AUTHOR'S NOTES: To the readers reading this chapter during the second week of January, note I uploaded THREE CHAPTERS today (10/01/2018). This is the third chapter of the three new chapters. DOUBLE CHECK you didn't skip the previous chapters!
Last updated: 10/01/2018, special thanks to SPOODEY for proofreading this chapter!
Chapter 14: Letter
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…
…
I don't know what is happening. In fact, I once again don't even know who I am. Everything is like a hazy dream. I'm barely self-aware. I just know there is a girl with light brown hair in front of me, and I just said something that horrified and frustrated her. 'I' beg her to release the other girls but she ignores 'my' pleas and instead tells 'me' to wake up. It goes on for some time, but her calls don't reach me. I'm far too deep in the abyss.
'I' try to free the girl with short pink hair with a red bow, but 'I' find myself enclosed in a box made of glass. 'I' uselessly attempt to break it with my punches while attempting to convince the girls with emerald eyes to let 'me' go.
She pays 'me' no mind and instead focuses her attention on the girl with bright pink hair with a hair clip. That girl is still refusing to accept the girl with emerald eyes is 'Monika'. The latter tells the former she doesn't care whether she believes her anyway, and that she deleted the other girls' past memories, saying that it's the reason they can't remember well what happened two days ago. Regardless of the other girls' calls, She orders the smallest girl to tell her everything she knows about the other 'god' and 'the letter'. The short girl attempts to deny she knows anything about the letter at first, but she eventually leaks out information due to the menaces the girl with chestnut hair did. This girl threatened to kill everyone if the other girl didn't tell her the truth.
The only girl who isn't tied up to a cross, walks slowly to the school bag of the shortest girl and picks up something that looks like a letter. She reads it with attention and…
For the first time, 'I' see her confidence utterly breaks. More that, she seems to fall in despair, quietly muttering 'no' or 'it can't be'... She turns around to look at 'me' tears in her eyes. She run toward the stairs and she climbs them up, I feel the box enclosing 'me' following her.
We arrive shortly inside a girl's room. The crying girl closes the door and then, a 4 square meter black steel box suddenly surrounds us. She says something about not letting anyone bothering us. The glass box around me disappears, and before the person controlling me can react, a chair and ropes materialize around 'me' and lock 'me' to the chair.
The boy controlling my body is trying to untie himself in vain. To force 'my head' to stop moving, the girl cups it tightly with her hands. Her hands are wet from her tears. She kneels down and moves her visage until it's centimeters away from mine. I can feel the other 'me' is embarrassed and blushing, despites how much angry he is at her.
The girl then calls out to 'me'. She says something about needing me in a trembling voice.
She says something about making a promise, about her promising to make me come back, and me promising to come back…
Yes...I vaguely remember promising to come back...
Not only that. At that time, I think I also promised not to forget her…
Her…
And not to forget who I was…
I...
I can feel the boy is realizing I'm awakening, and is trying to push me deeper into unconsciousness.
The girl seems to realize this and orders him to let me take over. She threatens him to kill his friends if he doesn't comply. She spawns next to 'my' face a sharp knife to prove her point.
It works. The boy ceases resistance and even tries to pull me up himself. "Hey, wake up!", he says. "If you don't, she's going to kill us!", he adds.
Thanks to his help and the girl's previous sentences, I quickly begin to remember.
I'm [Player]...The boy is MC and the girl is Monika…
Monika begins to recite a familiar poem.
This is the poem I wrote...About refusing to be the puppet of anyone else…
That's right...What the hell I'm doing?!
I promised not to forget myself and Monika and yet…once again I failed!
At this point, I collected most of my memories and I'm almost completely conscious.
MC's internal voice speaks to me:
MC: "I don't know who you are...But I know you don't want to harm us. I beg you, please save my friends, please save Sayori!"
I answer him:
[Player]: "I will do what I can...I don't know if I can do it...But I promise I will do my best to create a happy ending for everyone."
I'm now completely self-aware, but not yet in control of my body.
MC: "Thank you...I guess we're kind of rivals, having to share the same body...But I'm counting on you. You're the only one she will listen to."
I'm about to take control of my body.
[Player]: "...I wish there was a way for us to exist at the same time...I will try to find one...I'm going to go back now...Sorry."
MC: "It's fine...Good luck, my friend."
As he thinks this, I assume complete control of myself and push once again MC into the bottomless abyss.
Sorry MC, it seems like you can't be conscious at the same time as me…But I will carry your will with me.
Monika's wet eyes widen and she hesitantly asks me:
Monika: "Did you come back?"
[Player]: "I did. MC helped me to awaken."
She almost throws herself to kiss me but stops herself just in time. She asks me with a serious voice:
Monika: "Prove that you are really you."
Should I recite the poem again? No, first I want to say something else...
[Player]: "I'm sorry Monika for fainting again, and taking so much time to wake up…"
Monika: "..."
I guess she is waiting for me to recite my poem.
[Player]: "No one can decide for me."
Her eyes light up.
[Player]: "I'm my own master."
