Chapter 14: Losing Those We Love
APOV
"Call back and tell them the four of you are on your way. We will be there are soon as we can. I need to talk to Bella. I CANNOT leave without her." Carlisle's voice was frantic on the other line. Normally a man of incredible poise, it was disturbing to hear my father so distraught. "Do you see anything Alice?"
"Aro will deny her request to leave. She won't be able to come back with you."
CPOV
Four months had passed since I laid eyes on my baby girl. Four months of search parties, flyers, interrogations, and dead ends. Four months to the day, that for the second time in my life, I had failed the two people I cared the most for. Bella was gone. We found no trace of her anywhere. All her belongings lay untouched in her room, with not a single possession missing. It was a memorial to the failure I was to her. I failed to keep our family together all those years ago, and now I failed to protect my only daughter when she put her life in my hands.
I had done so many things wrong. Her intelligence and ambition intimidated me, and because of that, I let her achievements go unacknowledged. The maturity she possessed should have made any parent proud. When so many teenagers were off causing trouble at parties and testing their limits, she was home every night to make sure her dad had a home cooked meal. Her heart was so big. The last time I verbally told Bella I loved her she was eleven. What kind of father doesn't tell their child they are loved? And then, as if to compensate and fill the void, she gave every piece of her heart to that boy. The boy I let destroy everything that was innocent and beautiful within her. If I was stronger, I would have insisted she go to Jacksonville with her mother. If I had, then maybe none of this would have happened. But I caved to her tears and my selfish desire to keep her near me. And now, she was gone. Stolen from the place she begged to stay in. I should have been stronger.
"Charlie?" The door creaked slowly open as Jacob stepped through looking distraught. "Dad's meeting us at the church. Are you ready?"
"Yeah, let's get this over with." I stood, feeling as if I was weighed down by a ton of bricks. I caught a glimpse of the pictures that lined the mantle, and I shivered at the sight. Just like her mother, she would always be in this house; her presence clinging to the walls, forbidding me to forget. "We really have to do this huh."
"I wish we didn't Charlie. But everyone is waiting on us." He stepped out of the way of the door to let me walk past him. The sky was a horrible shade of grey, with drizzle falling all around. The dark atmosphere set the tone of the day perfectly. I somehow managed to get in Billy's truck and close the door. My eyes locked straight forward, looking through the windshield, still not believing what I was fixing to do.
"She didn't run away Charlie. You know Bella wouldn't have done that. She cared about you too much. I don't think she's coming back. It's time to put her to rest." Billy's face was filled with tears; breaking the news to me I was refusing to accept. He was right. A memorial was necessary for everyone to heal, but I saw it as giving up.
"How do I say goodbye without knowing for sure Billy? She could still be alive…We never found a body. How do I bury her without a body?" I let the tears escape my eyes before I covered my face with my hands.
"You might not ever find one. You could torture yourself for years, and still never find one. You need a chance to mourn her Charlie. We all need a chance."
The ride to the memorial was silent, broken up only by the sounds of our breaths. When the church came into view, it was a site to behold. The cars stretched around the block, taking up every available inch of space. The whole town must have come out to pay their respects. So many lives my Bella touched.
"I always loved her you know." I never turned my head to the voice that came from my left. Trying not to break down right there in the truck, I took a moment to compose myself.
"Thank you for loving her Jake." I spoke solemnly before pushing myself out of the truck. The humming noise of voices stopped as soon as I open the double doors at the back of the church sanctuary. There were teenagers on every side of me crying for the friend they lost, or the one they never got to make. The Quileute's sat at the front of the church in a massive group, though most seemed to be supporting the four huge men that sat in the front pew. The biggest of the four was Sam Uley, and he seemed to be the most tore up. Jacob made his way over to them, and took a seat next to Sam. When did Jacob get so big?
