A/N: Okay, I literally don't have anymore excuses. This chapter went under a shit-ton of re-writes upon re-writes. Also, I was on holidays and such, so I couldn't work on it. Oh well... so here's the latest chapter, which I hope won't confuse you all too much, but shit just go real on Asgard. The side fic (An Agent and An Assassin) is also updated, I update those two at the same time, so no one's got horrible withdrawal symptoms. So, without further ado, here's chapter 53
In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 53
Somebody please tell Tony to stop singing that song from My Fair Lady.
"I could've danced all niiiiiiiiiight!" Emma held Pepper in her arms comfortingly as Tony (slightly intoxicated-ly) sashayed and pirouetted around the room, in a fashion worthy of Audrey Hepburn or Julie Andrews. Save for the fact of course, that this was Asgard and he was dressed like Oberyn Martell (wait, did this make Phillie one of the Sand Snakes?), and that Pepper (dressed like Cersei because damn, Pepper had a great resting bitchface) was currently trying not to slice her head open.
Putting it simply, it looked like this:
Thor was cradling his head in his hands, Loki mimicking him. Jane and Darcy sat together, the latter wiping tears from the first's eyes as they went through some flower choices for the wedding. Natasha and Clint had just returned from outside, Clint threw his quiver down on the marble floor and Natasha pushed a pillow off the lounge with such ferocity that Emma gladly sat on the opposite side of the room. Steve sat beside Bruce, the pair of them channelling such intense glare that if she were to walk past their line of view, she may just turn into a pile of ashes. As for herself, well… she didn't even want to think about. Poor Tony was probably just trying to put a brighter spin on things.
The ball had been a glamorous disaster.
Frigga's summoning had chilled her to the bone. She left those apartments shivering with fear and a sense of paranoia. She was grateful for the information but it left her feeling more isolated and alienated than ever. To be completely honest, she didn't think it would be possible, but she should've remembered the fact that hey, she wasn't the most well-liked of the Holmes siblings.
Let her paint the picture.
"I really don't like this." Emma sang through the corner of her mouth as Loki led her to her seat. Valerie had been left with Fenrir and Jormungandr for the night and Hela had threatened to kill someone if she was forced to turn up. So, with the threat of potential political unrest, they left the eldest of Loki's children to mind the others. Emma had also yet to meet Sleipnir, which she was rather nervous about for several reasons, the first of which being that he was a horse. But then again, her step-sons were a fucking giant serpent and wolf, so a horse had to be lower down on the danger-scale.
"Oh you will." Loki replied as they settled down at the table. Thor and Jane were seated with Frigga and Odin at the high table, Jane looking really uncomfortable and Emma was tempted to convince Loki to shape-shift into Jane for the night. "However, may I tempt you with this?"
"Yeah, okay, it looks like a salmon vol-au-vent ."
"Of course, it isn't too bad," Loki replied bracingly, though he kept glancing towards the doorway. "Do you think Valerie will be alright?"
"I do hope she will be. I mean, she was sound asleep earlier- ooh that's nice- and well…" Emma noticed the Council on their own table, seemingly deep in discussion. "Heavy political question, how do you get to be on the Council?"
"Hmm?"
"The Council, how do you get to be on it?" Emma asked again, slowly. Loki gave her one of his measured glances, she deduced it meant she was walking into dangerous territory with this question.
"First of all, you must be nominated. The higher the recommendation or the number, the more likely you are to make the second round-"
"Wait, so it's not democratic?"
"This is Asgard, does anything look democratic to you?" Loki raised a brow, he had a point. "So, to ensure you make it into the second round, it's wise to take your primary nomination from the richest and most influential person you know, then proceed to have as many wealthy and influential co-sign. You are more likely to make it into the second round by say being nominated by Thor rather than by myself. However, if myself and the warriors three were to nominate someone, that person would be more likely to make it in, rather than just one influential nomination."
"So I'm guessing this is how corruption starts? Wait, do ordinary people make it in?"
"Just wait. Numbers count too, so the general populous have just a good a chance. It's the second round that discriminates. The former Council members will then proceed to calculate- an equation if you will, this potential's aptitude to tasks and such. All conducted in privacy of course, so bribery's always certain. No one can even understand the equations anyway, so there's always the likelihood they bullshit their way through the formalities."
