Chapter 13 – The Calm and The Storm

£ Author's Note

Hey guys! So here's chapter 13, The Calm and The Storm. I know that you guys are looking for answers about Eric and also want to know more about the scars, etc. Well, in the next three chapters, things are going to get kind of personal, with Eric especially. So don't give up! There are A LOT of things in the next chapter, especially some bonding and even some *wink wink* scenes. It's coming! As usual, follow, favorite and REVIEW! I love reviews! They're my life juice! If you guys want to know about the songs I listen to while I write then you can find the playlist (WILL BE UPDATED) on my profile page under my blog.

My Thanks:£ Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lorins– I would hardly describe anything having to do with Eric as being goody goody, and even if it's goody, it's good in a bad kinda way ;). But yeah, I can agree Eric has a lot of assius majoris moments, I can't imagine something without him being one at times. BUT improvement like everything will come, hopefully with Ashe. Who knows. When I add things to my main plot (which I've outlined) I always find things going off track, so, everything's up to discussion haha. Thanks for always giving me your feedback! I love it!

£ MyHusbandsAPrick, I kind've like Eric's brutal side too. The rough side of him is something that is very familiar, for like everyone in Dauntless, Eric, Ashe and also for me to write. It feels natural for him, but I'm all about getting out of comfort zones and Ashe will do that. In the next chapters. A LOT. :) But your 'I hope he feels bad for it' will be answered in this chapter. It's a little bit of a harsh way still, but you get to see Eric's twisted logic a little closer–remember he's been in Dauntless for a while, he's seen stuff go down. So factor that in while reading what he says to Ashe in this chapter :) I plan on having your scars idea technically answered/skirted by the next few chapters. I don't want to just give it away, but it'll be interesting. I double promise! :D So you will also see Four's confusion about it and a little bit of his interest in Ashe's welfare too (Cause who doesn't love a lil nice Four?) Btw I totally get computer's spazzing. I HATE IT! But any review is an amazing review so I thank you so much for always showing interest and asking questions! I always feel like I don't answer enough, but I swear it's coming, just like Winter... (Switches to Game of Thrones intro) Thank you! :D :D :D

Btw if you haven't already guys, go check out MyHusbandsAPrick's story The Sound of Silence it's amazing and I love it! READ! :D

Previously...

"Training's over for today! We'll continue tomorrow." Sure. Tomorrow was my fight, and I had to make up points that kept me below the red line. To anyone else that would be devastating, especially if I lost. Except now I was more afraid of the towering mountain of power, ego and cold emotions that I would find when I went back to Eric's apartment.

I traipsed around the hallways, intentionally avoiding the apartment that was only two corridors away. Turning around, I walked back to the dorms. I couldn't go back to his apartment knowing fully well that he would be there, his normal infuriating self, cold and detached. I couldn't handle that. I came to a halt when I found Four carrying a small duffel bag my way.

"Hey, there you are!" He pointed to me with his free hand. I eyed him warily, turning around and looking at the duffel bag in his hands, hands that seemed strong. His skin had gotten more tan and I wondered if he had gone up on the roof more since what happened earlier.

"You holding up okay?" Was I? I didn't know if there was a real answer to that question, at least not until I was in Dauntless. Everything seemed to be hitting me from all sides, and a silent fear that I would become factionless creeped up my spine.

"Yeah, I guess." Four nodded his head, but he obviously knew the truth by the way he glanced at me with sadness.

"I got a message on my tablet that said you were moving in to Eric's apartment, so...um–" Crapcrapcrapcrap.

"Oh, yeah." I paused awkwardly. "Yeah." I took the small duffel bag which was probably filled with a dismal amount of clothes and the hairbrush I had bought from one of the stores earlier the other day.

"Found this at the bottom of your drawer." Four handed me the Erudite emblem, the little crinkled fabric halved in Four's palm. I took it from him, pushing it between my fingers as if the feeling of the softness would soothe me and my fears.

"Thank you, Four. That's really kind." I shifted on my feet. "Did you see the video...? Of what Archer did?" Four shot me a reassuring look.

