She flops down on the couch in Tony's apartment with a sigh. They are back in D.C. after hours of flight and tension between them. The barest glance of Tony's fingers against her own sent sparks down her spine during their flight back but she ignored them. She has to because she cannot get into a relationship with this man. It would be crazy.
Tony agreed to let her come to his apartment to get her clothes that he had been using and then he is going to drive her to her own place. It's almost 9 at night and she cannot wait to fall into bed.
Tony emerges from his bedroom with a pile of clothes and dumps them into her arms.
"There ya' go! Everything I wore. Sorry if some of it smells. I forgot to wash it. Didn't have time."
She resists rolling her eyes. "Thank you. I should be going then."
"Okay. I... I guess I'll see you in work tomorrow?"
"Yes... um, thank you, for coming with me, Tony. It meant a lot to me. I am glad we are friends."
He grimaces at the word 'friends' behind her back as she is facing the door, unable to look at him. Before he knows it, she's walked out the door of his apartment and he's left feeling alone and empty, missing her already.
He thinks of all the great times they had this week as he showers. He thinks of their kiss, which he belatedly remembered on the way home after his hangover started to lessen, and all he knows is that this isn't right. He and she have been through so much crazy shit in the last week (was it only a week? It felt like a lifetime, in a good way). Things cannot go back to normal... not for him. He loves her and he knows it. This whole experience helped him understand what she's gone through: her scars from Somalia, the joys (and not) of being a woman, and her strength despite her small size. She is beautiful and wonderful and he loves her.
And suddenly he can't stand it anymore. Why doesn't she feel the same? Anger rises up within him at her seeming indifference. Doesn't he mean anything to her?
In a split-second decision, he grabs his keys and rushes out the door. It's time to do something about this.
Ziva is lounging in her pajamas in her bedroom, reading before she goes to bed when she hears a loud pounding on the door. Immediately on the alert, she grabs her gun and phone and cautiously peeps at the person outside. She finds a furious-looking Tony Dinozzo standing there impatiently.
She opens the door, gun at her side. "What are you doing here, Tony? Is something wrong?"
He storms in and she shuts the door, standing in surprise as he whirls back towards her and gets in her face.
"DIDN'T YOU GET ANYTHING FROM THIS EXPERIENCE?"
She refuses to look at him because she knows what she will find: anger.
"What do you mean? It is over, Tony! Let us just stop talking about it."
"No."
She looks up then to find him pacing in front of her, a serious expression on his face.
"I just don't get how this whole...thing didn't mean anything to you, Ziva! When I was you, I learned so much! I get you more now! Our relationship has changed! Don't you think we should talk about that?"
"I do not want to talk about it."
"Why?"
Silence.
"WHY? C'mon, Ziva, don't shut me out! I'm not just some random-"
"I AM NOT READY, TONY!"
Her outburst clearly takes him aback and he studies her for a moment before saying quietly, "What do you mean?"
This time, it's Ziva who is pacing up and down in front of him. "Do you think I really learned and felt nothing when I was you, Tony? I was in your body, for god's sake! I... I learned about your sister, Emily, and the loss you feel every day! I know what that is like! I learned from your mail that you regularly donate to charities, but does Tony Dinozzo tell anyone? NO! Because that would ruin EVERYTHING! It would mean other people would know you actually CARE and you would have to get close to them and risk the pain of losing them! And then the volunteering at the humane society and being so damn kind to me throughout this whole... thing. I-I... I did not like finding out those things about you, Tony."
"WHAT? Why?"
She doesn't look at him as, in her anger, she blurts out, "Because it made me care for you even more! And I am TIRED of-of... feeling like I am NOTHING to you! I am tired of WENDY and random one-night stands you feel you must brag about! And, here I am, but you ignore me like...LIKE I AM NOT EVEN THERE! AND I LIKED BEING MAD AT YOU, TONY, BECAUSE THEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO FACE THIS!"
They are silent for a few minutes until Tony almost whispers, "Ziva?"
She's quiet now, unable to shout any longer, the fear now overtaking the anger. "I am... scared. I am scared that if I truly tell you how I feel, you will reject me, and I will face disappointment and pain again. I cannot take any more pain, Tony."
She looks at him with those tear-filled eyes and his heart nearly breaks as they stare at each other. Without another word, he walks out the door.
She stares in shock and collapses on the couch, numb, with no tears left to shed.
Meanwhile, Tony is standing outside her apartment, near his car, talking on his cell phone.
"I don't know what to do, McGee!"
"Just tell her how you feel, already, Tony and stop bothering me!"
"She's sitting in there crying and, it hit me, I had no damn clue what to say. I'm not ready for this!"
"Tony, chill out. Just go back in there and hold her."
"After I left because I freaked out? She's probably pissed!"
"Trust me, Tony. She'll be more pissed if you don't go back in."
"Right."
"You already knew that, Tony. What's this really about?"
"...What if... I screw up, McGee?... What if I end up hurting her? She's had so much pain in her life and I don't want to add to that!"
"You can't protect her from everything, Tony, but right now you're hurting her more by not loving her. You're denying her something she really hasn't known. It's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all, right?"
"Wow. Probie, are you, uh, quoting at me?"
"Just hang up and go back in there!"
"Right. And, listen, if you tell anyone about this conversation, I will switch Abby's Caf-pows out for de-caf and blame it on you."
"Noted. Now go, Tony."
"I will. McGee? Thanks. You're a good friend."
"Yeah, yeah. You're welcome."
They hang up and Tony walks back towards Ziva's apartment, praying she won't kill him.
Shorter chapter this time, but I will be updating hopefully sometime tomorrow or by Sunday. Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are awesome :) And sorry for any typos in this chapter, I wrote it pretty quick. Please review!