"Basically, if you suck up to the former Council members, there's a higher chance of getting in. But what about the 'good' people?"
"The Council messes with you." He said simply "Even if you start out as the beacon of hope, very few last long. A couple have, but like I said, a rarity." Emma then took a moment, recounting what Loki said. "Wait, did you say an equation?"
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" She had pulled him out of a conversation with Thor. She shook her head, apologising and staring at the rest of the people in the hall. To be completely honest, she wasn't that much of a social butterfly, and while yes, she could host a soiree or two (see Christmas of 2014), she didn't exactly enjoy the 'people' element of it. Pepper gave a small wave to her, pointing to one of the plates of food and mouthing about it being absolutely wonderful.
Several more courses were served and sweetmeats were being placed on tables. Honestly, Emma could not eat anymore, though she had to admit that gravy was really nice, she was going to have to get the recipe off someone. Wine goblets were distributed, she noticed Loki's slight agitation, but played it off as if it were nothing. A council member stood, announcing in a booming voice that a toast was to be made to the engaged couple.
Emma raised her goblet, however as she bought the liquid to her lips, she noticed it. Frigga had been right, poisons could be detected by holding them to the light. In her case it was a clear, greasy film on the surface of the liquid. But it was too late to stop the act. She carefully feigned a sip, hand trembling, the goblet threatening to tip it's toxic content on her skin, she placed it down on the table, trying not to let the base clatter with the wood, lest her body betray how scared she was.
"Quick, take your goblet come with me. Fetch Romanoff while you're there." Loki urged her, under the guise of an affectionate kiss to the ear.
"Tash? Why?"
"Trust me, go. We'll explain later. Thor and I figured it out." He said urgently. Emma agreed, taking the goblet with her and feigning another sip. With a meaningful glance at Natasha, they left their tables, to anyone asking where they were going they replied with something along the lines of checking on their daughters.
"Who are we killing?" Natasha pulled her out into the palace grounds.
"What?" Emma asked, genuinely shocked and remembering not to spill any of the mead on her dress.
"General agreement was if we call on each other after the toast, one of us was about to or is poisoned. Weren't you there after Frigga called us?"
"No… I left because Val needed changing and-"
"Okay, basically, you know how your mother-in-law said that there's a likelihood we'd face this sort of situation after what was attempted. She warned us that you and Jane needed watching out for, but your husband especially."
"Because the dick keeps attracting trouble. Should've thought the whole marriage thing through more thoroughly." Emma muttered under her breath, still examining the goblet as Natasha calmly seated her on a stone bench. "I haven't drunk any, if that's what you're wondering. I've been cold turkey since I was pregnant with Valerie."
"Yeah, I know, just making sure you don't start breaking out into hives or something because they poisoned the actual goblet. That would suck."
"No kidding." Emma answered, smiling as Loki walked back towards them, yet the smile dropped off her face as soon as she noticed what he'd bought with him. "Is that?"
"A duplicate goblet. Let's have some fun, shall we?"
"No, darling, I love you and all, but murdering someone while you're technically speaking on death row is not my idea of fun."
"Oh it's not murder." Loki brushed off with his usual playful tone, but his eyes betrayed otherwise. Natasha nodded and walked away some distance, acting guard. "But we will frame it as an attempt."
"An attempt?" Emma clarified. "Okay, so how do you want this to play out?"
"Well, I do hope you're paying attention. The poison used is a naturally-occuring plant which can prove fatal to humans. To Asgardians it gives you a horrible bout of food poisoning." Emma nodded, understanding. "So why have we got two goblets?"
"This is going to be filled with a fatal poison."
"I thought I said-"
"Just wait, here's the plan."
Asgardian dances weren't that hard to pick up and she had a marvellous time twirling and gracefully crossing the floor. She had to admit, she was really out of practise, and the younger girls out there made her look clumsier than her older brother did trying to dance (when he was sober he was a nightmare. When he was drunk you had to call in the dance police.). Asgardian dresses were also less tight-fitting and restricting as she thought, as she could lift her hands well above her heads and other girls were performing ridiculous jumps and twirls.
She was also rather pleased to hear that bringing weapons to balls were basic polite manners, as it meant you were ready to defend your host (however swords at the table were a big no-no). Bruce sat to the side, simply happily observing the crowd. Emma decided that she was much too tired to keep dancing and moved to stand beside him, pulling her best impersonation of Cersei's regal nod every time people bowed to her. "I don't know what's gotten into you." Emma said bluntly.