"No." He said. "I just got a briefing on it. Are you gonna be alright?" His eyes shot to the hallway where I had come from, knowing that I would have to go to Eric's apartment now.

"I uh..." I was at a loss for words. I was scared, bruised and battered and I couldn't handle what might've been behind that door waiting for me. "I don't know, honestly."

"Do you want me to walk you there?" He asked kindly. I didn't realize it at first but I found myself nodding thoroughly. Four smiled, the warmth reaching into his eyes. Four took the bag back into his hands and continued on the hallway, his boots filling the silence within the compound. As we walked, I noticed the tiny black etchings of a tattoo spiraling against the back of his neck, out of sight.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." I said in a rather small voice. Four shrugged.

"Most Dauntless do."

"I guess." I said quietly. I knew the reason why too, the reason why most of the people in Dauntless got their old tattoos. At least mine. It reminded them of everything they had left behind. I tightened my hold on the emblem between my fingers.

"Was Eric always this way?" I asked flatly. Four peeked at me.

"Borderline psychotic? Yeah. He's always had an edge to the way he operated, but he wasn't always like that. Not when we started." Four looked ahead as if he remembered something in his past, brown glazing over with history.

"What was he like before that?" I inquired, shuffling along to stand even closer to Four so he could talk to me more quietly. Why I cared so much about Eric's past I couldn't pinpoint. I was afraid of him, or at least I wanted to be. He had given me every reason to be. I felt stupid on so many levels, especially the level where I wanted to know more. I wanted to know the real Eric and that maybe scared me more than anything else.

"He was–who am I kidding, he was never conventionally nice. But he was made fun of a lot for the Erudite tendencies he had, where he had come from. He seemed to enjoy learning how things worked and then, bam, he didn't. It was like a lock had closed and he was an entirely different person." Four rubbed his chin, the stubble on his face turning more into a beard.

"Eric started cozying up towards the higher ups for a leadership position and that was that. He wouldn't let anyone else in his way. He became ruthless and he became everything the Dauntless leaders wanted and what Erudite HQ could use."

"Erudite HQ?"

"Yeah, it's a program for new ways to improve life, sims, things like that." Four turned the corner and nodded towards the door. What had changed Eric so much in such a short amount of time? I was reminded of my Choosing Ceremony, of how only one thing could change the course of events forever. Eric wouldn't be exempt from that fact–it was life.

"Do you know what Eric's scars are from?" Four seemed rather uncomfortable, like he was put under the light and had to answer a billion questions for me. He straightened himself at the doorway and dropped the bag slowly.

"Not really. He has a few from combat, but..." Four scratched his chin. "The ones I've glimpsed on his back...They're different. Eric's not exactly to open up about things like that." Both of us gave a short laugh.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Four, I really appreciate it." I said nicely. Four pursed his lips and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over my body before looking at the door. He knocked, once and then twice, waiting for Eric to come. When the lock clicked out of place and Eric stood in the doorway in a blue shirt and black slacks, he looked almost Erudite. Then his piercings and the tattoos that lined his neck and forearms came into view and I was slapped back into reality. I played with the hem of my long sweater and waited patiently for something to happen.

Eric's eyes snapped to Four. "Thank you for bringing her here, Four. Go. Now." There was no hesitation in his voice, no mixed signals. He wanted Four gone and I didn't, because I was not looking forward to the conversation that would happen between Eric and I when he left. Four turned to me reluctantly, eyes roaming my own.

"I'll see you later in the mess hall, Four." I tried to smile sweetly at him, but it probably came out more like a pained grimace. I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and taking him by surprise. I appreciated his kindness, even though he was my trainer and he probably wasn't even supposed to talk to me, let alone be kind to me. That and the obvious dislike of my affection towards Four lined on every feature of Eric's face. His jaw twitched and I swore I could see his eyes narrow from the corner of my vision. Four trotted down the hallway, turning back only when he went around the corner. Eric swirled his hand along the entrance, inviting me inside. I threw the duffel bag over my shoulder and laid it down next to the light switch. This; this sanctuary and imprisonment, was going to be my new temporary apartment. I turned to look at my roommate who reminded me more like a disgruntled guard.

