Chapter 13
A/N: In answer to a guest review about how the flashbacks are taking over and I should do more present day stuff, the flashbacks kinda are the story and really important so you understand present day. Don't worry though there is probably one chapter after the next one with flashbacks and then we should catch up soon! And then it will just be focused on present day!
Nathan POV- Flashback
"Nathan over here!" I heard, as another camera was shoved in my general direction. God knows what they thought would make me stop and give them attention over everyone else pretty much doing the same thing.
I got it, it was part of the job, but ….I don't know it was Sunday?
"Haley, give us a smile!" he said, looking over me, giving up when he realised I wasn't going to react.
I pulled my cap down further and then put it where it was on Jamie's back. He was mumbled away to himself as if this way an everyday thing—well to him it was.
I pressed the buzzer and it instantly buzzed open, clearly taking me seriously when I said to be on standby.
The door clinked shut behind us and the silence sounded ten times louder.
"Wow," I said, taking a second to adjust Jamie in my arms.
"I know right," Haley said, "that was fun."
"Yeah," I said.
"Oh god, don't be ungrateful, they make you successful," Haley said.
"I know, and I also know it's their job," I told her.
"Then what is it?" she asked.
"Hales it took us ten minutes to get from the car to the building when it should take about one," I pointed out.
"Oh come on, " she said, "I was just doing my job. It's nice to finally be recognised for what I'm doing."
Haley had recently released her first song in collaboration with some other person who I hadn't heard of but was apparently someone upcoming. She already got attention from being linked to me but now she had her own gaggle of photographers waiting wherever we went.
"I know, I'm glad it's working out," I told her, "I'm just saying that it doesn't have to be the focus of every single place we go. Sometimes it's nice to just take a minute to breathe and be a normal family."
"Newsflash we aren't normal," she said, walking into the elevator and pressing the right floor.
"Can we maybe try just have like a chilled out day today? You know like old times with everyone," I asked her.
"What exactly is it that you think I'm going to do?" she asked me, crossing her arms.
"Nothing I just mean it will be nice to just hang out with everyone for the first time in ages, and also this is Luke's big move to try get his book picked up. Let's just try make it about him," I said as the doors opened.
"He's my best friend, I know why he's here," she snapped, walking toward the door at the end of the hall, double checking the number on the piece of paper she'd scribbled it on.
I knocked on the door and was met by Peyton's voice yelling, 'it's open!'
I pushed the door and it opened just as Peyton came around the corner smiling and jumping into Haley's arms.
"This is so great!" she said, unable to stop smiling.
"It's good to see you Peyt," I said honestly, hugging her, seeing them around New York, settling here made it feel more like home.
"You've unpacked already!" I said, looking around at the pristine apartment.
"Well we have been here a week," Peyton pointed out, " and you know how Luke is, everything has to have it's place."
"Where is Luke? I'll go say hi," Haley said, going down the corridor.
"In the office, second door on the left!" Peyton called after her.
"I'm really glad you guys decided to move down here," I told her.
"Me too. I thinking before thinking of coming down here felt like a huge step, and it still is don't get me wrong but seeing you guys here when we visited all settled in made it feel like we could do it too," she said.
"It's going to be awesome to have you both in the same city" I said.
"I know, it's been weird not having you and Hales with us in Tree Hill," she said, "the gang's back together again…well sort of. We just have to get Brooke on board."
I heard a soft clatter somewhere in the distance almost by cue, followed by a string of curse words that blended into each other to make one long one. I automatically smiled the kind of smile that I wouldn't have been able to supress even if I had to. I'd been looking forward to this brunch for the past two weeks.
I just wanted to be able to hang out with Brooke. She was the best friend I had ever had, so it wasn't a surprise I missed being able to just chill out and have a good time with her. Sometimes when I would be doing the handsomest things here in New York I could hear her sarcastic commentary in the background. I was looking forward to being able to get annoyed in real life. She was here for a few days en route to a job interview. We only a day, and I didn't know how much of that I'd actually get to see her but I wasn't about to complain about it when the alternative was not seeing her at all.
"Well look who decided to grace us with their presence. What, you don't own a watch?"
