Hey lovelies!
Sorry for the delay.. had my deb, then was sick. So I've no time to write or post.. so my sincere apologies... xx
I would love to thank (like always) Lynette, for looking over this chapter (even though she was sick as well).. also a huge thanks to pixie'sbestfriend and Gracie8290 for the constant support and reminders to write this chapter – with out them (and others) it would not have been done yet.. so thank you xx I've also named a new character with in chapter after Gracie8290, for reminding me almost every second day. Xx
this chapter is not as long as others, but holds a dear part with in the story line.. next chapter will hopefully be longer..
enjoy and see you at bottom!
Chapter 14 – apologies and lingerie
EPOV
I've made the biggest mistake since leaving Bella 1000 years ago. I believed winning her heart over again would solve everything. I hoped she would realise her love for me and leave Alec, and everything would go back to normal. But how wrong was I? She loves him. She doesn't love me, not any more. I know if I made her remember she will want to be with me again, but to do that would cause her even more pain. And I couldn't do that to her. Not after what I have done already in the past. That one kiss we shared proved to me exactly how much I still love her. That never changed, and it never will.
I haven't been myself lately. I've been stubborn, selfish, and haven't been thinking of what is most important. Bella. Where was my consideration towards her during all this? Sure I thought about how much I wanted her back, but never once I thought about the way my actions would affect her. And that should have been my main priority. Well starting now, things were going to change. I couldn't continue treating Bella the way I used to treat her when we together. I knew she saw me as a friend, only a friend, and I had to start thinking of her as only a friend as well. I would always be in love with her. She was the love of my existence. My sun. My life. And no matter what happened, that would never change.
I found it hard to let her just walk away after the kiss. She was no longer my breakable Bella, she was strong. I could kiss her knowing I wouldn't break her. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. So when she broke away, going on about how it was all wrong, all I could think about was the new feeling inside of me. I could be with her the way Emmett was with Rose, unafraid of what might happen. Problem was it would never happen. In two short weeks she will be married, to him. The only thing I could hope for now was to still be a part of her life. I could never not be there for her. She was my everything. I didn't care if I had to be the best friend for the rest of eternity, if it meant being around her, I would suffer through it. I would even join the Volturi for her.
I replayed her conversation with the guard member in my head. I stood in the streets below her, only barely hearing them both through Tim's thoughts. The way she spoke of my family and I, just made me smile. She loved our family, and I knew she wished she was a part of it. And yet her love for the Volturi and Alec couldn't help but make an appearance. Overall I couldn't help but get the impression she was lost. She didn't know what she was feeling, or what she was going to do. Bella always wanted the best for everyone and it shows she still does now.
Listening into the conversation through Tim's thoughts, not only let me hear clearly what the two of them said, but also allowed me to view into Tim's thinking. I have never met a Volturi guard who thinks so much for himself. He doesn't let the Volturi tell him what to think or what to do. He does what he feels is right, while in his view, supports and helps his species. On top of that, the way his powers indicate connections one person has with others is amazing. He could see the strong connections Bella had with everyone she talked about, including me. These connections saw past, present and future connections, showing fate's path. When Bella spoke of me, Tim's mind went crazy with emotional connections. I saw the hatred she felt for me in the past, the pity and friendliness she felt for me now, and what surprised me most, a mixture of love, friendship and desire in the future. Did that mean Bella would fall for me all over again? Or was it simply the connections two close friends should share, that was something Tim's mind didn't touch upon.
What mattered mostly to me was the fact that there was no strong hatred in the near future, which was something I could live without. I hated it when Bella felt anything horrible towards me. I just wanted her happy. Thinking about the stress and hardship the kiss would have caused upon Bella made me felt horrible. I wanted her happy. I hated the thought of her being upset in anyway. So with no second thought I jumped up and ran towards the one place I thought she would be. Her garden. One thing I wasn't expecting to find as I jumped the fence landing inside the large garden was Alice. She was hugging Bella tight, rubbing her back and comforting her. Something I would kill to be able to do once more. With Bella's back to me, I saw Alice focus her gaze upon mine. I knew Bella didn't know I was here, but I also knew Alice would have seen it coming.
I gave her a questioning glance, and like clockwork she understood. Soon enough her voice entered my head. "Edward she called me, she wanted me here. I hope you don't mind?" I smiled and shook my head. Alice smiled, "Good, because I would have come any ways" I found it hard not to laugh, Alice cared for Bella deeply, she wasn't going to let anyone destroy their friendship.
