Disclaimer : Twilight isn't mine.

Hey sorry I took so long with this chapter, but I've been super busy. It's here now though so enjoy! Also a quick wee side note : I'm moving in to my sisters place so I can be closer to college, however her 2 year old son broke her internet … oops! So I won't be able to post anymore. Yeah right! I couldn't do that to you guys! So instead I'll be writing chapters on my sisters laptop and handing off my trusty USB drive to my friend SuziSpook who will continue to upload the chapters for me until I can get a hold of some of my own internet. So … yeah you guys better love me for coming up with alternate solutions! Haha! Love you guys! Enjoy and review.

It had been so long since I'd been here. But it was just as beautiful and peaceful as it had ever been. Edwards meadow would always be one of my favourite places. Not just because of its beauty, but because it was here that Edward and I took the first real steps in our relationship.

Without this small clearing it's entirely possible that my relationship with Edward may never have really become a relationship. Without this place, we could have easily fallen off of the blade we had been balancing so precariously upon. I wondered idly what my life would have been like if that had happened.

As far as I could see there would have been three possibilities. Possibility number one ; Edward wouldn't have learned to control himself around me and I would have died. I tried not to dwell on the fact that even after we had found some form of peace together, Edward could still have slipped up.

Possibility number two ; I would have realised that Edward was, in fact, very dangerous for me and I would have moved on. Even to this day I highly doubt that possibility could have become more than just that…a vague possibility. Edward had always been my everything and I'd deluded myself in to thinking he would never hurt me and so I stayed because I truly didn't see any danger. In the end he had hurt me, but he managed it without using his extraordinary strength or his razor sharp teeth. His words were what left me bleeding.

And finally possibility number three ; Nothing. Meaning simply that we would have given up before it even got anywhere.

I didn't know whether any of those scenarios would have been better than the reality I'd found myself become part of. I was happy for the love I had shared with Edward for that short amount of time. But the 5 years worth of suffering afterwards … was that worth it?

Since becoming immortal it has been easier to focus on the positives. Only because I actually had something positive. Maddy. My best friend and a fresh start. However, over my years as a vampire I have never been able to keep my mind from Edward for any extended period of time. It's hard to imagine a life without him. In essence, I have spent my life without him, but that doesn't change that fact that he once was mine. The most beautiful man I had ever seen, the man who had such a beautiful and talented mind had been mine. But did that make it worth it. Was it better to have loved and lost … than to never have loved at all? I couldn't decide. The arguments for both sides in my head were compelling. I gave up trying to chose a side, I came here for some space and time away from my thoughts … which hadn't been going so well so far.

I stopped thinking for a few minutes, the information floating around my head was actually making it hurt. I just wanted to look around me and appreciate the beauty of this place. There were ferns around the very outskirts, sitting at the bottom of every tree that surrounded me. Beautiful wild flowers were scattered sporadically all over the meadow, in colours like violet, yellow and soft white. The grass felt springy underneath my feet and the sound of a stream bubbling softly to the north just added to the serenity that engulfed me in that moment.

It was as if every one of my senses had been taken over by this perfectly round circle of space. The smells were intoxicating. I wanted to stay here forever. That actually wasn't a bad idea. I could hide away here with my fantasies and not have to face anymore hardships.

I was about to lay down on the grass when I heard movement from behind me. I froze in place, silently praying that whoever it was, was someone I could put up with right now. Basically as long as it wasn't Rosalie … I could deal.

I turned slowly and my eyes fell upon an untidy mop of bronze hair. I sighed as my gaze locked with his. Edward. I should have known. He stayed exactly where he had been when I caught him, as did I. I wanted to drink him in. Even though I had seen him earlier today, I hadn't had a good chance to ogle him yet. I'd been trying to avoid it whilst at school, in a public place where others would intrude on our moment only too willingly. But here, it was just us. So I indulged myself and looked him up and down. Taking in every single detail about him.

For some reason he seemed to be taller than the last time I had seen him in my human life. I couldn't quite understand why but I chose not to dwell on that for too long. His perfectly angular face grabbed my attention next. He was so utterly perfect it was hard to believe. I knew it was just a disguise. Vampires were designed to lure their intended pray to them, seduce them even. But it didn't matter to me. Because it was Edward and I had no doubt in my mind that even if he wasn't a vampire … he would still look perfect to me. He was lean but muscular. He seemed to be at that perfect stage where he neither had to many nor not enough. And then there was his perfectly messed up bronze hair. I sighed inwardly. I had never been worthy of him. Even now, I didn't hold a candle to Edward.

I had no idea how long we'd stood looking at each other for, but I decided to finally take my seat on the meadows floor. I looked at him and cocked my head to the side slightly.

Come to me, Edward. I thought and he was beside me in a instant.

"Bella," He said sounding startled. "how did you do that?"

"Apparently it's my power." I shrugged and lay flat on my back. Edward gracefully lay down beside me and gazed at me intently. It was so strange being in such a close proximity to him again after so much time apart. After what could have been hours, Edward finally spoke again.

"Bella, how did this happen to you?" He sounded … hurt and angry. It was an odd mix. I was surprised that he didn't question my power, but then again the fact that I was now able to harbour a power was slightly more pressing. I sighed again. I knew I would have to explain this to him at some point but did it really have to be now? I looked into his eyes again and knew instantly that yes it did have to be now. Edward deserved answers.