Brooke bounced into the room and the room suddenly felt like it was fed more energy. She was wondering around in a black smart dress which she'd obviously flown in wearing, but had traded her heels, which I now saw discarded on the floor for pink fluffy socks which contrasted the rest of her outfit.
"Wasn't my fault," I said, shrugging casually. I wanted to point out that this was the last plan that I would be voluntarily late for, but I didn't.
Brooke smiled and reached out, coming toward me.
I opened my arm out toward her, but she stopped and frowned exaggeratedly.
"I was talking to Jamie," she said.
"I guess I better get used to that," I said.
Brooke took Jamie from me and held him in her arms as he gurgled happily to her. How could I possibly be jealous of a baby right now.
"You are beautiful," she said kissing him on his cheek.
"Lemme at him," Peyton said.
"We're gonna play later," Brooke told Jamie winking at him, as if he understood before letting Peyton hold him.
"Come here," Brooke said to me as soon as Peyton securely had Jamie.
She held onto me tightly, and I took a second to just enjoy having her close. It wasn't until I had been away from her for so long that I really realised when I saw her again how recognisable that 'Brooke smell' was. I was walking through central park last week when I got a whiff of the same perfume, as someone walked past me. I frantically turned around, actually surprised at the fact Brooke wasn't standing behind me—as if they didn't sell her perfume to a million other women. Being able to be this close to her now though just told me that nothing really could replicate or make up for the real thing. In a weird way it took me back to ages ago when Haley had just come back. Everything had gone back to the way 'it was meant to be' but every so often I'd get a reminder of something in the apartment smelling like Brooke, like a cushion, or hoodie she'd borrowed. I remember it being torture and comfort at the same time. I still couldn't decide which one was more the case.
Peyton was busy with Jamie so I hugged Brooke for a few extra seconds but I knew I had to pull away before it seemed strange.
"It's good to see you B," I said.
"Back atcha," she said smiling.
I looked right at her, and I don't know what I expected to see. Part of me expected to see her exactly how she was in college—sweats, glasses and hair up included, but obviously that wasn't the case. She may have calmed down a bit since high school but who were we kidding- she was still Brooke, and was clearly in her element in New York, dressing for her surroundings.
Clothing aside though, something was different; I just couldn't put my finger on it. It hit me suddenly that time had actually passed since we were in college. I knew that sounded like the most self absorbed thing I could ever say but it really didn't make real sense to me until now. I know a lot had changed for Haley and me, but when I thought of everyone else, I always imagined them in the exact same place I'd left them. Peyton and Luke were now here though making a life for themselves, and Brooke had been carrying on with her life too.
Brooke was happy and on the surface nothing seemed amiss, but I felt like there was something off, like her spark was dull. In a way her overcompensation for confidence just drew more attention to it.
"I'm going to go show Luke how adorable he is, and get them to stop being so anti-social," Peyton said, going to find Lucas and Haley, leaving us alone.
"Come with me," Brooke said, pulling on my arm.
"Where are we going?" I asked her.
"Nathan every room is like three metres away tops, even you can be that patient," she said.
We walked around the corner where her suitcase was leaning against the wall. She'd clearly just come straight from the airport without going to the hotel first.
"Ok close your eyes," she said.
I was about to ask why but she interrupted.
"Can you just do it, they're gonna think we're freaks if they come here first," she said, and I closed my eyes just from the intrigue.
I heard a rustling, and then, "Ok, surprise! Open!"
I opened my eyes and saw a cardboard box in her hands with a familiar logo on top.
"No fucking way," I said, grabbing it out her arms, "they let you fly with this?"
"The guy at security was clearly judging but pretty much yeah!" she said.
I flipped open the box and reached for a slice of the cold pizza.
"Oh my god stop!" she yelled, "what are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing?" I asked her, thinking my intent was obvious.
"It's been in my bag since last night, don't eat that it's gross," she said.
"You brought it for me!" I reminded her.
"Yeah, as a gesture, I didn't actually think you were going to eat it," she said.
I rolled my eyes and bit into the slice.
"That is disgusting," she said.
"You brought me pizza from Morris's and didn't think I was going to eat it," I told her with my mouthful.
"It's two dollar pizza that's been in the box travelling around the country for a day and a half. So no I didn't think you were going to eat it," she said.
"You underestimate me," I told her, "this is amazing by the way."
