Big chapter, dedicated to Seducing Reason, who said the insane do need reasons. Of course they do. It's funny how we know things that our characters don't. If Hallie had known all along, it would have saved her a lot of upcoming trouble.

Also for Manga Girl number 6. "And then the pig bites her on the nose."

Chapter Fourteen

"Hey. You know I love you, right?

(Laugh.)

"Yeah. I know."

"Do you know why?"

"I have no idea. I've already told you that."

"Do you want to know?"

(Nod.)

"Yes."

"I love you because you blushed the first time I saw you. I love you because, even though it sometimes scares the hell out of me, I've never seen you look in a mirror. I love you because you talk to yourself when you think no one's listening."

"Those are awfully stupid reasons to love someone."

"That's what I kept telling myself. But I love you because you're honest, too, and because you love art. I think about you a majority of the time, you know, and I keep thinking that there must be something I don't absolutely adore about you. But even the things that annoy me are things that I wouldn't change for anything in the world."

(Blush. Smile.)

"Do you remember when we were walking in the park?"

"I try not to."

"Why?"

"I got sick! I had to go home early!"

"I know. That's what keeps coming back to me. Before you got sick, I thought I saw something in your eyes. Something... purple."

"This is stupid, Hallie."

I pull the hem of my shirt up to my mouth and take it into my teeth, ripping it cleanly so I can tear off a strip. The paleness of my underflesh dulls the clean white of the shirt, sickening me. Too little sunlight for too long. Need to be outside.

I take the makeshift gauze and wrap it around the crescent cut in the bottom of my foot. SP is right — this is stupid. The whole thing was stupid, right from the first little aggravation. I can see it all, like a reel of melancholy film in my head.

Like your doctor?

I heard everything.

What did you do with her?

Do you really think I'm going to take more pills?

Mmm... yeah.

The blood immediately soaks through, but I tie it tight enough that the toes go numb and it doesn't hurt so much. Like it matters. Stupid things like body parts start to become obsolete in the wake of the disaster I'm now facing.

How do you know that?

I loved Ashley Carr. And now he is dead.

Okay. I doubted.

I've changed my mind.

I bit her. God, why'd I have to bite her when I could have punched her just as easily?

"We wanted to taste her."

This person who's taken me over.

I've been so stupid.

That's not fair.

But no one ever said it would be.

And how the hell do I get rid of her?

There's only one way. There only ever was one way, just like there only ever was one Crane, only ever was one person in the room when he sprayed me with his Fear Juice. Just like he doesn't have two sets of eyes, one with the Mad Twinkle and the other with the normalcy. The Sane Crane and the Crazy Crane are the same person. Why shouldn't they be? Who better to run the nuthouse than the nut?

Everything seemed so pointless. First he was punishing me for threatening him, making me think about Ash, making me remember that I am a criminal, only out of jail because I'm insane. He made me face my demons, because he knew that I wouldn't be able to handle them on my own.

But he punished me enough. Why keep on punishing?

"Why else, Hallie-doll? It never left the original reason."

I heard him dose that doctor. I heard her fall to the ground and scream. I heard people drag her out of the room. And since then, he'd stopped being my doctor and started inciting riots in my subconscious. Why, Hallie? Think.

Because you weren't supposed to know.

No one believes crazy people, right? Wrong. Who still loves you when you're locked up and talking to the walls?

Your parents.

Why, Hallie? Think.

He never talked to my parents. Why would he? What would I tell them?

"But... let's you and I keep this our secret, alright? Don't mention this to the doctor."

You know, too, don't you, Nursie? You know that he's killing people in his hospital to serve his own egotistical logic. Don't agree with me? Death penalty. Don't like my methods? Death penalty. Didn't take your pills?

Death penalty.

"Oh, don't be silly. Dr. Crane wouldn't hurt anybody."

She knows, and she saved me

(Death penalty.)

a lot of pain by getting me to keep the Pill Secret. She knew all along that I'm not insane, so she thought I'd get her hint when she told me Dr. Crane wouldn't hurt anybody. She knows the truth, but she doesn't want to know, and she doesn't want anyone else to know because they'll be killed. She'll be killed when he finds out that she knows.

It all makes sense. Poor doctor with the skinny frame and girly glasses, the kid who spent all his time in the science lab in high school. Poor doctor, whose mother probably taught him that aggression was wrong and he should take the path of God. Poor doctor, who bottled it all up inside, all the beatings from the cool kids and the lectures from the Church, who started to feel that he wasn't good enough for anyone, until he got a job that allowed him to control other people.

What do you fear?

He got a job that allowed him the opportunity not to feel worthless. Don't agree with me? Don't like my methods? Didn't take your pills?

Here, he is the superior. He is the highest authority. The city loves dear Doctor Crane, who locks up the loonies and throws away the key, who keeps them safe and makes them better. Who would think to check on the ever observant Doctor Crane?

Hallie Matthews.

I heard everything.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. So now I know his secret. And he knows that I know. And he's been trying to keep me occupied with my own secrets instead of his, been trying to isolate me so that I won't go blabbing. But what was the point?

Why am I still alive?