back."

As much as he fought for normalcy, things were different. Normal would have been getting out and walking in with him. Standing next to him line while we debated our choices until finally settling on what we always ordered. Now normal was waiting in the truck while Jasper went inside and got our food. He returned with two huge cones and handed one to me with a stack of napkins.

"My dad will kill me if I mess up his truck," he shrugged when I looked at the napkins. "Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?"

"Can we stay here?"

"Sure," he agreed as he started the truck and turned the heat on full blast. He brought his cone up to his mouth, dragging his tongue along the ice cream. Then he put his mouth on the top of the swirl, sucking for a second before removing them, vanilla ice cream coating his full lips. Slowly, he licked his lips before earnestly lapping his ice cream, scooping the vanilla and swallowing, just to dive back in for more. Stopping, he looked at me, his brow furrowed.

"Babe?"

My own ice cream was untouched in my hands, chocolate running down the side of the cone and onto my thumb.

"You grip it much tighter, you're going to crush the cone," he smiled before keeping his eyes on me as he teasingly flicked the tip of his tongue along the edge of his cone.

"Jesus," I moaned and licked my own lips.

"Wanna taste?" he asked, holding his cone out toward me.

"Not off the cone," I replied with a shake of my head.

"Off the tongue then?"

"Tongue, lips…all of it."

Grinning, he threw his head back and laughed, exposing his deep dimples. I began to eat my own ice cream, quickly catching up to him and actually finishing it off before he did. We teased each other with fluttering tongues and sugar covered lips. He moaned when I pressed the flat of my tongue and ran it up the length of my ice cream. When we were done, he tossed our napkins in the trash and then drove to my house. After parking behind my dad's car, he left the truck running for heat and turned to me.

"Talk to me, baby," he pleaded, reaching across the seat for my hand.

Sighing, I dropped my head against the seat and closed my eyes. Clenching his hand, I held it as I began.

"I didn't think I'd miss it that much. I mean, I've barely thought about basketball since that accident."

"You've had other things on your mind," he said sympathetically.

"I guess. But being there, watching them play. I…I just wanted to do it too… so bad."My voice cracked, but I continued. "I had no idea I could miss something so much." I paused and opened my eyes, turning to him. "Except you of course."

"Are you sorry you went?"

"No," I answered quickly. "It was really nice to see the guys and to hear the people…" I shook my head, refusing to let the tears fall once again.

"You inspire them."

"How?" I scoffed.

"By getting up every day, by not giving up."

"I want to give sometimes. A lot of times actually," I admitted.

"But you won't. It's not in you. You're a fighter, Edward, and whether you believe it or not, just as fucking stubborn as I am."

His words sat in the heated air of the cab as his fingers stroked my gloved hand. I wasn't sure how long I was lost in his eyes for, how long they swept me from the truck and wrapped me in his embrace of…everything; strength, confidence, love, compassion.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, tilting his head and studying me.

"I will be," I whispered uncertainly. "Jas?"

"Mmm?"

I looked away, unable to hold the gaze of blue. When I went to speak, the words were flittered away and the silence grew.

"I'm not going anywhere," he reminded me in a hushed voice, barely auditable. Snapping my eyes shut for a few seconds, I stopped the tears that were trying to escape. "You know that, right?"

Exhaling heavily, I nodded and opened my eyes. "Yeah, I do."

"Let's get you inside," he said, glancing at the front door. "But first…" He leaned toward me and reached up with his hand, cupping my cheek right before our lips met. Moaning, he ran his tongue along my lips, tasting the remains of the chocolate ice cream. Instinctively, my lips parted for him and I felt his tongue enter my mouth, gently and briefly entwining with mine before he sat back with a smile.

"You taste so good," he blushed and licked me off his own lips. He released my hand and got out of the truck, getting me into my chair before following me up the ramp and holding the door for me. We entered the quiet house and saw my mother and father sitting on the couch watching television.

"Hello, boys," they both greeted.

"Hi," we returned.

"I should go," Jasper said, standing just inside the door.

"You can't stay?" I asked sadly.

"I told my dad I'd have the truck back early, but I'll be by tomorrow. We can work on that history project."

I nodded and he opened the door again.

"Night Dr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Did you get your backpack?" my father asked and Jasper immediately blushed at his lie from earlier.

"Umm…I…oh...no, I found it in my truck," he fibbed and my father raised an eyebrow. Before my dad could say anything more, Jasper bolted out the door. Less than a minute later, my phone vibrated with a text message.

Be safe, baby.

I replied.

See ya soon, love.

I sat with my parents for a few minutes before heading down to my room. Taking off my gloves, I set them on the table, my fingers resting on the suede for a few seconds.

He'd bought me gloves.

Since we had met, I had known Jasper was thoughtful. He was always the one to bake the cookies, or buy me something when he ran to the store. When I would ask why he was giving me a stuffed opossum with a rainbow tail, he would just shrug and say 'Just because'. And that's all it was with Jasper, just because.

Just because he loved me, just because he thought of me, just because he wanted to do things for me.

I returned the favor, usually in the form of a sub that I would personally make for him before leaving work, but he was always the more thoughtful one. The gloves were just proof of what I already knew.

Turning my right hand over, I ran a finger over the healing blisters and roughening skin. The cushioned gel pads of the gloves covered the palms protectively and I could push my chair without pain. I pulled off my jersey and tie and then unbuttoned my shirt before grabbing a catheter kit and going into the bathroom to empty my bladder and brush my teeth. Back in my room, I shifted onto my bed and changed into my pajama bottoms and tee shirt. Using my upper body, I dragged myself up my bed and flipped over, moving my legs by hand, until I was leaning against my headboard.

With a heavy sigh, I set my phone on my table and covered myself with the blanket. Using my remote, I turned on my stereo and started the White Album. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel him beside me. Soft puffs of air brushing over my chest as held me, chapped lips leaving random kisses on my neck as he worked his way up to my lips. His once tentative moves were starting to fill with confidence. It was as if we had reverted back to when we had first starting dating, when our bodies were still new to each other, when we looked for permission before doing anything more than a chaste kiss.

In the shower a few days before, sex had been the last thing on either of our minds, but after our confessions and my promise to not push him away, to fight for my life, something had changed. I felt a sense of freedom, as stupid as it sounds, a cleansing of my soul. Something had lifted from my shoulders, a weight of a life stuck in a chair that I knew was going to shared by two. When he had lifted that burden from me, my heart felt lighter and I felt…happy.

When he was drying off, it was almost instinct to smack him with the towel. It was something I would have done after any other shower we'd taken. I never expected him to retaliate, but I was glad he did. It only proved to me that he wasn't going to treat me any different. I was still his Edward, in a chair or not.

Back in my room, lying on my bed with Jasper standing before me, I my heart raced. For once it wasn't in fear or embarrassment, it was in excitement. Excitement at seeing my boyfriend naked before me, tall, lean, hung, and mine. Silently, I beckoned him to me, and he came, crawling up my body. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to feel his weight on me, his lips on mine as our bodies pressed together. Seeing Jasper with the same level of desire in his eyes as he had always had made me forget there was a chair sitting at the end of the bed.

Sometimes Jasper made me forget I was only half a man.

Alice interrupted us and Jasper panicked, racing around my room trying to find clothes while I watched him, amused. After she left, we continued where we had left off, only clothed. Jasper kissed me with the same passion as always, his tongue plunged into my mouth repeatedly. His hands roamed my chest as they always had. What was unexpected was my reaction when he'd absently taken my nipple between his fingers and squeezed. Never had I felt anything so…amazing. It was as if his lips were embracing my cock. My body lifted off the bed, seeking more of his touch, as an electric shock went through my body at amazing speed.

I wanted nothing more than for him to do it again.

He did.

Moaning with a pleasure I'd thought I never experience again, I fisted his waves and tongue fucked him for as long as he'd let me. Everything about it was intimate, even sexually intimate, but it had shifted. Anything below my waist could no longer be included.

When he rested his head on my chest, I felt his tears. He promised they were happy ones, and I knew it to be true. Even though the kissing had stopped, the intimacy had not. Jasper stayed and we did homework, he stayed by my side in his vow to protect me.

Jasper has always had a protective nature. I didn't know where it came from, perhaps it was that his mother was nurse and helped others, or maybe it was something else entirely, but it wasn't something I'd witnessed often.

Until now.

He didn't think I saw them, the glares he gave others that dared to look at me when we walked down the hall. He didn't think I knew he was distracting me with his dimpled smile and hushed whispers just loud enough to cover up the gossip behind us. It wasn't that I ignored those things he did, but rather I accepted them. I reveled in the fact that he wanted to protect me.

Fuck, I needed him to.

I couldn't do it myself. I had no nerve to confront anyone. Hell, I had wheeled away when I had heard those kids in my music class. The next day when Jasper and I parted, I was determined to face them even though my heart raced nervously. When I pushed myself into the classroom, I saw them all sitting at the same desks as the day before, all four of them in a row. Only something was different. They were quiet, pensive even, as they read something on their desks. Moving closer, I saw they were printed out papers of a news article. Micah saw me first and nodded.

"Cullen."

I nodded, squinting my eyes to see what they were all reading, what had enraptured them all so much.

"How ya doing?" Stephen asked, lifting his eyes from the paper.

"Fine," I said slowly, hesitantly. Beth wiped her cheek and then looked up at me, giving me a half smile.

"Hey, man, we're sorry about…ya know," Micah stammered.

"No problem," I replied, unsure what else to say as I turned my chair toward my desk. Not once during class did I hear them say one word about me, or anyone for that matter. I don't know how Jasper had done it, I had only left him a few minutes when I had to go to the bathro-damn, he was fast.

After class, I waited for Jasper outside the classroom but when he hadn't shown up, I headed in his direction, only to practically get trampled by him when he ran around the corner.

Of course, he denied having said anything.

Instead, he walked me to Coach's office. When Coach opened the door and ushered me inside, I glanced over my shoulder at Jasper, pleading him to follow. Just as he pushed himself off the wall, the door closed. Coach walked around his desk and sat down.

"It really is great to see you, Edward," he began. Anxiously, I looked around his office, one I had been in many times over the past four years, but never sitting in a wheelchair.

"Thanks."

"You probably don't remember, but I came by to see you in the hospital a few times."

I shook my head. "No, I was pretty out of it for awhile."

"Understandable. The team came by one night, but you were sleeping. They went in one at a time to say hi, but then we left."

"Thanks," I repeated. I had absolutely no recollection of them ever visiting me.