I mean it was cold, old pizza, and it wasn't very good pizza to start with even when it was fresh, but I wasn't lying, it was amazing.
"Guys?" I heard Luke call and Brooke turned toward the direction we came from.
"Brooke?"
"Yeah?" she said, stopping.
"Seriously, this means a lot," I told her.
"It's just pizza," she laughed.
"You know what I mean," I said, and I knew I didn't need to elaborate.
"I got your back," she said winking.
"Nate?" Luke called again.
I carried the box with me and we went into main area.
"Haley, hey!" Brooke said, going over to speak to Haley. Sometimes it was weird to think they knew each other, which was a ridiculous thing to even think.
"Eww is that Morris's?" Peyton said, seeing the box.
"Yeah, Brooke is awesome," I said.
"Did she actually bring that with her?" she said shocked.
"Yep," I said, finishing the slice, and closing the box. I put it on the counter, fully intending to take it with me.
Brooke sat down next to Peyton on the couch and Jamie twisted around in Peyt's arms and looked curiously toward Brooke.
"You wanna say hi?" she asked Jamie, and picked him up gently, placing him on her lap, facing her.
"I'm just going to go check on the food," Peyton said, jumping up and going past me into the kitchen.
"How's everything going with Jamie? He seems like he's doing well," Brooke said, the topic she was talking about clear.
"He's fine," Haley replied.
"That's great," Brooke replied.
"You know it's going to be fine, in a way it's easier for Jamie than it was with me. He'll grow up used to it being a part of his life, he doesn't have to adjust," Luke said.
"Lucas is right," Brooke said.
"He's actually coped so well," I said sitting down in the arm chair.
Luke brought a few beers over from the fridge and passed one to me, offered one to Haley who rejected one, and opened one for Brooke.
"Of course he is, he's one of us. He's got this," Brooke said, tickling him on the stomach, and he babbled in delight.
"When's your interview again?" Peyton asked coming back into the room.
"Half three," Brooke told her, "but I need to go check in at the hotel and drop my bag there first."
"Are you sure you don't want to just stay here?" Peyton asked her.
"Yeah you guys only have the on room and plus the company gives you a complimentary hotel room anyway," she said.
"What are you doing after the interview?" I asked her, "do you want a tour?"
"Of New York? No. But I do want to see what you do around here," she said, "My things near the stadium right?"
"Yeah, we can see that," I said.
"You came to New York and you want to see where Nathan plays basketball?" Peyton asked.
"Yeah I want to see your lives," she said shrugging, "you guys in?"
"Yeah I'm game," Lucas said.
"To see a basketball stadium…" Peyton said overly brightly, "I'm kidding of course I'm coming, I haven't seen you in months."
Brooke laughed, and twisted around, "Haley?"
"No thanks," she said, "but I did have some stuff to do. I might go see Chris about work stuff, so Jamie…..?"
"We can take him, no?" Brooke asked.
As if I needed permission from Haley to watch Jamie.
"Sure," she said.
"So then it sounds like a plan?" Brooke said smiling.
Xxxxx
Present Day
Brooke POV
"Brooke can you please be careful?" Chase said again.
"Calm down, I'm fine," I told him, balancing on one foot on the stool as I leaned over to hang the string of retro light bulbs.
"I swear you're just trying to freak me out on purpose," he said, and I laughed, knowing he was partly right. It was just too entertaining to watch Chase freak out like a mother would, watching their child do something remotely dangerous.
"I'm not going to hurt myself," I told him.
"Oh I'm not worried about that. I just don't want a liability suit on my hands," he said.
I gasped twisting around to look at him.
"I'm just kidding," he said.
I turned around, making the stool wobble slightly, and I stumbled, letting out a little scream before I stabilised myself by holding onto the wall. My toes still felt tingly like I'd just saved myself from a huge disaster.
"Oh my god," Quinn blurted out, getting Chase's attention, if my outburst already didn't, and he looked over once more.
"Ok that's it, get down, and go get the ladder," he said.
"It's done anyway," I insisted, hanging the last bulb, and grasping the table so I could jump down.
"It looks good," Quinn said.
"Wait for it," I told them, going over to the power outlet and flipping the switch on. Each glass bulb lit up with a dull yellow light adding to the atmosphere in the room.
