A/N: What does one do when they are witnessing the potential demise of their own relationship? Fantasize about someone else's, of course! So, this next chapter is what I'd want to do tonight if I were Sookie. It's a hell of a lot more fun than sitting at home alone.

Oh, and I originally planned a little shower nookie for this chapter, but it's been done so much that I'm sick of it. I'm just gonna have to get a little more creative.

CH owns E&S. I just want to pretend it's me.

Chapter Fourteen

When we got back to the house, Sookie smacked my ass and said, "Why don't you go take a long hot shower? I've got some things to take care of out here, and then I'll climb in when you're done."

I grabbed her wrist as she was walking away toward the kitchen and pulled her to me. "Why don't you skip what you were going to do and join me instead?" That was smooth…

"Another time, sugar," she cooed. "I swear I'll make it up to you. Now get going." She gave me a kiss, patted me on my butt again, and turned me around in the direction of the hallway. Did she just "shoo" me? Argh! Denied!

"Fine, "I pouted, "But it's gonna have to be a cold shower, damn it!"

Before I reached the bathroom, I heard Sookie call me from the kitchen. I turned to look at her, and she said, "Oh, and Eric? Wear something dark, okay? I want you looking good enough to eat tonight." And then she winked at me. She just turned me in to man-meat. Holy crap. When did I turn in to the girl in this relationship?

I did as I was told, however, and by the time I got out of the shower, I was more excited than put out. Of course, pretending it was Sookie's hands bathing me instead of my own certainly helped. When I went to the bedroom to get dressed, I grabbed a white T-shirt and jeans, then remembered her instructions. I tossed the white one back in my bag and grabbed a navy blue T-shirt instead. I chuckled to myself, not believing that I was actually allowing this woman to dictate my wardrobe selections. I'm such a pussy, I thought. One ass-grab and I was putty in her hands.

When I'd finished getting ready and I was certain I looked "good enough to eat," (Hey, her words, not mine…) I wandered in to the kitchen. Sookie was bent over the open oven, apparently checking on whatever was inside it. Her perfect backside looked amazing in those damned-cut offs (which, by the way, were going to be the death of me), and before I knew what I was doing, I was standing behind her copping a two-handed feel of my own.

"Enjoy your cold shower, Eric?" She asked, shutting the oven door and turning to kiss me.

"Now, that was just plain cruel. Sookie Stackhouse, I do believe you're trying to get a rise out of me."

"I do believe I already have, unless that's a rolling pin you've got in your pocket."

"Evil temptress."

"Horndog."

"You know me so well already, Sook." Well, she did. I am a horndog around her.

"So, do you think you can keep yourself out of trouble while I go get cleaned up?" She asked.

"I'll do my best, but I can't make any promises."

"What if I gave you a little incentive? If you behave yourself now, I promise I'll make it worth your effort later." She gave me a long, sweet kiss then, as if to assure me of that fact.

"Well, I suppose I can do it. But only because you asked so nicely." I replied.

She took off down the hall, giggling the entire way, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to follow her.

She walked in to the living room exactly one hour later, and I'll be damned if she wasn't looking good enough to eat herself. She'd put the cutoffs back on, and she was wearing a ruffled, flowery tube top that showed off her beautiful shoulders. I gave her the head-to-once over, and noticed she was wearing - holy shit on a stick - cowboy boots. She was every teenage boy's wet dream come to life…and she was mine. I felt the rolling pin in my pants begin to rise again. Seriously, does she need to make this so excruciatingly painful for me?

"Ready, baby?" She asked. I just nodded, because it seemed my vocal cords had decided to stop working.

We walked through the kitchen, grabbing the two amazing-smelling pies she'd baked on our way to the front door. I arched an eyebrow at her, indication my curiosity regarding their purpose, but she just smiled and said, "You'll see," in that smug-but-oh-so-sexy way of hers.

When we were on the road, I said, "C'mon, Sook. Give me one clue as to what we're doing tonight."

"Oh, alright, you big baby. Ready?"

"Shoot."

"Pinch the tail and suck the head." And then she winked at me.

Huh? What the fuck? Is she taking me to some crazy-ass Cajun orgy?