"Sorry?" Bruce asked, genuinely confused.
"Ever since Val you seem a lot more… pensive."
"If I were to tell you I realised how old I feel?" Bruce asked with a cheeky grin she hadn't seen on his face in a while.
"That would clear it up. Damn it, I turned 31 or some shit like that." Emma added under her breath. "Anyway, so why are you deciding to be Asgard's prettiest wallflower?"
"Because of them." She hadn't expected Bruce to add that in such a serious tone, but his finger discreetly pointed to the Council. "If you've noticed, we're also missing a couple of people." Emma nodded, noting down Steve and Clintasha. "Tony's being an embarrassment at the private party."
"There's a private party?"
"One of the nicer lord's sons is having a party for his 'favourites'. Naturally, Tony managed to get in with Pepper in tow. He's playing his cards and being a distraction in order to get Loki's plan in action." Emma snorted. "We need to get closer to the Council."
"What?"
"Don't think Nat didn't tell us what Loki's plan was. The poison was never meant for you, the poison was-"
"I know, Loki figured out that the servant handing them out had a personal grudge against him and swapped the goblet at the last second. There's a reason why I have a feeling we're going to find a dead body tomorrow. Bloody hell, this is meant to be a holiday, not a political intrigue."
"Well, like it or not, that's what we are." Bruce answered. Yet as he tried to talk about other pleasantries, something caught his attention. "Where's Loki?"
"He's either defending Thor in politics or being killed by Odin. Why?"
"He's not going to miss you, come on, this is important." Emma nodded, giving a final glance at the dancers before running after Bruce. The path he took her was familiar, seeing as Frigga had shown it to them, but she didn't think they need to use the passageway to the rooftop guardhouse. Yet, there they were, Clint with an arrow notched and Steve pacing around the top.
"Oh god, don't tell me they haven't gotten to Jane." Emma said, running over to Clint. "The guards have been released?"
"We said we were under orders from her Royal Highness, Analytics and Tactics leader of SHIELD and exiled Queen of the Jotuns." Clint said simply, Emma still had to get used to the title.
"Wait, queen?"
"Apparently it's politically correct." Steve answered for Clint, throwing off his heavy cape and handing it to Natasha. "So, the goblet?"
"I have it. Hadn't been touched. Loki was right, there was a differentiation in the pattern, so when I got back, they dared not touch it, otherwise they'd look suspicious. So, was Frigga telling the truth? Can you hear everything from up here?"
"Apparently Asgardians have the hearing of elves." Clint answered, channelling his inner Legolas and drawing his arrow. Emma made no comment to the fact that Clint was using arrows that belonged neither to guards nor himself. "No, the acoustics just happen to be really good."
"Clever, aren't they?" Natasha had noticed Emma picking one up from Clint's quiver. "My idea. Loki's underbelly friends left him some and well, we couldn't help it- shit." Emma too heard the conversation, ducking behind a parapet where Steve was, waiting for them. Pushing back her unruly curls, Emma dared peek above the wall, glancing at who it was.
"It's the High Council President." Emma stated quietly "Isn't that the bastard –"
"That stands in the way of Thor and Jane getting married, your husband being pardoned a clemency and most of us staying on this planet? Yeah, that's our guy." Bruce had crawled over to them (no mean feat in armour), giving his information. "You know, that Asgardian tea really does work wonders on my nerves-"
"He's talking with two others." Emma interrupted "Sorry Bruce, but well…" Together they listened in on the conversation, Nat nodded to Clint, telling him he was probably not needed. "Why do you even need me here?" Emma whispered to Natasha beside her.
"Because you need to be one step ahead of everything else. What's gotten into you, Emma Holmes? You wouldn't have objected before this trip?"
"That was old me, the one that hacked into MI9 in order to find out about her cousin. The one that couldn't care less whether she lived or died. The one with the guts to pull off audacious missions and the one who deluded herself into thinking that the people under her care didn't matter, in case they died. That young woman grew up, Natasha, and she had a daughter. She doesn't want to be a reckless idiot like she used to be."
"It was my daughter too. And Stark's son. Well- spoken though, are you sure you want to follow through?"