"Verdict?" Quinn asked Chase, who had been hesitant when I first bought them.
"Ok fine it looks good," he admitted.
"Give it an hour. It will look better when it's darker," I said, walking over to the bar.
"Are you checking the time again?" I asked Quinn, who immediately put down her phone.
"No!" she said.
"He'll be here, stop whining about it," Chase told her.
"I haven't been whining!" she insisted, " I just miss him!"
"He's only been gone four days," Chase pointed out.
"Oh please, you wouldn't understand," she said.
"Is Clay coming straight here?" I asked her.
"He said he would," Quinn said, "his flight landed ages ago so I have no clue where he is."
Clay had been away for work the past few days, and it meant Quinn was around a lot more than she usually was—I got the feeling she didn't like to be alone. I'd actually had a lot of fun the last few days, we'd had good old-fashioned girly sleepovers and movie nights—as if we were teenagers again, or hanging out at the bar if I had to work—as if we didn't already do that.
The past few days I'd also found myself waking up and not immediately taking a few seconds to remember where I was. I felt more like this was home, or like I was settling in, and it was a nice feeling to have. I was actually having a good few days.
"Can I get a beer bucket?" Leanne, one of the waitresses asked, coming up to the bar
Chase reached under to grab a silver bucket and began filling it with ice.
The bar was still fairly quiet because it was only eight, but there was a group of guys who seemed to be on vacation at the back. Sometimes I forgot how much of a weekend vacation spot the pier made Tree Hill.
Leanne walked away, rearranging the bottles in the bucket to make sure they didn't fall out.
"Could her shirt get even tighter?" Quinn asked Chase in a judgemental tone.
"What? How is that my fault?" he asked.
"Your place, your uniform?" Quinn pointed out.
"She chose the size not me," he told her.
"Yeah but didn't stop her," Quinn said.
"I don't really understand women's sizes," he pleaded in an innocent voice.
"Oh you're ridiculous," Quinn said, "Why doesn't Brooke have to wear one?"
"Because Brooke didn't want to," I spoke up.
"What happened to 'uniform or nothing'?" Quinn asked, imitating Chase, "I remember that time Julie came in with a cardigan over her t-shirt and you told her to take it off. Brooke's wearing all her own clothes."
"Brooke's behind bar most the time anyway," he said.
"Sure," Quinn said squinting at him.
Chase flicked some ice water at her and she flinched.
"Lover boy's back go annoy him instead," he said, nodding behind her.
Quinn spun around so quick I thought she would fall off the stool.
"Babyyyy!" she squealed, jumping off and running across the bar. Clay dropped the bag he was holding in order to catch her. As he caught her, one of her sandals flew off and landed on the ground but she didn't even react or care.
The two of them began mumbling to each other and kissing in between words.
Chase rolled his eyes and began emptying clean glasses from the dishwasher.
I went around the bar to help him. Sometimes I forgot that he was my boss and it probably wasn't ok to chill when it wasn't busy whilst he dealt with dishes.
"Oh please, you love it," I said.
"What?" he asked confused.
"Quinn and Clay, you pretend it grosses you out but you love how she's happy," I pointed out.
Chase raised his eyebrow at me.
"Quinn's type was 'asshole' from when we were kids until she met Clay so am I happy he's a good guy and she's happy, yes, do they have to display it in front of me twenty-four seven, no," he said.
"Oh whatever," I said, laughing.
I looked up and saw Clay and Quinn walking over to the bar.
"Hey!" I said, leaning over the bar to give him a hug. Clay was bright red from the embarrassment of their display. I couldn't help but smile. Quinn was definitely more of a free spirit than Clay and she definitely brought him out of his comfort zone. The first time I met him without Quinn there it took me a while to figure out that he was just more reserved rather than the fact he didn't like me.
"Hi guys," Clay said, sitting opposite me.
"How was your trip?" I asked him, putting a beer in front of him.
Quinn put her arm around his neck and leant into him.
"It flew past, I fell asleep when we took off and woke up just before we landed," he said, taking the lime out of Quinn's glass and pushing it into the neck of his bottle.
"So busy trip then?" Chase asked.
"Barely had time to breathe. It's a different world to here. Considering I lived in LA I thought I'd be used to fast paced life but New York is a whole different ball park," he said, "Brooke I had no idea how you did it."