"After you left, I became a shell of a person. I didn't talk to anyone, except Charlie and even then it was the bare minimum. About five months after your … departure, Charlie died of a heart attack in his sleep. That dragged me even further under the surface of the person I had once been. I felt like I didn't have a purpose anymore so I merely spent my days going through the motions, hoping in vain that one day something would change and a purpose would find me and help me to move on. About five years later I realised that if I wanted to change what had happened, then I had to be active. I couldn't just sit around and wait for something to find me. I had to go out there and really look for something. So that night I went out for a walk to clear my head I guess. I ended up becoming the victim of a stabbing," He snarled but I chose to ignore him and continued. " He left me for dead. Maddy just so happened to be hunting in the area, smelled my blood and found me. She was lonely and that coupled with other things led her to change me … and that's the story." I finished rather lamely, accompanying it with another shrug.

Edward brought his hand up to my face and stroked it from temple to jaw. I revelled in the feeling of his smooth marble skin against mine, I closed my eyes sighing in contentment.

"I'm sorry that had to happen to you, Bella." his voice sounded like pure velvet. "Although, I have something I need to admit." My eyes snapped open and I scrutinised his expression. I merely nodded my head to give my consent.

"Earlier in the cafeteria, after the realization that you had become a vampire finally hit me I vowed to kill the vampire that did this to you …" I cut him off with an involuntary hiss. The thought of him killing Maddy was just … I couldn't even find a word to describe it. I narrowed my eyes at him as a growl began to build in my chest. "Let me finish!" He said chuckling lightly. I didn't know whether to feel relieved because he was laughing or not. " But now that I know the story, I'm glad Maddy changed you. Because she was the one who saved you, she wasn't the one who was trying to take your life away from you before it was your time. Besides if she hadn't changed you, you wouldn't be here right now. And I can't even comprehend that fact." He said and he grimaced slightly. I decided that it was time I ask my own questions and get my own answers.

"Edward, why did you kiss me like that?" He looked stunned for a moment before his entire face crumpled in sadness. " I mean, I've been wishing that would happen for the last one hundred years but … you don't love me anymore Edward! You said so yourself. It was why you left me in the first place." I could hear how my voice had become exasperated. I needed to know the answer to this. If it was the only thing he told me here, I'd be happy. He let out a giant gust of air and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I never stopped loving you, Bella. I've loved you this entire time with everything I have in me. What I told you that September … was a lie. I had to leave." he sounded like he was trying to convince himself of this as well as me. "You weren't safe with us being here. I almost got you killed by James and then Jasper attacked you … it wasn't right, we were tempting fate … all of us. When I told you I didn't love you, it was the very blackest form of blasphemy. But it was my only option. I had to tell you that so that you would find it easier to move on. What I did and what I said was for your own good."

By the end of his little speech I was seething. For your own good rattled around brutally in my head. He had no idea. No idea at all.

"For my own good?" I snarled. " Do you have any idea what that did to me? It damn near killed me, Edward! Because of you and your little lie my life was worthless to me. It was a bleak wasteland, full of nothing. I had nothing to live for because you took it all away from me and now you come back here and tell me it was for my own damn good!?" I yelled jumping to my feet. Edward didn't say anything, he looked frozen. He was laying in the exact same place staring at the space I had been occupying a few seconds before.

Finally he snapped out of it and joined me in standing.

"Bella … I,"

"No." I cut him off. "Edward, look I love you. I never stopped loving you, but I also never lied about it." He hung his head. "I want to be with you, I really do Edward but I need time. I told you that earlier but I need it now more than I did then. I feel betrayed by you and I can't just forgive that straight away. Your words have caused me pain for so long, it's not something I can just pretend didn't happen. I … I'm going to have to learn to trust you again." And I was. Edward, whether he thought he was doing the right thing or not, had betrayed my trust and caused me so much more suffering than was necessary for me to ever have experienced. "We need to start from the bottom and work our way up, it's going to be hard but if it's what's meant to be then there's no doubt in my mind that this will work for us. But if it does get hard and things start to seem impossible, you have to promise me that you won't run again, Edward. I don't think I could live through another heart break like that." As I awaited his answer I felt strangely powerful.

When Edward and I had been together, he had been the one to make all the decisions. And now the shoe was on the other foot. I was no longer some weak mortal teenager that he could push around and dazzle into submission. I was strong and power and Edward was my equal. For once he had to listen to me and truly respect what I was saying. I felt … relieved and proud. Relieved that finally there would be some give and take between Edward and myself and proud that I had managed to come this far.

Edward had been quiet for over a minute, he was clearly thinking over my proposition and finally answered.

"Bella, I promise to never run from you again. I understand that this will be hard on both of us, but I love you and I need for us to be together. I won't ever run again." His eyes held such an intensity as they bore into mine that I simply had to believe him.

This had to work.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one! I worked my butt off to make it longer! Big shout out here for dementedevilpixie formerly known as wendybaliles. I seriously love this chick! She is an awesome fic writer and an awesome buddy to have around. Seriously some of our MSN discussions are just … crazy haha. Her story "I Know" is now finished (sad face!) however it is an amazing read, it's hilarious and full of lemony goodness as well as vodka, absinthe and magic mushroom tea. Honestly go check it out and show her some love. It's rated "M" for a reason though so if you're one of my younger readers, I'd steer clear.

Much Love,

Rachael.