Redemption-Book 1: Re-Emergence

by evitascarlett

No one told Johanna that picking up the pieces and moving on would be easy…but they never said it would be this hard either. A sequel to Apologize; dealing with the fallout and aftermath of Bracken's arrest as the family tries to heal and move on. Warning: This is a Johanna centric story. Cover art by LordofKavaka

14. Chapter 14

Authors Note: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 14- Harder to Breathe- Part 1

'Is there anyone out there because it's getting harder and harder to breathe' – Maroon 5

As Jim made the drive toward home, he did his best to squash his irritation but he could feel himself failing. She just couldn't listen…she always had to be so damn stubborn. He was angry; angry at his wife for not staying home; angry with his daughter for letting him out of the loop once again…angry at the world at large for disrupting the fragile state of peace they had been living in. Why couldn't Johanna just listen for once?

He was about to make the turn to circle around to the back of the house to pull in the driveway but he caught sight of Frankie standing on the front porch. He continued going straight; pulling up behind Frankie's car in front of the house. His brother-in-law came down the steps and met him on the sidewalk.

"How is she?" Jim asked as he paused before him.

"Calmer than she was but she's still pretty upset," Frankie answered. "Valerie's in there with her."

"Tell me again what happened."

"Valerie and I were at a furniture store looking at a new living room suit. We were at the front of the store and we could hear people yelling outside. I went to the window to see what was going on. I saw a horde of reporters and they were surrounding someone; I couldn't tell who it was at first until I heard them say 'Mrs. Beckett'. I caught a glimpse of her then as she tried to get away from them but they weren't letting her go. I yelled for Valerie and we went out and pushed our way through until we got to her. As we were leading her away, they continued to follow; yelling their questions about Katie and her IA investigation. Someone kept mentioning the possibility of Bracken going free and she went into a panic attack."

"How bad was it?" Jim asked.

Frankie shoved his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish as he made a confession. "She scared the hell out, Jim. It was like she couldn't breathe. I know it probably didn't last as long as it seemed but it felt like it lasted for a long time. Those bastards…they kept filming and taking pictures while we're trying to pull her out of it. I'd like to have their names…better yet, I wish I could've just decked them all then and there but I had to take care of Jo. When the attack finally ended, she burst into tears; she's so embarrassed…she just wanted to come home…she wanted you."

Jim scrubbed a hand over his face as he released a weighted breath. "I'm glad you were there, Frankie; God only knows what would've happened if you hadn't been."

"You should probably thank Valerie for that. She finally nagged me enough about wanting to look for new living room furniture that I took the day off to take her just to shut her up."

He gave a short quiet laugh. "You have good timing for giving in at the right moment."

Frankie nodded. "And my sister picked the right side of the street to window shop on."

"I told her to stay home."

"She mentioned that."

"Did she?"

"Yeah; when we got her home she said that you were already mad at her for going out and now you were going to be even madder…and that she deserved it."

The words dampened his anger a little bit; she had already been punished and he'd do his best not to rub salt in the wound. "I guess I better get in there," he stated. "I'm surprised we don't have a few guests camped out here yet."

"They're probably after Katie now. Jo said she didn't know anything about this investigation."

"We haven't heard anything about it but once I'm sure Johanna's settled I'm going to call Katie and get to the bottom of it. I'm getting a little tired of being the last to know everything."

"I don't blame you," Frankie replied as they moved up the steps to the door.

Jim could here the soft voices of the women as he stepped inside and headed in the direction of the living room. Johanna was sitting at the far end of the couch, her legs pulled up against her; bringing back a long ago memory of Naomi once saying that her daughter always sat like that when she felt the need for a protective shell. Her gaze met his and he could see her bracing herself for his anger. He thought he had it under control…he thought it had been dampened moments before…but suddenly he was feeling it again and the words spilled from his lips before he could stop them. "I guess the next time I tell you to stay home, you'll listen."

Her gaze dropped to her lap. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

For some reason her reaction angered him further. While it was true that she was always apologetic when she had done something wrong, she wasn't always so passive about it. "Is that all you have to say?" he asked.

Hey eyes met his once more. "What more do you want me to say, Jim? I didn't listen…and now I'll pay the price by being publicly humiliated…does that make you feel better?"

That was more like her, he thought to himself; and the rebuke was like a bucket of cold water being thrown on his temper. Valerie reached for his wife's hand and took it. "Do you want to go home with us?" she asked her. "Because you can; you can spend the night."

Jim's eyes widened. "Valerie!"

"What?" she asked. "I'm only offering her an alternative if she doesn't want to stay here and be brow beaten by you. I thought you'd come in here and console your wife but instead you're ready to lecture her like she's a naughty child who needs put on time out."

"Val," Frankie warned.

"If he can dish it out he should be able to take it."

Johanna gave her sister-in-law a small smile as she squeezed her hand. "I appreciate the offer, Val; but I'll stay here and pay the piper. I deserve it…and I'll take it."

"If you change your mind, you call and we'll come back and get you."

"I'm not going to beat her with a hanger, Valerie," Jim commented.

"Well you don't need to act like an ogre," she replied. "I expect better of you."

He smiled. "I'll try not to disappoint you anymore."

"Come on, Val," Frankie said as he eyed his wife. "Let's go home and let them have this argument without an audience."

Johanna rose from the sofa as Valerie did and she accepted the hug her sister-in-law wrapped her in. "Don't worry; it'll be okay. I'll call you this evening."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later," she replied as she released her and followed her to Frankie's side. She embraced her brother without warning but he didn't hesitate to return the gesture. "Thank you," she told him softly. "Mom was right; you are a good big brother…when you want to be."

He laughed as she stepped back a pace. "Don't go acting like this is the first time I've saved your ass. I beat up that kid on the playground that pushed you down, now didn't I?"

"Yeah; you did," she said with a smile. "You got him good."

"And when that guy in high school was bugging you; I slammed him up against the locker and he left you alone."

Johanna nodded. "Yes he did; you were very intimidating."

"I wish I could've knocked around a few of those bastards today."

She gave him a shaky smile; ducking her head a little as the shame washed over her. "I think you did just fine."

Frankie bumped her chin upward with his knuckles and held her gaze. "McKenzie," he stated.

"McKenzie," she replied with a nod of understanding.

"Call if you need anything," he told her.

"I will."

They said their goodbyes to Jim and then left; leaving Johanna alone with her husband. She stood in the middle of the living room, waiting for whatever he had in store once he finished locking the door. His anger was obvious…she didn't blame him…but for some reason she always liked to be standing when she was being yelled at.

Jim re-entered the room and saw her waiting; her arms crossed in front of her, her face weary and her eyes conveying the silent message of 'get it over with'. She looked so small, standing there in her bare feet; the weight of the world pressing down on her shoulders. His anger abated and he crossed the room, drawing her into his arms once he reached her. "I'm sorry," he told her as she sank into his embrace.

A sob broke free and he held her tightly as she cried. "Why didn't Katie tell me?" she asked. "Why would she keep this from us?"

"I don't know, sweetheart; but I'll find out, you mark my words on that."

"He's going to get out of this," Johanna cried. "He's going to get away with it."

"No he isn't."

"Yes he is," she said, her fingers clenching the material of his suit jacket. "He's going to buy his way out and it's all going to start over again; we're never going to be safe. It's never going to end. He's going to get out."

Jim could feel her losing control; the fear overtaking her and making her tremble. He took hold of her arms and pushed her back a pace so that he could look into her face. "Bracken isn't getting out of this, Johanna. He just wants you to think that he is."

"He's got power and connections…he's going to get out and he's going to come back for us…he'll go after Katie…he'll get her first to torment me and then he'll finish the job. It's never going to go away…"

"Stop," he told her as he shook her a little. "That's not going to happen."

"Yes it is; you don't know that it won't."

"Yes I do," he replied; shaking her again. "I want you to listen to me, Johanna; I want you to stop…I know you're afraid but you need to turn that off…you need to turn off the part of your brain that functions as Katie's mother. I need you to start thinking like a lawyer again; do you understand?"

She shook her head as she tried to get a hold of her emotions. "I need you to think like the lawyer that you are; I need you to think about all of the evidence against this man; the crimes he committed that have nothing to do with you and Katie that the police and F.B.I. have plenty of evidence of thanks to legal search warrants and diligent digging. I want you to think about the evidence they have in relation to your case…that file that was sent to Captain Gates had all the proof that was needed no matter what comes of yours and Katie's involvement the day of the arrest. Ryan and Esposito had the arrest warrant with them when they got there…what does that mean, Johanna?"

