(A/N: Well, not as long a wait as it could have been. And this chapter is unusually short, considering the length of the last one and the one after this. Also, another song. "Want It Need It (Jeffthestrider&MIU Mash Up)" by dynadrag. There are other, better remixes, but considering the scene, I thought this version worked best. If you choose to listen, just let the whole thing play through.)

Self-Destruction

Hunter says nothing when he finds Azani missing and me bloody, but he knows. He simply nudges me toward the river so I can wish myself off. I decline breakfast even though I'm sure I'll regret it later. With all the animals around and the stuff Azani collected, our food situation isn't so bad. Outside, we're fine. Inside, I can't say. I'm slowly reverting into my rebel mindset, raising mental walls once again. Never let anyone get close. You never know when they might die on you.

I sit cross-legged by the edge of the river for what seems like hours, doing nothing but staring into the water. It laps at my boots and fingers, carrying away pieces of grass, dirt, and dried blood. The icy water numbs my hands and the lack of feeling spreading through my limbs and reaching my head. Edging further into the river, I let the water soak me and wash away my awareness. The arena slowly sways back and forth, and I let it fade into nothingness.

"Aera! Wake up, wake up, dammit!" A sharp sting across my right cheek jolts me back into awareness.

"Hunter? What…"

"Shit. I leave you alone for five minutes and you manage to nearly drown yourself. I thought someone killed you," he says harshly.

I scoff, "Idiot. Why'd you think that?"

"You were lying face down in the riverbank. What else am I supposed to think?" He lets me go so I can sit up and dry off. "You need to take care of yourself. How else do you expect to get home?"

I don't expect to get back home. That's your job. "I'm gonna be the death of you, is that it?"

He chuckles, "Hey, you never know. You might just be."

I turn away and bitterly mumble, "You wouldn't be the first one."

I hear him groan as he realizes exactly what he said. I've already killed three people. The boy from Eleven, the girl from Nine, and Azani. I don't count the number of animals and mutts that have met their ends at my hands. How many more until I meet my end? The Games are drawing to a close, so I'm not going to be around much longer. But I still want to find some way to kick the Capitol before I go. I won't let myself become one of those nameless bodies precious only to those that know them. I will be remembered.

I get up and refill the bottle before starting back toward the forest. Less than thirty seconds pass before Hunter's footsteps follow. "Hurry up," I order. "We're too exposed out here. This isn't our territory and I want this over as soon as possible."

"You mean 'this' as in the Games, or the walk?" I can hear the snide grin in his voice, and it's starting to get on my nerves.

I snap, "Both. Now shut up and hurry up." Five left. The Games are going to get intense. More mutts, more manipulation, and four more deaths. I'm going to be one of them, but I don't care. So long as Celeste isn't the winner, this will be a good year for the districts that haven't determined themselves "career districts". Before long, we're back in the familiar setting of a lush forest, and I immediately take to a tree. Hunter quickly follows, and we disappear into the canopy, keeping a lookout for any other tributes in the area.

Here we are, standing above this little world, in a world of our own. It's safe near the sky, away from all the ground bound threats. I get so lost in observing the landscape that when Hunter places a hand on my shoulder, I move to stab him on reflex. He easily disarms me and twists my arm behind my back. I gasp, "Hunter, what the hell are you—"

He releases me and says, "Just making sure you're still you," before moving on to the next tree. Making sure I'm still me? What was that supposed to mean?

I descend to retrieve my knife and follow him on the ground. Shortly afterward, the soft thud of a body landing tells me Hunter has joined me. An uncomfortable silence fills the space between us as we search for a safe place to rest. It's not long before we reach another river. There are so many bodies of water, I start wondering if any lead to the tunnels. That waterfall was being fed from somewhere. Perhaps that spring is connected to a lake out here.

Hunter's gone off to collect supplies, so I'm alone with my thoughts for the time being. Why's he seem so on edge when he's near me? Because of what I did to Azani? Probably. But he's been drifting away ever so slowly since I killed the girl from Nine. There was something dark in his eyes when I attacked the boy from Twelve, and a general air of wariness has been hanging around him since this morning. I can't figure out what's causing this. My mind starts running itself in circles when I hear the first voice.

*"Aera," it calls. I snap out of my reverie and look around for the source. "Aera, here."

The voice is coming from across the river, but I see no one. And the speaker…no, it can't be. "Lumen?" It's not possible. I saw the wound, heard the cannon. Where is his voice coming from? I have to find out. "How are you—what is this?"

"Come across the river and I'll show you. Come, what's the harm?"

Despite the warning bells in my head, I hop across the stones spanning the water to see whatever's using Lumen's voice. I know it's not him, I know he's dead, but I want to know what tricks the Capitol is using this time. "Where are you?" His voice is drifting in from the woods and I follow it into a small field. "Lumen?"

A laugh like the sound of pealing bells comes from behind me, and another voice joyfully squeals, "Aera!"

