"You're gonna be fine," said Joker to Harley as they sat in the van in front of the police benefit, waiting for the henchmen to give them the signal to emerge. "Just remember everything I taught you, and prepare for some surprises. Maybe even a Bat-shaped one. But I'm sure you'll be a great little improvisor!" he chuckled. "The most important thing is to relax and have fun," he said, squeezing her hand. "It's all a game, after all. Just one big joke."
"Yeah, but…y'know, a lotta guys in there…might have guns and all…" stammered Harley. "I mean, theoretically, one of us could die…"
"And what makes you think death ain't a game?" he chuckled. "Or a joke? God knows life is!"
Harley forced a smile, but tapped her foot nervously. "Hey," he said, tilting her chin up. "Don't worry about it. We all gotta go sometime. At least you know you'll be going out with a laugh. No regrets. And at least you've lived. So many people don't live, Harley. They exist, they plod on in their little routines, day after day, but they don't live. But you and me, we're alive. And we're gloriously insane. And we're free."
He handed her a gun. "This is freedom," he murmured. "The freedom to do wrong. Wipe that out, and you enslave a person. You enslave the world. I mean, look at Batman."
"What about Batman?" asked Harley.
Joker shrugged. "He's a total hypocrite," he said. "What gives him the right to put on a costume and go out there doing what he does? Freedom. In the society he wants, people like him would be locked up in madhouses. He should thank God he's free to be Batman, not destroy the world that makes him possible. He wants heroism? Goodness? Kindness? Charity? Mercy? Then he's gotta deal with evil, cruelty, chaos, death, and crime. Great evil is the price you pay for great good. Can't have one without the other. That is what freedom, true freedom, is. It's the freedom to do anything you want, even if that's considered evil. And freedom's so precious, isn't it? Don't you wanna live in a free society?"
Harley nodded. "Yeah, you do," he agreed. "You're special, toots. But the problem with freedom is that not many people really want it. They like the idea of it fine, but in practice, it leaves too much to chance. People would rather be safe than free, for the most part. So they cower behind laws and heroes. They say 'Wouldn't it be nice if there weren't any bad guys?' But that's the price they pay for a free society. And then they hate us for taking advantage of our freedom. But just look at me! I'm real happy about it! I'm free to have fun! We should all be so lucky! But one day the fearful, weak people got put in charge, and they made laws, and punishments, and heroes like Batman to keep them safe from their own freedom. To take their freedom away from them, because they were afraid of that power. Don't you see what a joke that is? Don't it make you wanna laugh?"
He did laugh hysterically, and Harley gazed dreamily up at him. "They made 'em all wear masks," whispered Joker. "Like Batman. He wants everyone to be like him, a masked crusader for truth and justice. A lying coward, who keeps his true self hidden behind a frightmask. But you and me, we don't wear masks anymore, Harley," he whispered, stroking the edges of her mask with his thumbs. "Not real ones. These are our true faces. And yours has never looked so beautiful."
He kissed her deeply. A knock came on the van door and it suddenly slid open. "Ready to go, boss!" said Rocco.
"Thanks, Roc!" said Joker, hopping out. "Let's go get 'em, kiddo!"
Harley took a deep breath, and then took Joker's hand and jumped down after him. They headed inside the building, where the henchmen had tied and bound most of the guests. "Sorry to crash the party, guys!" chuckled Joker. "Looks like a good 'un! Oooh, cake!" he exclaimed, grabbing a piece and stuffing it into his mouth. "Just wanted to take the opportunity to provide some light entertainment this evening, so I arranged a little hold-up for you all! Isn't it dazzling? It was a lotta hard work to organize, lemme tell you, and any contributions you wanna give would be greatly appreciated. Harley, why don't you go pass around the cap?" he chuckled.
"Oh, and lemme also take the opportunity to introduce you all to my little pièce of résistance, Miss Harley Quinn!" he said, gesturing at Harley as she helped the boys relieve everyone of their money, jewels, and valuables. "Ain't she just a little stunner? It's her first time, so be gentle with her, although actually she really likes it rough!" he chuckled.
The hostages stared back at her with terrified eyes, and Harley had to admit, it felt good. After being treated as useless and pathetic and superfluous ever since coming to Gotham, it was a welcome change to inspire fear and respect. She had always been judged as a pathetic, dumb blonde, not fit to be a psychiatrist, not welcome in Arkham, and not respected by anyone. But now she didn't need their respect. She had Mr. J, who loved her. He was the only person who mattered. Now these people were all useless and pathetic and superfluous. And they were afraid of her.
"Gotta say, I'm kinda offended I wasn't invited to this little do," continued Joker. "I mean, who's given more hours of amusement to the Gotham police force than me?"
"It is to laugh, huh, Mr. J?" purred Harley, skipping over to him and kissing him as she deposited a wad of cash into his arms.
"Geez, you boys sure carry a lot of cash on you!" chuckled Joker. "Probably all the kickbacks, huh? Not sure I really wanna touch a this kinda dirty money! Harley, be a dear and put it all in the van, would you?"
Harley helped the henchmen drag the sacks of valuables outside. "This is a lot easier than I thought robbing a buncha police officers would be," she confessed to Rocco.