The service went on with me being only half there. Occasionally, a memory expressed from someone at the altar would make its way to me, and I would succumb to a fresh wave a tears. I blocked out the majority of what was taking place, but I couldn't hide from that song.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
My body started to shake. The tears flowed freely, and yet I was not ashamed. I closed my eyes and lost myself in a world that held nothing but me and my torment. She stood before me beautiful and innocent. Arms wrapped tightly around her chest, she whispered "I love you daddy." The song played in the background; a soundtrack to my solitude of pain.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
The movement in front of me brought me back from my distant place. A figure stood before me for only a moment before dropping to their knees. Hands that where so tiny they could be those of a child, took hold of both of mine. The connection caused me to flinch at the feeling of bitter cold. Slowly I raised my head to lock eyes with an old friend. "Alice?"
BPOV
My lips lingered on his as my mind took me to memories of laying in our meadow. His beautiful face was sparkling in the sunlight, looking at me as if I was a perfect diamond he had hand-picked. I felt his arms embracing me with tender care, and his voice whispering words of adoration. I broke the connection at our mouths as my body slumped to the floor. I sat with my legs curled behind my body, my left hand on the floor and my right clutching at my heart.
"It hurts Edward. It hurts so much." My body relinquished itself to the pain I had pushed into a pool in my chest, washing over me quickly as the sobbing increased. I willed myself to stop this demonstration of weakness, even though I knew that it was too late. Bravery wasn't locking away your feelings and putting on a performance. No, bravery was being honest with yourself regardless if it hurt, and I was done being weak. Immortal Bella was brave. She opened up the pool of hurt, abondanment, resentment, obligation, desire, and love. I fearlessly embraced every emotion that surfaced as I slumped down to the floor. Hours dragged on with me lying on the ground. Edward lay across from me with his head perched on top of a bent arm, and one hand reaching across to hold mine. We stared into each other's eyes in silence until he finally spoke.
"I heard what he told you in the forest. He wants to be with you." I nodded my head and he continued. "You know he isn't like us. Can you live with that?" Pausing to gauge my reaction, he whispered, "Do you love him Bella?"
"He saved me. The others wanted to kill me, but he saved me the only way he knew how. He held me almost the entire time while I changed, allowing his body to dull the burn. I woke up to his embrace. He kept me alive when I refuse to live. I owe him so much." I knew I was hurting him. It certainly was not my intention to, but he needed to grasp the full consequences of his actions. As much as Edward wanted it to, saying 'I love you' did not erase the last six months. "I miss all of you so much. Every day was almost unbearable. I felt broken and abandoned, but Felix never left my side. He is important to me. I don't know if I love him, but I am not sure I can leave him." He gasped and tightened his hold on my hand. Scrunching his eyebrows together in pain, he closed his eyes, still holding on to me for dear life. "I still love you Edward." His eyes shot open in shock. "But I don't know if that's enough anymore."
APOV
Charlie cried on my shoulder for the rest of Bella's funeral. I sat next to him on the pew, desperately wanting to ease the pain of the man I had grown very much attached to. I expected the wolves to be furious at our contact, but upon looking in their direction, they just seemed sad. My heart ached for all of the people in this room, pouring out their love for my sister.
When the service concluded, I wrapped my arms around Charlie, and led him outside. A women who was introduced to me as Sue Clearwater, came to take Charlie to his house. I begrudgingly released my hold of him, letting her take over his care. "Carlisle called in a prescription to help you sleep Charlie." I looked to Sue and asked, "Will you pick it up? He needs his rest. I'm worried about him." She nodded with a little smile and led him out to the parking lot. They retreated to her vehicle, leaving me to reflect on how hard it was to let him leave my sight. The tall man that approached me from the left was unfamiliar. I cocked my head to the side with a questioning look.
"Jacob Black?" I asked. He nodded, shooting worried glances in all directions as if he was searching for someone.
"I'm the only one here. The others are at the house. We didn't want to upset you." He looked at me incredulously before he spoke.
"Yeah…well…Charlie appreciated you being here…so thanks." He started to shuffle his feet in a nervous manner. Looking away from his face, the site in front of me was a little scary. Behind him stood four men, equally as massive and just as intimidating. My eyes widen and I took a step back. Jacob responded immediately, shaking his head and putting both hands up in front of him in a show of surrender.
"We won't hurt you Alice. We just want to set up a meeting with all of you. Can you meet us at the line tonight at 1am?" I nodded at him, showing my agreement to his terms. The man I spoke to at the last meeting step forward and took Jacob's place at the head of the pack.
