Chapter 14

Jane's face was buried in her pillow, sprawled out on her bed. She wasn't sure if she had the will to move, even though the sun was long creeping over the horizon. Her graduation gown stayed draped over the back of her desk chair.

She couldn't bring herself to look at it; this was without doubt the worst day of her life. She'd get her degree, but at the same time... she and Thor would part ways. She'd never see him again. She was angry as hell at what he'd done to her, but at the same time... did she really love him still? Yes, she thought, a tear slipping into the pillow, yes she did.

Her phone buzzed on the mattress beside her, and she picked it up with numb fingers, tilting her face to the side, free of the pillow. She angled the screen so she could see it.

A loud groan left her and her heart ached in her chest.

It was Thor. The number was unrecognised - she'd deleted him from her contacts the same day she'd discovered him with that woman, while she'd still had the guts to - but she knew his number just by looking at it.

Her thumb tapped the message open before she could think. Her teeth ground into her lip as soon as she realised what she'd done, eyes scanning over the typed words. She felt like a black hole was killing her heart inside of her: Jane please just LISTEN TO ME. I did not sleep with her. I love you. I'll never give up. Never.

A quiet whine left her lips and Jane turned her face into the pillow again. She screwed her eyes shut. God, why was he doing this to her?! Didn't he know how much this hurt? She just wanted to forget him and move on, pretend this never happened... if that was even possible. But every time she saw him or thought of him it just ripped her heart open all over again, and she'd be rendered helpless again. It felt like she was having a heart attack. How could she possibly bear this?!

Jane rolled herself off the bed. The only way to get through this was by moving, she reasoned, shifting her weight from one leg to another. Keep busy. Distract. Anything but focusing on the pain.

She gulped down her heartache, finding her strength again. Her heart hardened as she tapped back on her phone's keyboard - You cheated on me. Her fingers slowed and he eyes lifted; what more was there to say than that. That was all there was. The end of it. He cheated on her.

She hit the send button, and it was mere seconds before her phone was buzzing with a reply: She kissed me.

Jane wasn't prepared for the hurt that mere sentence would hit her with, her heart clenching so hard her hand flew to her shoulder as if she could stop it. The breath rasped from her.

So he had cheated on her. He'd kissed her. Jane felt positively sick, imagining Thor's lips moving against that woman's, his hands pulling her in for more... that was how Thor always kissed her. The thought that he'd done that with another. Her fantasies only told her so much, but in those, his face was relaxed and guiltless, primal lust driving him to kiss this woman that was not his girlfriend.

Her hand reached for the side of the desk to steady herself as the world started to spin. She knew there was more to the message, but Jane wasn't sure if she wanted to read it. What more could there be to say. Thor had confessed it; he'd kissed another woman.

Regardless, her eyes flickered down, more out of dizziness than anything, and glimpsed the words on the screen, piecing the rest of it together. She lowered herself down to her knees just in case.

I did not kiss her back, Jane, I swear! When you walked in, she was trying to seduce me, but I refused. I told her I loved you. I do love you! Can we please just talk?

Jane felt the familiar tug of empathy wind round her heart... but she knew she couldn't surrender to it. Thor had cheated on her pure and simple. Whether he kissed her back or not, it didn't sound like he'd done much to stop it. Nor had it looked like it either that day. He hadn't loved her enough to make a stand. He'd let it happen, let him betray her when she trusted him completely.

Instinct guided her finger to the call button, but she knew it was the right thing to do. She couldn't do this by text and if he wanted to talk...

"Jane." Thor said down the line as soon as he picked up. Evidently, he hadn't deleted her number. His voice was rushed and desperate as if he thought she was going to hang up any minute. Well, he wasn't entirely wrong. Jane wanted this over quickly.

She drew her knees up to her chest and leaned her back against the desk. "What do you want Thor?"

"I want you to understand." His frantic voice rushed down the phone. God, he sounded so desperate, Jane thought, not entirely sure how she felt about that. More endearing or just pitiful? She wasn't sure. "Honestly, Jane, I didn't mean for anything to happen." she could practically see his face through the phone, his bright blue eyes wide, glistening and pleading. Then he let out a shaky breath through the line, as if sensing that panicking as he was going to get him nowhere. "Can you just ...give me another chance."

It was more of a statement than a question, but Jane could still hear the fragility behind it. She wasn't sure if Thor would be able to shake that vulnerability with her gone or not.

Give him another chance... if only it was that simple. Jane sucked in a deep breath, listening to her heart thud. "No." she finally breathed. "I trusted you and you just..." The back of her head thudded lightly against the wood of the desk as she trailed off, and she screwed her eyes shut. "Whether you slept with her or not, it's still not okay, Thor. I can't just get over this."

"What can I do?" He sprung back instantly, his voice suddenly steadied by a new strength. As if Jane gave him a new sense of purpose. Jane's heart ached when she realised that was exactly what it was.