"You're not going to the mess hall tonight." Eric said nonchalantly, turning around and walking to the kitchen as if he hadn't even uttered a single word.

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"You're not going." I opened my mouth and let out a sarcastic laugh, pushing my hands into my pockets. I wasn't looking for a confrontation no matter how much I craved it, to yell at something, scream my frustration at the world; at someone. Eric was perfect at that moment.

"Why in hell not? If anything that's my right as an initiate." Play him by his own rules. In Erudite I never would have acted this way, I never would have stood up against someone like Eric. Now as I stood here, I felt powerful and powerless at the same time. Eric chuckled darkly.

"Not if you decide you're going to make a target out of yourself at every turn." I took my hands out of my pockets and spread them wide, as if asking him physically–why? If only someone would answer that goddamn question. It didn't seem that hard, all honesty. I hadn't even made a target out of myself, and his arrogant response only ticked me off further.

"When did I make myself a target?" I hissed, stepping closer towards him. His tough guy act was seriously getting on my nerves. "You threw me off the freaking chasm!" Eric moved forward as quick and as devastating as a storm, a hurricane in his own right. He cornered me against the wall of the kitchen and let out an animalistic growl.

"You decided to stand up against me. You went against my rules–"

"Your rules are stupid."

"My rules are effective, and you had no problem working with my rules when they benefitted you." Eric waved his hand over the apartment, his eyes holding barely restrained contempt.

"That was my friend!" My voice cracked pathetically as I tried to reason with him. He had threatened the life of my friend, and I couldn't imagine the small Abnegation boy that I had begun to learn, the boy who liked Vera, being hung over the chasm like something worthless. Then again I also never wanted to admit to myself that Eric would've done that to me, but it seemed I was no exception to Eric's rules. The idea that I was worthless to Eric hit me somewhere that I found was soft to the touch, something that hurt when I prodded with the questions I wasn't sure I wanted the answers to. I hated that Eric's dispassion hurt me.

Eric's lip curled up. He was beyond pissed off, but so was I. I had every right to be–I think I had every right to be. "You have no friends here, you need to learn that now."

"Is that what happened to you? Is that why you're like this?" I poked at his chest, and it was as hard as poking against metal.

"I am the way I am. You accept it or you get the hell out." Eric fumed at me, his words uttered in such a deep and venemous tone it rattled me to my core. Eric turned and slammed his fist against the counter.

"Eric–" I felt guilty all of a sudden and it clawed at my chest. Eric glanced at me over his shoulder, his fingers digging into the wooden table. I could tell he wanted to break something, but he kept some form of composure and I was grateful for that at least.

"Go, in the shower. Dinner'll be ready in ten." Eric sounded like a child scorned as he moved back into the small alcove of the kitchen, opening the door to the refrigerator and digging through the different food stuffs. I breathed deeply and stormed off, going through the bathroom door. Inside the bathroom was a mirror that hung above the sink, both things dark metal. I quietly tried to guess what type of metal it was made out of but gave up when I couldn't figure it out. I didn't fail to notice the small separate cup with a toothbrush in it and a separate towel that hung next to what I assumed was Eric's. The small action of even acknowledging my presence in his apartment made warmth spread through my chest. I carefully took off each piece of my clothing, my training tank top and leggings looking like they had been through the mill and back.

Stepping into the shower, I studied the handles and tried to turn the water on to no avail. I stood there for a moment, mentally cataloguing all of the ways that this could be going better. It wasn't like I could go outside naked and ask for Eric's help. And even if I took away the factor of my nakedness, I knew I still wouldn't get more than a quirked eyebrow or some witty remark. At least right now with the tension between us so high, his irritated state and my angered one wouldn't work well to help my situation. So instead I pushed the different buttons, twisting the knobs halfheartedly. Finally, after many tries I got the complicated water system to work. Thank the heavens, otherwise I wasn't sure that I could go back outside to the kitchen where Eric no doubt stood waiting for me to mess up in some infinitesimal way.