"That there was enough evidence for probable cause."

"Right; and what does it mean that bail was denied?"

"That there was a lot of evidence against him and they deemed him a flight risk."

"Exactly; what does it mean when a defendant has people out working the publicity machine for them?"

"That they're trying to sway potential jury members and garner public sympathy."

"And why do they need to do that?"

"Because they're guilty."

"And?"

A shuddering breath wracked her frame. "And because they're afraid they won't be able to prove otherwise based on evidence alone."

"That's right…and if you had no connection whatsoever to this case and all of that evidence against him was put on your desk to use against him; what would you think? What would Johanna McKenzie Beckett think if this was her case that she was taking to trial?"

Her eyes closed for a moment and then flicked open and focused on his. "She'd think it was a slam dunk and consider going home early once it was organized."

Jim smiled; his hand moving to cradle her cheek as he nodded. "Exactly…and you're a good lawyer, Jo; your instincts rarely ever let you down. You would've felt very confident with this case when you looked at everything. You would've been all over it; preparing ever last piece of it and a closing argument that would be the final nail in the coffin. You need to keep thinking of this case in the capacity of a lawyer, sweetheart; and I know that's going to be easier said than done but I think you'll sleep easier at night if you do your best to keep this frame of mind."

She nodded; pressing her cheek more firmly against his palm. "One of the best prosecutors in New York is on this case," he told her. "You know Nathaniel Bailey's reputation as well as I do. Bracken doesn't stand a chance; that's why he has his little brother out there trying to discredit you and Katie; trying to make the two of you the bad guys. It's not going to work; he's going to pay for this…he's going to prison and he's never getting out. Deep down in your gut you know that…the lawyer side of you knows…listen to it."

"I'll try," she whispered. "But I don't understand why Katie left us in the dark about this. I would've never left this house if I had known."

He pulled her back into his arms for a hug. "I don't know why she did it…it seems to be standard behavior for her…and it's time that ends. I'm going to move my car around back and then I'm going to call her and find out, okay? I want you to relax; everything is going to be fine."

Johanna wished that she could believe that but at the moment it was hard to do so. By morning everyone would've seen the video of her…by morning she'd be a laughing stock and she'd never be able to show her face again. She reluctantly released her husband as he pulled back; brushing a kiss against her lips before leaving her in the living room so that he could move his car to the driveway. A shuddering breath crossed her lips; every time she thought she was getting somewhere, someone had to knock her back down the ladder.

---

The heels of Kate's boots echoed off the paneled walls of the Internal Affairs building, mingling with the sounds of office phones and the whirl of copiers and fax machines as she walked the long corridor. She was just glad that she was heading for the elevator this time. Her mind was full and her nerves on edge; she just wanted to escape. The wait she had to endure once she had arrived hadn't helped matters. She had spent forty-five minutes sitting on a hard bench in the hallway, waiting to be called in for her meeting.

Kate wasn't sure if there was a legitimate excuse for the wait or if it had been done to make her squirm and give her the feeling of being sent to the principal's office. A sign declaring that cell phones be turned off or set to vibrate, warned her against texting Castle for company and moral support. She didn't want anyone to think that she was circling the wagons somewhere. She thought she'd feel relieved once the secretary showed to her to the office, but she hadn't. The dark paneled room with its equally dark furniture had an air of foreboding about it. The two stern looking figures sitting behind the table made her stomach queasy.

They introduced themselves as Detectives Grant and Sterling and directed her to the wooden chair that sat a few feet in front of their table. Detective Grant explained the reason for the call and the impending investigation. When he finished, he asked her if she understood.

"I understand, Sir," she replied. "What I don't understand is why."

"Because a complaint as been made," Grant answered, his meaty looking fingers interlocking on the table top.

"By Adam Bracken," she stated.

"Yes; but the person making the complaint makes no difference."

Kate highly doubted that. "Sir, with all due respect, Mr. Bracken wasn't present at the scene of his brother's arrest."

"Mr. Bracken feels you were acting on a personal vendetta and despite not being at the scene, he has a right to file a complaint."

"And you can't deny that your mother is at the heart of this case, can you, Detective?" Sterling asked. "That would make a case for personal involvement."

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from losing her patience. "No; I can't deny that; but it in no way affected my ability to do my job. Senator Bracken's name wasn't picked at random; the evidence led us to him. The F.B.I. cleared this arrest and took over the case."

"That doesn't matter," Grant answered. "When a complaint has been made against one of our people, it must be investigated regardless of the ruling of a higher agency. I know it's an inconvenience, Detective Beckett, but it's one you'll have to deal with."

She was afraid of that, and she imagined that it would be a long process.

"If you've done nothing wrong in your investigation and ultimate arrest of Senator Bracken, you shouldn't have anything to worry about," Sterling said; his cold gray eyes boring into her.

"I didn't do anything wrong," Kate stated firmly; wondering if Sterling was one of Adam Bracken's golf buddies. She also wondered if she could find out without raising any red flags. Detective Grant wore a mask of neutrality…and she couldn't say for certain that Sterling was against her. They could be hard nosed as everyone claimed. They could be dedicated to the job; doing their best to look at both sides and make the right decision. Or they could be on the Bracken payroll as well as the city's.

Grant's voice droning on broke through her train of thought and she forced herself to focus.

"…We'll be going over everything and conducting interviews; among those will be your Captain and Detectives Ryan and Esposito since they are listed as participating officers in this arrest. Today's meeting was to notify you of the investigation; we'll be calling you again at a future date to discuss things further. If you have anything that you feel will aid in your defense, I suggest you prepare it and have it ready if necessary. Do you have any questions?"

"Am I being removed from duty?" Kate asked.

"No," Grant answered; "There's no cause for removal from duty at this time. Anything else?"

She shook her head; "Not at the moment."

Grant picked up a business card from the table and held it out to her. "If you have any questions, you can call the number on this card and they'll be able to help you."

"Thank you, Sir," she replied as she accepted it and slid it into her pocket, taking every measure to keep her face as void of thought and emotion as theirs was.

"Good luck, Detective," he told her. "You may return to your precinct."

She gave a nod and walked away, her head held high. "And so it begins," she thought to herself.

The ding of the elevator shook Kate from the memory of her meeting. The steel doors slid open and she stepped inside. Once she was concealed she allowed her head to lower, the feelings of frustration and worry to wrap around her once more. Sterling's largely quiet presence niggled at her, but she figured that Grant was the superior on the case and therefore did most of the talking. There was no sense in over analyzing based on one brief meeting. She'd have time to better gauge them later on…and maybe Castle could do a little Googling on this computer at some point if her suspicions kept her up at night.

---

Kate wasn't surprised to see the media circus waiting on her when she arrived back at the precinct; but her stomach clenched anyway, a little voice in the back of her mind reminding her once again that she should've told her mother. She blew out a breath; there was nothing she could do about it now. She'd just have to call as soon as she got inside and hope that she had gotten to her before she caught the latest news cycle…because surely she wouldn't change her stance about avoiding as much news as possible, right? There was time; she'd get to her…quick phone call explanation and the promise of a face to face visit to hash it out further. It would be fine, she told herself as she parked the car. Everything would be fine. She hoped…the knots in her stomach however seemed to have doubts.

As she got out of the car; the voices of reporters filled the air and she closed her eyes…wishing that just this once she had a pair of sunglasses to hide behind like her mother did.

"Detective Beckett, what can you tell us about this investigation?"

"Have you been suspended?

"If you're on such good terms with your mother, why didn't you tell her that you were being investigated?"

The question made her pause on the sidewalk; a sick feeling welling up within her. How did they know that she hadn't told her mother?

"Why didn't you tell her, Detective?"

"Why do you keep lying about being on good terms when you clearly aren't? Your mother was completely blindsided by the news of your investigation and the implications it could have on the case against Senator Bracken."

Oh God, she thought to herself…surely someone hadn't gone and knocked on her mother's door and put that fear into her mind. She turned toward the sea of voices, trying to seek out the one who kept yelling questions about her relationship with her mother. "What do you know about what my mother and I discuss?" she asked tartly.

A reporter with a cocky grin and a mop of black curly hair stepped forward just enough to make his presence known. "We know all about it, Detective. Some of us ran into your mother today while she was out shopping…she was surprised to hear the news…to say the least."

