I AM SORRY. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I'LL EXPLAIN BUT AFTER YOUR READ THIS CHAPTER. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND AT THE END.

CHAPTER 14

"Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence"

"Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you"

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"

"Bella you phone is ringing." Siobhan said. Shit. As I looked in my bag for my cell it stopped ringing. Fuck. Once I found it I saw I had a missed call from Edward so I called him back.

"Bella where are you?" He said sleepily.

"Um, I'm at a ballet studio with a friend." I said softly.

"Why?" He said and I heard some shuffling of sheets in the back ground.

"Well… you see she has a piano and I needed it." I said shyly.

"Why do you need a piano at 6 am?" He repeated.

"I'll tell you later I got to go." I said hanging up on him.

After another 30 minutes of playing the song and then writing the notes to the melody, I said good bye to Siobhan promising that I would come back soon to play for the girls and I headed home. Once I opened my apartment door Edward was pulling me in and closing the door.

"Why the fuck did you hang up on me?" He said madly.

"I'm sorry Edward… I just, there was something very important I had to do." I whispered with my head bowed down.

"Bella look at me." He said arrogantly but I didn't look at him since I didn't want him to see the tears I had in my eyes.

"Please look at me." He said softly and when I didn't look at him he grabbed my chin gently while tilting it until I was looking at him.

"What were you doing out in the crack of dawn B?" He said with angst written all over his beautiful face.

"Um, could we… maybe go and… um, lay down on my bed?" I stumbled shyly.

"Yes, of course." He said as he grabbed my hand and led us toward my room.

Once we were comfortably snuggling in my bed, my head on his bare chest and his arm around me did I start talking. I told him everything, I told him that once I had woken up from the induced coma on my sister's birthday ever since that day I would dream of her constantly and that thanks to those dreams I would write. I told him that Kris always cheered me up or when I needed a reminder and inspiration to write a sad and intense song or to just remember what I was like.

"Wow Bella I don't know what to say." He said. "That's amazing and sweet and just unimaginable."

After that we were silent and since I woke up at the crack of dawn I was really tired and mad as shit for not sleeping so that's what I did. I fell asleep in Edward's arms, dreaming happy dreams and feeling happy feelings.

"Hurry up Alice our plain is about to leave and we need to get to the boarding gate like 10 minutes ago." I said flustered.

"OK, ok come on then little miss Hurry up." She said mockingly.

We were finally going to go on tour with our first location being Heerhugowaard, Netherlands. Once we were on our plain everything went out smoothly, the long flight only had small turbulence and once we landed at Amsterdam we took our tour bus (yes I did say tour bus and it's totally weird) toward Heerhugowaard.

I was suddenly shaken awake by Edward (I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep) while he kissed my cheek and told me that we were at that hotel. Once we were all settled in, I decided that I need a shower and a nap. After waking up, I got dressed in a simple pair of jeans with a white shirt and sneakers, and headed to the lobby where everyone was waking for me so we could go to the sound check you have the day before the concert. It took us a while to do all the sound check needed, but once it was done we went back to the hotel and everyone went their separate ways.Give me strength to face the truth
The doubt within my soul
No longer I can justify
The bloodshed in his name

Is it a sin to seek the truth, the truth beneath the rose?
Pray with me so I will find the gate to Heaven's door
I believed it would justify the means
It had a hold over me

Blinded to see
The cruelty of the beast
Here is the darkest side of me
(Forgive me my sins)

The veil of my dreams
Deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
(Forgive me my sins)

Pray for me 'cause I have lost my faith in holy wars
Is paradise denied to me 'cause I can't take no more?

Has darkness taken over me
Consumed my mortal soul?
All my virtues sacrificed
Can Heaven be so cruel?