She started laughing when she saw the confusion and, admittedly, the slight bit of panic run across my face. "Well, you asked, Eric."

I didn't have much time to think it over, though, because we only drove about another mile before she had me turn off on to a long gravel driveway. We made our way up to the large house at the end of it, and parked the truck under a tree. I heard loud zydeco music and voices coming from behind the house. Colorful paper lights were strung along the overhang on the porch, and even more were hanging in the trees.

"Where are we, Sookie?" I asked, wondering what she was dragging me in to.

"I suppose I can tell you now. We're at my friend Lafayette's house, and I'm taking you to your very first crawfish boil. I called him from the center Saturday to let him know I was coming in to town with you, and he insisted on throwing you a 'Welcome to Bon Temps' party. There's really no saying no to him when he sets his mind to something."

"Sook," I said, laughing out loud. "You have absolutely no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I don't even wanna tell you all the crazy shit I was thinking you were up to."

She looked at me with mischievous eyes and said "Well, don't relax too much just yet, mister. My brother's back there." She put the pies in my hands and began to walk to the back of the house. Holy shit...well that certainly shut me the fuck up, didn't it?

When we reached the back yard, I saw a large black man walking (actually, it was more like sauntering) toward us. I had to open and close my eyes a few times to make sure I was really seeing what I thought I was seeing. He was at least the same height as me, but much more muscular. He was wearing a gray fedora (feather and all), a gray silk ascot, a matching vest over his bare chest…and skin-tight red bicycle shorts…with red high top Reeboks. He was wearing eye shadow and false eyelashes, and sparkly pink lip gloss.

"Lafayette!" Sookie squealed as she ran towards him. She jumped in to his arms, giving him a big hug, then slid down to the ground and grabbed one of his hands. She pulled him along, and when he was standing right in front of me, he looked me up and down and said, "Sookie, girl, now that just ain't right and you know it."

"What's not right?" She asked.

"You know better than to bring a fine-lookin' man like this to my house without bringing one for me." He said. Wait, did he just bat his eyelashes at me?

"Oh, Lafayette, stop eye-fucking Eric and say hello already!" Sookie wailed.

"I brought pie." I said, looking every bit the deer in headlights. What the fuck? I brought pie? Smooth, Eric. Impressive!

Sookie and Lafayette began laughing so hard that they nearly caved in on one another. I just continued to stand there with the pies in my hands, feeling like man-meat for the second time that night.

When they finally settled down, Lafayette grabbed one of the pies from my hands and said, "Why, yes you did, darlin'. Thank you, Eric. That was very thoughtful of you and Sookie. Follow me. I'll show you where to put that down."

I looked at Sookie, who was getting a great deal of enjoyment at my expense at the moment, and mouthed "I will get you for this." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and ran off to say hello to more friends before I could smack her gloriously devious ass for putting me in this position. With no other option, I walked off, following the giant queen in red spandex.

He brought me over to a large table and placed both pies down on it. He looked at me for a brief moment and said, "My, my, my. She told me you were good-lookin', but I don't think she was giving you quite enough credit. Boy, you is fine!" He emphasized his point with two snaps in a circle and a head toss.

What does one say to that? "Thank you" hardly seems appropriate.

"You know, you must be somethin' pretty special. I've known that crazy girl all her life, and she ain't never brought a man back home with her. I hope you know what a lucky som'bitch you are."

I relaxed a bit then, smiled and said "Yes, I do, and you're not the first person to tell me so. My best friend and sister think she's an angel. I've already been warned not to fuck it up with her."

"Sounds to me like your sister and your friend are pretty smart people."

"I'd like to think so. So, I'm really the first, huh?"

"You bet your sweet ass you are. But how 'bout you and me get the nasty shit out of the way first so we can get to know each other better and have some fun. Pay attention, 'cuz honey, I'm only gonna say this once. You hurt one hair on that girl's pretty little head, and I'll bitch-slap you from here to Shreveport. I may be soft and pretty on the outside, but I will fuck you up if I have to, and don't think I can't. She's been through enough in her life. We clear?" Despite my earlier misgivings, I realized in that instant that I was going to like Lafayette very, very much.