"Oh yeah, the police don't stand a chance against the boss," said Rocco. "It's the Bat you gotta watch out for."
"Well, I wouldn't worry about him – he's probably off beating up some poor, defenseless man who's already surrendered to him," retorted Harley, angrily.
"Or…not," stammered Rocco, looking up on top of the van. Harley glanced up to see Batman standing there. In an instant, he had swooped down, kicking Rocco in the face. A swift blow to the skull prevented Rocco from fighting back as the other henchmen descended on Batman. Harley watched in horror as one by one, Batman punched them, kicked them, and beat them to the point of unconsciousness, until there was only her and him left standing.
He glared at her. "Dr. Quinzel, what have you done?" he asked, softly. "How could you be so gullible, to fall for his lies like that?"
"What lies?" demanded Harley. "He loves me."
"He told you that?" asked Batman.
"No," she retorted. "That's how I know it's true."
He studied her. "I don't want to hurt you," he muttered. "You're an innocent victim of his. So don't interfere with me bringing him in. He has to pay for what he's done to you, and countless others."
He headed past her toward the door. "I am not a victim," snapped Harley, firmly. "And I'm not going to let you hurt him."
"You're not going to be able to stop me," growled Batman. "So don't try. Just stay back, and you won't be harmed."
"You say that when you're going to beat the man I love into a bloody pulp?" demanded Harley. "That hurts more than anything you could do to me personally, Batman."
"You can't love that creature," retorted Batman. "You only think you do, but you're wrong."
"What could you possibly know about my feelings?" she demanded. "A man like you doesn't even have feelings! Mr. J is right – you're a crazy hypocrite in a mask! But I don't wear a mask anymore, Batman. This is me, the real me. The Joker's lover. Harley Quinn."
He glared contemptuously and pushed past her. Just as he was about to enter the building, Harley punched him hard in the back of the head.
He grunted in pain, and whirled around to face her. He turned quickly enough to block her second punch, grabbing her fist and flipping her over his shoulder. Harley hit the ground, winded.
"Don't try it, Dr. Quinzel," he growled, striding off.
Harley raced after him. "The name is Harley Quinn!" she shouted, doing a handspring and kicking him hard in the back of the head. Batman hadn't been expecting so powerful an attack, and he stumbled, falling to his knees. Harley took this opportunity to leapfrog over him and through the door.
"Run for it, Mr. J!" she shrieked. "The Bat's here!"
The Joker had been going around to all the police officers individually and carving smiles onto their faces with his knife while they screamed in agony. He looked up at this and grinned.
"I appreciate the thought, Harley girl," he said. "But don't worry. I wanna be here when the Bat sees my handiwork! I can't wait to see the look on his little Bat-face!"
Batman stormed inside at that moment. He took one look from the screaming cops to Joker, and then dived forward, knocking Joker to the ground as he began punching him furiously.
"Get offa him!" shrieked Harley, throwing her arms around the back of Batman's neck and trying to pull him off Joker. He choked, releasing Joker as he fought to loosen her grip. Joker squirmed out from under him, stumbling to his feet and racing toward the door. Batman broke free of Harley's hold suddenly, and picked her up by the throat, throwing her into the wall. Harley screamed at the impact, feeling some bones snapping. This was followed an instant later by blinding pain. She fought to get to her feet, though, as she saw Batman pounce on the Joker, slamming his face into the floor.
"Leave…him…alone!" gasped Harley, staggering toward them.
Batman punched Joker again, pulling his arms behind his back and handcuffing him. He then grabbed Harley and slammed her down on the ground next to him, handcuffing her as well.
"You share his life, you share his fate," he growled, leaving them to see to the wounded cops.
Harley tried to catch her breath, but it was incredibly difficult. She glanced over at the Joker next to her, who was choking out wheezes of laughter. He smiled at her.
"Thanks for the warning, kid," he murmured. "You did good."
"I…I can't go back to Arkham, Mr. J!" gasped Harley, panicking slightly. "I…I can't…breathe!"
"Hey, don't panic, sweets," he murmured. "I'll be there with you…"
"No, I…I really can't…breathe!" she gasped, trying desperately to draw breath and failing. "I…I dunno what he's done to me, Mr. J! He's killed me!"
"He ain't," he murmured. "It's just a punctured lung or something. I've had hundreds of 'em. You don't realize how fragile your ribs are until they collide with a wall!" he chuckled. "Try to stay calm…"
"I…I can't!" she gasped. "I can't…Mr. J, I'm gonna die!"
He crawled over to her, nestling his body against her. He pressed his open mouth into hers, breathing deeply into her. "You ain't gonna die," he whispered. "You're gonna live, with me. And we're gonna have so much fun, Harley. Every day and every night filled with joy and happiness and laughter, no matter how that stupid Bat tries to stop us. He can't stop us. We're free."
She nodded, trying not to panic, although she still couldn't draw breath. "I love you, Mr. J," she whispered.
He nuzzled her face. "Just relax, pooh," he murmured. "And let me be your breath."
His mouth was on hers again, literally breathing life into her. She shut her eyes tightly, enjoying it and needing it. He wasn't like air to her – he was her air. He kept her alive. And the moment Batman pulled him away, she blacked out. She didn't know if she would wake up again, and she didn't care. She had lived. She had loved. And she was free.