Author's note: Here we are again and this one is one of my favorite chapters in this story. By the way I didn't say there were too many reviews I just didn't have access to the computer on Saturday and there were so many so if you guys want that extra chapter on Sunday you better start speaking up now. I have answered everyone review from the last chapter and so more please. I love to hear from you!!!
To my anonymous reviewers: nath452 (): Thank you for the compliment. I work had to bring all of you good stories. Dp (); I hope you like this one even more, I know I did. H(): I like to write stories with kids and family. I think Sam and Jack deserve to be happy and together and this comes through in my writing. I like happy endings. Thank you.
Sam was so very tired. She was in her car and was headed down the mountain before she recalled she could have slept on base. Paying close attention to the winding road, she debated about going to the apartment, but the house was closer. Jack wouldn't mind if she stayed there tonight.
Climbing out of the car, she crossed toward the backyard and the kitchen door. It was away from the bedrooms that were in the front of the house. If she was quiet, she should be able to get in without waking anyone up. Opening the back gate, she crossed the grass to the deck. Five minutes later she was in bed.
She was just drifting off to sleep when a yell shattered the silence of the night. It took her a moment to realize it wasn't hers. Lying there, frozen, Sam tried to identify who it was. When it sounded again another noise ensued. Bolting upright, Sam got out of bed; she knew that both Jack and Charlie had nightmares. In fact, they all did.
Her bare feet padded down the hall to Charlie's room. Opening the door quietly, she found the boy fast asleep in his bed. She waited a moment to see if he stirred, but he didn't move; he was sleeping peacefully. She crossed the room to his bedside and kissed his brow. "Sleep well, Charlie. I'll see you in the morning."
Closing the door, Sam decided that the dreamer must have been Jack. Moving further down the hall, she stopped at his door. Should she go inside to see if he needed anything? The last time she had been in his room was when he realized that she was Hansen. She couldn't help but remember his rage at her. That had passed, but would he want her to see him just after a nightmare?
Gathering her courage, she pushed open the door. The room was empty. His covers were all on the floor like he had kicked them off in his haste to leave the room.
Continuing down the hallway, she found him in the kitchen with his back to her and his hands braced on the counter as he struggled for control. His breath was harsh as though he had just run a five mile race. A half drank glass of water rested next to his hand.
Her father had been like this sometimes and she knew she had to be careful. She had to let him know she was there before she approached him. Standing in the doorway she called, "Jack, are you all right?"
He tensed at the sound of another voice, but she continued speaking, "It's Sam. I heard you and I thought you might like the talk about your dream. It helped me the other night to have you listen."
He didn't turn around. "It never makes any sense after I wake up. Just images, sensations, pain and fear. Tonight you were there, I couldn't help you, couldn't save you. Sam, I watched you die. Sam-"
As he said her name he turned to face her. Something changed in his expression, "Come with me." He crossed the room and took her hand leading her out into the yard. It was not just the nightmare that had driven him out of his bed, but a startling revelation and he was still reeling from it.
Jack sat up, breathing hard. The screams had barely died on his lips when he realized that he loved Sam, not Hansen, but Sam. The lingering fear from the dream still clung to him. 'Sam, he needed Sam.' was the thought that played over and over in his mind.
Part of him wanted to find her and tell her right now, but another wanted to curl up back into the dark place he had just emerged from and hide from the world. He couldn't stay here, he needed to move. Kicking all the covers off the bed, he got to his feet, heading down the hall to the kitchen to get a glass of water, hoping that would calm his nerves.
Soft footsteps came down the hall and Jack stopped to listen. His brain went into over drive as he tried to calm himself. It must be Charlie; they were alone in the house and he needed to be in control. Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together.
"Jack, are you all right?" Sam's voice called to him. bringing him back from the darkness. When had she got here? When he had gone to bed she wasn't here.
Letting go of the breath he didn't know he held, he tried to hear her words. They just flowed over him; then he was talking about his dream. Part of him wanted to lock it all away and try to forget it, but he needed to tell her, tell her that he needed her.
"Sam-" Turning to face her, he tried to get the words out, but they wouldn't come.