Her hand rose to her forehead and brushed the strands out of her eyes as she sighed. "It's ... there's nothing you can do."

A part of her suddenly realised this was probably the calmest words she'd had with him since their breakup. Her heart had lost its anger. Now there was just a gapping void, still fringed with Thor's love. Numbness commanded her now.

Jane's hand ran down over the side of her face. "Look, Thor." she sighed, keeping her eyes fluttered shut. It helped keep her mind clear and calm. "Can't you just leave me alone? It's done already, and ...and it's graduation, Thor. Can't we just accept we made a mistake and move on? If you loved me as much as you say then you wouldn't have done what you did."

"No." Thor denied instantly, almost growling. Jane could imagine the snarling look on his face, his fist clenching at her accusation. "You could never be a mistake to me, Jane. What can I do to prove it to you? I'd do anything."

Jane couldn't hold back the groan, her head dipping forward. When would he understand? She simply couldn't bear it.

She had her last card, one she hadn't wanted to use. But she knew Thor could - and would! - walk to the ends of the Earth to change her mind about him. But she wasn't sure how much longer Jane could take her heart aching like this. After today, she'd never have to think of Thor ever again, never have to see his face and be reminded of the hurt. But Thor didn't understand that. He needed to let her go.

"I'm not enough for you!" she blurted, her fingers expressing her frustration. "I knew it when I first saw you, I knew it when you asked me to be your girlfriend, and I know it now. If I was enough then you wouldn't have..." Jane had to gulp, finding it harder than she thought to say the words out loud. "You wouldn't have kissed that girl."

The silence spoke for him. Jane could hear his heavy, ragged breath over the line and knew that he was trying to think of something to say back, to claim she was wrong. It broke her heart to know that he even had to think that long about it.

Darcy had been right, she realised with a sinking heart. He was too much for her and she was not enough for him. She should have known by his reputation. Before that party she'd known him as the guy who could have any girl he wanted, a new figure in his bed every night. Just her would never have satisfied him. She should have known...

"We had a deal." she finally said quietly, taking advantage of the silence through the line. She heard Thor's breath freeze entirely at her words. No going back now, she thought screwing her eyes tightly shut: "When you first asked me to be your girlfriend, we had a deal."

She knew Thor knew what she was talking about. And she could imagine his face paling in horror. "No, Jane, you can't-"

"You said," she went on, fighting to keep her voice level as she cut him off. "You said if it didn't work out then you'd leave me alone." Jane's hand ran around to rub harshly over her eyes. She couldn't believe she was crying now, of all times. Now, when she was telling him to leave her be. "Forget it ever happened, you said."

Jane tore herself from under the desk, feeling the need to move as the emotion swelled in her heart. She knew Thor could probably hear her as she sniffled, but it didn't seem to matter anymore.

"You promised me." she whined, throwing her arm over her face to try and hold herself together. Her face crumpled along with her heart. "You said so yourself."

"But this isn't us not working out! This is a mistake-"

Jane jumped as the bell of her apartment rang, shrill and crisp through her room. Her arm dropped from her face as she span around, her hair whipping and stinging her face. For a moment she just stared, her eyes round and startled. Thor was quiet on the other end too. He must have heard the doorbell too.

Blinking herself back to her senses, Jane pressed the phone between her ear and shoulder, balancing it as she unhooked her graduation gown from the back of her desk chair. She was slipping it onto her arms as she crossed the room to her door. It was probably Darcy. Or Professor Selvig. Someone inevitably wondering where she was. The graduation ceremony was this afternoon and Jane wasn't even out of her room, not getting ready, not on the green mingling like everybody else.

Well, everybody else but Thor. Then Jane hesitated a second before she touched the door, the phone slipping back into her hand. A wary look flashed in her eyes as she held the phone to her mouth, eyeing the door distrustingly. "Where are you?" she finally asked.

She could hear the unease in Thor's voice. "In my room." he eventually answered. "My parents are waiting for me on the green."

"So it's not you..." Jane murmured, letting her body slump. She let herself creep closer to the door, lifting up on her toes to see through the peep hole. She wasn't sure why she was so cautious. Perhaps the heart stopping moment she'd thought Thor might have cornered her had struck a chord. One eye screwed shut as the other peered through the peep hole. She could hardly believe what her eyes were seeing: "It's Matt." she breathed, hand bracing against the door frame.

The frown dipped in her brow as she studied the scientist on the other side of the door. The scientist that had called her a whore. "What does he want?" she murmured, half forgetting Thor was just down the other end of the phone line.

The hostility in Thor's voice was unmistakable. "Don't let him in, Jane." Thor warned in a dark, growling voice. "He's just taking advantage of my absence."

Jane's eyes narrowed, leaning herself back from the door. "Maybe I will." she snapped back at her ex. Her hand moved to the door handle as if in defiance. "You don't dictate my life."

"Jane."