I blanch and stammer, "W-what…how…Ruby?" I shake my head furiously and deadpan, "This cannot be happening. You're dead. You're both dead." I fall to my knees and whisper to myself, "This isn't real. Come on Aera, you know it's not real. Just more lies, more lies…"

A beat of wings draws my attention, and I look up to see a jabberjay perched on a dead tree. Lumen's voice says, "I assure you, it's real."

Something's not right. Jabberjays were only made to record and repeat, not have a conversation. A second jabberjay flits to a branch just above me, and a glint of silver catches my eye. The birds have metal bands wrapped around their right leg, with a wire coming up and disappearing under the feathers of their crests. There must be a microphone and speaker at the end of it; how else would I be conversing with the dead?

I snarl, "Shut up, you mutts."

A third voice joins in. "Now Aera, is that any way to talk to your friend?"

If I wasn't on the ground already, I would have collapsed. "M-mom?"

"I'm disappointed in you, Aera. I told you not to look back, and what did you do? You never were one to follow orders. Now look at you."

How dare they? How dare they? How dare they use the voices of my loved ones to mock me? "Look at me?" I snap incredulously. "Who was the one that got caught? Who was the one that got killed?" Tears prick my eyes from the reopening of this old wound. "Who was the one that left her family behind?" Who was the one that forced her children to grow up without a mother? And I'm the bad one here? I—" I cut myself off before I reveal to the entire nation that I was an active participant in the rebellion.

A jabberjay with my father's voice joins the fray and scolds, "Don't speak to your mother that way."

So you really are dead. Reaching my limit, I scream, "Shut up! I'm not your daughter! You're all dead, you're not real!" I rise and start making my way back to the river. I may not be able to see it, but I can still hear it.

More jabberjays join the flock, and a male voice accuses, "Not real? I'm sure my blood felt real enough on your hands, murderer."

"I don't even know you!"

"I was your first kill, and you don't even remember me? Seems like Savage was a fitting name. You killed me in cold blood on the first day."

A gasp of realization escapes my lips as I breathe, "District Eleven…"

"That's right. I bet you didn't even know my name."

"Or mine," the voice of the District Nine girl chimes in. "I didn't even do anything to you."

I justify, "You screamed. Someone could've heard you, and all of us could've been killed. I did what I had to."

Dangerously close to my ear, Azani's voice hisses, "And me?"

I can't seem to breathe, and my voice shakes slightly as I reply, "I did it as a mercy."

"A mercy? You killed me! I trusted you!" it screeches. "You monster! You murderer!"

Angry tears slide down my dirty cheeks. Guilt-ridden, I scream back, "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't want to, but I had to! It was out of me, a mutt, or the Careers, and I'm pretty sure the other two wouldn't have let it be quick."

"You said I was like a sister to you. And then you killed me. Is that what you would have done to your real sisters? Is it? Answer me!"

I force my feet to move faster. It's only a trick, and you know it. They're lies, they're all lies. I'm in a full out run now, and the birds are following me effortlessly, taunting me the entire way. The river finally comes into view, but I'm still in the forest. The mutts are relentless, beating me with their wings, pecking my wounds, and slashing me with their tiny, sharp claws. They've broken me inside, now they're working on the shell that's left.

I try to bat them away, pleading, "Please, stop!"

"Sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it?" The voice of the girl from District Nine mocks. "Oh, that's right. I said that. And what did you say?" The voice being emitted from the mutt in front of me changes. "'I will never stop.'"

Hearing my voice coming from a mutt terrifies me more than I'd ever admit. I sprint to the river with the birds trailing, shooting their insults and accusations. As I reach the water, the bird with Azani's voice rushes in front of my face and yowls, "And where do you think you're going, Zephyra?"

I freeze and start trembling, words taken with my breath. No. No. They know! They found out who I am! How did they know? How did they find out? Is…is that why I'm here? Was my reaping rigged?

The birds pick up again, more furiously than before. "Murderer."

"Monster."

"Savage."

"Rebel scum."

"You don't deserve to be alive."

"You are not my daughter."

I pick myself up and start hopping across the slick stones, cruel laughter shadowing me. The birds swarm around me, a flurry of feathers and screams. One dives at my head midstride, compromising my balance. I slip on the wet rock, bashing my head on it and falling into the river. I fight the darkness creeping into my vision, desperate to stay awake. To lose consciousness now is to die. I struggle to keep my head above the surface as the rushing water threatens to drag me under.

The water's so cold, and I can't fight anymore. Just before I go under, I hear a splash nearby. As the darkness slowly takes over, I feel something pull me back up to the surface and tow me to shore by the back of my jacket. Animal, mutt, or person, I don't care. I just hope whatever it is kills me quickly. As I'm hauled onto the shoreline, the last thing I register before blacking out is the face of a tribute that isn't Hunter.

Make it quick.

(A/N: Usual stuff about leaving a review, I don't own the Hunger Games, yadda yadda yadda. I'm actually half-expecting some flames because I've let this fic go cliche/all-around bad. I completely forgot about the jabberjay scene in Catching Fire until I was writing the third chapter after this, too. Disappointing myself and probably you too with this chapter.)