"Look at us, we all have questionable morals save Steve." Steve nodded as Emma singled him out. "If this is going to keep Jane, the rest of you and most importantly my daughter safe, then we've got no choice, really." Emma tried pulling back curly wisps, looking at Steve and sighing. "Steve, are you sure you want to go through with this? It'll be on your conscience as well…"
"No, it's fine. I've missed a spear thrown at my head by a whisker. I'm taking this personally." Emma raised a brow, not sure how to take it. "And besides, if Frigga was telling the truth and someone did try killing Phillie, Nikita and Val; well then, I guess I'm punching the bastard in the jaw."
"Hate to break this to you, Cap, but we got one shot and as our moral compass and team leader, you got a choice. We either kill the Council leader, or incapacitate him." Clint's options were pretty grim. "If we just got for the maim, we risk him identifying us, if we kill him…"
"We risk our souls." Natasha finished, before pausing, turning her head and pointing to a figure on a nearby rooftop. Clint drew his arrow, ready to take him out. "Who's that?"
"No!" Bruce nearly flung himself off the parapet, trying to stop the arrow, undeniably identical to the ones Clint had borrowed. Yet he hadn't fired it.
"Fuck!" Steve exclaimed "Everyone off the roof right now! Time for plan B."
"So why are we here?" Lady Sif asked, evidently confused as to why everyone would want her in the rooms. Emma, trying not to get power-drunk while using her full title, commanded that all the servants and guards leave her quarters for the evening, only to return when commanded.
"I feel like we need to explain everything, before we're all accused of murder. Which we won't , because we're nerds hyped-up on crime drama and know how to frame a murder-" Tony began before Nat cut him off.
"Or are trained assassins and made their living on this. Tonight we witnessed the murder of the Council President, correct?"
"Yes, and he certainly won't be missed." Fandral answered with a shrug. Loki smiled, mouthing to her that they only dared be this outspoken due to the lack of spies. "What do you know?"
"Everything." Emma began "It started prior to the ball when my lady mother, the Queen; called us to her chambers. She informed us that her spymaster learned of a plot to kidnap and potentially kill not only my daughter, but also Phillip and Nikita." Tony raised a brow at her sudden formality, for fucks sake, this was serious, she couldn't just go on like she usually did. "It not only stopped there, my husband and Lady Romanoff assisted me in uncovering an attempt at poisoning me. Yet we discovered that the poison was not for me, but for Thor's fiancée. The goblet was swapped at the last moment as the servant had a personal grudge against my husband."
"It gets more serious, I'm afraid." Emma continued, taking a deep breath and trying to hide her nerves. "Under my orders-"
"No it wasn't." Clint said with all seriousness. "We removed the guards in your name, we acted on our own."
"But it was still our, and by greater extent, my plan." Emma took all responsibility for what followed. "We removed the guards from the rooftop and continued our own investigation. We had intended to maim the nearly-successful attacker, however an unknown appeared there first." Loki's hand rested on her shoulder for strength. "While we were innocent of the crime, I fear that we implicated so much more. You see, said goblet was placed with the Council President's dead body in order to frame him for a murder he fully intended to commit."
"We didn't, however, place his body in the fountain. That must have been the archer we spotted." Steve added, willing to clear his mind.
"On the other hand, this leaves us to question the integrity of the Council." Thor stated simply, it was scary to be honest, seeing the Asgardian embodiment of happiness and sunshine suddenly implying in such a way that it could lead to further rifts in the government. It was then that Emma remembered that her husband and her brother-in-law were princes, and she was a princess through marriage, if she was going to be scared of a little power-play in order to protect her friends and her own daughter, then what was the point?
"We understand." Sif nodded, Emma had just noticed her hand rested upon her blade the entire time. "We do believe we can assist in this charade. Tomorrow, only his highness and Lady Jane are required for the parade and ceremonies given Loki's…"
"Circumstances is a neutral word, dear Sif." Loki finished for her.
"Circumstances. None of you are suspected nor implicated in the crime, yet perhaps if the perpetrator was willing to strike tonight, he will strike tomorrow. I fear that with your deductions you forced him to show his hand, we haven't got time."