I believed it would justify the means
It had a hold over me
(Forgive me my sins)

Blinded to see
The cruelty of the beast
Here is the darkest side of me
(Forgive me my sins)

The veil of my dreams
Deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
(Forgive me my sins)

I'm hoping, I'm praying
I won't get lost between two worlds
For all I've seen,
The truth lies in between

Give me the strength to face the wrong that I have done
Now that I know
The darkest side of me

How can blood be your salvation
And justify the pain
That we have caused throughout the times

Will I learn what's truly sacred
Will I redeem my soul
Will truth set me free

(Forgive me my sins)

Blinded to see
The cruelty of the beast
Here is the darkest side of me
(Forgive me my sins)

The veil of my dreams
Deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
(Forgive me my sins)

Applauses. So many of them and so loud, I was overwhelmed. "Thank you so much." And we left the stage; I could hear screams saying 'encore' over and over again, so we decided to give them one last song. "This is 'Frozen'." I whispered while closing my eyes. I can't feel my senses
I just feel the cold
All colors seem to fade away
I can't reach my soul
I would stop running, if I knew there was a chance
It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I'm forced to let goWhen I opened my eyes and looked up all I saw was Kris. And I smiled as a single tear rolled down my face.

Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you
You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?

I can feel your sorrow
You won't forgive me,
but I know you'll be all right
It tears me apart that you will never know but I have to let go

Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you
You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?

Everything will slip away
Shattered peaces will remain
When memories fade into emptiness
Only time will tell its tale
If it all has been in vain

I can't feel my senses
I just feel the cold
Frozen...
But what can I do?
Frozen...

Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you
You say that I'm frozen, frozen...

As the weeks passed, as well as the concerts, Edward and I got closer and closer together and we were having the best of times. The crowd saw going wild every time Edward and I showed any kind of affection. Life couldn't get any better. One of our biggest hits was 'Our Solemn Hour'. Sanctus Espiritus redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus! Sanctus Espiritus! Sanctus Espiritus!

In my darkest hours I could not foresee
That the tide could turn so fast to this degree
Can't believe my eyes
How can you be so blind?
Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?
Time keeps on slipping away and we haven't learned
So in the end now what have we gained?

Sanctus Espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus, insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus, is this what we deserve,
can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?

Are they themselves to blame, the misery, the pain?
Didn't we let go, allowed it, let it grow?
If we can't restrain the beast which dwells inside
it will find it's way somehow, somewhere in time
Will we remember all of the suffering
Cause if we fail it will be in vain

Sanctus Espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus, insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus, is this what we deserve,
can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?

Like I said, life couldn't get any better. After some thinking I knew that what was missing was my gift to Edward and after tonight I would no longer be a virgin because I knew he was it for me.

I had asked Edward to come to my room after he was ready for bed because I had a surprise for him. And I knew that tonight was the night. Once I opened the door to let him in, I told him to lie on the bed while I went for his gift, so I went to the bathroom to put on a little gift Alice had given me a few hours later.

~START OF FLASHBACK~

"Bell please let me make this night perfect. I mean, my first time was awful and it hurt like hell and it was just… ugh, not good. I want you to feel sexy. That's all I'm asking for." Alice said while giving me her 'puppy' eyes that just couldn't be resisted.

"Fine, but nothing over the top. Something cute and that is totally me." I said while blushing.

"Well… I kinda already bought something." She said sheepishly.

"Alice!" As she showed me the piece of lingerie.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

As I made my way out of the bathroom I tried to guess Edward's reaction toward the piece I was wearing. When he finally saw me I saw a combination of emotions. Lust, wonder, doubt, happiness and over all love.

"Bella… what is this?" he whispered.

"This is me giving myself to you." I said with new found 'balls' as men would say.

"Are you sure?"

"100% sure, Edward… I'm ready." And the night was full with passion and love, and without hesitation.

~ONE WEEK LATER~

We had just arrived at this beautiful hotel in Stockholm that had this vintage and old architecture feel to it that made you feel like you were back in the 18 hundreds. The people who ran the hotel were nice people but they were very old fashion so we were unfortunately located in separate rooms. It was around 9 a.m. and I had to see Edward so after showering and putting sweatpants and a sweatshirt on, I headed toward his room to say good morning. Last night after checking into the hotel, Edward asked for another key for me even though he knows that after the first night I was going to take a bit of time to get used to my feeling toward the whole situation; not that he expected anything from me.