"Thank you for coming back." He said.
"Of course we came. I love Charlie. I'll do anything to protect him." He paused to stare at me for a moment, seemingly at a loss for words.
"We'll see you then." And with that, they all turned and walked away.
BPOV
"I will never stop fighting for you love. I will not give up on us again. You are still my world Bella; the only light that brightens my darkness. My heart has always, and will always belong to you. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. Take your time to figure out what you want. I'll be here waiting." Edward spoke honestly in his beautiful velvet voice. I missed that voice. His kiss still left my lips tingling even hours later, making the desire to pull him to my body overwhelming. Confusion was a deplorable emotion.
"Still the masochistic lion I see." He smiled as he pulled me to my feet while holding both my hands. His lips changed into a crooked smile that about made me melt.
"Indeed." He said, reaching his hand out to caress the side of my cheek. No longer of different body temperatures, his touch felt warm and comforting. Closing my eyes to savor the feeling, I leaned my face into his stroke, attempting to prolong it.
"BELLA! EDWARD!" There was a loud smack as the door flew open, exposing Carlisle. Hearing the commotion, Felix and Elle came sprinting into my room as well, sporting looks of concern and confusion.
"WHAT!" Edward shouted, apparently responding to whatever was streaming from the panicked mind of his father. "Who is it Carlisle?"
"Edward, stop that. Talk out loud. What is going on?" I asked.
"We need to leave Bella. I'm sorry to force this on you. We wanted it to be your decision, but now we have no choice. It's time to leave." Carlisle's panic was terrifying. Seeing him this way was very unnerving, and it brought out my own emotions on unrest.
"What are you talking about? Tell me what is going on!" I screamed.
"There is a problem back in Forks. We're not sure who, but someone is after Charlie. We need to get back to help protect him Bella." Coming forward he placed both hands on my shoulders, locking eyes with me. "I told you we weren't leaving without you again, and I meant it. I wish there was time for you to chose, but there just isn't. We need to leave now."
"Someone is after Charlie! Why? Wait, I can't just leave. What about my friends? And Aro? He's not just going to let me leave Carlisle!"I was pacing in front on all the worried and anxious eyes, attempting to grasp the situation that I was facing. He was right, of course. I needed to protect my dad. I owed him that and so much more. I didn't give my life months ago to protect him, only for someone else to swoop in a steal his by force. Red was starting to cloud my vision. How dare anyone threaten my father!
The rage was interrupted then by the tiny hand that lay on my arm. Looking up, I found the caring eyes of my friend. "Don't worry Bella. I'll just go with you. You're not staying behind just for us. I would never forgive myself if I held you back. Plus, I really want to go shopping with this Alice I've heard so much about." Elle chuckled as I embraced her fiercely. Releasing my hold, I turned to find Felix. Extending my hand out to him, I bit my lip and waited for him to take it. My loyalties were of course to my Dad, but this was one person I couldn't leave behind. Whether it be for familiarity, friendship, or love; I needed him.
"Will you come with us? I can't go without you."
"Of course! We saved him together last time, and we will do it again. I will go wherever you are, for as long as you want me." Putting his arms around me, I leaned into his body, resting my head on his chest. My loyal companion; always eager to give me anything I desired. A groan rang out in the distance, but we both ignored it.
***************************************
As one group, we made our way to Aro's study. Carlisle had assured me the law said Aro could not keep me here against my will, but the unnerving feeling was still present deep in my chest. I had displayed my powers abundantly and knew they were something he coveted even before I became immortal. Regardless of all their faith, I knew this meeting was not going to go in our favor.
After Demetri had spoke with Aro about our wishes to speak to him, we were let into the study. Felix was holding my hand, standing on my left, while Edward stood next to me on the right. Elle's presence radiated from behind me.
"Carlisle, what is the meaning of all this?" Aro sat behind his desk, hands folded in front of him.
"I am coming to say goodbye friend. We have a situation that requires our attention back with the rest of our family, and we need to get to them as soon as possible." Carlisle had a very stern face on.