Sam came into view, dressed in her pajamas. She hadn't bothered to change before heading to find out who had the nightmare.
His heart quickened at the sight of her. They talked around what was happening between them now and in Iraq, but never directly. That was too frightening for either of them to do. It was there now, pulling them closer together, and he didn't feel like fighting it anymore.
His mind strayed to the first time he saw her frightened and alone in the hole of a prison. She was beautiful then, but even more so now in the half light of the kitchen. Her hair had grown out since those days in Iraq and it was in a page boy just below her chin.
"Come with me." If he couldn't tell her, maybe he could show her that he needed her. Taking her hand, he led her into the backyard to where he'd set up the telescope.
Their feet were almost silent as they crossed the grass together. They came to a stop not far from where the telescope stood. Sam was nervous, she wasn't sure what Jack was doing or what his frame of mind was, so she began to babble, "Your telescope, I hope that I didn't hurt it when I packed it up. Sara wanted Charlie to have it when he was older and able to look after it. She said that he had good memories of the two of you looking at the stars." Sam looked up at him, unsure what else to say.
Jack didn't move; he just watched her, studying her curiously. Sam felt very exposed. She met his gaze, but he didn't do anything. After a moment, she turned and headed toward the house, "It's late. I'd better go. 'Night, Jack."
"Sam…" he said, stepping forward and grabbing her hand. "Stay if you want to. There's something I want to show you." He dropped her arm, unsure.
The smile she awarded him with made it all worthwhile. "Sure, what is it?"
Moving over to the telescope, he said, "Earlier tonight I found our star. It was just to the left of
the Polar Star." His voice was soft as he pointed up into the sea of stars.
Both of them were caught up in the memory of the day he showed her the star for the first time. The day that he had given it to her. It was something he had never shared with anyone, not even Sara or Charlie.
The air around them was cold, Sam wished she could light a fire, but she didn't risk the smoke being seen by the wrong people
Jack's fever had broken early that morning, thanks to the small amount of antibiotics she found in the med kit. Laying down,she curled up next to him to try and conserve some of the body heat the two of them still had. She didn't want him to have a relapse.
"Hansen, are you awake?" His voice was croaky.
"I'm here, Jack. Do you want some water?" she asked, sitting up and grabbing one of the bottles of water. When he nodded, she helped him sit up and supported him while he drank.
Even though they didn't have much water, she let him finish the bottle. He needed the water; the fever had sapped his strength and dehydrated him. That was a dangerous combination out here in the desert.
Once the bottle was empty, he motioned for her to lay him back down. Tilting his head, he looked up at the sky for a moment and pointed. "Right there, Hansen. That's my star, see it there. It's faint, but it still manages to shine enough to be seen. Someday, I will show it to you through my telescope. I found it when I was alone in the desert last time and now it's ours." His voice broke again as he remembered the pain and loneliness of his solitary trek across the desert to safety.
She could see he was remembering and she grabbed his hand squeezing it. Eventually he looked at her, pulled from the memory by her touch.
"What happened?" Sam asked.
"Little parachuting mishap, over the borders of Iran and Iraq. My chute opened late. It hurt when I hit the ground and I ended up fracturing my skull."
"So, how long before you were rescued?" Her voice told him she wished he didn't have to live through the pain.
"No rescue. It wasn't exactly...an official mission, if you know what I mean, so I had to make it out on my own. It took nine days." His voice was quiet and he could hear Hansen thinking.
Tightening his grip on her, he whispered in her ear, "We'll make it home. If I made it alone with a broken skull, the two of us can do it, too. I know we will and then we'll figure this all out, figure us out. If you get discouraged, just look up and you'll know that I'm with you." He pulled her closer. "Tomorrow we should start walking, it's the only choice."
Shaking her head, she pulled away enough to look up at him "No, sir. I'm the medic and I order you to rest for one more day. Give me that much time to try and get the radio working. If I can't, we'll start walking."
He pulled her closer again, saying, "One more day." she felt him sigh, "Why don't you get some sleep then. I'll watch for a while."
Turning over again, she studied him for a moment, trying to decide if he was strong enough to do this. Whatever she was looking for, she found, as she rolled back over and closed her eyes, "All right, only a few hours. Wake me if anything happens."