"I'm with you on that," I said. It was weird to think Clay had gone back to the city I'd been trying not to think about. I couldn't imagine him in New York, it had become a fictional place in my head that only existed in a static bubble.
"There's no concept of a work day. If you want to get what you want you have to be innovative," he said.
"Innovative?" Quinn asked.
"Umm yeah so you have no idea what happened," Clay said, "I could tell the meeting with the managers and panel didn't go well. I mean they humoured me and watched the tapes but I knew I wasn't going to get a call back about any of my boys."
"I thought you said it went well?" Quinn asked.
"Wait for it, so I was about to head home but then I decided to go right to the heart of the Knicks," he said, and I looked up, "I found Nathan Scott's assistant and got a copy of his schedule."
"You did what!" Quinn gasped, "How did you get that?"
I was still fixated on who he was talking about.
"Oh relax, I just convinced her that it was really important and I needed to find him. I mean she practically had a coronary once she gave it to me, but I reassured her it was fine."
"Then what did you do?" Quinn asked.
"Well, I pretty much stalked him for two days and insisted he speak to me until i think he got sick of me and just agreed to take the tapes," Clay explained, taking a swig of the beer.
"He took the tapes?"
"Well I thought he'd just throw them out but an hour before I had to fly out his assistant called me and scheduled in a meeting for in a few weeks! How insane is that? I have a meeting with THE Nathan Scott! Boy wonder wants to meet with me?"
Clay looked elated like he'd just been given a pot of gold.
"I remember when THE Nathan Scott was just Nathan Scott," Chase said, and Clay looked confused, so Chase added, "you know we went to high school together?"
"You what?!" Clay asked in shock, and Quinn gasped.
"Yeah, Brooke was really close to them," he said, "are you still in touch?"
"Them?" Quinn asked me, "Holy shit, you have got to be kidding me!? You know THE Nathan Scott and THE Haley James?"
How was this happening right now? it's like I was watching the scene from the outside, having an outer body experience. The universe must be playing some sort of joke on me.
"Brooke!" Quinn yelled when I didn't reply, getting the attention of a group of girls at a table close by.
"Yeah I knew them," I said.
"Do you still know them?" she asked.
"Kinda…" I said, turning to a guy waiting at the bar and taking his order.
"Wait, this is great, so I kinda have an in? Like I can mention—"
"NO!" I shouted, interrupting him.
The last thing I needed was for Clay to casually give away where I was.
"Sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that," I said to the three blank faces staring at me with confusion, "I just… I would rather you not, I mean we aren't that close anymore, and Clay if he wants to meet with you then I'm sure it's a good thing anyway."
"Oh my god you know were friends with Haley, do you have photos? Were you actually close or more like 'acquaintance, pass you in the hallway and say hi kinda friends'?" Quinn rushed out, looking happy, "I love her music, have you heard her new one? Skyline paradise? I've been singing it all week!"
Quinn began to sing out a few lines of a chorus of a song I'd been trying to avoid, but no matter what state I was in, it was impossible to block out the sounds of the radio in stores, or cafés. All I needed was to hear a few seconds and her distinct voice would hit home.
I could not believe my two bubbles were merging into one giant bubble that I felt was about to pop.
I reached for a glass out the dishwasher and filled it with cold water from the tap, hoping it would help me get a grip.
"I get why you're not friends anymore though," Chase said.
"You do?" I mumbled, about to take another sip.
"Yeah, I mean people change. People change anyway but fame makes people completely different people. Basketball was already going to his head in senior year I'm not surprised he turned out like he did."
"What do you mean?" Quinn asked, stopping her song, and returning back to our world.
"He's just like the other sports players who think the world owes them something and they're exempt from the rules that the rest of us have to follow," Chase said going around the corner into the back, and emerging with a magazine in hand.
"What's that?" Clay asked.
"Someone left this in here yesterday. Look, I saw how it came out he was having an affair and cheating on Haley, who is pregnant by the way. Like what a dick move," Chase said.
I didn't have any water in my mouth but I choked anyway on air as soon as I heard Chase. Everything that we'd been scared of for such a long time just happened. It wasn't a secret anymore. When I thought about people knowing about our relationship, in all the scenarios that I imagined it I thought and worried about everyone we knew finding out. It only hit me now how bad the other side of it would be—any two other people this was happening to would only have themselves and their families to worry about but we had the whole world.