Her heart missed a beat at the malicious glee in his eyes. "What did you do to her?" she demanded as she stepped closer; her demeanor menacing.

He laughed. "It's not what I did; it's what you did. You kept secrets from your mommy, and now the world knows all about how that happy family angle is a fake."

"What did you do to my mother," she repeated; her tone demanding and taunt.

The reporter smirked. "Don't blame me if your mother is unstable, Detective…perhaps if she was better informed she'd be able to take things in stride."

She had this terrible feeling that something far crueler had been done to her mother besides just giving her the news of the investigation and she stared down her new nemesis, letting him know that she wouldn't budge until she had answers. The grin slid across his face and he stepped into her space as he fiddled with the small handheld video camera that he held. "See for yourself," he stated; as if he read her mind.

The video on the camera began to play and Kate watched as her mother came into focus on the screen; she hadn't noticed that she was being followed as she window shopped…alone…but then she must've heard the click of a camera or caught a reflection in the store window because she saw her tense and glance back over her shoulder. Her mother then increased her pace, the media following behind her, shouting out questions, surrounding her as she tried to get away. And then there was the moment when the man holding the camera broke the news of the IA investigation and Johanna Beckett paused and called him a liar. Her heart twisted as she studied her face; her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses, her face paling and the line of her jaw becoming tense. She saw her fingers curling around the strap of her purse as she asked them to let her go…but they wouldn't…they kept after her and then finally someone swept in to rescue her. Kate recognized her uncle and aunt as they moved into place on either side of her mother; her uncle doing the talking, trying to drive the reporters away…and then she saw her mother's demeanor change once again, saw her gasping for breath as Frankie tried to pull her to safety.

Fury filled her as the man continued to record her mother as she battled her panic attack; fighting for every breath of air as her brother tired to calm her. And then when it was over, she could feel the humiliation that her mother must've felt as she burst into tears and asked to be taken home.

The reporter's laugh broke Kate's focus. "I guess she doesn't like surprises."

She lunged at him without any thought at all; her hands gripping his coat as she got in his face. "You bastard; you see that she's in distress and you keep filming her! What kind of monster are you!"

"Let go of me, Detective," he sneered.

"You are the scum of the earth," she told him. "How do you sleep at night knowing what you do to people? Why didn't you just leave her alone? Why didn't you have the decency to stop filming her!"

"It's news," he laughed. "Guess you should've told her…maybe then she wouldn't have fallen apart. It's not my fault."

Kate shook him. "Give me the tape."

"No way, lady," he grinned. "And even if I did give it to you; it would be too late. It's already saved to my computer…and it's already been sold. It made me a pretty penny too; Johanna Beckett's first words to the media…and then her very public meltdown…yeah; that was a very nice pay day for me. If you do happen to talk to your mother, thank her for me."

Rage made her see red; made her forget that she herself was being filmed at that moment. "You son of a bitch; if you ever go near her again, I'll…"

"You'll what?" he taunted. "If you're going to hit me, do it…it'll look real good on your record and on the screen down at the offices of IA. Go ahead, Beckett…do it. Defend mommy's honor; that'll guarantee you the headline at five."

She pushed him backward, momentum sending him to the ground as Ryan and Esposito pushed through the crowd. "I could press charges for that," the reporter yelled.

"Do it," she told him as Esposito pushed her a step back; Castle stepping forward and grabbing her arm and pulling her away. "I want his name, Ryan," she yelled as she was led to the door.

She and Castle didn't speak as they waited for the elevator and once they were enclosed inside it, agitation made her pace. "Kate; you didn't do yourself any favors with what you just did," he murmured.

"I know that, Castle," she retorted; angry at herself for losing control. "Do you know what they did? Do you know what they did to her?"

He nodded. "I know…a friend at the Ledger sent me the video. It's already on the internet and being passed around to every news source you can think of."

Great," she stated as she smacked her hand against the elevator.

He reached out and pressed the button to pause the elevator. "It's going to be okay."

"No it isn't!" Kate exclaimed. "They terrified her…she had a panic attack in public and now they're going to humiliate her by showing it to the world. Nothing about that is okay. Nothing about any of this is okay, Rick. Just like the F.B.I. cleared this arrest but some puppet got his strings pulled and now I have to go through this investigation, and even if nothing comes of it, it still puts a black mark against my name in the eyes of the public."

Now wasn't the time for words, Castle thought to himself. She wasn't in the right place to be comforted by anything he could think of to say. She was afraid, she was hurting…she was feeling guilty. He stepped toward her and pulled her into his arms; wrapping her in a tight embrace. She said nothing, angry tears breaking free and spilling down her cheeks without permission as her nails dug into his back.

His hand moved soothingly against her back. "You're going to be fine, Kate; and so is your mother. She's fine; I saw the video, her brother got there in time; he was taking her home."

"I'm going to have to go over there," she sniffled.

"I know…but you probably have to finish your shift first."

She pulled out of his arms and wiped her cheeks. "Yeah; I know."

"What happened at the meeting?" he asked.

"Nothing really; it was more like a precursor to the main event," she replied. "They were informing me that they were investigating the arrest and that they'd be meeting with me again at a date in the near future…and that they'd also be speaking to Ryan and Esposito."

"What about me?"

"You haven't been mentioned yet. I think this initial meeting was primarily to rattle my cage. They want me on edge…and they don't care that the F.B.I. cleared the arrest. The complaint has been made so now it has to go through the channels of investigation. There's no way I can stop it."

"How bad does it sound?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…my gut tells me it's all for show…but another part of me is worried."

He gave her a smile. "I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry too much until you have to. It's early on and I'm siding with your gut feeling that it's all for show; just a part of Adam Bracken's plan to try to make you look bad publicly. He got you both in one swoop today."

"Don't remind me," she whispered as she hit the button to restart the elevator.

---

Kate could feel an ache building behind her eyes as she approached her desk and laid down her phone and keys. She ran a hand through her hair, feeling the tension in her body as Castle sat down in his chair. She was just about to ask him if he'd mind making a quick run to the store to get her something for her headache but Gates stepped out of her office and pinned her with her gaze.

"A word, Beckett," the Captain said firmly.

She sighed heavily; news of the reporter had probably already reached her ears while she and Castle had lingered on the elevator. Her gaze flicked to the writer as the throb in her head intensified. "Can you look through my desk and my purse and see if I've got anything laying around for a headache?"

"No problem," he replied; doing his best to give her a reassuring smile before she turned and headed for the Captain's office.

"Close the door," Gates ordered as she stepped inside.

Kate did as she was told and then turned to face the Captain.

"What the hell possessed you to grab a hold of a reporter?" Gates asked sternly.

"Is he pressing charges?"

"He hasn't yet; and you better hope that he doesn't. What were you thinking?"

Kate's hand curled into a fist at her side. "They harassed my mother in public today. They told her I was being investigated…and they kept at her until she had a panic attack; which that bastard of a reporter filmed and bragged about selling to every news outlet he could find."

"I can understand your anger, Detective; but it's no excuse. They know your mother is your soft spot; when they got that piece of footage, they knew all they had to do was goad you with it. He wanted you to react badly…and you gave it to him on a silver platter."

"I know I was wrong," she replied through clenched teeth.

"This is exactly what you don't need right now, Kate; IA is already breathing down your neck; how do you think this is going to look? It doesn't help you at all; it doesn't help your mother, and it doesn't cast this department in a good light either. This is going to be your life for the time being and you better learn to control yourself or there isn't going to be much I can do to help you."

"I'm sorry, Sir."

"You should be. You're better than this. I know you love your mother; and what they did to her today was despicable…but you can't think like a daughter right now; you have to think like a cop. Everyone's watching, Beckett; keep your mind focused."

"I understand, Sir."

"Do you?"

"Yes; it won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't."

---

As Castle searched for pain relievers in Kate's desk; he kept an eye on the scene going on inside the Captain's office. He closed the last drawer; coming up empty handed when Kate's cell phone rang. He glanced at the screen and saw that it was Jim and he had a feeling that the man wanted answers. He hesitated for a moment before he picked it up and accepted the call.

"Kate can't talk right now," he stated.

"Why not?" her father asked.

"She's in the Captain's office being lectured."

"About this Internal Affairs thing that she didn't tell anyone about?"

"No; Gates knew about that; I figure it's about her grabbing a hold of a reporter a little while ago."

An aggravated breath crossed the line. "What the hell is going on, Rick? Is she really being investigated?"

