Chapter 14: Decisions

After two months of no sign that the Dark Lord knew of my existence, there was no more excuse for Mira to watch over me as I slept. I wished that I had the courage to ask her to stay with me at night. Another year passed with us enjoying a simple life together. I felt the Dark Lord calling his followers frequently, an experience I was never entirely prepared for, and I would frequently drop whatever I was holding or cry out in surprise. Although Mira never responded with worry or surprise, she would still reach out a hand in comfort every time.

I was not the only one no longer entirely content in my new life. Every passing day seemed to leave Mira a little more restless and saddened. Whenever I ventured to ask why, she would deny that anything about her demeanor had changed. Her hunting trips became less frequent, as though she no longer cared if she was fully satisfied in her thirst for blood. Yet, when I accidently cut my finger one evening while preparing a meal, and Mira did not react with more than a glance. Her behavior reminded me of when the Dark Lord had returned in this timeline, and Narcissa would stop eating for days at a time because of worry and depression.

One year before the Dark Lord would fall, I finally decided to approach her about another matter that had long been on my mind. "Mira, I need to talk to you." We went to the tallest tower of our little castle, and I urged her to sit beside me on a window seat looking out onto the setting sun.

"What is this about, Lucius?"

I looked down at my hands, somehow unable to meet her eyes. "It's been four years, Mira. You once told me we would spend the rest of my life together. But you don't seem happy here."

"I've never been one for happiness," Mira answered rather coldly. "But don't concern yourself with me, Lucius." She smiled weakly at me.

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Are you going somewhere?" she asked quietly.

"No, I don't want to go anywhere."

"Then what are you talking about?" she inquired impatiently.

"I'm getting older," I blurted out. "I'm going to die, Mira. I don't know when or how, but I'm going to die. And I don't want to."

Mira watched the sun disappear over the trees on the horizon. "No one lives forever, Lucius."

"You could," I said softly. Mira looked at me in surprise, her brow furrowing as she began understanding where the conversation was leading.

"Lucius…"

"I want to stay with you. Forever, if it means that." I bit my lip, surprised at my own eagerness.

Mira got to her feet and turned away from me. "No. I will not do that to you."

I stood as well. "I can never go back to the life I had. My life now is with you." I grasped Mira by the shoulders and futilely tried to turn her to face me. "Mira, please, consider it."

"I will not condemn you to the life I have to live," Mira said firmly. "Nothing is a good enough reason for that, not the possible immortality, eternal youth, nothing. It isn't a decision you can make on a whim."

"This isn't on a whim! I've had years to think about this, and it's what I want."

Mira turned and glared at me, her eyes becoming red as she searched my eyes for my true intentions. "I won't do it," she said finally. She looked out into the night sky in silence, and I wondered if I should leave. I had not meant to anger Mira – I did not realize my request would elicit such a strong negative reaction. I slowly turned and walked away, but before I left the room, Mira spoke again. "Ask me again…a year from now, if you still want it. But understand what it means."

Despite rejecting it, my offer seemed to reignite Mira's lust for my blood. The next time I "accidentally" cut myself (I blame my subconscious), Mira's eyes became blood red and she appeared to physically struggle to keep from leaping at me. "You wouldn't be more than an animal," she emphasized before growling and leaving for a hunt. I did not have a chance to point out that Mira was much more than an animal, and so I would be as well.

More than once, I caught Mira listening to the radio. Reports of vampires and werewolves and other non-wizard creatures turning up dead were frequent, yet unspecific. I wondered if she was listening for a friend, or perhaps more morbidly, for herself. Despite knowing that nearly every vampire in Great Britain was slain by the Dark Lord except the few who joined him, I was not worried about the other Mira. After all, Mira had to survive in order for us to know each other in the future and be thrown back in time to continue the time loop. We only had to worry that the Dark Lord would realize my existence, an anomaly in time, and even then, perhaps there was nothing to concern us.

As the weeks continued to pass us by, Mira began to become a little less depressed and enjoyed herself more. The two of us began spending even more time together, and for a while we even forgot about all our problems.

Then came the night before the Dark Lord's death. It was one year exactly since I had asked Mira to change me. I knew that there was a great deal that I would be giving up, and I knew that it would not truly be forever – someone would finally come along and destroy me. But at least we would have longer together, and we could together without Mira always needing to be on her guard. She would not have to fear nearly killing me again.

Although my desire remained to be turned, a small part of me still feared it. How could I not? Mira herself had warned me, multiple times, that she might enter the bloodlust while transforming me, which would lead to my death. A twinge of guilt often pulled at me as well, reminding me of my wife and my son. Even though I had no chance to ever be with them again, it seemed a sort of betrayal, becoming a vampire.