"Oh dear. What is this situation? Maybe we can be of assistance to you."
"No No Aro. It is nothing you need to concern yourself with. They are merely matters that of importance to my family."
Aro looked like he was getting frustrated. "Am I missing something here Carlisle, or are you purposely trying to be coy?" He snapped.
"Bella wishes to return with us. She misses my family, and the feeling is mutual. Noel and Felix are going to be accompanying us as well." Carlisle was attempting to convey authority with his words, but I could tell he was worried that Aro was not going to see things his way.
"Humm….interesting. The other two are not bound to us, so they are free to leave of course. Our guard will miss your presence Felix. You were always a great asset in our quest for justice and peace." He said in his direction. "I'm afraid however, that Bella will have to stay with us. I granted her this life, and that owes a certain amount of loyalty."
"SHE DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!" Edward growled through gritted teeth. Felix reached around me to put his hand on Edwards shoulder. He sent a look over to him to command him to shut his mouth, though I knew he was speaking to him mentally.
"Aro, I am aware that you gave me permission to change her, but you are also aware that I had made the decision to do so long before you had your input. I am still Bella's maker. Not you. If she owes anyone her loyalty, it is me." Edward growled beside him, and I felt Felix grip his shoulder tighter. "As her maker, I will be happy to take her place. I will do whatever you want Aro. But Bella is leaving with the Cullen's."
The floor was still my chosen focal point, as usual. Here Felix was again, desperately trying to do whatever he could to ensure my happiness. What could I have possibly done to deserve such devotion? Both my suitors were so resolved to their feelings, and yet I was baffled as to what I wanted. The notion of being in love with two different men was just unreasonable. Love isn't meant to be shared in that way. But here I was standing in between the two men of my dreams, hopelessly attempting to convince myself that it was not okay to hold both their hands at once.
"You have been very loyal Felix, so I will choose to ignore this outlandish form of insubordination. Regardless, you don't have the same qualities they someone like Bella possesses, and therefore we would not benefit from you taking her place." He finished his speech with a smug expression on his ancient face. A few of the guard had came into the room by know wondering about the altercation. I started to panic. I couldn't stay here. My love life was still up for grabs, but there was one thing I was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt; I had to be with my family. I wouldn't survive if they left me again, and I'm not sure I would even want to.
"I can take her place." I small voice whispered from behind me. Craning my head, I saw Elle attempting to push past Edward so she could be in front of Aro.
"ELLE NO" I screamed, reaching out to pull her back. "Don't do this. Not for me."
"You are in the same boat as Felix, Noel. You have nothing to offer us that would hold a candle to Isabella." Aro smirked.
Elle let out a huff, crossed her arms and focused on the members of the guard that entered the room moments earlier. Suddenly, Demetri flew at Alec, tackling him to the ground. He landed a good solid punch square on his face before he stopped abruptly, turned around, and ran smack dab into the wall of the study, sending crackling sounds throughout the area as the walls fracture from impact. The room was dead silent before all eyes shifted back toward the tiny vampire with a condescending smirk upon her face.
Demetri started to charge at her, but Edward stepped out and put himself in his path, crouching in a defensive position.
"STOP" shouted Aro, while catching Elle gaze and standing wide eyed. "Noel, what did you just do?"
"Oh, well you know… A little of this, a little of that. No biggie." What a smug little vampire genius.
"How did I not know about his Noel? Can you make him do whatever you want?" Aro spat.
"Of course I can. He is very easy to control." She waved her hand in Demetri's direction, before blowing him a kiss. "You never paid me much attention really. I was always just the poor abandoned newborn you took pity on. You really ought to be more observant Aro." She giggled. "Now all of these witnesses heard you proclaim I was free to leave, but I will gladly stay in Bella's place, as long as everyone else can leave. I could be very useful to you. Think about it."
"Elle please don't do this." I whispered almost sobbing.
"Very well. Isabella you may leave with the Cullen's. We are done here." Aro snapped his fingers and the guard ascended on Elle, grabbing both her arms and pulling her from the room.
"No wait. ELLE!" I ran to grab her hand but was held back by Felix's massive arms. And just like that my best friend was gone.