"Yes."

"And I have a feeling this news wasn't just sprung on her today; right?"

He hesitated. "She might've heard rumors. She's going to come over later and talk to you about it."

"Why did she grab a reporter?" Jim asked.

Castle paused once again; wondering how much he should tell but he had a feeling that Jim Beckett wasn't a man who let people off the hook when he wanted answers. "Because this certain reporter showed her the video he filmed of Johanna this morning while she was out shopping."

"I guess they have a nice video of Katie now too for tonight's newscast."

"Johanna's is already making the rounds online," he informed him.

Jim sighed. "You're full of good news, Rick."

"I know…it's one of those days that starts off fine and then takes a sudden steep decline with the same speed of a roller coaster."

"Yeah; I noticed. You tell Katie to get over here as soon as she can. I better go see what my wife is doing; she's gotten quiet."

"Is she okay?"

"She's better than she was earlier…but I can tell there's a lot rolling through her mind; so she's either consulting her recipe book or she's hiding upstairs. Try to keep my daughter out of jail; would you?"

"I'll do my best," he promised before they said goodbye and ended the call.

He laid Kate's phone down on the desk and a moment later the door of the Captain's office opened and Kate stepped back into the bullpen.

"Beckett," Gates called out from behind her.

Castle smothered a smile as she rolled her eyes before turning back to face the woman. "Take the rest of the day off and get yourself together," Gates ordered.

"That's really not necessary, Sir."

Gates arched a brow at her. "It wasn't a suggestion, Detective; it was an order."

"Yes, Sir," she replied; continuing her trek back to her desk.

"I guess we're leaving early," Castle commented.

She smirked. "Apparently so; did you find any Advil in my desk?"

"No; none in your purse either…but you should consider cleaning out all of those receipts; you might be able to find something in there in."

"Castle; do you really think now is the time to lecture me about the state of my purse?"

"Probably not…should I tell you that your dad called and I answered your phone?"

Her head lowered as she gathered up her stuff. "No; don't tell me until I get something for my headache."

He nodded. "Your place? We can order some take out for lunch…and then I'll tell you about the call."

"Yeah; that's a good idea. Let's get the hell out of here."

"Where are you going?" Ryan and Esposito asked at the same time as they all ran into each other at the elevator.

"Gates put me out for the rest of the day," she answered.

"What did you do to get sent home early?" Esposito asked.

She smirked at him. "Now, Javi; you know grabbing reporters isn't acceptable behavior."

"If I had known we'd get sent home for that; Ryan and I would've grabbed a few."

"Yeah; that's not fair," Ryan remarked. "I did get a name for the one you grabbed; his name is Lenny Reid…do you want us to check into him?"

She really had no good reason to justify looking into the man but the side of her that worried about Adam Bracken and what he might pull made her want to err on the side of caution. "Yeah…but do it quietly and without getting caught."

"You got it; enjoy your time out," Ryan quipped.

"Just for that, you can do my paperwork," Kate told him before hitting the button of the elevator. "Have a nice day, guys."

---

"Should I wait in the car?" Castle asked later that afternoon as they pulled up in front of her parents house.

"Why would I want you to do that?" Kate asked.

"Well I have a feeling you're going to be lectured…you might not want an audience."

She shook her head. "No; you're going with me."

"Hmm; the old bring a friend ruse."

"The what?" she said as she grabbed her purse and checked her phone.

"You know; when you knew you were going to be in trouble so you took a friend home with you…because you knew your mother wouldn't yell if someone was there…and by the time they left; she'd forget what you were supposed to get yelled at for."

Kate glanced at him. "Now I know why you always want me at the loft; you want my presence to shield you from Martha."

"Not true," he replied. "Mother considers you family…therefore she's very comfortable yelling in front of you."

"Your presence isn't going to keep anyone from yelling at me if they feel like it…so let's go get it over with."

"Good idea; get it done quickly and then we'll go home and enjoy the rest of your day off."

Kate smirked. "Yeah; I'm probably going to enjoy some more of my new supply of Advil too."

They got out of the car and quietly made their way to the door. Kate shoved her key in the lock and was about to open the door when Castle laid his hand on her wrist. "Shouldn't we knock?"

"I think it's alright to just go on in today," she replied; pushing the door open. "Dad," she called out as they stepped inside.

"In the kitchen, Katie."

She sat her purse on the stand and then headed for the kitchen with Castle following behind her. When she entered the room, she found her parents at the table; her father with a mug of coffee in front of him and her mother was flipping through a magazine absentmindedly. She thought about hugging her but she held back as their gazes met and held…there was the slightest hint of anger in her mother's eyes. She probably shouldn't be surprised, she mused as she and Castle sat down at the table.

Jim didn't waste any time cutting to the chase as he looked at his daughter. "What's this all about, Katie? And I want the whole story; not your specially altered parents version."

He was in a fine mood, she thought to herself but she couldn't blame him; her mood was no better. "I think you already know everything there is to know."

"So you are being investigated?"

"Yes," she answered. "I had a meeting with Internal Affairs today."

"And?" he asked.

"And they informed me of the investigation and said they'd be speaking to me again sometime soon. There's not much to tell right now, Dad."

"But you knew it was coming, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did; and I should've told you, I'm sorry."

"You can't keep things like this from us, Katie," Jim stated. "We all have to know what's going on so we're not blindsided. When it comes to this; you just can't be yourself and make everything a big secret."

"I know," she replied; her jaw tight. She didn't like feeling like she was being chastened even if she did deserve it in some ways.

"What's the basis for this investigation?" her father asked.

She smirked. "Bracken of course; you know that. Adam Bracken filed the complaint, so now they're looking into the arrest and for all I know, probably others, looking for anything that can discredit me. You know how it goes when someone with money is pulling the strings, Dad; you don't need me to explain that to you."

"The F.B.I. cleared it," he replied. "So why are they allowed to go back and call it into question?"

"They said that when a complaint is filed; it has to be followed through regardless of the ruling of a higher agency."

Jim leaned back in his chair and eyed her. "Katie, do you need a lawyer for this? It's not an area I've focused on a lot but it's one that Zach has; he's been very successful with these kinds of things and I know that it would only take one phone call and he'd be there."

"I offered her my lawyer," Castle spoke up.

"And who's your lawyer?" Jim asked.

"Henry Browning; he's very good."

"He's an entertainment lawyer, Rick."

"But he handles everything I need," Castle replied. "He's highly regarded."

"Yes, he is highly regarded in his field," Jim replied. "But this sort of thing calls for someone who has extensive knowledge in this area; Zach Nelson does; it's one of the areas of law that he specializes in."

"I'm sure Henry could hand it."

"How many cases like this has he done?" Jim asked. "I have a feeling it's slim to none. I'm not saying he's a bad lawyer; I know he's good at what he does, but this isn't his field and just because he charges an arm and a leg doesn't mean he's a magical jack of all trades."

"I'll pay the fee, if that's what worries everyone," Castle remarked.

"Zach will do it for nothing and he's trained in this area. If she has a problem in the entertainment field, then you can pay the fee, Rick."

"Both of you stop it," Kate interrupted as Castle opened his mouth to speak again. "I don't need a lawyer at this time and if I did; I'm capable of finding my own."

Her father kept his gaze locked on hers. "So is that how it is, Katie? I get constantly left out of the loop and I'm not allowed to provide you with contacts that could be helpful to you?"

She sighed. "No; it's not like that. I know you know a lot of lawyers; but if I refused one of your friends, you'd take it personally and I don't have time for that right now."

"That's because you think I'm only recommending someone to you on the sole basis of being your father; but that's not what it's all about. I'm giving you the benefit of my experience; this is my field; I know who works which sectors best."

She wasn't in the mood to debate the topic. "I didn't mean to offend you…and if I need someone, of course I'll consider all of my options."

Jim grew quiet; his aggravation was high and he didn't want to take it out on his daughter; even if she was partly responsible. He also had a feeling that he needed to get used to the fact that she didn't need him in any way shape or form any longer. She had Rick now; he had money and contacts of his own. She didn't need her father's help. He felt bad for thinking that but he couldn't help it. He liked being a father…and he didn't want to feel like he had lost his ranking in her life. It wasn't that he wanted to be number one; those days were long gone….he just didn't want to be last.