"We wanted to come by the house, but your mother thought it best that we wait until you were more ready."

"I was ready," I lied. I hadn't been ready to see them. Hell, it was hard enough to see Jasper and my family, I couldn't have handled seeing my able bodied teammates making small talk.

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that we were thinking about you. The team asked about you all the time."

"That's nice," I mumbled.

"The reason I asked you here is because Friday night is our last home game which means senior night, and we want you to be there."

"Be there?"

"With the team, with us on the bench. Have your parents come, do the picture thing…all of it."

"Oh…um…I don't know…"

"Edward, you're an important part of this team, and we want you there."

"Okay, I'll talk to my parents."

He smile and then held the door for me to leave. As soon as it closed, Jasper was there, asking how I was. When I told him what had happened, he sounded positive.

"How is it great, Jasper? People stare at me in the fucking hallways, but a game will have their parents, the other team, their fans….I don't know if I can handle that…"

He dropped to his knees and put a hand on my lap, he told me I didn't have to go. I told him I had to try.

"Yeah, but you don't have to face all of the world in one week, Edward. This isn't a race or something, you need to do it in your own time and if you're not comfortable with it, then don't go."

"I'm never going to be comfortable doing anything again. I guess I gotta get used to it."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, his hand on my knee as he stared at me and I silently asked him to go with me, to not leave my side, to help me. Silently, he promised he would.

"I said, is Coach Griffith in?" Newton asked behind us. When I asked Jasper if he had seen us, he brushed off my concern. I believed him.

In the lunchroom, the curious look and pitied gazes only added fuel to his already burning fire of protectiveness. What he had been able to pull off in my music class had stayed in music class and I knew he was frustrated, but my calm boy became enraged when he saw the lunch line, slamming his tray down and yelling at the lunch ladies, asking how the hell I was supposed get my lunch. Of course, he helped me through the line, grabbing my food and putting it on the tray, giving each and every worker a glare or snide comment. I followed behind him, mumbling my choices and keeping my eyes off the workers.

At our table, I pushed up to the end while Jasper sat on the first stool. The weight of all the eyes on us began to wear at his patience, he was practically buzzing with energy that I knew he didn't have. He stopped the looks with a warning glare, but then they just started talking instead. When I started at my food and sighed, he growled.

"You gotta eat."

"Don't really feel like it," I sighed, pushing his tray away. "I thought it'd be easier."

"What?"

"Seeing them all at once, I thought it would get it over with, but it just seems worse."

"It's not right. You're still you, damn it," he slammed my fist on the table, shaking the trays and then he stood up. My eyes widened and I went to stop him but it was too late. He was driven by his love for me, and I knew there was no stopping that. "Listen, you all need to get a fucking life. It's Edward for fucks sake, he's the same guy he was two months ago, the same guy most you have gone to school with your entire lives. Nothing has changed, he hasn't changed. "

Waiting for a challenge from someone, he remained standing. When everyone turned back around, paying us no more attention, he sat back down and bit into his apple like nothing had ever happened.

I didn't like that he had to do it, that he felt he had to do it. Before the accident, I could have walked into lunchroom, chatted with friends in line and sat with Bella and Jasper and discussed the homework. That life was gone, it had morphed into Jasper slamming trays and giving people the evil eye just so they would stop staring at me. As proud as I was he stood up for me, literally, I also felt ashamed, ashamed that I couldn't do it myself. I had known I needed him, but each day I was learning I needed him in more ways than I had ever imagined.

"Thanks."

"Good thing Bella wasn't here," he smirked.

"No shit," I agreed.

The next day had gone much smoother. Jasper projected his protective bubble around us and I finished classes unscathed. Using the bathroom was getting easier, there had only been a few times when I had been rushing and had trouble getting the catheter in, but after taking a few breaths, I was able to slide it in and empty my bladder. Jasper drove us home after the second day back and we went inside my house to find Emmett there. I could tell Jasper was disappointed, and I didn't want him to leave. We were just starting to rediscover us after having lost my way on the path. It was like we had been out in a storm, while Jasper had frantically reached out for me, I had always remained one step out of his weak grasp. Willingly, I had prevented him from finding me until I realized I wanted to be found.

Even though we'd been together for over a year, holding his hand felt new. Feeling his warm skin on mine was confirmation of he was where I belonged, but there was something different about it. Perhaps it was just that after all we had been through, something as simple as hand holding meant so much more than before.

Jasper left and I went to the dining room to meet Emmett. The table had been pushed to wall, and workout equipment had been purchased and set up. There was a rack of dumbbells in the corner, along with a shelf of various therapeutic toys, large rubber bands, a medicine ball, boxing gloves, and resistance cables. By the window was what appeared to be parallel bars, like the ones a gymnast would use. I thought they were being optimistic with those. I'd never be able to stand again, much less swing myself around some fucking bars. On the other wall was a weightlifting bench with a weight bar resting above it, and an adjustable pulley stand next to it. The pulley stand allowed me to move under it in my chair and do various exercises with the cables and weights.

"Did you want to change? I can wait," he offered as I put my bag down by the door.

"Nah. I can just shower after." I blushed when I recalled my last time in a shower, and who I'd been with.

"Okay then, let's get going." With a grin, he walked over to the far corner and stood with his back to me for a minute. Confused, I watched him, his wide shoulders blocking my view. Then the music started and his head started jerking side to side as he turned around.

"Let's get physical," he sang with the song, not even stopping when he saw my shocked expression.

"What the…"

"Oh, come on. Don't even try to tell me you don't know Olivia Newton John?"

Even more confused, I furrowed my brows and he sighed.

"Looks like I've got a lot more to teach you. Edward, there is other music besides The Beatles." I went to argue with him but he continued before I could speak. "I love The Beatles too, but honestly, nothing beats the eighties for workout music."

"You're serious," I said slowly, realizing that I wasn't some bad movie. Emmett really was playing "Let's Get Physical" and moving side to side with the music.

"Totally. I even made you a CD for you to use when you work out alone."

"Because alone is the only way I would ever listen to this music," I mumbled.

He ignored me. "Shoulder rotations first."

Slowly, I moved to the dumbbells and picked up the set I normally used and began the exercise. Emmett watched me, correcting my form as he sang along in an alto voice, even higher than Olivia's. The song ended and changed to one I actually knew.

"Might as well jump!" He sang before stopping my second repetition. "Bicep curls now."

We continued like that for an hour, Emmett singing along with his bad eighties music and me grunting through the workout. He pushed me to do more reps than usual, as if he sensed my newly found fight.

"You got gloves," he motioned to my hands, even picking on up to examine it more closely. "They're not wheelchair gloves."

"No, they're bike gloves."

"I didn't think you would need them so soon, but I guess being back to school will do that. Do they help?"

"Yeah, they feel really good."

"Where'd ya get them?"

"Um…I don't know. Jasper got them for me."

Emmett smiled, and he might have even blushed. "Thoughtful of him." Before I could reply, he was singing again. "Hey, Mickey, you're so fine," he hummed.

"Ya know," I groaned through clenched teeth. "If I'd known about your bad taste in music, I never would have requested you."

He laughed loudly, his entire body shaking. "You'll learn to love it too, Edward. Just give in to it, you know you want to."

"No, I really don't," I disagreed adamantly, shaking my head vigorously as I huffed through the last rep of cable flys.

Once my upper body workout was done, he had me lay on the wide bench and he worked my legs. Holding my ankle and the back of my calf, he moved my legs in a bicycle motion, stretching and exercising the useless muscles.

I watched him.

I watched my legs move.

I felt nothing.

"Don't give up hope," he said to me, his eyes watching his own work.

"I beginning to think it's wasted energy," I sighed.

"It's not. Hope is never wasted."

We were both silent after that, although he occasionally hummed along with one of his one hit wonders of the eighties. For the next hour, he continued to manipulate my body and then gave me a shoulder and arm massage. Finally, he was done and picked up his bag.

"I want you to do two reps of ten of each of the exercises we did today. I'll be by on Wednesday."

"Okay."

"Feel free to use the CD I made for ya," he winked and then walked out the door.

The knock on my door yanked me from my memories, and my father came in and sat on the edge of my bed. I could tell he was concerned, his eyes were deep and his brows slightly turned in. His normally perfect hair had the trails of hands running through it.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay," I answered sleepily, barely able to keep my eyes open and focused. It seemed things took much more out of me than ever before.

"We're proud of you, Edward. You did a brave thing tonight."

"Thanks."

"How are you feeling? Everything okay? Any pain? Bladder, bowels?"

"Everything's fine. Tired though."

"That's to be expected, you went to school all week, a lot of stress on your body and mind." He ran his hands down my legs, seemingly randomly squeezing muscles, then he checked my pulse and looked into my eyes with his little flashlight.

"Dad, I'm fine."

Smiling, he ignored me and felt my glands, then worked his way down my arms. When he got to my hands, he turned them over and saw the hardened blisters peeling from my palms, exposing the new pink skin underneath. He examined them closer, glancing at the gloves on my table as he put my hand back down.

"If those get worse, let me know. I've got some ointment you can use to soften them up, prevent infection."

"I will."

"Those gloves help?"

I nodded and looked away.

"Edward, I…" He paused, hesitating, something my father rarely did. Then he smiled and ruffled my hair like I was his little boy again. "I just wanted to be sure you were okay after tonight. I know that must have been hard for you. Facing all those people and watching the game."

"It was. I miss it, Dad. A lot."

"I know, Edward. Not many could have done what you did."

"Thanks."

He gave me one last small smile and then stood and headed for the door. "Get some rest," he instructed before closing it behind him. Following his demand, I closed my eyes and waited for my mind to conjure up Jasper to join me, his body lying next to mine, holding me protectively as I drifted off to sleep.

"**~**"

The next week went by in a blur of physics tests, essays, physical therapy and two doctor's appointments at Forks Hospital. They were routine checkups, making sure that the surgery was still holding everything in the right place. My father had taken me, dismissing me from school and walking me through the MRI I had to have done. While I couldn't read the scans he looked at, he seemed relieved at the results and the other doctors were pleased at my progress.

What fucking progress, I had no idea.

I was still stuck in a chair.

When I wasn't with Emmett or at the appointments, I was with Jasper. He drove me to school every morning he could, and on the ones he couldn't, he met me at the entrance and walked in with me. After the basketball game, there had been a shift in the school. No longer did Jasper have to cover up the whispers in the hallway or stare down those that dared to look at me. Instead, he smiled at kids that passed us, nodding to a few and saying hi to others. My teammates high-fived me on their way to classes, Micah even stopped to ask me a question about homework and Bella sat on my lap as I pushed us down the corridor.