Smiling, he said, "Okay, Lieutenant."
He lay his head down beside hers and felt her drift off to sleep. As she slept, Jack studied the woman in his arms. To him she was such a contradiction. One moment he wanted to protect her and keep her safe, the next he knew he could trust her to watch his six in a fight.
He'd met military woman before but most of them seemed to have given up something to get where they were. That wasn't Hansen. There was a part of her that was still gentle and kind and that made him care for her all the more. Where those feelings would take them, he didn't know, but he made a promise to himself that he'd get her home so they could find out.
She relaxed. The moment she fell asleep, he pressed a kiss into her hair just above her ear. "We'll make it, Hansen, I promise," he said. Then turned his eyes out into the black night and waited for dawn.
"Sam?" At the sound of her name she looked up, dragging herself from the memory of that night.
Looking up at him in the blackness of the night, she asked, "Yes, Jack?" She was trying to reign in the emotions this man stirred in her, but each time she was near him, it got harder and harder.
"Do you want to see it?" Sam furrowed her brow, wondering what he was talking about. Then he continued, "I found our star, last night when I was out here. Come and see it."
He grabbed her hand once more and pulled her closer to the telescope. "Just look through there." He motioned to the eye piece and she bent down to look.
There was a small star shining brightly, like the promise they made to each other long ago that they would get home. Was he trying to tell her something else?
He was standing so close that she could smell his scent off the soft breeze. Standing up again, she could feel him come even closer, turning around brought her face to face with him. He was so close, but Sam found herself wanting to get closer.
"It's beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me. Does it have a name?" she stepped back a little to try and get her equilibrium back.
He shrugged, "Yes, but it is only a bunch of numbers and letters. I think it should have a better name like 'Sam's Star'." Lifting his hand gently, he touched her face. "Sam, I can't stop thinking about you and what happened in Iraq. I miss you when you're not there. I don't want you to go, stay with me always."
Drawing a breath, she met his gaze as he cupped her face with both hands. His words spilled over her and she leaned into his hand, welcoming his touch. One hand shifted, tilting her head up toward his as his lips descended.
The kiss shocked them both; their worlds tilted and then flipped over.
A few minutes later, Sam stepped back. Her breath came out harshly as she fought to control her racing heart.
Jack wasn't in any better shape as he rested his forehead against hers, trying to slow his senses. His whole world was spinning out of control. He had to know if these whirling emotions were real. Closing the small distance Sam had created, he fisted her hair, bringing her mouth back to meet his. With a sigh, she melted into him, holding onto him as though he was the only thing that existed.
Sam clung to him as everything else vanished. Nothing mattered but the two of them.
She knew.
She knew she loved Jack O'Neill and she had ever since they were in that dark hole together. For a long time, she had tried to fight it, but now she surrendered to her emotions.
Lifting her hand to his hair, she suddenly had a thought. 'Did he love her?'
He wanted her, but that was not the same thing, not by a long shot. Suddenly terrified he might be doing this only to make sure she was always there for Charlie, Sam pulled away.
Backing away from him, she was afraid to meet his eyes, to see what she might or might not find there. It was better to dream than to know for sure. Stumbling, she said, "It's late. I need to get back to bed. I'll be here in the morning."
With that, she fled back to the house. She ignored his calls for her to stop. Once inside her room, she closed the door and leaned against it.
A moment later, Jack knocked, "Sam, I need to talk to you. Open the door, please."
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, "No, Jack, don't do this now. I'm really tired."
Sam stayed where she was until she heard his footsteps head back down the hallway to his room. Feeling like a coward, she climbed into her bed and tried to sleep, wondering if she should have opened the door.
Everything was so mixed up. She knew she loved Jack, but who did he love? Was it her or Hansen, or was it just an illusion to make her stay for Charlie? Daniel's advice came back to her. Talk to him, tell him how you feel and go from there.
Rolling over, Sam hugged the pillow to her chest, wishing she knew which it was. Jack was the only one who could answer, and she had turned him away.
There you have it let me know your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you. ~Kelleth~