"Are you…" April started, her eyes wide in shock. "You're kidding, right?"
"No. I wish I was," Nathan said.
"When did this happen?" she asked.
"A week ago."
"That dinner," she said, suddenly remembering. "That's what it was about and you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't know it was going to be about that. He just ambushed me right in the middle of dinner, and I didn't tell you afterward because I haven't decided yet. I just gave him my answer last night."
"And you told him yes?" April asked him in disbelief.
"Yeah, I did," he answered.
"Why the hell would you say yes? You could've said no. You should've said no," April insisted.
Nathan sighed. "Come on, April. You've been there. You know what it's like. Tell me how was I supposed to say no?"
"You just do! You say you've done your part, you've served your country. Now it's time to focus on your son," she insisted.
"And what about my friends back there who are waiting for me, who specifically asked me to lead them? Do I just forget about them altogether?" he countered.
She hesitated. She had seen how tight Nathan's unit was and how all of them trusted him completely. After she saved Nathan's life during the rebels' attack in their camp, his whole unit felt indebted to her. She saw firsthand not only how they relied on him as their leader, but more importantly how they saw him as, well, as their person. He couldn't just forget about them. He wouldn't be the kind of person she knew him as if he did.
"When are you leaving? What about Sam?" she asked instead.
"We're flying back to Cleveland in three days. My parents are there so Sam will stay with them," he paused, shuffling his feet. "And then I leave for Jordan two days after that."
April shook her head. "That soon? I don't… I don't understand it. You have Sam and he needs you. I can't believe you're just going to leave him behind."
"April, I –"
"I have an ER to run," April said, cutting him off. She walked toward the nearest trauma bed and started treating a patient.
After a very hectic day and after hearing Nathan's news, April just wanted to curl up in the bed she'd been sleeping on in Arizona's guest bedroom. It still didn't feel like home, far from it. But it was a bed and she desperately needed to lie down on one.
When she entered the attendings' lounge to get her things, she saw Jackson and Alex, who was carrying Sam.
"Hey," Jackson said, suddenly uneasy. He was remembering the last time he was in that room with April and Sam.
"Hi," she said in return, her face blushing in embarrassment. Like Jackson, she also remembered. Hers hurt a bit more though.
Turning to Alex, April asked, "Where's Nathan?"
"He said he has a few errands to run. And no, you can't have him," said Alex, referring to Sam. "Nathan told me I could have him 'til he gets back. It's my turn."
"I wasn't going to take him from you."
"Yeah, you were. I saw that look in your eyes. You've been hogging him since he got here. It's not like they're going anywhere, you know."
Whatever April was thinking of saying she suddenly forgot when Alex finished his sentence. Yes they were, she thought. Nathan and Sam would be leaving in three days. Who knew when she'd be able to see either of them again?
"What's wrong?" Jackson's voice broke through her thoughts. He had noticed the change that came over her face.
April looked at him and saw the concern in his eyes. And then she realized.
She was about to answer him when Nathan knocked on the door.
"Hey, sorry it took me awhile," Nathan told Alex.
"No worries, man," said Alex. "Little dude was awesome as always."
"Alex, do you mind looking after him a bit longer?" April asked. Turning to Nathan, she said, "I need to talk to you."
Just then, Alex's pager went off. "Sorry, I just got paged."
"I'll look after him," Jackson spoke up. "I have some free time anyway."
After giving Sam to Jackson, Alex said, "Alright, but after I'm done with this patient –"
"Just go, Karev. We're not going anywhere," Jackson said.
As Alex left the room, April turned to Jackson. "Thank you."
"No problem," he replied.
April motioned for Nathan to follow her out the room and he did.
When April and Nathan left the room, Jackson looked at Sam and smiled. It was his first time being alone with him.
"Don't cry on me now, okay? I intend on spending more time with you." Jackson said. "So the last thing I want your dad to think is I'm a horrible babysitter."
Sam just stared at him with a blank face.
"Look, I know Karev already has a big lead on me and I understand why you like him. The guy practically has the same maturity level as you," he said. "But trust me, I'm the fun guy."
Sam giggled, almost as if he knew that grown men were vying for the chance to change his smelly diapers.
"Ha! See?" Jackson said. "Told you. Fun guy."
April led Nathan to the stairwell so that they could have some privacy. And as soon as the door closed, she spoke up.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"What for? Well, I know what for. I just want to hear you say it," Nathan said with a smirk.
April smiled. She was relieved to find out Nathan wasn't upset with her.
"I'm sorry for getting mad at you and for walking out while you were in the middle of saying something."
"Should I forgive you?" Nathan asked. "Or should I make you beg for it?"
April playfully hit him in the shoulder.
"Ow! Not forgiven," Nathan said loudly, faking pain.
"You ass," April said.
"You're lucky you saved my life or else I would've gone complete Jackson on you," he teased.
April stopped. Seeing her reaction and realizing what he had just said, Nathan regretted it.
"That just came out. I'm sorry. I –"
"No, it's fine. It's true," she told him, sitting down on the steps.
Nathan sat down next to her. "Talk to me, April."
"It's just that back in that room, I realized something," she began. "At the back of my head, I always knew you weren't going to stay here forever, that you would be going back to Cleveland, but I couldn't help it. I got mad at you not just because you're going away, I got mad because you going away means you and Sam leaving me. And then earlier, I looked at Jackson and I realized…"
"You're him," Nathan completed her thought. "And I'm you."