Castle could feel the tension in the air and knew that he had contributed to it with his talk of his lawyer. He had stepped on Jim's toes; the man wanted to protect and help his daughter; it was a feeling he could relate to and he was sorry for pushing the issue. He wasn't quite sure what to do about it and he was afraid of making it worse. His eyes darted to the still silent Johanna Beckett and he decided it was time to open up a different avenue of conversation.

"You're awfully quiet," he said to Johanna.

She glanced at him. "I've got things on my mind."

He nodded. "I'm sure you do…but it's going to be okay."

She wished she could convince herself more fully of that notion but at the moment she was still too upset to allow herself to be totally convinced. She looked to her daughter and met her stare. "How bad is this, Katie?" she asked.

"I can't say for certain. I really don't see anything coming of it but it could be a long process depending on what all they want to dig into."

"And what is your feeling about the people running this investigation? Do you feel like they've been bought off? Do you think they have an axe to grind?"

"It's hard to make that assessment after only one meeting," Kate replied. "It was just to put me on notice that the investigation is moving forward. "I haven't been taken off duty and there were no blatant signs that they were gunning for me…but who knows?"

Johanna pushed away from the table and paced the room and Kate couldn't help but feel the chill in her demeanor. "What do you know?" her mother asked.

"Not as much as either one of us would like," she admitted.

Johanna paused in front of the counter and turned to face the table. There were things she needed to ask and say…but she didn't need an audience. "I'd like to speak to my daughter alone, please," she announced.

Kate's eyes closed as she heard the demand; she remembered that tone; it was never pleasant. Castle's hand brushed hers, making her open her eyes. She gave him a nod, telling him to go. "We'll be in the living room," Jim stated.

With the men gone, Kate rose from her chair and moved across the room to stand near her mother. "Well?" she asked quietly; knowing that she wouldn't like what was coming.

"How could you do this to me, Katie?" Johanna cried. "How could you keep this from me?"

"I didn't want to worry you," Kate replied as she tried to remain patient.

"You say that like I don't worry already."

She sighed. "I know that you worry…I didn't want to add to it until I knew what was going on."

Johanna scoffed. "And it didn't occur to you that someone might beat you to the punch when it came time to tell me?"

"I thought I'd be able to tell you before the media found out."

"Well you were wrong."

"Yeah; I noticed," Kate said sharply as her mother began to pace in front of the counter.

"You played me right into their hand," Johanna stated. "Do you realize that? They already had the rumors going around that you hate me and that we don't talk…and this makes it look like it's true, Kate. Now that rumor is going to have merit and it's going to be at a fever pitch because I accused them of lying about you being investigated because I assumed that you would've told me if you were. Now they can run wild with that; now they can say, see, they are estranged; her daughter does hate her."

"Who cares what they think, Mom? You and I know the truth."

"I care," she replied. "I care very much that the world thinks my daughter hates me…and you ought to care too. Do you know how it looks to people who don't believe our side of the story…to potential jury members?"

Kate raked a hand through her hair. "You're overanalyzing."

"No I'm not. Do you really believe that jury members don't think about what they've seen on the news in relation to all of the involved parties? You're not stupid, Kate; you work in law enforcement, you know this."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay; really I am. I know it was wrong."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah, it was wrong…and I get to pay the price for it. I got to make a fool out of myself because I didn't know what the hell is going on…they're talking about him getting out of this and it was like all of the air was being sucked out of my body. All I could think about was that we might have to go through this all over again; that you could get hurt again."

"That's not going to happen."

"Maybe not; but in the meantime I still look like a fool. We're going to be splashed across the headlines tonight because you couldn't open your damn mouth."

Anger washed over her. "I guess I'm like my mother in that way; after all, you couldn't open your damn mouth back when all of this started and tell us that you were in danger. Why don't you try blaming yourself? You want to know why I didn't tell you?" Kate asked angrily. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to deal with you. I didn't want to deal with your worry and your tears and your apologies because I'm sick of hearing it. What the hell were you doing in the city by yourself anyway? Stay the hell home where you belong and then you won't have to worry about being humiliated because you can't keep it together."

A tense silence filled the air as Kate's words hung between them. Johanna fought the urge to lower her head; her brother's words reminding her that she was a McKenzie still echoing in her mind. Her gaze darted away from her daughter, hoping to find something that she could busy her hands with. The kitchen was clean; there was nothing for her to scrub or put away. A glance at the clock showed that it wasn't too early to start dinner preparations and she moved to the refrigerator to grab some vegetables. She'd make soup for dinner…it felt like a soup kind of day.

She was acutely aware of Kate's eyes on her as she opened a cabinet and pulled out the soup pot and placed it on the stove. She said nothing; knowing that nothing could be said to soothe either one of them. She opened another cabinet and took out the canned ingredients she'd need and then she set about washing off her vegetables. The silence lingered; her daughter's gaze burning a hole in her back as she laid the carrots across her cutting board and took a knife from the drawer and began chopping them into small pieces.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked; her tone tense but quiet.

"Jumping jacks," Johanna replied. "What's it look like?"

Kate bit the inside of her cheek as she watched her mother chop up the carrots with the same flourish as professional chef's on TV. "So you're just going to do that and not say anything now?"

"There isn't much to say; most of what I can think of falls in the realm of things you don't want to hear so I'm going to keep those things to myself. I will say that if there is something I should know that you don't want to deal with telling me, you could always tell you father and he could tell me…and deal with me. You see, there's always a solution if you just look for it."

"I didn't mean to say those things."

"But you meant them, right?"

She sighed. "I just wanted to have the facts before I added to your worry."

"Katie, you act like the words IA investigation are an insignificant fact and they're not. All you had to do was take five or ten minutes out of your day and call and say 'Mom, I'm being investigated by IA in regard to Bracken's arrest. I don't know all the facts yet but I wanted to give you a heads up so you won't be blindsided if it gets leaked to the media.' And then if you didn't want to continue the conversation, you could've hung up and declined my calls for a few days but at least I would've known something. It would've been very simple."

"Yeah, in theory it always is," Kate replied. "But you know, I'm a grown woman, I don't have to report to you and tell you my business anymore."

Johanna grabbed a bowl from the cabinet to put her carrots in and then grabbed the celery and began her attack upon it with her knife only to pause soon after starting and turning to face her daughter. "That's another idea that's good in theory," she remarked. "But whether you like it or not, our business is kind of tied together at the moment…and anything that pertains to me, I want to know…whether you want to deal with it or not…whether you think I can handle it or not. You see, I'm a grown woman too, and you don't get to make decisions for me. Now I want to know if I'm going to be involved in this. Am I going to have to talk to these people? If so, do we need to get our story straight; because I don't want to go in there and say something that will cost you your job. So put your attitude on hold and tell me what I need to know; because I don't want to be filled in at the last minute."

"I don't know yet."

Her mother eyed her. "Is that the truth or are you just saying that to prove that you don't have to tell me anything?"

Kate arched a brow at her. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

She shifted on her feet. "Are we really going to have this fight?"

Johanna nodded; "I think maybe we have to…because I'm not the only who has to accept some blame."

---

Castle sat on the sofa in the living room, drumming his fingers against his thigh as the voices in the kitchen rose higher and higher in the midst of battle. He glanced toward Jim who was turning up the volume of the TV. It looked like he'd have to be the one to end it. He rose from the couch but paused as Jim spoke.

"Sit down, Rick."

"But we should stop that," he replied.

Jim shook his head. "Sit down; it's between them, not us."

"But they're going to destroy the progress they've made."

"No they won't; they're just blowing off steam. Mothers and daughters always butt heads when an occasion calls for it; it's their nature. It doesn't mean they love each other any less, it just means they have something to work out and I believe they'll do that on their own if we stay out of it."

Castle frowned; there was a part of him that disagreed with that assessment but it wasn't his home so he did as Jim asked and sat back down. "What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not," the older man assured. "Do you think this the first time they've squabbled? I learned to stay out of it for a reason."

"But things are different now, Kate's not a teenager and they have a lot of lost time between them…a lot of hurt still lingers."

"I know that…but it doesn't change them at the core. They're still mother and daughter, they still have a bond, still love each other…their both hard headed and sometimes need a good fight to get it all out. That out there," he said waving a hand in the direction of the kitchen; "That's the sound of normalcy…it means Johanna isn't afraid to push now. She isn't afraid to make her angry now like she was several months ago. They made it through the big issue…and this means they're getting better."

Castle looked skeptical and Jim chuckled quietly as he shifted in the chair. "I've known them a lot longer than you have, Rick. I know how they are. Don't worry so much; they can handle it."