"Bella," I heard Alice whisper to her, "someone is here to see you, as a friend. Can he come talk to you?" Bella turned around to face me. I expected her to frown or cry some more, but instead she smiled and nodded to Alice. "I'll leave you to talk, call me if you need me" Alice hugged Bella tight once more and then walked over to me. She touched my shoulder, "Be nice !" she warned me in her thoughts, before jumping the fence and running away.
I looked over to Bella, still sitting on the bench looking at me. She looked beautiful. Her hair was tumbling down her back, catching on her shoulders. Her huge bright yellow eyes staring into mine, and her lips forming the perfect little smile. She was everything I wanted and needed and she was right in front of me. Only thing was, she wasn't mine and that was something I had to keep in mind if I was to be in her life. Every moment I spent with her, was borrowed, soon to be returned to the other man in her life.
I walked over and sat down beside her. When I went to turn to her, hoping to apologise Bella jumped into my arms, murmuring something on the lines of, I'm sorry. I laughed. "Bella I'm the one to be sorry. It was my fault. I promise it won't ever happen again..." as a last second thought I added, "... against your will". I could never promise not to kiss her if I could help it. I loved her. But I could promise to never kiss her against her will. Doing that would cause her pain, something I never want to do again.
"Well that's all I can ask." she whispered into my chest. We sat there for some time. She went from resting against my chest to laying her head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around her. To me, it was perfect.
But I couldn't help but let my mind wander. I replayed the kiss over and over in my mind, wanting it so badly. The way I kissed her and she kissed me. She kissed me.
"Bella?" I asked her.
"Yeah?"
"Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
Before I could stop myself I said, "Why did you kiss me back?" I felt her tense. I looked down to find her biting her lip. I sighed, "Bella, whatever the reason, I won't hold it against you. And I won't tell anyone else. Promise"
Bella was the one to sigh this time. "Edward, for that split second I thought I liked you. Well, really I thought I loved you. Crazy right?" she laughed, "But then I found myself wanting it too much, I got scared and pulled away. Of course I know it was only because I miss Alec too much" she didn't look at me. And I didn't respond to her answer.
She loved me. Even though it was for a split second and she thinks she only thought she loved me, she still loved me. My Bella was still alive in there. A part of her, and I didn't know how big this part might be, still remembered me. Still remembered the love she had for me. For the first time in a long time, I felt complete. I had experienced love again and not from family, but from my other half, from Bella.
I smiled down at her. "Not so crazy" I told her.
She just laughed, "True. At least we are still friends. And that means everything" she cuddled into my side and I wish we could just stay like that forever. But like all good things in life, it always comes to an end. Jane came running into the garden shouting Bella's name frantically. When she spotted us, she frowned slightly, but ran over any ways.
"What's wrong Jane?" Bella said standing up, leaving my arms.
"Oh Bella it's horrible!" Jane grabbed Bella's shoulders and started to shake her.
"What's horrible? What's wrong?" Bella asked.
"The wedding singer won't arrive till after the ceremony. He was going to play the music you walk out to. I've asked around and no one knows how to play. What are we going to do?" Jane answered in a fluster.
"Tape recording?" Bella laughed.
"Oh Bella, stop kidding around. I won't have a tacky tape recorder at your wedding"
"I can play" I interrupted. They both turned towards me. Jane with a look that could kill, but Bella with all smiles.
"What a perfect idea. There you go Jane, Edward will play the music when I walk out. Problem solved." Jane sent me a disapproving look but smiled back to Bella and nodded.
"Okay Bella. Oh and Gracie is here" Bella just looked confused at Jane for a while, before Jane let out a huge sigh, "You remember Gracie? The lingerie Master from France?"
Bella raised one eyebrow, "The what master?" she said trying not to laugh.
"Bella don't act all innocent. I know you want to look your best on your wedding night" Bella's eyes widen then she looked down, slightly embarrassed. Jane shot me a teasing look. "Come on Bella, I'm thinking something tight and revealing" Jane giggled as she walked over, lifting Bella from the seat onto her feet.
"Jane do we have to do this now?" Bella whined. I couldn't help it but laugh. Bella, after all this time, still hated stuff like this. In a way, Jane reminded me of Alice. Of course Alice was better, but Jane's need to shop and accessorize almost mirrored Alice, Almost.
"Yes, now come on" Jane started to pull Bella away quickly as Bella moaned in defeat.