"Crystal clear, ma'am." I said, grabbing his hand and kissing the back of it.

"Oh, cher," he practically squealed, "You are too, too much. We're gonna be good friends, I can tell."

With our little talk concluded, Lafayette took my arm and walked me over to where Sookie was standing. Giving her my best "I'm so gonna punish you later" evil grin, I swooped her up and planted a big sloppy kiss on her beautiful smiling mouth right in front of all her friends. "I'm in so much trouble, aren't I?" she giggled in to my ear. "You have absolutely no idea how much." I replied. "You're very lucky I love you, or you'd be in even deeper shit than you already are!"

I heard someone clear their throat behind me and I swung around with Sookie still in my arms. When she saw who it was, she leaped down from my arms and in to his. "Oh, Jason, it's so good to see you!" she said happily.

"Good to see you, too, Sook." He said, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. He extended his hand to me and said, "Nice to meet ya. I'm Jason, Sookie's brother." I took his hand to shake it, and he locked his on mine like a vise. More posturing…great…

"Quite a grip you got there, Jason. Good to meet you, too. I'm Eric." I said. I decided to drop the formalities then and there and said, "Jason, I love your sister and I'll never hurt her. But if for some unfathomable reason I ever do, you have my full permission to kick my ass. Now, may I have my hand back before you squeeze it to death?"

He released my hand, hitched his jeans up, said, "I'm glad we understand each other," and then proceeded to laugh his ass off. Well, that went well…

"Beer?" he asked.

"Thought you'd never ask." I replied.

Some time later, Lafayette yoo-hoo'ed everyone, letting us know that dinner was ready. We all lined up and began filling our plates to the brim with food. Sookie and I picked a newspaper-covered picnic table and sat down to dig in.

I picked up one of the crawfish, trying to figure out how to eat the damned thing. A snicker came across the table from Sookie, who was clearly enjoying the confused look on my face. "Okay," I said. "I give. What's the trick to this?"

"Do you remember the clue I gave you?" she asked.

"How could I forget? It's not every day that a girl says 'pinch the tail and suck the head' to a guy."

"Watch me." She said.

She picked up one of her crawfish, pinched the tail off it, put the head up to her lips and sucked the shell dry. I sat there, gaping, with my mouth hanging open at the sight of her hollowed cheeks and puckered lips. She was driving me insane. Here comes the rolling pin again, I thought.

"Your turn." She said.

I pinched the tail off easily enough, but when I went to suck the contents out of the head, crawfish meat and juice shot out of it, coating my shirt in spicy, fishy goop.

"Aren't you glad I told you to wear a dark shirt?" She mused. "Don't feel bad. Happens to everyone of their first try."

I removed a hush puppy from my plate and promptly tossed it at her head.

The rest of the night was passed with meeting her friends, dancing and of course, more eating. I couldn't remember the last time I enjoyed myself as much at a party. Sookie's friends and family welcomed me as one of their own, and I found myself hoping we'd have the chance come back to Bon Temps often.

We were sitting in front of a bonfire when Sookie suddenly leaned in to me and whispered, "I have another surprise for you back at the house. Ready to go?"

"I'm all yours." I said. I stood up and took her hand to pull her from the ground. We said our goodbyes to everyone and made it back to Sookie's place shortly after.

When we were inside, Sookie stood up on the tips of her toes, placed her lips on my ear and whispered "Give me five minutes and then meet me out back." She kissed me softly, then, and walked through the kitchen and out the back door. I had no idea what she was up to, but I waited the torturous five minutes and then walked out the door to find my girl.

I stopped on her back porch and was nearly knocked over at the sight in front of me. A line of lit hurricane candles trailed through her back yard, ending at a blanket. Sookie was standing there, fully undressed, glowing in the moonlight. She lifted her arm and held out her hand to me. I walked slowly towards her, wanting a few seconds more to commit every moment of this to memory. When I finally stood in front of her, I took her hand and pulled her down to the blanket with me. We didn't speak. Everything that needed to be said that night was communicated through our lovemaking under the starry Louisiana sky.