It was a warning. One she wouldn't have bypassed for the world a week ago. Now, though... he'd ruined us, Jane reasoned in her head. Thor had given up his say in her life the day he kissed that girl. Still, she couldn't deny the adrenaline that curled in her stomach at the thought of Thor jealous.

Her hand clenched on the phone. "Maybe you'll understand how it feels if I do." she breathed, flexing her fingers on the door handle. She was going to do this, she told herself. She gulped, forcing herself to focus on her irritation at Thor. Her eyes narrowed afresh, her heart hardening so much it hurt. Matt Chisten's smug face swam in her head, knowing that that was what she was letting herself in for.

A part of her thought she was crazy. Switching from Thor to Matt? There was no contest, even if Thor had cheated on her. But that was the only thing. Jane couldn't even think about Thor anymore, not in the way she used to.

Matt may have called her one of Thor's whores... but really, had he been wrong? Jane's mind was quickly made up once and for all, Thor's urgent protests down the line only spurring her on. He couldn't tell her what to do. Not anymore. Jane wasn't usually one for revenge, but maybe Thor deserved it. Maybe he deserved to know how much he hurt her.

Jane cut the sports star off with two crisp words; "Goodbye Thor."

Her thumb hung up before Thor could so much draw breath to protest, her other hand smoothly swinging the door to her apartment wide open. She sucked in a breath.

It was strange seeing Matt so... arrogant. All the times Jane had seen him since the fight, he'd been black eyed, glaring, pure venomous hatred towards Thor. Now here he was, smiling brightly at her doorstep, now that Thor was gone. His loose brown hair hung into his eyes, confident beam stretched wide on his face. His hand leaned against the doorframe coolly.

Jane just folded her arms and downcast her eyes. This was still the guy who'd insulted her, even though he'd been right... "What do you want, Matt?" she barked, flicking her gaze up hostilely.

The scientist stayed unfazed, though his arm dropped back to his side and he straightened up. He cleared his throat. "I thought you could do with an escort down to the field." he said smoothly, tucking his hands behind his back. "I'd assumed you'd have gone with Darcy, but when I saw her there and you were nowhere in sight..."

Jane's eyes narrowed slightly instinctively. "I'm fine thanks. I'll go later."

"With who though?" Matt took a tiny step forward to block the door as Jane tried to close it on him. "You can't go to graduation on your own, and who else is there now? Huh?"

Oh yes, Jane hated him. The pang of pain shot though her and she hauled in a ragged breath out of instinct, the swelling of her chest easing the ache. But it betrayed her to Matt. His grin widened as he knew he'd nudged something vital, Jane's eyes glazing over for a minute as she spaced out.

Her head filled with Thor. Thor, Thor, Thor. At least Darcy was kind enough to avoid bringing such memories back. Matt, however, wasn't so chivalrous.

He took another step forward, and Jane's orbs snapped back to life, softer and wounded with memory. She was still breathing slightly ragged when Matt cupped her shoulders.

Her heart thudded at the light embrace - that was what Thor used to do. It was so cruel, as if she could lean forward and feel Thor's warmth before they'd fallen apart. Only she couldn't, because it wasn't Thor there. It wasn't those familiar strong hands holding her, keeping her safe. She'd never feel them again...

"Look, what he did to you was wrong, Jane." Matt said in a gentle voice, watching Jane's eyes widen a fraction. "And he shouldn't have hurt you the way he did."

Oh no, Jane thought with a inward breath. Her heart was aching for comfort... and Matt was giving it to her. Her mouth opened, knowing she should say some sort of harsh remark to throw him away, to make him leave... but all that left her was a squeak. "You were right." she finally spluttered, her eyes lowering to the floor in shame. Or maybe to hide the shock in her orbs that she was actually accepting Matt Chisten's help. "What you said about me... you were right."

And then the arms were around her entirely, hugging her tight. Warm breath tickled her ear, chest swelled with breath against hers... her arms wound round Matt's back and hugged him hard. He wasn't as broad as Thor, but it still didn't take much imagination with Jane's eyes screwed shut that it could be him. It was nice to be held again.

Then she remembered - Thor knew Matt was here. Her blood turned to ice. For all the time she spent dreaming of Thor, he wasn't the person that existed now. And that person was now inevitably tearing down the corridors on his way to beat Matt back and away from her door as they spoke. He knew Matt was here, and he hated him.

Jane pulled back from the hug, and surprised herself when a rogue thought admired the glitter in Matt's eyes. "Let's go." she breathed. When had her voice gone so wispy?

Matt merely smiled, ignorant to the torrent of confusing thoughts whirling through Jane's head. His arm linked through hers and Jane offered no resistance as he eased her forward and out of her apartment, letting her hand tug the door shut behind her. The click was soft, and her heart skipped beat with it.

Her mind was a daze as Matt led her down the corridor, one string of thought dominating her mind - however much Jane supposedly loved or hated Thor for what he did, a part of her panged inside; she'd just delivered a crushing blow to him.