It almost seemed normal.

Until I had to leave class to go to the bathroom and stick a tube in my dick, or look up at someone that used to be shorter than me, or have Jasper get my food in the lunch line because I couldn't carry the tray, or when I had to sit in study hall instead of gym class.

The weekend before, Jasper had been sitting on my bed eating a sub he'd picked up on his way over. In front him was his physics book opened to the reading assignment.

"I still don't get the fucking difference Kepler's laws of gravity and Newton's," he sighed to himself.

"I want to ask Bradshaw to let me back into gym class," I admitted suddenly.

Since the game a few days before, I had wanted more than just sitting in a chair. I got exercise with Emmett, but it was alone and it wasn't the stuff I liked to do, it wasn't basketball or football or baseball.

Jasper didn't stop chewing, but he looked at me with his cheeks puffed out from the sandwich stuffed in them.

"Go for it," he mumbled around the food, brushing the crumbs off my bed with an apologetic look.

"Do you think it's crazy?"

"Not at all," he shrugged. "I think it's crazy for them to think you can't do gym. They've obviously got their fucking heads up their ugly asses."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, mad that he had thought I could have been in gym along.

"Because it needed to be your decision, not mine. I was pissed when you told me they were sticking you in study but you seemed okay with it."

"I was, but now I'm not. I want to do gym. At least try to."

Jasper swallowed and stared at me, smiling. I knew exactly what he was smiling at but he told me anyway.

"My boy's got some fight."

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up." I picked up my pencil and flung it at him, laughing when it bounced off his head. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer by it until our knees were touching.

"Make me," he whispered before his lips pressed to mine.

Kissing had been something we had easily fallen back into. I think our mouths spent more time attached than not. We had seemed to have rediscovered the joy of a good make-out session, getting each other's hearts racing strictly by our mouths and tongues and lips. Hands wandered and gently explored, but nothing had ever gone beyond hair tugging and nipple tweaking. It seemed Jasper enjoyed the way I would arch my back into his touch when I lay beside him because he would moan as he watched me with his darkened eyes.

As his lips moved over mine, I felt my resolve strengthen and I sighed into the kiss. When we parted, he leaned back on the bed and reached for his sub again.

"You gonna eat yours?" He pointed to the one he had gotten me on the table. "Because if you're not…" he hinted.

I picked it up, unwrapped it, and couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I bit into it.

Some might say the smile was because I was getting better, that I was getting my life back.

But I knew the reason for it was sitting in front of me with breadcrumbs on his lips and onion on his breath.

It was Wednesday before I had built up enough courage to make an appointment to see Mr. Bradshaw. During my study hall, I got a pass and went down the main office. When I turned the corner, I saw Jasper leaning against the wall beside the door. Shaking my head, I pulled up to him.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have gym?"

"Turns out they didn't need me today."

"You skipped?"

"I like to think of it as participationally challenged." He pushed off the wall and shrugged. "I thought you could use some support."

Sighing, I looked up at him and was immediately lost in bright blue eyes smiling encouragingly at me.

"Mr. Cullen?" the secretary called me inside.

"Go kick his ass," Jasper whispered as I passed him.

Mr. Bradshaw came out to greet me and ushered me into his office. The counter that had stood in front of his room had been replaced by a desk that had been placed at an angle to allow me room to get by.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?" he asked, taking a seat behind his large desk.

"I want to go back to gym class," I blurted out without warning.

"Excuse me?"

Lifting my chin, I repeated myself. "I want to go back to gym class."

I hadn't told my parents what I was doing, I knew my mother would worry and my father would advise me against it. I had only confessed my plan to one person.

"Edward, while I'm pleased with your enthusiasm, I don't really see how gym class is a possibility for you in your…condition."

"My condition, Mr. Bradshaw, has not affected my athletic ability, or my desire to be physically fit."

"No, but it has affected your ability to participate in certain things safely."

"I think I should be allowed to try. If I can't do it, then I will go back to the study hall, but I've been having PT, I'm stronger than three quarters of the kids in my class."

He eyed me and I could practically see him weighing the pros and cons in his head, wondering what kind of battle I, or my parents, would wage if he said no. I ignored the trophies on his bookshelves and the scattered knickknacks and papers on his desk and returned his stare evenly and confidently.

On the inside, I was a nervous wreck.

"Let me talk to the Mr. Foote and see what we can do."

I sighed. It wasn't what I had been hoping for but it wasn't a definite no either. "Okay. I can bring in a note from my PT if you want."

"Let's see what Mr. Foote says, what he has planned for the rest of the year and go from there, okay?"

"Yes. Thank you," I said quietly. Backing my chair up from his desk, I turned it around and pushed myself out. After going around the desk, I reached for the door, but it opened before I could grab the handle.

"How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. He said he needs to talk to Mr. Foote first, but he didn't say no yet."

"Ass," Jasper said, frowning at the office door.

"You should go to class. I have to go use the bathroom anyway. I'll meet you after gym?"

"Sounds good. Be safe…"

"See ya…"

Winking, he turned and jogged down the hall toward the gym and I headed for the nearest restroom. Pushing the heavy door open, I entered and wheeled past the urinals to the end where the handicapped stall was. I went inside and turned to lock the door only to find the lock missing. The slider was completely gone and the rest of it was hanging by one loose screw.

"Fuck," I growled, slamming the door shut, only to watch it bang and swing open again. "God fucking damn it."

I tried to close it again, but there was about an inch gap. There wasn't enough time to go down the hall to find another bathroom, so without a choice, I moved to the toilet, my knees pressed up against it as I reached around to my backpack. My mom had ordered a wheelchair bag online to make it easier to carry my books around. Resting against the back of my chair, it hung on the handles and was big enough to hold my books and a few catheter kits.

Grabbing a kit, I laid it on my lap while I unzipped my jeans. Pulling out my flaccid dick, I put the rubber gloves on and opened the iodine swipe. After cleaning the head of my cock, I threw the wipe in the toilet and then broke the seal on the tubing. Holding myself in one hand, I squeezed the slit opened and pushed the tubing inside, slowly easing it up the urethra to my bladder. When the urine started, I stopped and let it empty into the bag.

I hadn't heard the bathroom door open, or the footsteps of someone in the room with me. It wasn't until the stall door swung open that I realized it wasn't alone.

"Oh, hey, shit, sorry, man," Newton stuttered, his eyes wide as they dropped to my dick in my hands and the tube filled with piss coming out of it.

"Do ya fucking mind?" I growled at him when he didn't seem to be leaving.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," he said slowly, taking a step back and letting the door go. Without closing it, it remained about half way open.

"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling the tube out an inch or so until it drained what was left in my bladder. When the bag was full, I tore the top off and poured it into the toilet and then swiped my dick with iodine again. Shoving myself back into my pants, I zipped them up and then flushed the toilet. Turning, I left the stall and tossed the kit and my gloves into the trash can by the sinks before pushing up to a sink and washing my hands.

Newton was leaning against the wall.

"Sorry," he said again, eyeing me curiously. "What were you doing in there?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Translating Latin," I deadpanned, but when he looked confused, I clarified. "It's a catheter. It's what I have to use to go to the bathroom now."

"Oh. Um…the other stalls are disgusting and one doesn't flush."

"You could have knocked."

"I didn't think anyone was in here. You could have locked it?"

"It's broken."

"Damn, guess I better run down to the ones in the south hall." He stood up and headed for the door. Holding it open for me, he waited for me to pass him before he headed down the hall. "See ya, Cullen."

I pushed by the students gathering books and jackets from lockers on their way out the buses or cars, the crowds thinned as I wheeled my way to the gym. By the time I met Jasper, I was raging. He smiled as approached until he saw the scowl on my face.

"What's wrong?"

His entire demeanor changed in seconds, his relaxed shoulders stiffened, his face hardened and his eyes narrowed. Just seeing his protectiveness flare up so instantly for me eased my anger. After glancing around, he kneeled in front of me when I stopped.

"I went to the bathroom just outside the office the stupid fucking door was missing the lock so I couldn't shut the damn thing and then when I was in middle of using the catheter, fucking Newton walked in on me. Just when I start to feel the slightest bit normal, something fucks it up."

"Fuck. Sorry, baby. Did he see anything?"

"Yeah, my dick in my hand, the tube in it and the fucking bag with my piss in it. What he goes around telling everyone?" I sighed and closed my eyes, letting him take the frustration from me. It like conduction, only not of energy or heat.

"He won't," Jasper guaranteed, standing.

"Jasper," I warned.

"What?" he asked innocently.

It would do no good to tell him what to do; he wouldn't listen to me anyway. His stubborn streak was in good company with his selective hearing.

"Come on, let's get you home," he said, starting down the hall. I swear if I listened close enough, I would hear the wheels spinning in his head as he thought about what to do. I followed him, pushing quickly enough to catch up to him, then side by side we went to his truck. He lifted me into it and put my chair in the back before he got in and started it up.

"Fucking cold," he complained, rubbing his hands together. I turned the heat on and aimed the vents at him. "Thanks, baby."

He drove us to my house and then helped me out of the truck, making sure to wipe it from of the flurried snowflakes that were falling. We went up the ramp and into the house, my mother calling out the second the door opened.

"Emmett called, he can't make it today, but he said you'd know what to do," she told me, wiping her hands on a towel. "Staying for dinner, Jasper?"

"No, ma'am. Mom's home tonight, she's cooking."

"Tell her I said hi," she said, disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Want to help me work out?"

"Sure," he said, following me into the dining room.

He'd seen me lifting some weights, but he hadn't seen the transformed dining room yet.

"Holy shit," he chuckled, walking around it. "Quite the difference."

He picked up a few weights, and set them back down, continuing around the room. When he reached the parallel bars, he raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"They're optimistic."

Smiling, he moved the pulley stand and looked it over.

"Pretty cool. Too bad we didn't have this shit last summer when we were trying to get ready for basketball and cross country."

"Six months too late," I replied. He set his backpack down and sat on the edge of the bench.

Opting for no music instead of Emmett's CD, I went over the dumbbells and began the simple exercises first. Jasper watched me, occasionally smirking as he watched my arms flex or my chest heave as I got out of breath. We chatted as I worked my way through the assigned exercises.

"So what should we do this weekend?"

"I don't know, the usual?" I watched my arm, making sure my form was correct, but out of the corner of my eyes I saw Jasper's face fall a bit. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged slightly. "I don't know, I was just thinking where's it's kind of special, we could do something different."