"And we have a wedding, we can't forget that." Darcy interrupted, trying to keep things light. Jane smiled in gratitude, for the last few hours Emma's soon-to-be-sister-in-law had been driven to the edge and constantly paranoid. No one deserved that, especially not leading up to their wedding. "We'll do what we can. I don't think I'm needed so I can help with our brilliant plan."
"My dear lady, who said we had a brilliant plan?" Fandral asked with a wink.
"We don't. We have like 12% of a plan." Clint admitted. "But that's why you're all here. We're going to catch the son of a bitch and make sure that everyone's favourite astrophysics doesn't kill anyone on her wedding day."
"Don't even think about trying to seduce me." Emma spat bitterly as Loki began to undress in front of her, not even trying to hide the fact he was making a bit of a show of it. "Fact remains you abandoned me all night-"
"Not all night, surely? I do recall a rather passionate dance-"
"If someone keeps talking like that, they'll find themselves on the sofa tonight." Emma taunted in a sing-song voice. She didn't have time for his lies, she needed to know what was so important that he merely dictated a plan to her and had her feel guilty of a person's death.
"I have a lead. I can get us off this miserable planet for one night in order to follow it." Loki spoke, sitting on the end of the bed. He shuffled towards her but she fixed him in place with a steely glare. "We can't go in these next three or four days, however, you're going to have to trust me much more than you usually do."
"Why?" Emma asked, glaring daggers at him.
"Remember how I said I was going to smuggle us off this planet?" Emma nodded, shivering as the topic was brought up rather casually. "We're going to take a trip to visit Nova Prime."
"Nova Prime?"
"Yes. Undoubtedly you've not heard of it. Anyway, rest well, love. We've an important day tomorrow and a trial not soon to follow. Any luck getting into the library yet?"
"No, but it's only been a couple of days." She breathed heavily, pulling the silky sheets and heavy fur throws around herself. "Dear god, I hope things don't get any worse."
"Well, you uttered the magic words. They most definitely will." Loki sat beside her, his gaze was puzzling her, it was an expression she hadn't seen his face in a long while, no, not since she was Dawn and she was under his scrutiny.
"What?"
"Why did you try and take responsibility? Yes, you were there, only part the time but-"
"Loki. Don't ask. I don't know, earlier this evening I was in the mindset of 'what would Cersei do?' but now that I look back at it, I have to fix this up somehow. If I hadn't been an idiot and noticed the poison in the goblet, the whole situation wouldn't have spiralled out of control. The perpetrator wouldn't have felt compelled to begin the rest of his plan and we wouldn't have had to consider murder. You know, we were all about to agree to kill the Council President, I just about gave the order. I'm honestly terrified of making more decisions of questionable morality, not that I haven't before but this is ridiculous. What if- what if?" She began to feel her breath quickening, unshed tears glazing her eyes.
"What if?" Loki held her calmly
"What if I can't save you this time? What if I can't save Valerie? What if I lose my husband and my daughter's father because I fucked up. What if I can't save Jane?-"
"Don't think too much, Emma, darling, calm down."
"No, I won't. I haven't been calm since we got here! I've only been here about 2 days and someone's already tried to poison me!" She felt Loki pull her into his chest, humming soothing tones. "I can't do this-"
"You have to. I promise you we're going to be fine, I'll be fine and in a month or so we'll all be home, celebrating Christmas in a stupid jumper you chose out for me."
"Promise?"
"You know I don't make promises I can't keep."
A/N: One day I won't be writing such an emotionally draining arc. Eventually. Alright, so next up we've got Jane and Thor's first official engagement as a couple, and once they're done dodging both real and metaphorical bullets, I've got to research traditional Viking wedding traditions. So thank you all for helping me reach over 300 reviews, this is such a huge thing for me, all of you hanging in there despite the super shitty 2012 writing (I will get around to re-writing those), and also a major fuck you to that person who sent in a really rude review. It has since been deleted. I understand that not everyone is perfect, but if you're going to criticise my writing, don't be such an asshat, actually give constructive advice and have the nerve not to do it behind a guest account. I would like to reiterate the fact that I value constructive comments, and they really do help my writing, and I'm going to need it (FUCK WHY DID I DECIDE TO THREE, SOON TO BE FOUR UNITS OF ENGLISH!?). Once again, all that horrible stuff aside, thank you all so much and don't forget to review.
Btw, I am here for you if you want to cry over the hobbit.