So as I walked down the corridor headed for his room I had a bad feeling that something wasn't quite right. As I opened the door what I saw broke my heart, it was Edward kissing a blonde vixen passionately and it broke my heart. I had trusted Edward with my life story, with my heart and with my virtue and he had, for lack of a better word, betrayed me and I've never felt this way, so lost and unloved.

So in tears, I softly closed the door and headed to my room to submerge myself into a pitiful depression, and like every time I was sad or lonely or just in need of release, I grabbed my journal and started writing. When I was done I called the girls and asked them to come and learn a new song I wanted to sing tonight at the show as an encore and when they read the lyrics they were shocked with the sadness and, in a way, the rage that I felt right now.

After teaching the girls the song I called all the guys except Edward since I didn't want him to know of the existence of this song until tonight. Once they learned everything, I got myself into a frenzy to learn this new song until perfection that I forgot to eat lunch.

Once the show had started I sang with all my might for our fans and for the pain I was feeling for Edward's lies and misguidance; we exited the stage leaving a crowd screaming for more, so after telling Felix to hold Edward down if he tried to go on stage, I signaled the band to go back outside to present the new song.

"Hi everyone, we all wanted to thank you all for coming and supporting us all the way, so I'm presenting this new song called 'Caged', I hope you like it." I said shyly. Then I started to sing.

"These are the darkest clouds,
That have surrounded me
Now I find myself alone caught in a cage
There's no flower I can find in here
Not withering, not pale to me

I looked at Edward with hatred and sadness singing the lyrics to him.

Everyone with a friendly face
Seems to hide some secret inside."

"He told me he loved me
While he laughed in my face
He just led me astray
He took my virtue
I feel so cold inside
Sorrow has frozen my mind."

"My heart is covered
With thoughts entangled
How could it ever have felt so real?
Is there a place more lonely than I feel within?
Could I have seen?
Could I have known?
I just took it as the truth
Everyone with a friendly face
Seems to hide some secret inside"

"He told me he loved me
While he laughed in my face
He just led me astray
He took my virtue
I feel so cold inside
Sorrow has frozen my mind."

"Always there to remind me
It keeps me from believing
That someone might be there
Who frees me and never ever leaves me."

When the drums sound loud and proud I fist pumped with the beat.

"He told me he loved me
While he laughed in my face
He just led me astray
He took my virtue
I feel so cold inside
Sorrow has frozen my mind."

"Thank you." And I left the stage.

OK I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU.

2011 STARTED OUT GREAT. I STARTED DATING THIS GUY AND I FELL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT IN AUGUST HE WOULD BE LEAVING TO GERMANY FOR AWHOLE YEAR. BUT I STILL FELL IN LOVE AND ITS HELPED THAT HE'S CUTE AND A TOTAL GENTLEMAN. ALSO SCHOOL GOT HARDER SO I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME, ALL IN ALL RL WAS AT ITS FULLEST. SO WITH SCHOOL BITING MY ASS AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND I DIDNT HAVE MUCH TIME TO WRITE, THAT MIXED WITH ONE HELL OF A WRITERS BLOCK I ALMOST COULDNT FINISH THIS CHAPTER. ANYWAYS WE BROKE IT OFF THE DAY BEFORE HE LEFT FOR GERMANY AND IT HURT LIKE HELL WAS BURNING MY HEART. LTERALLY. NOW 2 MONTHS LATER HE TELL ME THAT HE HAS A FUCKING NEW GIRLFRIEND AND THAT INSPIRED THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. SO FOR NOW EDWARD AND ALL MEN EXCEPT MY DAD AND ADAM FROM MAROON 5 ARE FUCKING A-HOLES.

PLEASE REVIEW THAT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. OH P.S. HE WAS THE FRIST ONE TO SAY THAT HE LOVED ME SO I THOUGHT HE DID TO FIND OUT THAT IM THAT EASY FORGOTTEN.