Kind of special?

I set the weight down and switched arms, the entire time trying to figure out what the hell he meant. It wasn't our anniversary, it wasn't either of our birthdays or a holiday.

"You don't know what it is, do you?"

Even if I had lied, he would have known, so I shook my head.

"Saturday is Valentine's Day."

"Seriously?"

He chuckled but nodded. "Time flies."

"I…with…all that's…."

"Babe, I know. Don't worry about it. So what should we do? Dinner? Movie? Both?"

"Surprise me," I offered.

"Deal."

He continued to assist me in my workout, even counting out a few reps for me and bitching at me when I said I wanted to skip the last set.

I did the last set.

"You're hot," he smiled.

"Well, yeah, I'm working out."

"No, I mean you're hot."

My eyes shot to his and then fell to his lips when he licked them.

"I'm done."

We couldn't get to my room fast enough, and after moving my chair in front of the closed and locked door, Jasper lifted me to my bed and then we made out for a half an hour before doing our homework.

The moment Jasper left, I began panicking. Valentine's day, a day for lover's to celebrate, was in three days and I had nothing to give Jasper. No gift or card, and no way to go get one. I couldn't exactly go to my mother and ask her to give me a ride to the mall so I could get my boyfriend a present. Even if I asked to go for another reason, she might get suspicious when I went into the gift store and looked at stuffed teddy bears or sexy boxer briefs. If Saturday came and I was giftless, I knew Jasper would understand, he would smile and tell me it was okay, but he deserved so much better than a whispered apology.

My savoir deserved more.

My superhero deserved more.

My boy deserved something thoughtful and loving.

"Damn," I mumbled, throwing my book down onto my bed. The spot on the blanket next to me was still warm from his body, and I rolled onto my side and inhaled the remains of his scent. Dropping my head onto the bed, I wracked my mind with ideas on what I could get Jasper that wouldn't involve me asking my parents.

When "I Want You" began playing on the stereo, I smiled into my rumpled blanket. I could practically feel him there, his breath on my neck as he moved his lips over me, his hands on my sides as he grasped me. I knew from the way he moved next to me, rutting his hips into my thigh, and the way he moaned that he was aroused. Although I still hadn't dared to move my hands below his waist. Even though I knew he was hard, feeling it would have just reminded me of what I could no longer do.

No longer have.

We were slowly reacquainting ourselves with a new intimacy and a new way of learning how our bodies worked, but I knew Jasper wanted more. He was eager to feel my hands on his body, he was eager for more than just kissing.

Maybe there was something I could get him for Valentine's Day. Transferring myself back to my chair, I went to my computer. I started it and opened up a browser. Looking over my shoulder to make sure the door was shut, I went to a site I had bookmarked and then angled the laptop so if someone walked in they wouldn't be able to see the screen. The page loaded, one by one the images of naked men in various positions filled the screen and I swallowed. It'd been months since I'd been on the site. I hadn't felt the need because I had my very own boy to play with, but there had been a few nights when I had been curious.

And horny.

I glanced around at the different men, wondering what would happen if I watched them. Clicking on a sample video, I muted the sound and watched two men, one a lanky blonde and one a husky brunette. They had barely kissed before one was almost bent in half while the other was rimming him. Biting my lip, I looked up at my door before quickly returning my eyes to the screen. They had changed position and one was now blowing the other. I watched the lanky one's cock slide in and out of his lover's mouth. I remembered what it had felt like to have Jasper's dick in my mouth, the salty way he tasted, the musky scent of his balls when my nose was buried in them.

"Jesus," I groaned.

By the time they were actually fucking, my heart was racing and my breaths were short and quick. Mesmerized, I watched them continue to fuck, one slamming into the other while the bottom jerked himself off.

I was excited.

I was scared.

Sex, fucking, making love, all that shit that they were doing, that everyone else was doing, was not possible for me, and even if it was, it wouldn't be like it would have been before the accident. I was afraid of not being enough of, of Jasper wanting so much more than I could give him. I knew he would go slow, fuck, we went slow when I wasn't in a wheelchair, but I wanted to show him how much I desired him.

Even if I could never actually have him.

Hesitantly, I lowered my hand from the desk to my thigh, letting it rest on my jeans as I watched the men. They had switched positions and the bottom was then on his back, silently begging for more. My fingers twitched and I moved them a fraction of an inch toward my crotch. Not letting my attention stray from the video, I concentrated on their asses and the close up the lanky guy's cock as he pumped his partner. These were the types of things that would have had me hard in seconds before the accident. Hell, I probably would have already jerked off and be cleaning up. But it had been different then.

I had been whole.

Not broken and battered and crippled.

Slowly, my fingers worked their way toward my dick until the tips of them were almost touching it. Gulping, I watched the bottom man spray his cum all over his chest.

I imagined Jasper with creamy cum all over his tanned chest.

"Shit," I whispered. "Fucking hot."

Feeling brave, certain that that last image would have me hard as steel, I moved my fingers the last few centimeters and finally brushed them over my cock.

I was limp

Flaccid.

Soft.

I was anything but hard.

Even after watching twenty minutes of guys fucking, imagining it was me and Jasper, I wasn't anywhere near hard. Just the opposite actually.

I exited the browser and then shut down my computer. Sighing, I closed my eyes.

The one thing I'd hoped for since my accident was that I'd still be able to have an erection. It was bad enough that I couldn't walk, run, or play basketball, but not being able to get hard at seventeen…

There would be no present for Jasper on Valentine's Day.

Resigned and depressed, I went to the bathroom and emptied my bladder before bed. As I sat there with my soft cock in my hand, I looked at it and wondered how Jasper could ever be attracted to me again. I couldn't get hard, I had to piss through a tube, and use my fingers to shit. I was about as broken as someone could get. The darkness that had shrouded me for weeks following my accident hovered around me, just waiting to pounce, waiting for the weak moment that I let it back in. Whispering into my ear, it offered to protect me from heartbreak, to keep me safe from Jasper's rejection. It reminded me that my feelings couldn't get hurt if I didn't have them to begin with, if I pushed him away first.

The darkness promised to keep me alone.

Clenching my eyes shut, I imagined Jasper, they way he had kneeled naked before me in the shower, vowing to stay with me no matter what. I saw him in my bedroom, his head on my lap, his hands gripping me as he promised to stand by my side. In my head, I saw the relief in his eyes and tears when I said I wanted my life back.

While the darkness ran its feathery fingertips over my shoulders, readying to grab and yank me back in, I forced my mind to Jasper.

His smile.

His voice.

His hands.

His eyes.

His love.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I had faith in my boy, in his words.

I had to.

It was the only thing that was going to save me.

It was with a frustrated sigh that the darkness skittered away, murmuring of its promise of return soon enough.

Feeling a bit stronger, I tore the bag opened and emptied it into the toilet before cleaning up and brushing my teeth. Back in my room, I got into bed and changed, surprised when my phone buzzed on the table.

Hey beautiful

I was depressed as fuck, but I couldn't help but smile. Before I could reply, he sent another.

I've heard you're kinda hot. True?

Totally true. I replied.

We should hook up. Say tomorrow morning at seven?

Sounds like a plan. I'll be the one in the chair.

A man with wheels *swoon*

I actually laughed. He was such a dork, but he was my dork.

Hey baby?

Yeah?

I liked tongue fucking you tonight.

Even when he was home, probably lying on his bed just like I was, he knew exactly what to say and when I needed to hear it. I swear he wore tights and cape under his everyday clothes.

Me too. Are you in bed?

Why, Mr. Cullen, are you trying to seduce me?

Always. Is it working?

Always. Get some sleep my beautiful boy. I'll pick you up at seven.

You too, love.

Be safe, baby.

See ya soon, love.

Valentine's Day was in a few days and I had nothing to give the boy who had saved me, who had clung to me, refusing to let me go no matter what. For the boy who would willingly follow me anywhere, even into the darkness.

I stared at the three words he had said to me countless times. Lifting a finger, I traced each letter, feeling the meaning behind such simplistic lines, remembering a time when I'd been able to meet his needs with ease.

They phrases had been our parting words since our first Valentine's Day together the year before. Jasper had showed up with his Star Wars DVDs, prepared for one of many the Star Wars marathons in our relationship. The weekend before we had watched episodes one, two and three, and that weekend were four, five and six.

"Ew, I thought you told me that was his sister?"

"She is," he shrugged.

"She's kissing him," I exclaimed, shocked. "What kind of perverted movie do you have me watching?"

He laughed so hard he shook the bed. We were lying side by side on our stomachs, our feet tangled together and our shoulders pressed against each other. Jasper was in his element, his eyes glazed over as he watched "The Empire Strikes Back" on the television in my room. We were supposed to be watching it to educate me, but I paid more attention the boy beside me than what was happening between the Rebels and the Empire.

"But she doesn't know that's her brother," he said, making an excuse for the incestuous kiss. "She really loves Han."

"But they don't even like each other."

"They do, they are just suppressing their feelings."

"Opposites attract and shit?"

"Exactly."

"Just like us. Beauty," I pointed to myself, "and the beast," I finished, pointing to him.

He rolled his eyes, but never took them off the screen as the Rebels prepared for an attack on Hoth. It was in great detail that Jasper told me everything that was happening.

"Okay, so now Vader knows where they are because of the droids, so he sends down the snow troopers and Imperial Walkers."

"Don't you mean storm troopers?" I asked smugly, proud of my knowledge. He sighed and dropped his head to the mattress.

"No, they're snow troopers, baby. Trained to fight in arctic conditions."

"Oh, right. I knew that," I lied.

"Of course, the Rebels are evacuating and only have a certain time to get out while the Ion Canon fires a deflection blast at the Star Destroyers so the transport ships can make it past them and into hyperdrive."

I watched Luke slice through the bottom of the one of the robot monster things as he dangled from a wire.

"Is there anything a lightsaber won't cut through?"

"Yeah, another lightsaber," he answered quickly.

Rolling to my side, I propped my head up on my elbow and stared at him. Absently, he fed the popcorn into his mouth from the bowl in front of him.

Not even noticing the shift in my position, he continued. "Don't forget Luke had the vision of Obi, and after this battle, he's going to head to the Dagoba System."

"Should I be taking notes?" I asked, quirking a brow at him.

"Yeah, you should, asshole," he smiled, finally turning to me. Our eyes met for the first time in almost and hour, but they didn't stay there long. His dropped to my lips.

