Disclaimer: We also live in a happy world where everything is perfect... (I WISH!)

Sam is 16, Dean is 21. OH! IMPORTANT! Bobby, Caleb and the others don't really exist for this story. Sorry. Trying to keep it realistic and to have it realistic, I guess they need to not be here :P

I'm back~~! But school is starting next week so unfortunately that means updates might still be a little slow :( BUt hopefully not, if i stay on top of everything :)

This was a REALLY hard chapter to write. It's based off of personal experience and it was kinda hard for me to express so i hope it's not too confusing.

Enjoy chapter fourteen!

They went back to Sam's room, with Dean coaxing his brother to walk back.

Sam had a death grip on Dean's shirt, his eyes darting in every direction and murmuring incoherently under his breath. He didn't take any notice to John or the doctor.

Dr. Choi left the Winchesters in Sam's hospital room. "Just try and keep him calm. I need to check on a couple other patients, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

Keeping Sam calm wasn't that much of a problem for the most part. He mostly remained catatonic, clutching to Dean tightly. The only bit of life he showed was when John tried to come over or talk to him. Sam would get a panicked look in his eyes and bury his face in Dean's neck, clutching him even tighter. John tried not to take it personally but it was easier said than done.

"C'mon, Sam..." Dean said quietly. He had been trying to elect some sort of response from his brother, but so far, nothing. Dean rubbed his hand up and down Sam's arm. "Look, I get it, kid. You have been through some serious shit these last couple of months. But it's over now. We're hear, that witch and bastard Ted are gone -- "

Sam gasped and jerked away at the word 'Ted.' "No, no, no, no, no! I won't say a word, won't make a sound!" Sam sobbed as he gripped at the invisible pendant around his neck and pushed a hand against his head. "Deeeaannn..." Sam whimpered brokenly.

That was not the reaction Dean wanted to get out of his brother. "Oh god, Sammy..." Dean wrapped his arms around his brother, trying to shush his cries. "I'm sorry, li'l bro... it's alright... You're safe now, you're safe..."

Sam frowned and looked up at the young man in confusion. He tenatively brought up a shaky hand and lightly traced Dean's face, as if trying to map it out. "Deeann..."

Dean had his own frown as he allowed Sam to touch his face. Dean gave a quick glance at his father, who also looked confused. Dean gently grabbed Sam's hand and said, "Sam... who am I to you?"

Sam's frown deepened. "Dean."

Dean nodded. "Right but who exactly am I, to you? A friend...? Family...? Boyfriend?" Dean tried to joke.

Sam blinked at this. "Mihi... Mihi, es custos."

Dean looked at Sam in surprise. "Dude, what's with the latin?"

Sam just looked down, fiddling with his hospital gown. "E-everything's... muddled..." he whispered.

"Sam!?" Dean said, excited that his brother seemed to be opening up. He knelt in front of his brother, who was on the bed, and cradled his brother's head in his hands. "Sammy?"

Sam looked at Dean with a broken look, tears threatening to fall. "Like a fly..." Sam said quietly, not caring that he didn't make sense. "I flew in and messed everything up. Now we're stuck and nothing makes sense!" He closed his eyes and sobbed, his body shaking. "My b-body...! In b-boiling wat-ter..."

"Shhh..." Dean soothed, his own eyes filled with tears. "It's okay. You don't have to -- "

Sam shook his head hard. "W-won't... come back out!" Sam heaved as he tried to work the words out through his burning lungs "Now! Now, now, now!" Sam took several deep breathes, trying to calm his sobs down. He had to say it. He had to say it before his courage ran out and he couldn't say it.

Dean looked at Sam worriedly. Sam had his arms in a shaky death grip. He was obviously trying to say something but having trouble getting it out. "It's alright, Sam..."

Sam shook his head again, his sobs reduced to wet, shaky breathes. "It doesn't make sense..." Sam said, barely audible. "The entire web's messed up, but 'Dean' is still there..." Sam took in another big breath. "'M sorry... Outta everything..." Another sob came loose. "You're always there."

Dean only half-understood, but that was enough. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his brother again. Sam willingly allowed himself to be buried in Dean's chest, softer sobs shaking his trembling body.

Dean looked at his father over his brother's shoulder, a tear falling down his face. "What're we gonna do, Dad?"

John blinked, stunned at the scene that just unfolded before him. "I'll talk to the doctor," he said distractedly.

---

When Dr. Choi came back, John requested a private conversation away from his boys. The doctor agreed.

"I'd like to take Sam back home as soon as possible," John said.

The doctor sighed. "I understand, but I'd like to at least keep him overnight to make sure he's okay. I'd also like to give him one more check-up before you leave."

John nodded. "I just want him outta here as soon as possible. Sam's confused and scared and I think having him back in familiar surroundings might help."

Dr. Choi nodded slowly. "You realize if I may want Sam to stay longer if I believe his mental health is at risk."

"I'll sign him out AMA then. Look, I know you have my son's best interest at heat, but he's my son. I had friends who suffered from PTSD when I was in the marines. I know how to deal with... trauma victims." John hated himself for using the term.

"Well, it's your choice, Mr. Winchester. Just please note that I may be entirely against your decision."

"Fine," John said. "As long as we have an understanding."

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