"I just don't want them to make it into a bigger issue than it needs to be."

"They won't if we don't help them make a big deal out of it. If we go in there, we're only going to make it worse; you'll defend Katie, and I'll be defending Johanna. Then they'll both feel like the other is wrong because they have back up. They're both wrong. Katie should've told us what was going on; she didn't, she was wrong. I told Johanna to stay home. She didn't; she was wrong. They're mad at themselves and they're mad at each other. The best thing to do is just stay out of it and let them work it out on their own."

"Okay," he replied; "You're the boss of this ship."

Jim smiled. "I'm not trying to be mean, Rick; it's just that I've been to this rodeo before…not only with those two, but I witnessed the same type of thing between my mother and sister…between Johanna and her mother…my mother and grandmother…it seems to be a woman thing…and as my father would say; it's not something we're going to understand, so just stay out of it and turn up the TV until it's over."

Castle laughed. "I wish I could've met your father, Jim; he sounds like he was a wise man."

He nodded. "I wish you could've known him too; he was wise…he always seemed to have an answer."

The yelling continued for another minute and then suddenly there was silence from the kitchen. Castle looked across the room at Jim. "They got quiet," he whispered.

Jim turned the volume back done and listened. "They're done now."

"But what kind of done?"

"Either it's the over and done with kind of done, or the 'talk to you in a few days' kind of done. I won't know until I see them."

"I hear footsteps," he murmured.

"Act oblivious," Jim told him. "We didn't hear anything."

"Right," he agreed, leaning back against the sofa.

The Beckett women stepped into the living room, no words between them. Jim glanced at them from the chair. "What's for dinner, Jo?" he asked, avoiding the elephant in the room.

"Vegetable soup."

"I hope there's something to go with that," he said lightly. "A man can't live on soup alone, you know."

She gave him a small smile, knowing exactly what he was doing. "Yes, I know; you've told me. I'm sure there will be sandwiches as well."

"Are you two staying for dinner, Katie?" he asked.

"No," she replied. "We better get going; come on, Castle."

Jim rose from his chair as Castle got up from the couch; he mouthed a silent 'option two' to the writer who in turn gave him a subtle nod. Jim approached his daughter and wrapped her in a hug. "Try not to worry too much, Katie; I'm sure it will be fine."

"I'll try."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I promise…and if there's something you need to know, I promise to tell you."

"That's all I ask," he replied as he hugged her tighter before releasing her. "Be careful…and the next reporter you grab, deck him; I'll pay the bail."

She laughed. "Sure, Dad…just let me find one that doesn't have a ton of witnesses around to back him up."

Castle shook his hand and turned to Johanna. "Don't worry; there's some pop star somewhere doing something stupid that will knock you out of the headlines in a day or two."

She gave him a soft smile. "It would be wrong to hope for two misbehaving pop stars, wouldn't it?"

"Not at all," he replied, brushing her arm with his hand. "Just lay low for a day or two."

"Oh believe me, I intend to."

Castle and Kate moved toward the door and after a split second of hesitation, Johanna followed, grabbing hold of the back of her daughter's jacket. Kate turned to look at her, her gaze questioning. Johanna slipped her arms around her, pulling her into a hug that Kate hesitated to return, but after a moment, her arms wound around her, her eyes closing as she breathed in the familiar scents that she associated with her mother.

"I love you," Johanna murmured.

"I know," she whispered. "I love you too."

"Be careful getting home."

"I will."

Johanna released her and they said goodnight. She sighed as she locked the door behind her daughter and moved back into the living room.

"Do you feel better now that you've gotten to yell?" Jim asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"A little…and she deserved to be yelled at."

He nodded. "You won't get any argument out of me about that; but it's going to be alright, sweetheart. We'll get through it."

"I hope so," she sighed as she turned and headed for the kitchen. "I really hope so."

---

"This is nice," Kate murmured as she leaned back against Castle's chest later that evening.

"See, I told you we'd both fit," he gloated as he wrapped his arms around her.

A smile curved her lips upwards. "The bubbles were a nice touch," she remarked as she scooped up a handful.

"It seemed like one of those days where bubbles might be a requirement for feeling better."

She nodded. "You're right; it is one of those days."

"Of course I'm always for taking it a step further," he declared. "I did embellish with the candles."

"Very nice," she said with a soft laugh as she glanced around the dimly lit bathroom.

"And as you can see, I've also provided wine…in non breakable glasses that are just as classy as the real thing."

"Very wise."

Castle angled his head to look at her. "Do you mock me, Detective?"

"Not all," Kate laughed. "Believe me, this is the most relaxed I've been all day."

"Then my mission has proved successful," he remarked as he dipped his head and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Do you know what that means?"

"I'm afraid to ask."

He brushed another kiss against her skin. "It means we should be naked more often."

She gave a soft laugh. "Castle; you're so predictable."

"I resent that; I'm a highly unpredictable wild card and you know it."

"If that's what you want to believe."

It grew quiet between them for a few moments as she shifted, allowing the warm water to lap against her skin, the soft scent of the bubbles filling her senses as she remained wrapped in his arms.

"Is there anything about your meeting that we need to talk about?"

"Nothing happened; like I said, it was more like an introduction into the nightmare to come."

"When will they be talking to you again?"

"I don't know; they said they'd be in contact; that they're reviewing everything. They're just putting me on notice."

"Is this face to face visit to notify you of this standard procedure…or something specially adapted just for you?"

"I don't know," she murmured. "I've never been through this before. I guess it's not unheard of to be called in just to be informed that an investigation has been launched…but on the other hand, I feel like it might be part of the production Adam Bracken wants to put on."

Castle breathed deeply. "Are you sure you don't need a lawyer?"

"I think it's too soon to say, Rick. If they try to take my badge or suspend me over an arrest that was declared clean by a higher agency, then yeah, I'm going to get a lawyer and fight it. They're not going to run me out of my job without a fight."

"They're going to drag this out and make you squirm."

"Yeah…so it can all play out publicly; so it can be a nice headline for more than a day or two."

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want to release a statement? I can have Paula handle that; just something basic…it might be the time to do it, Kate."

"I know," she said with a sigh of resignation. "But I need to think about exactly what I put out there. I can't come off too cocky; I can't act like I'm too worried either. I have to find a balance."

"I'll help you write something whenever you're ready."

"Thank you," she replied, twisting to kiss him.

"Do you think your mother would like to take up the offer of a statement handled by Paula?"

Kate scoffed. "When hell freezes over."

"I wish we could convince her to do it…it might help."

"She's too hard headed and set in her ways, Castle. She's not going to budge…not on anyone's terms but her own."

"I know someone else like that."

Kate reached for her wine glass and took a long sip. "Comparisons are not welcome tonight."

"Sorry. I thought you said you weren't mad at her for her tirade earlier…you said she had her reasons for provoking it; have you decided that you're mad after all…you have been a little quiet since getting home."

"I'm not mad…it's just complicated…and I had my own tirade so I'd say we're even in that department. She didn't do it to hurt me; she just wanted me to take my feelings out on her…but I think it's best if we don't push our luck with each other so I'm going to let her be for a few days."

"She seems to like you checking in," he reminded her.

"It's time we break that habit anyway; did she ever email you back about that scene?"

"Not yet, but I figure she doesn't check her email often. If I don't hear from her in a few days; I'll call and tell her its there. There's no hurry but it might give her an afternoon's worth of distraction."

"Do you have any distractions for me?" she asked; infusing some playfulness into her tone.

"All the distraction you want," he replied. "Just tell me where to start."

"What's the fun in that?" she asked. "Why should I do all the work when you're the one who's supposed to be doing the distracting?"

"Good point," Castle replied; "So after we finish indulging in our bath; I shall give you a massage."

She hummed in appreciation. "Now that is definitely a distraction that I can endorse; what do you have planned after that?"

"After the massage, I believe I have you scheduled for another appointment with Doctor Castle."

"Go on," she said with a wide smile.

"That appointment will leave you exhausted, so then you'll rest in comfort in my bed with its expensive sheets that you love so much but refuse to splurge on for your place."

"Why should I when I can sleep on them here?"

"A good excuse but I think we all know that you save your splurge money for jackets and shoes," he replied.

"Touché; any other plans of distraction?"

"Once you awake in the morning, you shall be served smiley face pancakes…and there will be no news on the television and the newspaper will be in an undisclosed location."

"You're very thorough in your methods."

He nodded. "I've learned to take care of all the details by observing the NYPD's finest at work."