Which I licked just for him.

"The movie…" I said as he leaned toward me.

"Fuck the movie," he whispered and pressed his lips to mine. I rolled onto my back, taking him with me, our mouths pressed urgently together. Lying flush on top of me, his hips instinctively began to grind against mine. Lifting his head, he gazed down at me, supporting his weight on his elbows on either side of my head, his fingers buried deep in my hair. "Parents?"

"Out…dinner…movie," I replied breathlessly as I craned my head up to lick a wet stripe along his throat, pleased with the moan he gave me.

"Alice?"

"Don't know, don't care," I answered, frantically grasping at the bottom of his tee shirt and pulling it up. "Off," I demanded.

He submitted, sitting back on my thighs and yanking shirt off over his head and throwing it to the floor.

"Your turn."

He tugged on the hem of my tee shirt. Lifting my upper body off the bed, I let him slide my shirt up and over my arms and head. After tossing it on the floor, he remained straddling me and placed his hands on my chest, rolling his hips forward seductively. Watching his face, I reached up and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, opening the flaps before palming his growing erection.

"Fuck," he moaned, lolling his head back on his shoulders and rocking his hips forward.

I needed more of…everything.

"Take your clothes off," I suggested daringly. His head snapped up and he stopped moving on me.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll fucking blockade the damn door if I need to."

Smiling, he climbed off me and shimmied his jeans over his hips, letting them fall to the floor. I followed him off the bed, making sure my door was shut tightly, twisting the lock before sliding my desk chair in front of it. When I turned around, Jasper was standing in his boxer briefs.

His Star Wars boxer briefs.

"Luke is on your cock," I said, pointing to his crotch.

"Actually it's Han."

"Should I be jealous?"

"He's been on my cock all day and hasn't made me feel like you did in less than two seconds."

Satisfied, and definitely not jealous, I smirked.

"Now get on the fucking bed," he growled.

Obeying, I crawled on the bed, lying flat on my back. Without a word, he reached down and undid my jeans, forcefully pulling on them until I lifted my ass off the bed and let him slide them down my legs. He wasted no time before doing the same thing to my underwear. Lying completely naked before him, I didn't once feel vulnerable. I knew he would never hurt me; he would protect me from anything. Hooking his thumbs into his own briefs, he pulled them down his legs and stepped out of them.

"C'mere," I murmured, holding my hand out for him.

He ignored my hand, but climbed onto the bed, straddling my hips again. Resting on my thighs, he reached down and took our erections into his hand, stroking them both slowly.

"Fuck," I groaned, pressing my head into the mattress and trying to lift up my hips.

"Feel good," he said as he released us both. Bringing his hand to his mouth, he licked his palm a few times before dropping his chin to his chest and spitting onto our cocks. Freshly lubed, he took them in his fist again and began a steady pace. The feeling of his moist, velvet skin sliding along my own was intense and within a few strokes, I was begging him to slow down and stop or go faster and never stop.

"Please…more…stop…close…don't stop…" I babbled uselessly.

He wouldn't listen anyway. When it came to sex, even though I had more experience, Jasper usually took control. He had kissed me first, touched my cock first, gave me a hand job first.

Watching me with lusty blue eyes, he let us go once more, and then gripped only my cock in his fist.

"Want me to make you come, baby?"

He teased me with his stroke, fast and powerful until I was sitting on the edge of my climax, then slow and loose until my orgasm had retreated into my body. With one hand on my cock, his other rubbed my chest, stopping to tweak my nipples, flicking the hard buds with his thumb before running a finger along my collarbone and into my hair.

"Come…yes…make me," I rattled, writhing beneath him.

"You sound like Yoda," he chuckled before tugging my hair. "Look at me."

Forcing my eyes open, I looked up at him, along the flat planes of his abdomen and chest to his lips and finally his eyes. I ran my hands up his thighs, briefly digging my nails into his hips before continuing up his chest to his nipples. A slight sheen of sweat covered his heated skin and I licked my lips with the desire to run my tongue along the curve of his pecs and taste him. Crouching behind Jasper's teasing, my orgasm sat just out of my reach. Jasper seemed to know how to bring it out of hiding before shoving it away again. Over and over, I reached the peak, only to have him not let me cross it. Fluid leaked liberally from the slit and his thumb swiped over the head of my cock, gathering some to spread around.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned, thrashing my head side to side at the sensation of his lubed fist gliding along me.

"So responsive," he moaned. "Fucking hot."

"Please, love, please….need it so bad," I begged, fucking pleaded with him to let me go, to bring me the pleasure only he could.

"Need what so bad, baby?"

"You," I gasped honestly.

That answer seemed to please him and his grip finally tightened around my cock, his pace increased steady and confidently. His other hand left my hair and grazed my overly sensitive torso before I felt sneak it between our bodies and fondle my balls. Dropping both hands to my bed, I fisted my blanket desperately.

"Please, please…please…" The words streamed from me, one after the other until they were almost all one never ending word. My body was unraveling nerve by nerve, each reading to explode as the tingling low in my belly began to earnestly spread across my groin and up my spine. It was right there.

I just needed one more thing.

"Come for me," he requested.

And I did.

It was in his touch, and for him, that I came completely and utterly undone.

The spark of my climax was ignited and the sweet fire grew, rushing throughout my body. Jerking in his hand, my cock erupted, shooting my load of cum in thick streams onto my stomach and chest. Spasms wracked my entire body, my back lifting off the bed as I released a strangled cry followed quickly by his name over and over.

Along with a few obscenities.

He continued to stroke me through it, until my cock was sated in his grasp and my body was weak under him. Through heavy lids and a foggy bliss, I looked up at him. He dropped my cock and brought his hand up to his mouth, his tongue lapping my cum from between his fingers. Still in a haze, I blindly reached for him, grasping for any part of him. I found purchase when my fingers felt the silky waves that tumbled loosely around his face.

"Yes," I murmured reverently as the strands slipped through my fingers. "Up here," I said, digging my nails into his hips, his ass smearing my cum as he slid up my body until his knees were nestled on either side of my chest. "Touch yourself for me. I want to watch you."

It was time for me take control, tease him like he had me.

Only we both knew he wouldn't last long.

There was nothing I enjoyed more than watching Jasper stroke himself. I had never been able to figure out why it was so fucking hot to watch him pump his own cock. Perhaps it was the sounds he made, or the sight of his complete abandon, or the way he wantonly touched himself.

Taking his cock into his hand, he wrapped his fingers skillfully around its length, his eyes never leaving mine. Green met blue in a gaze of desire and need. Looking at him was everything, completing me in every way and yet, I always wanted more. Within a few strokes, his head had fallen back between his shoulders, his Adam's apple jutting out when he released a long, throaty moan. Drops of his precum fell from his cock onto my chest and I shuddered. Slowly, almost begrudgingly, my eyes left his face and caressed his shoulders and chest, traced the lines of his abs, finally resting on the motion of his hand as it pumped his cock enthusiastically.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked huskily.

With great effort, he lifted his head and then quickly dropped his chin to his chest, his eyes immediately falling to meet mine. Long lashes spread over flushed skin as he watched me through them.

"Whatya think?" he tried to chuckle but it came out of a gasp.

"I don't know," I teased. "Tell me."

His brows furrowed in concentration as his mind tried to focus on forming coherent words, and not on the pleasure his body was receiving. While one hand worked his cock, his other reached lower to his sac, gently pulling on the skin. The sexy, potent scent in the air was matched only by the sounds Jasper was making. As hard as we tried to be quiet when we were in the house, and unrestrained Jasper was loud, his cries and moans the hottest things I'd ever heard.

"You suckin' me," he panted, drifting into his former drawl.

"More," I requested, my own high having faded from my body, I was ready to share his.

Never breaking eye contact, he continued between shallow breaths. "Your lips…on my cock…sucking hard…deep throating…so tight…" He lost his train of thought when he felt my thump press down on the slit of his cock. "OH FUCK!" he cried out, his hips thrusting forward, his entire body stilling for a second.

Sweat ran down his body, his lips were parted with passion, his dampened hair was sticking to his face and I'd never seen a more naturally beautiful sight.

I told him exactly that.

"My beautiful boy," I sighed, moving my hands to his ass, I pushed him even further up my body until his cock was within reach of my mouth. "Come on my face."

Wide blue eyes watched as my tongue came out and flickered along the head of his cock. My words combined with the wet touch of my tongue unglued my boy and his body heaved as his orgasm rallied inside him.

"Oh, Jesus, oh fuck," he grunted through clenched teeth, and I closed my eyes.

Jasper's orgasm hit him hard, his cock pulsing twice before releasing onto my face. Warm, milky cum painted my cheeks and forehead as his hand stopped and his hips took over, bucking into his slick fist. Opening my eyes, they darted from his cock, to his face, undecided which to watch.

"Fuck, Jesus, fuck…" he mumbled and I found my gaze dropping to his cock, the reddened, flared head shiny with cum. With a tight fist, he choked his shaft, squeezing out every last drop of his climax while spasms quaked his body. Finally releasing himself, he held his fingers to my mouth. Lifting my head, I parted my lips and let his fingers slide between them. Sucking on them, I tasted Jasper, bitter and salty and strong.

"Mmm, like that, baby? Like how I taste?"

I nodded, his fingers still in my mouth, and I gave them one last lap of my tongue before letting them slip from me. Slowly he dragged his saliva dampened forefinger down my chin and along my jaw, trailing a string of cum with it.

"We should get cleaned up," I suggested, but made no effort to move. Instead, I took his hands in mine, entwining our fingers tightly.

"Yeah, we should," he agreed, remaining on top of me. He began to ride me, his softening cock drawing lines on my chest with the fluid still leaking from his slit. Rocking his hips back and forth, he moaned. Enthralled, I watched his cock move along my skin.

Suddenly getting cleaned up seemed much less important.

We stayed like that for some time. Holding hands while he straddled me. Words were whispered and breaths were shared between languid kisses. If the time had stopped right then, I would have been happy for the rest of my life, because there was no where I would have rather been. Perhaps being surrounded by the wildflowers and fresh scent of pine instead of blue paint and the sound of the movie in the background would have been more romantic, but in the end, where I was didn't matter.

It was who I was with.

When I was old and looked back on our time together, I know I would have forgotten the Valentine's Day we spent in my room watching movies, but I had no doubt I would remember how I felt that day. How he had made me feel so wanted and loved.

