Jed Harris could think of a million places he'd rather be as he pushed his way through the people packed into the aisle of the train. Most of them involved having a busty blonde hanging off his arm, or, even better, off another part of his anatomy that would give the two of them considerably more pleasure. In fact, it was difficult for him to think of a place he wouldn't rather be than on this packed train on the way to the stuffy office full of stuffy, boring people.

As he pushed his way to a part of the aisle that seemed slightly less crowded, Jed saw that there was an empty seat next to a bald man wearing enormous headphones. He looked around tentatively, wondering why no-one else had taken the seat, then quickly claimed it for his own.

There was a noise of outrage from behind him. "Excuse me!" A woman's voice said. Jed Harris turned around, frowning grumpily.

"What?" The girl who had spoken looked about eighteen, with long brown hair and dark eyes with a spark of something wild in them. She looked furious.

"What do you mean, what? You are so rude!" Jed felt his eyebrows sky-rocket. What had he done to upset this girl? All he'd done was sit down.

"I'm sorry, I don't –"

"Don't apologise to me! Apologise to that woman who was sitting there until you practically sat on her! You probably would have sat on her if she hadn't moved! It was like you didn't even see her!" Jed was positively bewildered now; he was sure the seat had been empty before he sat down – no, he knew it had been.

"This was an empty seat before I sat in it," he began, but the girl cut him off.

"Oh my God! I don't believe this! You sexist bastard! Just because she was obviously a lesbian –"

This, Jed thought, was out of line. "Hey," he said hotly, "I've got nothing against dykes –"

"Against what? You –" the man sitting beside her, who looked to be in his mid-twenties, turned away from the window and laid a hand on her arm.

"Juliette, I'm sure she would have complained if she minded, dear, so why don't you just leave the poor man alone?"

"No, I will not leave him alone! Forget 'poor man', how about the poor girl who he almost sat on! You're a bunch of sick homophobes, all of you!"

The man turned apologetically to Jed and gave him a helpless smile. "I'm sorry," he said. "I told them she wasn't ready to come out today, but then the Human Rights Commission started breathing down our necks…"

Jed Harris was now thoroughly lost."Wait… 'come out'?"

The young man looked sadly at the girl, who had a large scar and a yellow bruise fading across one cheekbone and chapped, cut lips. "She's schizophrenic," he said, his hand rubbing hers gently. "She's been in the hospital for the past month. I told them she wasn't ready. I'm so sorry."

Jed looked back at the girl, who was now laughing at something he couldn't see, and a small twinge of pity twisted his stomach. "So…schizophrenia's, like, hallucinations and stuff, right?"

The man nodded. "That's the general idea," he said.

"So… so there wasn't a lesbian girl on this seat before I sat down?" he clarified hesitantly.

"Of course there was! How could you be so biased that you didn't even see her there? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! I bet you've got nothing against gays!"

"Juliette…" the young man said placatingly.

"No! I can't believe you're defending this masochistic pig! Where is the justice in this world?" She was now yelling so loud that most of the carriage had turned to look at them and Jed could feel himself turning red; he didn't need this, not today. It was just his luck that he had chosen to sit next to a schizophrenic girl on an outing from the loony bin.

"Look,' he said finally, "just say I did sit on this d – I mean, this lesbian chick. What do you want me to do about it?"The girl gave him an openly shocked look. "Apologise, of course," she said, as though it were obvious. "Get up, apologise to the poor girl, and offer her the seat back. I can't believe you need me to tell you that."

Jed sighed. "Okay," he said. "Which one is she?"

The girl instantly pointed to a space in the aisle. "That one." Jed followed her finger with his eyes, but all he could see was an elderly woman with silver hair and a teenage boy in school uniform. He frowned.

"Which one?"

"That one there," the girl repeated. "The girl with short hair and rainbow suspenders." Jed scanned the entire aisle, but he couldn't see anyone wearing rainbow anything, let alone suspenders.

"I… I don't…"

"Oh my God! How can you just keep pretending she's not there! If you ignore a problem, it doesn't just do away!"

By now, Jed had had enough. He stood up. "Fine," he said. "I'll just leave, and the woman can have her seat back, how's that?" He would take a taxi to work, he thought to himself, just like he should have done to start with, when he first saw how crowded the train was.

"Well, that's a start," the girl was saying, "but you're going to have to let go of your pride some day, you know. You can't face all problems by running away from them!"

Jed stood up angrily as the train ground to a halt at the next station. He pushed his way back through the people and practically fell out of the train doors just before they struggled closed. As the train pulled away from the station, he caught a glimpse of the girl and the young man laughing together, and Jed Harris realized he'd been had.

Back on the train, Spencer Reid and Juliette Clearwater high-fived each other behind the empty seat amid manic whoops of laughter.