I had made my decision.

Sitting in the same window and watching the sunset, I said, "It's been a year."

Mira took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes."

"I know what I want."

Mira chewed on her lip, her fangs glinting. "All right."

"I still wish to become like you."

Mira said nothing, frozen with her face toward the sun.

"I've thought a lot about this," I continued. "I understand the consequences – you've made certain of that." Mira still said nothing, and I began to wonder if she would refuse me again. "Mira…"

"Why do you want it?"

My heart pounded in both fear and anticipation. "I…I don't want you to be alone."

"I've been on my own most of my life. As much as I may appreciate your company, I'll survive without it," Mira responded coldly.

"I want to stay with you."

"And you will, for the rest of your life."

I stood and paced the room, becoming very impatient. I was not used to being denied what I want, especially not with this dismissive attitude. "I'm getting older, Mira. I look old enough to be your father."

"Simple vanity."

"I don't want to die!"

"Everybody dies, Lucius, even vampires."

Mira finally deigned to look at me, her eyes hard and cold. But I knew her better than she believed – we had been together long enough for me to know when she was lying. She wanted to give in; I knew it. She could satiate her long-desired lust for my blood as well as gain my further company. She was merely waiting for what she considered an answer from me that would prove that I truly wanted nothing else. Mira did not want to condemn me to a half-life without proper incentive.

"What are you waiting for, Mira?" I asked quietly.

"A reason worthy of such a…drastic action."

"I want it. For years, this is what I've desired, Mira – to be with you. Isn't that enough?"

"No!" Mira's eyes flashed. "I once made a promise, Lucius. I promised myself I would never transform anyone again."

"Again?" Somehow the possibility that she had done this before had never occurred to me.

"I've seen what it can do, Lucius. Did you know vampires could kill themselves?" A tear escaped Mira's eye. "I didn't. Until someone I thought I was saving from a painful illness. He lasted less than a month before he took a wooden stake to his own heart." Mira glared at me. "I can't…I can't do that to you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself." She tried to push by me to leave the tower, but I caught her by the arm. "I won't do it, Lucius," she repeated.

"Please, Mira."

"Nothing you can say will change my mind, Lucius. There is no reason you could have that would be enough to keep you sane after the transformation. As much as I might want…"

"I love you."

It was only when Mira turned to stare at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, that I realized that I had said it aloud. I let go of her arm, turning my flushed face away. "What?" she breathed.

I breathed deeply before looking back into her eyes. I felt no guilt, no remorse. "I love you, Mira."

I do not know how long she stared at me, her eyes gleaming with both tears and a growing hunger. Finally, she turned away, a hand over her mouth as she faced the setting sun. It had nearly disappeared over the horizon, bathing us in moonlight.

"Well?" I prompted quietly, uneasy about Mira's silence.

"Once the transformation begins, there is no going back." Mira slowly looked back to me, her eyes still glistening with tears. "Nothing, not even reordering time, can undo it." I slowly nodded, my heart beginning to race as Mira stepped toward me, her eyes now starting to deepen into a blood red.

"I'm ready."

Mira stood face-to-face with me, her eyes now as red and hungry as during the bloodlust. "No you're not," she said with a smirk, her fangs flashing. "Nothing can prepare for it."

"I've been bitten before," I said, forcing a smile.

Mira shook her head. "I can assure you that you will never experience anything more painful than what I'm about to put you through," she said, a small grin playing on her mouth as she licked her lips. "Turning you into a vampire is much different than simply draining you of your blood." I gulped. "Are you certain about this?"

"Yes."

Mira leaned forward, but did not go immediately for my neck. I closed my eyes as Mira's lips touched mine. Her cool body pressed closer to mine, arms wrapping around me and pulling me into a deadly embrace. The kiss felt unlike anything I had ever experienced with Narcissa. It was slow and passionate, yet filled with a fear and danger. Her lips were cold, but not without care or love. When she pulled away, I opened my eyes.

I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my pounding heart and trembling body as Mira gently tilted my head back. Her breath brushed over my neck, hesitating over the delicate skin and giving me a last chance to change my mind. I gasped when she pressed her lips to my neck. "Shh," she whispered, gently kissing along my neck again.

It felt like an eternity of waiting, but now my breath was steady and calm. I felt at peace.

Then, Mira's sharp fangs suddenly pierced my flesh.

At first, it felt like before, when Mira had begun draining my blood when she attacked me at the Manor. But she was right. Soon, her vampire blood began to replace my own, and instead of my body numbing, it felt like every vein was on fire. I heard myself screaming, but I could not stop it until it silenced simply due to lack of air. Mira clung to me, her arms keeping me steady and close to her as she eagerly drank.