I don't know which one of us moved first, but the moment was broken and Jasper gingerly climbed off him, his legs slightly unsteady as he stood. After wiping my face with a dirty tee shirt, I put on a pair of sweatpants and bolted across the hall to the bathroom where I cleaned up before bringing Jasper a damp towel.

We finished watching the movie, Jasper easily falling back into the role of tutor in all things Star Wars. He finished off the popcorn and I went to get more, almost skipping with joy to the kitchen and back. It seemed it was hours later that the movie was over and Jasper and I sat on my bed. He had redressed in his jeans and tee shirt, but I had stayed in my sweatpants.

"It's Valentine's Day," he mumbled, handing me a small box wrapped in shiny pink paper.

"A present?"

He sighed and raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

For some reason, he just started laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing, just open it."

"Always so demanding," I scoffed even as I eagerly unwrapped the box. Inside was a pewter circle with an etching of a man on it. He appeared to be dressed in a toga and carrying a staff of some sort with leaves or flowers at the end of it. He had long curly hair and a beard. Behind him there was a sun or a moon. Carefully, as if it would break, I picked it up and ran my thumb over the image. "It's neat. Who is it?"

"Saint Christopher."

"Do we know him?"

"Not personally. He is the patron saint of drivers."

When I lifted the disk from the box, I realized it was actually a keychain. Jasper had bought me a keychain with the patron saint of drivers on it.

"Well, he's definitely not sexy, but if he'll keep me safe…" I chuckled and leaned toward him. "Thank you, love. It's perfect."

"Welcome," he mumbled as our lips met. "I just want you to be safe for me."

"Always," I promised without doubt.

"I suppose you want your present now?"

"Hell yeah."

I reached down beside my bed and pulled out the bear I had shoved under there.

"Close your eyes." He did and I sat the bear in his lap. "Okay, open."

A grin plastered on his face as he lifted the bear to look at it. It was about a foot tall, covered in blond, soft, curly hair, he had big brown sparkling eyes, small ears and in his paws he was holding a bright red heart with the word love written on it in an elegant script. It was corny and cheesy and irresistible, and I knew he would love it.

"Oh my God, I love it," he sighed. "It has my name on it." He traced the word. "Well, my nickname anyway."

"And I thought the fur was almost the color of your hair."

"He's awesome, thank you." Holding the bear in his hands, he kissed me, long and tender. "I got you something else too."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it's small though." He reached into his backpack beside the bed and pulled out a smooshed cupcake. "Chocolate with coconut flakes on top." Handing it to me, he grinned. I ignored the red frosting that was stuck to the plastic I peeled off it. Taking the candy from the center of it, I popped it into my mouth and chewed it before biting into the cupcake.

It actually wasn't bad. Jasper at least partially knew his way around a kitchen.

"Delicious," I mumbled with my mouth full. Tilting his head, he watched me devour his present.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he whispered.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I returned just as quietly. With one last lick of my lips, I kissed him and shared the frosting that was left on my tongue. When held hands and talked until it was time for him to leave. I watched him with a longing as he shoved his feet into his sneakers and pulled on his track sweatshirt.

"Don't forget your movies."

"You can keep them for now."

"Will there be a quiz?" I smirked.

"Most definitely," he answered, hoisting his back onto his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep. I'll pick you up for school."

"It's supposed to ice tonight, so be careful driving tomorrow. Be safe, baby."

"I will. See ya soon, love."

The door closed behind him and I picked up the keychain, flipping it over. I hadn't noticed the engraving on back before.

Be safe.

Sitting back against my headboard, I smiled at Saint Christopher, wondering if he would in fact, keep me as he promised.

And so the tradition of our parting words had begun with a keychain and a desire to not be apart for one second, much less one night.

I turned off my light and pulled my blanket up over my legs. Closing my eyes, I smiled at the memory.

The next morning, after showering and going my bathroom routine, I got dressed and headed to the kitchen. Alice was in there already, toasting her bagel and putting one in for me before I could even ask. As of only a few days before the, the kitchen was finally complete. There were a few cosmetic changes, like painting and some new cupboard doors, that needed to be done, but I was able to access just about everything in the kitchen from my chair. The cupboards underneath the sink had been removed so that I could pull my chair right up to it, and if needed to cut anything, I could pull out a cutting board that slid into a slot under the sink. A new refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom had been installed as well as a new microwave that sat on the counter and not above the stove. Between the oven and the counter where the toaster sat was a lowered portion that only held the stovetop, all four burners and buttons easy for me to reach. My mother had reorganized the dishes and food along with other things that I would use often so that they were in the bottom cupboards.

Alice was spreading cream cheese on hers when I saw her glance around us. Then she leaned toward me.

"So what are you getting Jasper for Valentine's Day?" she whispered with a smile.

As odd as it felt to discuss my love life with my sister, it felt strangely natural.

"I have no idea. I can't go anywhere."

She frowned. "I'd drive you if I could."

Drive.

"I know, thanks."

She nodded and took a bite of her bagel. "Edward, I know Jasper. He's not going to care that you don't have a present, you know that right?"

My bagel popped and I reached up and put it on a plate before spreading some cream cheese on it. "Yeah, I know, but I still wanted to get him something."

"So," she began, turning she lifted herself to sit on the counter, "if you could get him anything at all, what would it be?"

Taking a bite, I thought for a few seconds. "Something meaningful, something unique, just from me."

"You could give him a bl-"

"Alice!"

She shrugged and hopped off the counter. "Just find something that means something to you both. Music, a movie, write him a letter."

There was a knock on the door and without waiting for an answer, Jasper opened it and came inside. "Hello?"

"In here," I called out. He turned the corner, a bright smile on his face, but his cheeks flushed when he saw Alice looking at him knowingly.

"Oh, hi," he greeted, keeping his eyes off hers. He was still embarrassed about the crush thing, and her knowing that when she wasn't around, his tongue was down my throat.

"I still think my original idea is what he wants the most," she said to me, but her eyes low on Jasper's body. "I gotta go, see ya this afternoon. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye."

She left and Jasper put a bagel in the toaster. "Think your mom would buy me the cinnamon raisin ones? Not a fan of the multi-grain."

"Add it to our list on the fridge." Turning, he added his request to the list in his messy scrawl, sure to confuse my mother when she saw it.

"Where is your mom anyway?"

"I think she drove my dad to work, his car is in the shop for a few things."

Drove.

"Good thing I could drive you today, ready to go?" he asked as his bagel popped.

Drive.

"Yep."

We went to school and I sat though six hours of classes, but my mind always wandered to Jasper and what to get him. Blowjobs aside, Alice had given me solid advice, it was just a matter of coming up with something that would work. Newton saw me calculus class and did nothing but nod his acknowledgement. There was nothing mentioned of what he'd walked in on, and I didn't hear anyone whispering rumors about Cullen sticking a tube in his dick. After school, Jasper drove us home, hanging out with me in the living room and playing X-Box on the big screen television. My mother cooked dinner, which Jasper stayed for, and as we all sat around the table, my father informed us of their plans for the next day.

"You're mother and I were thinking of going out tomorrow night," he said to me and Alice. "Will you two be okay here alone?"

"Sure."

"We won't be alone, I'm sure Jasper will be here," Alice quipped and my father looked at me. "I'm sure he'll take care of Edward."

I thought Jasper was going to spew his milk all over the table at those words and he began coughing.

"You okay, son?"

Jasper nodded, his eyes tearing up from the coughing.

"We'll be fine, Dad. Just going to hang out."

"What if something happens?" my mother challenged.

"Esme, they've been home alone before."

"Mrs. Cullen, I know how to dial nine-one-one and I have your cell number, but everything will be fine. Go out and have some fun," Jasper reasoned with her, dazzling her with his bright smile and honest eyes. She blinked a few times before glancing at my father and nodding.

"Great, I'll make the plans."

After dinner, Jasper helped clear the table and then said he needed me to show him something my room.

Alice rolled her eyes at his flimsy excuse, but I followed him down the hallway. Once in my room he bent over and kissed me.

Really fucking hard.

"Been waiting all fucking day for that," he mumbled, satisfied. "I should go though. Got to get my dad's truck back, he's driving to Seattle tomorrow to check out a potential client."

Driving.

"I'll be here by lunch. I've got something special planned for us."

"You do?"

My heart sank, Jasper was planning something special and I couldn't even think of a fucking gift.

"Yep. You'll see."

With one last kiss, he was at my door.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

Be safe.

His words resounded in me and suddenly I knew exactly what to give him.

He'd probably barely made it to the truck before I was opening my door and going down the hall. At the bottom of the stairs, I called out for Alice. Her door opened and I heard her walk toward the stairs.

"Can you come here?" I turned and headed back to my room, knowing she would be too curious not to follow. As soon as I was in my room and spun the chair around, she was there. "Do you know what happened to my keys?"

"Your keys?"

"Yeah, to the Volvo, do you know where they are? I got some stuff back from that night, like my phone, but I didn't get my keys."

"Um, I don't know. I guess they could be in mom's desk."

"Can you go check for me?"

She eyed me but left my room. I had the desire to pace but could only rock my chair back and forth in one spot. Alice returned pretty quickly and with a grin.

"Did you get them?" I asked anxiously.

Holding up her hand, she dangled my keys, jingling them before me. Excited, I reached for them but she snatched them back.

"Uh-uh, not so fast."

"What do you want?" I sighed.

"Leah wants me to go over to her place tomorrow for a little coed party for a few hours. Mom would never let me go, so when they're gone, I go over there, you and Jasper have the place to yourself and we keep each other's secret?"

"Deal," I answered quickly. "On one condition."

"What?"

"That you be safe. Don't drink, don't get into a car with someone that's been drinking, and well, don't let anyone touch you."

Her face softened and she sat on my bed. "Edward, after what happened to you, I don't ever want to drive, and I certainly won't ever get into a car when someone's been drinking. As for no guys touching me, that kinda takes the fun out of going."

"Yes or no?"

I really wanted to give Jasper my gift, but I knew he'd understand if I had to sacrifice it to keep Alice safe. She stared at me, challenging me to give in, but I stayed firm.

"Fine. Deal," she huffed, handing me the keys. "Why they so important anyway?"

"They just are," I mumbled as I looked down and ran my thumb over Saint Christopher. "Thanks."

"Anytime," she smiled and left quietly.

Turning my chair, I faced the window and looked out at the pool. Night had fallen and I could barely make out the shed and furniture. I held Saint Christopher tightly in my hand, hoping that Jasper wouldn't be disappointed.