"Hmm, I see sucking up is apart of the distraction as well."

"Every little bit helps," he replied. "There will also be coffee of course…and mid morning I shall make sure you have a pastry that is coated in a healthy amount of comforting chocolate to keep your spirits up."

"That sounds wonderful; what else?"

"Then I shall treat you to a very nice lunch."

"And the rest of the day?" she asked as she reached for her wine glass and took a long sip.

"Oh, you want a whole day of special comfort pampering?" Castle asked.

"How could I not when it's being provided by you."

"Good point," he remarked as she kissed the underside of his jaw. "Your day shall also include the take out of your choice for dinner and a movie marathon, also of your choosing."

"You're very accommodating," she giggled as his fingertips glided against her slick skin under the bubbles, hitting a ticklish spot for a moment before continuing their journey.

"I do aim to please," he grinned as he dipped his head to press kisses against her neck.

"And will there be more bubbles tomorrow?"

"If you want bubbles; then bubbles you shall have."

"I think I like this," Kate replied. "I'm surprised you haven't mentioned another appointment with the doctor tomorrow."

"I didn't want to presume."

"Since when?" she scoffed.

"You better be nice," Castle teased; "Or I won't wash your back."

"That would be a shame."

"Yes it would be."

"Especially since I planned on returning the favor."

"In that case, I can overlook that one minor transgression."

"That's kind of you," she stated; "May I ask a question?"

"Of course; let me have it."

"When we drag ourselves out of this big bathtub of yours, should I put clothes on or just wear the towel?"

"Hmm," Castle said; "That is a very good question; I say we ponder it after we do a little mutual back washing. What do you say?"

"I say that sounds like a very good idea…even though I'm sure of what your ultimate answer will be."

"Pretend to be surprised anyway," he quipped.

"You got it," she murmured, as she caressed the line of his jaw.

---

Jim clicked off the television in the living room, seeing all he needed to see about his wife and daughter. He sighed, silence settling around him. Johanna had retreated upstairs when he mentioned that he was going to watch the news; it was probably for the best that she avoided it. She had already lived it; she didn't need to see the replay. He'd probably have to dispose of the newspaper in the morning too before she saw it. His phone buzzed, sparing him from further thought about the things he'd have to shield her from for a few days.

He grabbed his phone and saw that the new text message was from Leo. "Is she okay?" it read. Apparently his old friend had seen the news too…and he wondered just how many of his friends would see the report and ask about her welfare. He'd like to think that maybe it would nudge Sharon into calling Johanna to show some support but he had a feeling that hope was futile.

"She's as okay as she can be right now," he typed back to Leo.

Leo's next text came a mere few seconds later. "I'm going to get that little bastard if it's the last thing I do."

Jim smiled a little. "I know it's probably too early to ask, but any luck with that yet?"

"I'm still laying some ground work but trust me, as soon as I start making head way, you'll be the first to know. Is there anything I can do for Katie to help get her out of this bogus investigation?"

He wished there was something his friend could do, but at the moment, it seemed like Katie wanted to handle it on her own. "Not at the moment but I'll let you know if that changes."

They traded a few more messages and then said goodnight. He carried his phone with him as he checked the front door to make sure it was locked and then moved through the house to the kitchen to check the back door as well. He knew he'd already checked them once, but he had to be sure things were secure. He had to keep Johanna safe; he had to do everything he could to make sure she felt secure.

Jim moved up the stairs and toward the bedroom, his heart aching for his wife. It hurt him to the core seeing those images of her panic attack on the screen. She had looked so terrified...and he hadn't been there to save her. He longed to take her away somewhere they weren't known so that her peace could be restored; but running wasn't the answer. There was also anger; red hot fury that those vultures had stood around filming and snapping pictures of Johanna as she fell apart in her brother's arms. He wished to God that he knew their names, if he did, he'd find some way to sue them for everything from stalking down to emotional distress. He'd take them for every penny they had... and then he'd wait for them outside and beat the living hell out of them.

Jim entered the room quietly on the off chance that Johanna had fallen asleep. She was awake though, curled beneath the covers, her gaze fixed upon the TV screen. She was taking comfort in old friends tonight, he mused. She had already spent time with Lucy and Ethel, Mary and Rhoda, Samantha and Endora. She was now visiting Miss Kitty, who looked every bit as distressed as Johanna did. He noted the tear stains on her cheeks as he laid his phone on the nightstand and slipped into bed beside her.

"Miss Kitty looks upset tonight," he said quietly.

Johanna nodded. "She's having a bad day."

"It seems to be going around."

She drew in a weighted breath. "Is it on the news?" she asked softly.

Jim wished that he could lie to her and spare her the added pain but he couldn't. "Yes."

Johanna squeezed her eyes shut; rebellious tears slipping from beneath her lashes. A soft sob tore from her throat and he pulled her into his arms, allowing her tears to soak through his shirt. "Everything's going to be okay, sweetheart."

She shook her head. "It was bad enough that they found me and followed me...now they have to humiliate me by showing the world how easily I crumble."

"It could happen to anyone, Jo. I'm sure you're not the first person to have a panic attack in public."

"Most people don't get their faces splashed across the news because of it."

"If it makes you feel any better, they got a nice clip of Katie grabbing a hold of the one who filmed it."

"That doesn't make me feel better at all; in fact it makes me feel worse."

Jim frowned; he should've known that. "I'm sorry."

Johanna was silent for several minutes with the exception of her sniffles as her husband ran his hand over her back. "I guess you've earned the right to say I told you so," she murmured.

"Why?"

"You told me to stay home. I didn't listen...I had to learn the hard way as usual."

He breathed deeply and exhaled a heavy breath. "I'm not going to say that, Jo. I didn't want this to happen. I worry about the media catching you alone but my main fear is for your safety. I don't want you to be hurt emotionally...but I worry more about you being hurt physically."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she swiped at her cheek.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Maybe you jumped the gun a little...but sweetheart, it's always been your nature to do what you want. If Katie had told us about the investigation, you would've stayed home."

"She said she didn't tell us because she didn't want to deal with how I'd feel about it."

Jim held her a little tighter. "Katie's just upset. She was mad at herself because she knows she was wrong and she was mad at the situation those bastards put you in. She's going to take part of the blame for that. She lashes out when she's upset and caught in something of her own making. You know that, Jo."

She didn't respond but her fingers curled into the material of his shirt. Jim stayed quiet; wanting to give her a chance to tell him what was on her mind without his prodding. After a few minutes, she finally spoke. "I want you to sell my car."

The comment caught him off guard. "What?"

"I want you to sell the Mustang."

"Why?"

"Because I don't need it. I'm never leaving this house again."

"Yes you are; you can't stay locked in forever."

"I'll only go out when you're here to take me. Maybe your brother would want it; he's always loved Mustangs."

"I'm not selling your car, Johanna."

"Why not?" she asked. "You didn't want me to have it anyway. You were right."

He shook his head. "No; I'm not going to do it. That's your dream car and you're keeping it...you need it."

"For what?"

"For running errands and going shopping...for visiting Valerie. I still work a good bit; I'm not always home when you need to go somewhere."

"I can wait for you," she replied.

"You need it in case of emergencies, remember? What if Katie was hurt and needed you?"

She scoffed. "We'd be the last people to know; or at least I would."

"What if I needed you?" he asked.

"I'd find a way to get to you."

"You said you'd get there faster in your own car."

"Jim, please," she whispered. "Just sell it."

"No," he said firmly. "You need your car. This will blow over and you'll be ready to try again."

"I'm not going to take the risk of making a fool out of myself again," Johanna stated; pulling away from him and moving back to her side of the bed.

He suppressed a sigh as he reached for her hand and held it. There was a suggestion he had in mind but he doubted that she'd be receptive to it...but he'd try anyway. "Jo...I don't want you to get mad," he said.

"Oh God," she muttered. "I hate when you say that."

He squeezed her hand. "I know...but I also know that you're worried about having another panic attack in public."

"And?"

"And...I was thinking that maybe anti-anxiety medicine might help."

His wife sat up and faced him, her tearful green eyes suddenly ablaze. "You're not putting me on drugs!"

This was exactly the reaction he thought he'd get...but he may as well see it through. "Sweetheart, it's not like that. I'm not saying you'd have to take it forever...maybe just until things are settled."

Johanna shook her head. "I'm not going to be dependent on pills to get through my life! You should know that; after all you're the one who found those damn pills in the medicine cabinet in Wyoming."