"Yeah, I've always understood why he's mad at me for leaving, but I couldn't get why he just didn't want to let it go, you know? Forgive and forget, the past is in the past, what matters is now – that sort of thing. But now that I kind of know how he must've felt, I get it. And it sucks," she said.
"Yeah it does," Nathan said.
"You're the closest thing I have to a brother, you know. Meredith used to say Christina was her person. You, you're my person. Ever since Samuel died, everyone's been treating me like some fragile little thing, but you, you don't butter me up. You give me crap when I need it."
Nathan laughed. "It's one of my favorite things to do, I gotta say."
"And now you're leaving and Sam is leaving, and I don't know if I can handle that," she said. "I can't even begin to imagine how Jackson was able to handle it when I left."
Nathan sighed. "I told you the reason I extended my stay was because my mother-in-law asked me to. It's true, she did. But I didn't intend on staying this long. Truth is I stayed because I wanted to make sure you and Jackson would be okay. I'm so grateful that you went to Jordan because I wouldn't be here for Sam right now if you didn't, and I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to Megan. And I feel guilty because of it, because my happiness right now cost you yours."
"Don't feel guilty. It was my choice," she said.
After a while, April spoke again. "You know, a few days after you got here, I began to think that maybe you being here might be good for Jackson and I. I thought maybe Sam, him being named after our baby and all, would bring us closer to each other. I know, it's horrible. I'm using your son to save my marriage that is already heading for a divorce. I'm a bad person."
Nathan turned to her, "I'm going to give you crap again, okay? Promise me you won't smack me in the jaw."
"I promise," April said, rolling her eyes.
"Look, I love you, April. And Sam loves you too. He completely adores you. You've done more for us than I could ever repay," he began. "But we can't be your comfort blanket forever. I understand why you might think Sam can solve your problems for you. I mean, look at his face, it's the face of an angel. I wouldn't be surprised if he can bring world peace and cure cancer. But Sam can only do so much and I don't think fixing your marriage is part of his superpowers."
"I know, I figured that out when Jackson stopped talking to me after we kissed," she admitted. "Now, I just feel like we're avoiding each other. I feel like if I talk to him, he's going to tell me he's made up his mind and he wants a divorce."
"Sooner or later, you're going to have to face the music, even if it's the kind you don't want to hear."
April took a deep breath. Nathan was leaving soon. She didn't want to spend the remaining days they had talking about her doomed marriage.
"As long as it isn't the stupid hip hop crap you listen to, I'm fine with it," she joked.
"Hey," Nathan said, feigning offense. "Jesus loves Kanye too."
April laughed. "I'm going to miss this."
Nathan put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him.
"Me too. But for what it's worth, and I hope you don't go running out crying, I'm not your person... Megan was my person. Now it's Sam. Jackson is your person, April. I'm just the good-looking substitute."
She smacked his arm. "You're never gonna let that go, are you?"
"Are you kidding me? That's gonna stay with me forever."
She looked at him. "Is he really though? My person? I've always known we were meant to be. I feel it in my bones. But with all that's been happening between us, sometimes even I have to convince myself that."
"People like us only get one person," he said. "I got mine already. Even though Megan isn't here anymore, I still thank God I had her as long as I did. You still have yours, April. It doesn't feel like it now, but he's still yours. And you're still his."
"God, I hope so," she whispered, as she leaned her head on his shoulder.
If Nathan and April got up a couple of seconds before they did, they would've seen Jackson's face through the glass window of the door.
Jackson, carrying Sam, went out to look for Nathan to tell him he was going to the cafeteria for a while and he was taking the baby with him. He almost passed by the door to the stairwell when he caught the back of April's head. His eyes seemed to always zero in on her fiery red locks.
When he saw April and Nathan sitting on the steps, his arm on her shoulder and her head leaning into him, the first thought that came to him was that maybe, just maybe, he pushed his wife a little too far.
But he didn't stand around to figure out the flood of emotions that washed over him. He turned his heels, went back to the attendings' lounge and sat on the couch. For a second, he forgot that Sam was on his lap and that the baby was waiting to be given his undivided attention. When Sam didn't get it right away, he began to fuss, which brought Jackson out of his trance.
"Hey, Sam," Nathan said happily as he entered the room a few seconds later. April wasn't with him. Speaking to Jackson, he said, "Hope he wasn't too much trouble."
"He was no trouble at all," Jackson replied as he handed Sam to Nathan. Against his better judgment, he asked, "Where's April?"
"She had to rush back to the ER. A lot of victims are coming in from a car collision," he answered.
Not five seconds after Nathan finished his sentence did Jackson receive a page, instructing him to go to the ER as well.
"Just got paged," Jackson said. He couldn't be any more grateful to have been paged at that moment. After what he had just seen, the last thing he wanted was to be in the same room as Nathan. Seeing him smile with his son in his arms made Jackson's blood boil that he had to clench his fist to keep himself from totally losing it.
He didn't wait for Nathan to say anything. He headed straight for the door and out the room, leaving Nathan and Sam alone.
"Alright, I guess that's our cue to leave too," Nathan told Sam. "Let's go, little man."