"**~~**"

"We've done the dinner part of the night," he said, pointing to the empty containers of Chinese food on my table. "Now it's time for the entertainment portion of our night. It's like tradition, ya know?" he grinned at me as he pushed the DVD tray in and hit play. "I mean, what's Valentine's Day without Star Wars?"

"Right, because nothing says romance like laser blasts and incest."

"See, I knew you'd agree."

"Why are we starting our marathon with the last one? Shouldn't we start with the first?"

"We never make it through all of them, so we're going backwards this time."

"Oh, because that makes sense." I rolled my eyes.

Jasper had arrived about an hour before, bringing over some takeout Chinese for us and the traditional cupcake for desert. My parents had left shortly after, giving Jasper a list of instructions that made him sound more like my babysitter than my boyfriend. Alice had raced out of the door as soon as they left the driveway. I reminded her of the deal and she promised to be home by ten. Jasper was bouncing up and down as he closed the door.

"Finally alone," he had almost squealed, his jeans sagging on him from the weight he'd lost and his Aerosmith tee shirt riding up as he did a little dance.

After I microwaved some popcorn, Jasper grabbed sodas and we went down my room. I transferred myself to the bed, moving up to the headboard. Toeing off his shoes, he climbed on the bed next to me, placing the bowl of popcorn on my stomach, practically giddy when the familiar music started. I put my arm around his shoulders and he leaned against me, his head on my shoulder as he reached and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Our feet were touching, Jasper's absently rubbing mine. I saw it and stared at it, willing my foot to return the gesture.

Nothing.

Jasper's laugh at something in the movie shook his body and he shoved more popcorn in his mouth.

"This is the life, huh, baby?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the television. "Me, you, Star Wars and popcorn. All the necessities of life." He sighed, happily, content, without a care in the world.

Even though his boyfriend couldn't get hard, could never satisfy him, make him feel wanted or desired.

"Jasper?"

"Hmm?"

I need you. Don't leave me. Please stay with me.

"Please tell me she isn't going to fuck the big fat guy?"

Laughing, he tilted his head to look at me. "No, she's just his slave…I think." He shuddered and turned back to the movie. Curling his body into mine, he snuggled deeply against me. I felt his warmth seeping through our clothes, I felt his chest rise and fall, and I felt his body tremble when my hand crawled underneath his tee shirt to press against the skin of his lower back.

"Ewoks are just like mini Wookies," I scoffed, feeling rather knowledgeable.

Jasper raised a brow. "You've been studying."

"Every night."

He smiled and then kissed my cheek. "How'd I get so lucky?" he said, almost to himself as he put his head back on my shoulder.

Already he'd been there for a few hours and not once had he mentioned giving me a gift. There were no presents or heart-shaped boxes of chocolate candies anywhere. I held him tightly, running my nose along his hairline, and leaving random kisses along it.

"It won't work."

"What?"

"You're trying to get me to tell you what I got you for Valentine's Day."

"Am not!"

He simply raised an eyebrow and I sighed. "Fine. It would have worked though."

"As your boyfriend, I need to be honest with you. You're investigative skills suck."

"Then save us both some time and just tell me."

"No," he replied with a kiss and smile. I sighed and lay back.

When the popcorn was gone, I put the bowl on my table and handed Jasper his Coke. He gulped it down, his Adam's apple bobbing as he drank and I found myself staring at his throat, its length and color. Leaning over my chest, he put the bottle down and then slowly dragged his arm across me, his fingers deliberately grazing my nipples. My breath hitched and I tensed until his hand was back on his own stomach.

He was teasing me.

It was working.

There was a sudden urge deep inside me, growing from someplace that had lain dormant for too long. I wanted to grab his arms and toss him onto the bed, roll him onto his back and press my body down onto his, pinning him helplessly beneath me.

Of course, as much as I desired it, it was an impossibility.

I tried to focus on the movie, on Jasper next to me, but my eyes kept straying to the drawer of my table and what I knew was inside it. I was anxious, excited, and worried.

"I gotta use the bathroom."

He jumped off the bed and went out my door. While he was gone, I opened the drawer and saw the small box in the corner. I picked it up, closed the drawer and waited until he returned. When he came back in, I closed my fist around the box and watched him get back on to the bed, but before he could lie against me, I opened my hand and held it out to him.

"For you." Grinning, he took it and studied the shiny red wrapping with Santas all over it. "Sorry, we didn't have any Valentine's wrap. At least it's red," I shrugged.

"It's perfect," he replied, tearing at the wrapping. There were no questions, no shaking it, no guessing, just opening. My heart pounded as he tossed the paper aside. I put a hand on his, stopping before he opened the box.

"Wait."

"What's wrong?"

"It's…it's nothing exciting. Maybe even stupid."

He sighed and set the box in his lap before cupping my cheek. "Baby, I don't care if the fucking box is empty, don't you get that it doesn't matter? It only matters that you gave it to me." I smiled and he pulled his hand away. "Can I open it now?"

I had barely nodded and he was picking the box up and pulling the cover off. At first his eyes widened, then his brows furrowed and he looked confused.

"It's Saint Christopher."

"Yes. I'm giving him back to you."

Jasper picked the keychain up, turning it over and smiling when he saw the inscription on the back. Jasper put his finger through the circle and held it up, gazing at it. After Jasper had given the keychain to me the year before, I'd gone online and searched Saint Christopher and found out he wasn't just the patron saint of drivers.

"Edward, why are you giving him back to me? You still need him…"

"Do you know anything about him? Other than he is the patron saint of drivers?" When Jasper shook his head, I explained. "His name was Offero and he was wandering the world when he found a guy who lived by a river. The guy's job was to guide people safely across it. Offero asked to help but instead of guiding the people, he carried them across it. One day, he carried a kid across but the kid's weight crushed him. They got to the other side and the kid told him he was Christ. That the reason he was so heavy was because he bore the weight of the world. Christ baptized Offero Christopher, for Christ bearer, and his patronage was of all things related to travel and people who carry things."

Jasper listened to me intently, his eyes never leaving mine as I spoke, his fingers moving over the silver disc in his hand.

"You carry me," I whispered. "He's your saint now."

"I don't carry you," he denied, shaking his head, almost angry that I would give him that kind of credit. Lowering his eyes, he bit his bottom lip.

"Yeah, you do, love. You carried me up a fucking mountain," I reminded him softly.

"But that was…" he trailed off and sighed.

"Magical."

Lifting his eyes to mine, he nodded.

"You carry my soul every day…in here," I placed my hand on Jasper's heart, "trust me, you carry me."

Leaning forward, he put his hand next to my hip and balanced himself on it as he kissed me. His lips were soft and willing as they moved over mine. Tugging my bottom lip between his teeth, he pulled on it and then immediately soothed it over with a swipe of his tongue. When I darted my own out to meet his, he moaned and pressed against me even more. I tasted salt and butter, and I'd never tasted anything so delicious. Well, at least not since the last time I'd kissed him. Reaching up, I buried one hand in his hair while the other rested beside me on the bed. By the time Jasper pulled way, I found my blanket fisted in my hand.

The things Jasper could to do to me with a simple kiss.

He put his forehead to mine and sighed his popcorn breath over me. Looking into my eyes, deeply and adoringly, he searched and looked and found.

"I love you, Edward," he whispered reverently and without doubt or hesitation.

It was the first time since New Year's Eve that I'd heard those words from him.

"I love you, Jasper," I whispered just as reverently and also without doubt.

It was the first time since New Year's Eve that I'd said those words to him.

I had never meant them anymore than I did then.

There had been moments when I hated Jasper with every fiber in me, moments where I had never wanted to see him again, but in every second of those moments, my love for him had never wavered. As much rage and fury that had sustained my body, there had always been the undercurrent of love and Jasper. He had worn through the emotions on the surface until he reached what was always there.

Grinning, he kissed me again, his relief and love breathing into me with each gasp he took. He moved his body over mine, the movie long forgotten, his attention was devoted to me. When his lips left mine, he moved them along my jaw line and neck, nibbling and biting and driving me crazy. My hands were everywhere on him, unable to get enough of the feeling of his muscles moving under his smooth skin as he began to slowly rock against me. His hand traveled down my side, the heel of his palm resting on my lower abdomen. He put some of his weight on me as he moved himself further up my body. Jumping, I grabbed his hand, yanking it off my stomach. He immediately stopped, and sat up.

"You okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, nothing like that." I was embarrassed and felt my cheeks heating up under his worried stare. "It's just that, well, I was afraid I might have an accident if you put too much pressure on me there."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. It's me, I just don't really want to piss myself, or you," I admitted quietly. "I want to, ya know, be close, but I'm scared."

"How about you go use the bathroom, then you won't have to worry."

"Kinda ruins the moment, doesn't it? 'Hold that thought while I use my catheter'," I mocked myself.

He took my hand and forced me to look at him. "It doesn't ruin anything. If it will make you more relaxed, do it."

He moved to the side so I could grab my chair and pull it to the bed. Moving my legs so my feet were flat on the floor, I grabbed the chair with my hands and stood for a second while I swung my body into the chair and sat down. After picking my feet up by grabbing my pant legs, I put them on the pedals and then headed for the bathroom. It was the first time Jasper and I had really been alone in six weeks, and I was ruining it by having to take a break so I didn't wet myself. Working as fast as I could, I inserted the tube and waited, pleased when I saw the amber fluid start to flow. At least it was going into the bag and not onto my clothes, or worse, Jasper's. Once I was cleaned up, I went back to the bedroom and found Jasper standing by the window, looking out over the backyard. His body was leaner than it had been before my accident, jeans that used to hug his ass now hung loosely on him. Still, his was muscular and tight, his shoulders broad, stretching the tee shirt tight across them. He'd turn the movie off and "Maybe I'm Amazed" was playing softly on my stereo.

Moving my chair up next to him, I followed his gaze to the pool. Realizing I'd returned, he looked down at me and smiled.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hey. Why'd you turn the movie off?"

He shrugged. "I had the urge to hear our song."

We listened to Paul for a few seconds. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," he replied shyly.

Without asking, he sat on my lap, his long legs bent at the knees and spread lazily as he leaned his back to my chest and put his head on my shoulder. My knees were between his thighs, and his hands rested over mine on the arms of the chair. He sighed heavily, his body rising before relaxing against mine. He weight was heavy, pleasant and warm.

"Now you're carrying me," he chuckled, his fingers lightly running along the backs of my hands. "Remember our first kiss?"

"Of course. Best night of my life," I replied, kissing his cheek.

"Mine too, but…"

"What?"