"Those were for depression, Jo; and you told me that you didn't take them because you were punishing yourself."

"What's your point?"

"The point is that I can take you to the doctor and we can find something that you don't have to worry about getting hooked on. Just something you can take when you're going out to ease your mind and help you stay calm. It's nothing to be ashamed of...and no one has to know; we'll keep it between us."

Johanna stared at him for a long minute. "You think I'm crazy."

"No I don't! I just want you to feel better."

"You just want to drug me up and set me in the corner somewhere!"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Baby, it's not like that."

Her eyes went wide. "Baby?" she repeated. "You only call me Baby when you've dug a hole you're about to fall into."

Jim bit back a hasty response; reminding himself that she was sensitive right now; that her emotions were raw. "I just want to help you."

Tears pooled in her eyes once more. "I have enough problems without my husband thinking I'm crazy and need to be put on medication."

He sighed and reached for her; pulling her back into his arms despite her resistance to the gesture. "I don't think you're crazy, sweetheart. It was just a suggestion...a bad one. Let's just forget that I mentioned it, okay? No doctor, no pills. We'll get you through it on our own. I'm sorry."

She relaxed against him, her arms going around him tightly. "I don't want to talk about today anymore," she whispered. "I just want to forget...I just want to be here with you, where it's safe and quiet."

Jim tipped her face up for a kiss and then tightened his hold on her. "Alright, we'll put these topics away. You've been through enough; it's time to relax and unwind."

"Thank you," she murmured.

"I love you," he told her; not only because he told her every night, but because he needed to reassure her of it in light of his suggestion that had gone awry.

"I love you too," Johanna said softly. "I'll be better tomorrow."

"I know," he replied. "We'll both be better tomorrow."

She nodded and gave her attention back to the TV; he directed his gaze there as well but he couldn't focus on the program. All he could think about was how the signs weren't good; that his wife had gotten knocked down and now she was looking for a hole to crawl into…and that he was going to have to be the one to pull her out of this.

---

Castle's sleep drenched mind swam back to consciousness as he registered the tossing and turning next to him. He yawned; his bleary eyes cracking open to glance at the clock; 3:24 a.m., it read. He turned on to his side, his gaze finding Kate's in the darkness.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked; his voice quiet and gritty with sleep.

"Why do you think?"

"You can't get your mind off my body?"

She laughed softly, her hand brushing his bare chest. "I wish that was the only thing keeping me awake tonight."

He scrubbed a hand over his face and then wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "I thought I had exhausted you according to plan."

"You exhausted my body…just not my mind."

His sleepy frown amused her, her fingertips reaching out and tracing his bottom lip. "I don't know whether to be offended by that or not," he murmured.

"I vote for not," Kate whispered. "Believe me, at the time I was thoroughly distracted…it was when you fell asleep that I became…undistracted."

His lips skimmed her forehead. "So tell me what you're thinking about; maybe it'll help you unwind and sleep."

"I'm thinking about tomorrow," she answered as she shifted to lay her head on his chest.

"What about it?"

"What it brings…more media, more scrutiny. I think about the next time the phone rings and it's IA calling to tell me they want me back in their office again; for the big game to start. I worry about it despite that gut feeling. I worry about what's coming next; what they might have up their sleeve. I keep debating making a statement or not making a statement. I worry about my mom. I just…"

"You just what?" he asked.

"I just wish I could stay in bed for a week with the covers pulled up over my head and that it would all be gone when I decided to come out."

Castle dragged his hand along the soft bare skin of her back. "I know nothing I can say will take away your worry about IA and whatever Adam Bracken is planning; all I can do is promise to be here with you every step of the way."

"You say that like it isn't enough, Rick," she murmured; "And it is…it's everything."

"I'm glad you think so," he replied. "As for the statement to the media; if you're not ready, then don't worry about it right now. I just remind you of it so you'll always have the option in mind. It might help…but it might not either. Just give it some thought and then decide, okay?"

She nodded and reached for the sheet to pull it up higher. He helped her wrap it around them and then continued on. "The media can only hurt you if you let it; you slipped up today but that's okay; it happens. You'll handle it better tomorrow because the rawness will have worn off by then. As for your mom, the two you will work it out…you've worked through bigger things and you said that you weren't angry so that's going to make it easier."

"But she's mad at me."

"Maybe she is; but she still loves you, and she's hurting just as much as you are…and when the dust settles, and you're ready to hit her number, she'll answer and she'll forgive you; just like she always does."

Deep inside she knew that; but tonight she was grateful for the reassurance of his words. "I love you, Rick," she whispered; wrapping herself around him in a tight embrace.

"I love you too; now go to sleep, tomorrow will take care of itself."

Kate raised her head enough to kiss him and then she settled back against his chest, her eyes closing and the tension easing from her body as his hand moved rhythmically over her back. She'd take on tomorrow once the sun rose.

---

Jim woke in the middle of the night, the blue glow of the television light hitting his face. He frowned; usually Johanna set the timer so that the TV would shut off after awhile. She must've forgotten, he figured as he shifted onto his side, his eyes flicking open as he prepared himself to search for the remote on her side of the bed or to reach across her and grab it from the nightstand.

"Sweetheart, are you still awake?" he murmured; his effort to find the remote forgotten as he saw her gaze still pinned on the screen.

"No; I'm asleep with my eyes open," she whispered.

Amusement flicked across his tired features. "I guess you're talking in your sleep too, right?"

"Of course. Why are you awake?"

"I probably sensed that you were and figured I'd join you."

"Don't get any ideas," she replied, hoping to keep the subject from getting serious. "I'm not in the mood."

He gave a quiet laugh. "I always have ideas when it comes to you but I promise to save them for a better time as long as you scoot over here a little closer."

Johanna smiled and moved towards his side of the bed, allowing him to tuck her against his side. "Better?" she asked.

"Much; now do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"You already know."

That much was true, he surmised. "You'll feel better about things if you get some rest, Jo."

"I can't make my mind turn off," she admitted. "It all just plays over and over."

He pressed a kiss against her hair. "Do what you always do when you have a nightmare; think happy thoughts, sweetheart."

Her smile wobbled. "Any suggestions of which happy thoughts I should focus on?"

Jim thought for a moment. "You could think about the first time we had dinner with your grandmother; that was fun."

The memory brought a smile to her lips. "I didn't expect you to have as much fun as you did."

He rubbed her arm lovingly. "I'm glad I surpassed your expectations. You could think about our road trip or our first official date. There's the night we got engaged; our wedding, our first night here in this house."

"Those were happy times," she said softly.

"You could think of our first night home with Katie."

Johanna smiled wistfully. "You mean when the family left and we were suddenly terrified of a seven pound newborn?"

Jim laughed quietly. "Yeah…remember how we put her in the bassinet in here and then sat up half the night because we were afraid we'd sleep through her crying?"

"I remember," she laughed. "I also remember how when she was crying you didn't even want to touch her because she made you nervous."

He nodded. "Mom lectured me about that several weeks later."

"That was one of Lizzie's best days."

"Do you know what one of my favorite memories is?" he asked.

"What?"

"That time when Katie was about eight or nine months old and I had been working late a lot with people I hated who didn't care what time anyone got home; I felt like I hardly seen you and the baby so I blew off that Saturday meeting Stanley Carmichael had planned and I spent the day with my girls."

"I remember that," she murmured; her hand giving his waist a gentle squeeze. "That was such a wonderful day. You got Katie up before she could cry and you made me breakfast."

"That's right; and then we went out; just the three of us. We took Katie for a walk in the park and we did some shopping. We went to lunch…we just enjoyed the day."

"Mhmm; she had just learned to say dada and that was every other babble…she'd been missing you; and she was daddy's girl that day, watching every move you made and getting the saddest look on her face if you were out of her sight."

He smiled; his hand finding hers. "Do you know what else I loved about that day?"

"What?"

"Helping you give her a bath and putting her to bed that night; watching you with her as you rocked her to sleep…and then the time we had to ourselves once she was down for the night."

"It was perfect," she whispered; her body relaxing as the memory swept across her mind.

"It was…and you should close your eyes and keep thinking about it, sweetheart."

Jim kept rubbing his hand against her arm as she closed her eyes and immersed herself in that old memory. He waited patiently for the signs that she had fallen asleep and then he allowed his eyes to close, a prayer of hope that tomorrow would be better echoing through his mind as sleep reclaimed him.