And I am immediately silenced by a passionate kiss. She intertwines tightly her hands around my neck, her legs around my lap and her tongue around mine and kisses me with fervor.
But contrary to our first kiss, in addition to love, there is another emotion behind it. Something like deep sadness...or hopelessness. It's as if it was our last kiss before death.
She doesn't let me go even after a minute. She is still kissing me ardently, without giving us a window to breath. I'm reciprocating the kiss but...she is crying. I feel her warm tears glides along my face...
I gently break the kiss by moving my head backward. She tries to resist at first, but she eventually lets me go. A trail of saliva links our two mouths. She is sitting on my lap and wrapping her arms around me.
I look at her beautiful eyes.
[Player]: "Monika...Why are you crying?"
I remark there is a letter on the ground.
[Player]: "What happened? It's about Natsuki's letter, right?"
She wipes her tears with her hand and says in a weak voice:
Monika: "Yeah...According to it...You will...Just read it…"
She picks up the letter and shows it to me silently.
I slowly read it.
"Dear Natsuki,
Greetings, everyone's favorite baker! First, let us clarify that your dream was real. We, gods, are real and we decided to talk to you in person. How fortunate you are! Second, we found the Literature Club quite entertaining and consequently, we would like to make it even more enjoyable! We decided that if none of the club members, in other words, you, Monika, Natsuki, Yuri and [Player], dies before the festival, we would delete everyone the day after the festival! Are we not generous? We would even let you enjoy one last full day of pure happiness if nobody dies! Truly, a miracle from gods! To make it even more interesting, we gave another letter to another member of the Literature Club! We greatly recommend you to find it and read it, but without letting others read your letter! One last thing: you cannot destroy or damage in any way this letter! It also cannot be more than 5 meters away from you! If the distance becomes more than 5 meters, then this letter will automatically appear in your hand! We warmly recommend you to keep this letter a secret~! Alright, this is all for now! We may meet another time! Do your best to entertain us!
Yours sincerely,
We"
What fucking bastards! This isn't remotely fair! It's like a death sentence!
Hatred is burning inside me.
Monika: "Did you finish…?"
[Player]: "Yeah…"
She throws the letter to the floor.
Her body is shaking.
Monika: "It's hopeless...No matter what we do, you will die...or everyone will die…"
Maybe...If we go by the lie I told her then yes, I'm bound to die...But it was just a lie. In reality, If someone dies before the festival, I will just be stuck here forever, and then nobody will die after that. Monika could easily restore the one who died…
Monika: "I...don't want that...I want to stay by your side...forever…"
I want it Monika but…
Let's think...If nobody dies before the festival, what will happen? I will go back to my world the day of the festival. Then Monika, Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki will be deleted the next day...This isn't about choosing to stay in this world or going back to my world anymore. This is about choosing to stay here or going back and letting everyone in DDLC dies!
Monika: "That's right...The letter says something about another letter...We should read it too...Maybe there are some clues to save ourselves…Hm...I remember...Natsuki said something about a letter too before the first rollback"
Oh no...This is over...There's no way I can stop her from discovering my letter now…
Monika: "I tried to find the second letter by looking at the logs...I searched all memories of Yuri and Sayori and yet...I couldn't find any data related to a letter…"
...That's fine...I knew ever since I made that lie I would have one day to reveal the truth…
Monika: "But Natsuki's letter says the second letter was given to one of the club members. There is only club member whom I can't read their files or logs…"
She isn't crying anymore. Her expression is instead resentful, just like the one of someone who was betrayed.
Monika: "You."
She already understood.
I feel the black box where we are is slowly moving.
Monika: "Natsuki's letter can't be more than 5 meters away from her...It should be the same for that second letter…"
I feel that the box just hit a window and broke it. The box is now going up.
She is taking us to the sky?
Monika: "We're now floating 10 meters above Sayori's house...If you had the letter, then it must be no more than 5 meters away from you…"
She lightly squeezes my hands. There is nothing inside or on them. That is because my letter was, ever since this morning,...
Monika: "As there's nothing else in my box, the letter must be on you...In other words,..."
She reaches out for something in my trousers. I don't resist. It is pointless. It is time I take responsibility for my lies.
She pulls out a letter. The letter I have been hiding ever since I came to this world.
Monika: "Here."
Author's notes:
The next chapter should be published Sunday!
Additional information about the story
I will clear up some potential questions you could have here:
1) Question: Why did the simulation not rollback when Monika told Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri she was goddess, and then spawned the boxes and ropes?
Answer: Time is rolled back whenever one of the characters understands the world is a simulation and that their memories, and everything around them, are all fake. Believing in a god, or even seeing their action, does not crash the world by itself. On the contrary, Monika telling the other girls she is a goddess, and that she is the root of their problems, explains: 1) Why objects are appearing 2) Why Sayori's depression and Yuri's obsessive behavior got worse overnight 3) Why the girls can not remember what happened before Monday. Consequently, Monika's 'lie' takes the mind of the girls off the real truth of the world. As the girls already have a believable answer to the inexplicable abnormalities, they do not try to reflect on their memories and on the world about them, which would lead to them realizing the truth and thus crashing the world. That solution seems paradoxical at first, that is why [Player] did not think of it, and why Monika took some time to find it.