The water felt miraculous on my skin after the long day, the warm, nearing hot water pouring on my back and seeping into my flesh. I sighed, leaning my head against the wall. I wanted to cry. I had many things to cry about, or at least I thought I did. I didn't have a family to mourn my loss in my faction like Vera or Dahlia. I wasn't a Dauntless born like Jake where the pressure was even harder to succeed for his faction. I was an orphaned defector found helpless in the hands of a man who was little more than frigid.

Yet it irked me that I couldn't say he hadn't protected me. At every turn Eric seemed to pop up and save the day, and it was so uncharacteristically different from him. I knew I wasn't the only one to notice that, and it only made me more curious that he didn't care what anyone else thought. It was like he set his mind on me, and once he did, he wouldn't budge. That came across more like Eric. Eric was something that was practically set in stone. He had his laws, his exceptions and his lack of emotions to get him through anything. My only problem was that I knew it couldn't be true. No one–not even me–could hide my emotions. It was impossible. For years I tried, pushing my hopelessness down into the bottom of my throat. Cutting off the screams that I wanted, the screams that threatened to give way every single night I was found alone in my room with no one to console me. Erudite hadn't done anything but show me how irrevocably different I was.

I hopped out of the shower, taking the soft black towel between my fingertips. It melded against my body as I dried myself off. From it's appearance you'd never guess it was so downy, and yet it was. I wrapped the towel around my body and peeked out of the room, finding Eric still cooking away with his back turned to me as he strained something in the sink. Quickly I hopped on my tiptoes back into Eric's bedroom, where I knew my small bag would be. I drove my hands through the dark grey bag and came up with only my other set of tights, a black short sleeved tee and my grey dress. Of course now I ran out of clothes to wear. I slipped on the leggings and shirt, stuffing the dress back into the bag and dropping it near Eric's closet, next to the wall.

I didn't know why, but I entered the dining room/kitchen rather self-consciously. I felt suddenly bare, as if Eric could see right through me and the thought set me on edge. I noticed Eric glancing at me from the corner of his eye, but he otherwise stayed silent. Making what I assumed was pasta with olive oil and garlic, Eric made a show of tossing the pasta around and setting two big plates full of the angel haired carbohydrate. The smell alone made my mouth salivate, and I found myself eyeing where Eric placed my plate. Laying it rather gently in front of me, Eric took a seat across from the table and began eating without a word.

I followed his lead, eating and eating, restraining myself from asking the questions I both knew wouldn't be answered and still ate at the story I was trying to piece together about the grey-eyed leader.

"Are those your training clothes?" Eric pointed with his fork at what I was wearing, and I dropped my gaze self consciously.

"It's not like I'm overflowing with enough points to buy any decent clothes at the moment." I retorted quietly, a bit of snarky humor laced within my voice. I was still afraid of Eric, still afraid of what he was capable of. I knew he probably had murdered. Dauntless were our protectors, they had to do things that were necessary. Thinking about shooting another human being sent chills through my spine, awakening old nerves that I thought had died a long time ago. I remembered the Divergent girl that had been so mercilessly shot in the street. An innocent girl and a life lost. I bit my lip nervously, very aware that not only was I in danger of being found out by Dauntless but that Eric would no doubt sniff out my Divergence like a blood hound. He seemed that committed.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow. After training." Eric said between bites.

"You and me? Shopping?" I asked, rather amused at Eric's proposition even though my thoughts were anything but amusing. Eric raised an eyebrow, asking me if the thought was so far fetched with just the tinted grey of his eyes and the way his piercing glinted off the light.

"Is that such a hard thing to believe, Erudite?" I shook my head and resumed eating before the inevitable thought of that the factionless may become my future. I hated to admit it, but the idea that I wouldn't belong in any faction, that I wouldn't fit made a large ball lodge in my throat. I pushed my plate away slowly, gazing into my hands with soft eyes. Tears welled in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I knew I couldn't show any fear around Eric or he would surround it and use it to his advantage.