He lolled his head toward me and brushed his fingers down my cheek. "Every night since then keeps topping it."

Lush lips formed a grateful smile and there was no resisting him. I smashed my lips to his, immediately plunging my tongue into his mouth, seeking out his, surprised when I tasted mint instead of salt. He wrapped an arm up around my neck, fisting the hair on the back of my head to hold me as we kissed. Moving my hands from under his, I put one on his abdomen, right above the waistband of his low slung jeans while the other remained under his. I turned my palm up, entwining our fingers as we deepened the kiss even further. When his mouth left mine and attached to my neck, soft lips languidly sucking the tender skin, I tilted my head to allow him all the room he needed. It was when I released my first long moan that Jasper's hips suddenly lifted off my lap and I pressed him back down to me. He smiled against my neck and began to gently slide his ass long my lap. Had it not been for my hand on his body, I wouldn't have known he was moving. Wanting to taste him again, I moved my hand from his stomach to grab his chin and pull his lips back to mine, drawing him into an erotic, unhurried kiss. Our tongues flickered and teased, moving in and out and around, tasting and exploring skin and lips and mouths we both knew so well. I returned my hand to his hip, easing it under the hem of his tee shirt to rest on his velvet skin and groaning when he responded effortlessly with a sharp buck of his hips.

My boy wanted more.

Ripping his mouth from mine, he let his head fall back onto my shoulder. I saw his slightly parted swollen lips and flushed cheeks and realized he was that way because of me. My heart raced in my chest for him, my fingers trembled with a restrained desire that I was tired of trying to hold back. Releasing his hand, I slid mine under his shirt, finding his nipple and taking it between my thumb and forefinger. A loud moan accompanied the arching of his back as he pleaded for more. Jerking upright, he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged it over his head, dropping it to the ground before lying bare-chested against me. Looking into my eyes, he pushed my hair off my forehead.

"Will you take your shirt off? I want to feel you."

I studied him before nodding. He leaned forward again, bracing his weight on his feet while I pulled my own shirt off behind him, smiling when he groaned as I exposed my chest and arms. The new muscles I had developed from the workouts and pushing the chair bunched under my pale skin. Unable to resist, he turned slightly and ran a hand up my chest and over my collarbone before skimming it along my shoulders and down my strong arms.

"Fucking hot," he murmured before lying back against me and pulling me to him for another lingering kiss.

The lust that had been harnessed for the past week was overpowering us both, refusing to be hidden any longer. My fingers returned to his nipple, twisting and pinching the bud until it was hard and longing for more. Jasper's breaths noticeably quickened and under my other hand, I felt his hips begin to move back and forth. Brushing my fingers through the dusting of blond hair below his naval, I let my pinkie dip under the loose waistband of his jeans and was rewarded with a heavy gasp.

"Please," he whispered, almost absently as his head fell to the side away from me, exposing his neck.

Darting my tongue out, I licked along the pulse in his throat, tasting his skin, his unique flavor of salt and musk and everything else that was my boy. My hand moved over the cordons of sinewy muscle that were defined and tightly wrapped around his abdomen. I knew he was hard, I didn't have to touch his cock to know it was straining against the confines of his jeans, pressing painfully against the zipper. I could tell from his breaths, from the way his eyes rolled into his head, and the way he repeated my name over and over. Turning his head, he kissed me, moaning when he felt me tweak his nipple. I moved my lips along the curve of his shoulder, his muscle quivering in the wake of the kisses I left there. His hips began to move steadily, effectively humping air, his body almost thrashing as I continued to lavish his shoulders with my lips and his nipples with my fingers. There was no keeping his upper body still, he writhed under my touch, his back arching against me, pushing against the hold I had on his chest.

Feeling him like that, so needy, made me feel powerful and in control.

"Baby, please," he begged shamelessly.

Resting my chin on his shoulder, I watched his body, looking down the flat, hard planes of his chest, past the tensing muscles of his abdomen. I saw his pelvis moving, desperately seeking touch of any kind, his ass grinding onto my cock. I wanted to tell him it wouldn't do any good, but I was mesmerized by the seductive movement of his hips as he circled and thrust. The jeans had slid even lower from his motion, his hip bones and the elastic of his briefs both visible above the waistband. Tracing the 'v' of his hips with my eyes, I finally them settle on the one part of him I had been avoiding.

His cock was hard and thick.

Swallowing, I bravely left my fingertips graze over his erection, not surprised when his hips instinctively thrust up, wanting more.

"Oh fuck, Edward… please, more, please," he murmured and I felt something stir deep inside me.

A tingling teased my spine, running down my neck and out my shoulders. It was similar to the excitement I had felt with Jasper many times before, but it was different, focusing on my spine instead of my cock. It was as if he had kissed the nape of my neck, or run his nose through the hair there and had sent a shiver down my back. I noticed small things, like the tips of my ears heating up and the way my fingers felt numb. Beneath the heated skin of his back, my nipples were hard, constantly rubbing against him, and more than once my back arched toward him and his fucking hot body. Turning his head back to me, I saw his lust darkened blue eyes, the facets of ocean and sky merging for a stormy sea of desire. Wantonly, he thrust up into my light touch, his body calling for more, his eyes begging me as much as his words did.

"Please, baby, I need it so bad," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

Opening my hand, I palm his cock, putting enough pressure on it that the zipper was probably leaving indents on his sensitive flesh.

"Oh, fuck, yes," he moaned and began to thrust, his ass rubbing along my cock and thighs.

Had I not been paralyzed, had I been able to feel the friction of his body along mine I would have been hard as rock, my cock pressing eagerly against his ass. The sounds of his throaty groans spurred me on, and I increased the pressure, my heart skipping a beat when he grunted. The rapt look on his face enthralled me, so did the way his cheeks tainted pink and how his eyes kept fluttering closed even as he fought to keep them open to stare at me. The pace of his thrusts increased and I licked along his neck and jaw and shoulder. Using my newfound upper body strength, I kept his writhing body pressed tightly to me, my hand splayed on his chest over his pounding heart. He expelled soft puffs of air with his shallow pants as he maddeningly worked himself against my hand, chasing a release I would never know again.

"Don't stop, baby, please, don't stop," he mumbled before fisting my hair and crushing his mouth to mine in a greedy kiss.

The sensations that had been dancing along my spine increased, the strength of them enticing a shudder throughout my body and I swear he smiled into the kiss. I wanted nothing more than to feel him moving, to feel his ass as it glided along my lap.

I wanted to feel my cock fill with the excitement he gave me.

I wanted to feel like a man.

There were a lot of things I missed, basketball, driving, running with Jasper, but being a man to him was what I missed the most. At seventeen, I would never again know the feeling of his hand on my cock, of his skilled lips embracing my erection, or the way my cock would twitch when he looked at me through wisps of curls over his eyes.

Breaking the kiss, I dropped my forehead to his shoulder. "More than anything, more than walking, I want to feel you," I admitted quietly into his flesh.

His head fell back and he nuzzled his nose along my ear, his breath hot and moist and hungry. "You're hard, baby," he whispered.

I lifted my head and looked at him with wide eyes, not sure I'd heard him right. He nodded, giving me a sexy smirk, and then lifting his hand, he took mine from his chest and put it between our bodies, placing it on my cock.

My hard cock.

It wasn't quite as hard as I would have normally been but it wasn't limp.

Or flaccid.

Or soft.

I was hard for my boy.

"Oh, God," I breathed. I was confused and amazed, I could feel the erection with my hand but I couldn't feel the erection.

"Feel how hard you are for me?" he murmured.

After squeezing myself once, I nodded and removed my hand and put it back on his chest. He hadn't stopped moving, his body still seeking his orgasm, and he was slipping off my lap with each buck of his hips. I kissed him again, a new energy surging through me, the slight tingling had grown to a stronger current, one that I now knew was reaching my cock. Holding him even tighter than before, I encouraged the thrust of his hips, making sure he pressed his ass against me every time, knowing my cock was growing with every brush of his body. Even if I couldn't feel it, it was happening. Somehow Jasper had made it happen.

Jasper's motions lacked rhythm, they were urgent and frantic. They were hot as fuck as his need became carnal and wild. Writhing on me, his chest heaved, his half closed eyes gazed at me. I put more pressure on his cock, almost stroking him open-handed.

"Oh yeah, oh God, oh fuck," he babbled incoherently as he neared his release. I watched in awe as he sat on the edge, wanting to be pushed over, waiting for me to do it. I knew exactly what he needed, but I selfishly withheld it. I wanted to watch what I did to him, how insane I drove him, just a bit longer.

"Please, baby," he said lowly, his eyes dropping to my lips before he moved to kiss me. Our tongues met, my hand pressed, he groaned. Unable to take anymore, he broke the kiss, his hips bucking hard against my hand.

I gave him what he needed.

Moving my mouth to his ear, I sucked on his lobe. "Come for me, love.

"For you, baby," he returned right before his entire body tensed, every muscle stilling.

His orgasm hit him hard, surging through him when the coil low in his belly sprung and released the tension that had been building. Even through the thick material of his jeans, I felt his cock pulse as it emptied warm cum into his briefs. Grunting with each wave and contraction of his body, Jasper lifted his hips into my hand, his cries of ecstasy completely uncontained.

I had made Jasper come, and come hard. I felt…proud.

Finally sated, he collapsed into my arms, his body weak and loose. My hand was still on his cock, and I could feel the wetness beginning to seep through the denim. Ragged breaths gradually slowed as his heart rate eventually returned to normal.

"Jesus," he sighed, a grin plastered on his face. Turning to face me, he kissed me softly. "Happy Valentine's Day, baby."

Then I realized that the present he'd kept guarded all day wasn't a teddy bear or box of chocolates. His present was more thoughtful, something he knew I wanted.

That I needed.

Jasper had given me back my sexuality.

Resting my forehead to his, I inhaled the heady scent of his climax and smiled at my beautiful, giving boy who always seemed to know just what I needed and how to give it to me.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I whispered back before drawing him for a long, deep, passionate kiss.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Some of you may know that Dannie is not currently writing fanfiction. While Dannie didn't write this story with me as she did M&A, she was my personal cheerleader, pre-reader and sounding board. These boys would have never seen the light of day if she hadn't kept telling me it was a story worthy of telling. The words might come from me, but the strength to put them out there came from her. To the person that sent her the email, I hope you're satisfied that your petty issue of jealousy that chased a talented and fun person from the fandom.

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674

The Big Story is now posted-read here http:/www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/6652289/1/Big_Gay_Story