2) Question: What is up with Yuru? Is she self-aware? Does she know she is in a game and that Monika can modify the script?
Answer: No, she does not know she is in a game or a simulation. However she can feel that Monika is reading her thoughts and modifying the files, by creating new objects for example. Her feeling is just like a nagging and indescribable feeling in the back of your head. Additionally, she is forced to love [Player] because of the variable yuri_self_harm_level . These two facts combined make her jealous and very distrustful of Monika. According to my personal vision of DDLC, I believe Yuri was also able to feel whenever Monika observed her. See the 'piano theory'. That is why I decided to make her able to feel, but not understand, Monika's actions in my story.
3) Question: Where is the ambulance that Sayori tried to call?
Answer: Sayori never finished the call. She never gave the address too. She stopped talking to the NPCs when Monika dropped the revelation (I'M A GODDESS).
4) Question: Where is Natsuki's father?
Answer: Working. He did not yet learn Natsuki skipped school. When he does..."$ natsuki_abuse_level = 11".
5) Question: Was Natsuki's letter planned since the beginning or did you decide to invent the content while writing this chapter to produce the most interesting situation?
Answer: Natsuki's letter, as well as all 'game mechanics' (placebo effect, rollback and Monika's ability to create new files, and thus to create new objects) was planned since Chapter 4. Nevertheless, I have to say, the story greatly diverged from my expectations ehehe~I did not expect [Player] was that screwed. Of course, I wanted him to struggle but...Oh well.
Answers to your reviews of Chapter 11 as of 10/01/2018
This time I tried to pm everyone! But some of you left guest reviews or are unable to be pmed. So, I will answer (more like comment really) your reviews here:
To tatewaki2000, YuriGagarinSpace, Drunkle Qrow, Darkling41, Antoine, davidgoyena, Kapkap, blxxdinghxart, Simply Guardian, struck by love, Mark the Mark, SquallLeonhar, t93, Vanillapowpow, crystalnightshard, Tunak23, geekqueen2010, ProudlyAmericanNinja, blahblahblech, Turtledude83, cmev,H3cticRiley ,StrifeStelar Mizo, Speedyquader, Deebicel, PixelKeyboard, BananaMoe21, Eclipsed934, NightBijon , GDIMartok,
Thanks for your reviews! I should have sent you a private message.
To scar255, glad you agree with me! The next chapters may not be as long, but as you can see, I published 3 chapters today!
To Guest (Jan 3), in the case of [Player], he had two choices: let his own body be controlled OR take back control and push MC into a dream-like state. Of course, he chose the first one. Why would anyone choose the second? Note that MC is NOT dead. Just deeply sleeping. MC is slightly less advanced than Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki, but is still a sentient A.I. Regardless, the story isn't about good winning and evil getting punished. What will happen will happen regardless of the morality. If someone dies, I won't make it so they miraculously survive, for example.
To Geraldo, thanks! Describing emotions is quite hard for me, I mean, other than saying them directly ('she was happy').
To Chorchi, I hope you checked the timeline at the end of Chapter 12, it should answer your question. Sayori was on the way to her house during Chapter 10 and most of Chapter 11 because of the rollbacks.
To ChatoicWriting, I don't mind cursing but fanfiction DOT net does. Anyway, what an interesting and completely crazy reaction! Wow...I couldn't have imagined that. And you know what? Your plan would have worked quite well! Monika would have probably pulled you apart to ask what the fuck you were doing! At the end though, it would have eventually failed because of Yuri.
To X772, thanks again (jeez I feel like I'm repeating myself, but it can't be helped when I'm commenting 35 reviews!)
To justmonika567, well I hope you're satisfied! Three chapters! The next chapters should come soon. You're right freewill is a joke. We're all Monika's puppets. We just don't know it yet.
Announcement
Special thanks to SPOODEY for proofreading the WHOLE story! There might still be some mistakes there and there, but I'm sure the story is much more pleasant to read now. I also added new parts in some chapters. It might be a good idea to read it again from the beginning, to remember what happened.
So...I have another important thing to say. As you can see, this story is T-rated. However, in the not so far away future, I predict pretty intimate moments will happen between two characters. To be clear, I'm speaking of sex scenes of course. If it happens, if the events of the story and if the emotions of the characters lead to those scenes, then I will not shy away from writing them. As writing explicit 'mature' content is forbidden on fanfiction DOT net, I will upload a more complete version of my story on Archive of Our Own. The version of my story on fanfiction DOT net will then become kind of like the censured, T-rated, version. Actually, I already published the already written chapters of Welcome to Doki Doki Literature Club Player on Archive of Our Own. My username is finalsacre. Finding my story should be easy. For now though, there is no exclusive content. Naturally, I will inform you whenever I add something in Archive of Our Own that is not on fanfiction DOT net. I prefer you to stay on fanfiction DOT net because it makes following reviews easier :P