"Are you done?" Eric asked. Nodding without a response, I curled into the chair and tried to make myself disappear. Eric's large body loomed next to my own, and fear crept up my spine. Was I afraid of everything? I sucked in a breath and glanced up at Eric.

"What's wrong?" The question didn't exactly hold worry, but it wasn't exactly cold either. Eric confused me beyond belief.

"You don't need to get clothes for me." My heart faltered in my chest as despair filled my thoughts. I meant nothing. Eric could easily throw me off of the chasm, he could stare at me with all of the hatred in the world. I had no family. I thought of Dahlia, Jake and Vera. Eric had said I had no friends here, but I didn't want to believe that was true. Yet it clawed doubt into my heart.

"Why not?" His voice was obviously clipped, the tone of his voice thick and barred against any emotion.

"Because I'll be factionless soon enough." A singular tear fell from my cheek and I wiped it away harshly. Eric pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and eyed me warily.

"That's not true." Scoffing I stood and made my way to the bedroom. I felt Eric's warm hand on my arm, pulling me back towards him and I flinched. My memory brought me back to his fingers pressing into my flesh as he hung me over the chasm and I moved myself away from him. "Ashe, that's not true." He whispered, the words uttered from his mouth leaning towards reassurance. The tone of his voice didn't match his words.

"Oh like you care." I spat, frowning when Eric's hand tightened on my arm.

"Ashe–"

"You don't need to pretend Eric. For me or anyone else." I shoved my hand against his chest as he neared me, but it was useless. I let his arms engulf me as he came closer. "It doesn't matter to me whether you care or not." Oh but if he only knew how much it truly meant... "You threw me off the chasm. To prove a point!" I almost yelled, my voice breaking and the high notes hitting a louder pitch. I emphasized certain words, words that I wanted to drill into his skull and repeat until his ears bled, so that he knew. So that he understood. My fear in that moment felt all too real. Would Eric even react? "I am going to take that as an unuttered, 'I don't care'."

"What do you want me to say, Ashe?" Eric growled, his forehead pressed against my own. His body was craning towards me, hunched over me. I felt enclosed but also set free in the way Eric clutched my body closer to his.

"There's nothing left to say."

"Bullshit." Eric said quickly, his tone still quietly forbidding. "I..." Eric inhaled deeply and waited, for something, I don't know. It was like there was supposed to be a piano that fell out of the sky at that moment and it didn't. I glanced into his eyes, sweeping in his features. My words were paining him. I felt a little bad because I was happy that they did.

"I'm sorry." Eric spluttered quickly, turning his head to the door. Shutting his eyes, his fists clenched on me and then let go slowly. I watched him, shocked, waiting for something else to happen. To say he hadn't meant it, laugh and chuckle it off like he was used to doing.

Sorry.

He had said he was sorry.

I felt like I was the first person to ever hear those two simple and overused words. With Eric, now, they definitely didn't seem overused.

"Will you forgive me?" Eric asked quietly. If it wasn't for his lips moving so close to my own, the sight laid out before my eyes, I wouldn't have believed that Eric had said a single word. Now it was my time to be under the spotlight.

"I–I don't know Eric." We stood there, both of us silently brooding for a few moments about everything that had just been said. I released a long withheld breath.

"May I go to sleep?" I asked, completely wiped out. I had experienced a lot for the day and I was beyond exhausted. My eyes became heavy and I gazed at Eric dully.

Eric was obviously fighting an internal war with himself. Why was this Eric so much more different than the one I was so accustomed to during the training hours? Why couldn't be simply one or the other instead of this confusing jumble of raw control or complex and hidden emotion. Hand dropping back to his side, Eric walked to the sink and leaned over it. I took that as a yes and pushed myself into Eric's bedroom.

Sleep was hard to come by that night as I worried over whether or not Eric would be compelled to kill me or not. Eric's words kept repeating in my head.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.