"Have fun Bella" I chuckled.
Bella's eyes widened, and so did her smile. "Wait!" she walked back to me. I gave her a confused look. "Edward can you come too?" I was shocked. Did Bella just ask me to come watch her try on lingerie? Didn't she realise the effect that would have on me?
"What!" Jane and I exclaimed together.
"Oh come on!" Bella laughed, "Edward I would really like a man's opinion on these things. And who better than a close friends? So please?" Bella looked up to me, and in defeat I smiled and nodded. Jane shot me the most hateful look, before storming off. How Bella didn't notice her reaction, I do not know.
Bella looped arms with me and started to lead me down the hall that Jane disappeared moments ago. As we walked Bella told me quietly how much my help meant to her, but also how much she hated doing this. "It's not like Alec would appreciated it" she told me. "The skimpy nightgown would be off before we get in the door" I winced at the images that flooded my head. "You know how it is Edward, guys just can wait" Bella giggled. If only she knew I had never been in such a situation. If only she knew I was saving myself for her.
From the second we entered the small room, where Gracie had set up rack upon rack of clothing that made any man's thought run wild, the evening became a blur. Every item that Bella came out of the dressing room in, drove me insane. Tight, revealing, sexy lingerie in all different shapes, styles and colours. At one point Bella came out wearing a loose fitted nightgown, it was purple with a small bow situated between the cleavage. It was small but not as small as most of the previous items of clothing. To me it was perfect on her. He was something I pictured her wearing on our wedding night. The nightgown was Bella in every way. "It beautiful" Bella said as she looked in the mirror, "just perfect" she ran her hands down the gown, making my head once again run laps.
"I disagree" Jane scoffed, both Bella and I turned towards her. "It's just not Alec's taste. He has, and always will, like something more, "she waved around her hands, trying to think of a word, "sexy" she finally came up with. Looking into her mind, I saw what she meant. Tight leather. Corset top. With revealing underwear and stockings, Accompanied with black stilettos. And to top it all off, a whip in one hand and hand cuffs in the other. Over all, everything Bella wasn't.
"Personally" I interrupted, Bella turned towards me, her eyes telling me she needed me to disagree with Jane. "I love what you have on. It's not skanky, too revealing and holds a more romantic feel about it. It's just perfect for the wedding night" Bella smiled at me before turning back to the mirror.
"I think I'll take it" Bella then turned towards Gracie. "Please wrap it up nicely. And I'm sorry Jane, but ill rather find something I feel comfortable in, I'm sure Alec would be happy either way" Jane sent her a kind smile and a nod as she disappeared into the change rooms, before marching over and pulling me outside the room. She continued to drag me till we were outside, away from Bella's ear shot.
"How dare you!" she yelled at me face, "You think agreeing with Bella in every way, and being with her 24/7 will make her remember? Make her love you again? How stupid are you? Can't you see she is happy? Can't you see she is about to get married in a few days? Can't you see the guys who she will say 'I do' too, won't be you?" Jane stepped even closer to me, her face millimetres from my own, "Back off, or you won't be around to see another day" and with that she stormed away, back inside to see Bella.
It wasn't her treat that made me want to collapse, but her speech before hand. I had decided ages ago that my feeling towards Bella would never change, but that wouldn't affect the now created friendship I had with her. But maybe I was wrong. Did Jane pick up on something not even myself did? Was that how the whole situation seemed? That I was trying to steal her heart? I knew enough of myself to know that wasn't true. All I wanted right now was to help Bella through the biggest day of her life. To make it the happiest moment it could be for her. I was not going to let my feelings change that.
I knew once Alec returned, he would have a lot to say about me being around, and that would cause stress and heartache upon Bella. I didn't want that. Not for her. Jane's words affected me greatly. I couldn't stick around forever. The right thing to do, for everyone, was to leave. The torment my family would receive from everyone because of me, and the torment that Bella was get, was enough to put my feelings aside. The right thing to do, the true thing to do, was do leave right after the ceremony. I still had to play her wedding song. I couldn't let her down. That song would be the last gift I could give her. And the last moment I could spend with her, even though she would be walking and thinking only of the man standing at the end of the isle. Alec.
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Next chapter starts with Bella POV, and I've started and plan to finish it this weekend (hopefully)
if any of you have any ideas, they are extremely welcomed! I've always replied to every message (in Fanfiction) sent by those of you with an account – sorry to those who comment and I'm unable to reply.
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Xx cinda
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