I had no idea how long this had been out to the public whilst I had been blissfully unaware. Nathan was probably having to deal with all of this alone. I suddenly wanted to speak to him to make sure he was ok. If I hadn't changed my cell phone number I wonder if I would be flooded with calls right now from everyone we knew.
"Honey, are you ok?" Quinn asked, "have some water?"
I reached out for the cup and took and slow sip trying to calm myself down.
Ok Chase didn't come in here and point me out so clearly the article he read didn't name me as the one he was seeing.
It was only a matter of time though. Working where I did, I knew reporters when they had a lead like this wouldn't let it go until they had squeezed it dry. If they knew Nathan was having an affair I would bet my life they'd find out with who in a matter of hours.
I suddenly felt guilt at the fact that Nathan couldn't get a hold of me if he needed me. Just because we were in a weird place didn't mean I didn't still love him. I didn't want him to be going through all of this alone.
"Brooke?" Quinn promoted.
"I'm ok," I managed to say, "can I see that?"
Chase passed me the magazine, and I stared at the article. I scanned the cover, seeing a photograph of Nathan until my eyes rested on the bold letters promising photographs inside.
I flipped through the magazine wondering what they could possibly have that showed that Nathan was having an affair without implicating me. I found the right page and froze when I saw two images; both of Nathan inside his car. Relief filled my body though as I saw him sitting beside someone familiar in the shots.
"Rachel," I mumbled.
I don't know why I felt so relieved. Really I should still be just as worried. Just because they thought Nathan was seeing Rachel right now didn't mean everything was ok.
"What?" Chase said, taking the magazine out my hands, "oh my god you're right that's Rachel Gatina!"
"Ok I'm lost," Clay said.
"Guys just a reminder, not everyone went to high school with you, so we're finding it hard to follow," Quinn pointed out.
"So Nathan's having an affair with Rachel?" Chase gasped, "I didn't even know they were friends—I mean I know she went after him in school but I thought that was just a whole Rachel phase like when she was into Luke I didn't think—"
"Who's Luke?" Quinn said at the time as I spoke.
"Nathan's not with Rachel," I said.
"How do you know?" he asked me.
Quinn groaned loudly, "I don't even know why I bother."
"It's ok," Clay told her, pulling her closer and doing a good job in entertaining her instead.
"Because they're just friends, the media just got it wrong," I said.
I picked up the magazine again to have a closer look. It was easy to see how this could be seen in a suspicious way. The two of them were in the car together, and there was a shot of them hugging.
I stared at the photo, and I was ashamed to admit I was slightly jealous of Rachel. Not because I thought anything was going on between them but because she was there with Nathan and I wasn't.
I had nobody to blame though but myself; I left. What was I even doing? What was I trying to achieve? I knew there was logic when I came out here but right now it just felt like I was aimlessly running. I knew things couldn't go on with the way they were for Nathan and myself but I felt like I'd just abandoned him to deal with it all himself and I couldn't help but feel like I was being selfish. If I had to leave, fine, but ignoring him all this time—what was that for, other than to stop myself from being convinced to come back?
I suddenly shook my head. What was wrong with me. I tried to remind myself that Haley was pregnant! Pregnant! How could I even believe that I knew the truth about what me and Nathan had? How could I even be contemplating that I'd made the right choice.
If Haley was pregnant, we clearly weren't on the same page. The reminder that Haley was having a baby made me suddenly feel ill.
The article carried on over the page, and I turned it to see if there was more. There was another photograph at the top, which was a zoomed out version similar to the ones we'd seen already. This time though, I could see enough of the street to know exactly where Nathan was because it was somewhere I went every day.
Nathan was outside my apartment.
"Chase I'm feeling a bit sick, do you mind if I leave early and go home?" I asked him, knowing already there was no way I could go back to acting like everything was ok tonight.
"Are you ok?" Chase asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah I'm fine, just something I ate I guess," I lied, feeling slightly guilty.
When was I not feeling guilty these days?
"Do you want me to come back with you?" Quinn asked.
"No, I'll be ok," I told her, "you enjoy your night back with Clay!"
I went into the back and picked up my jacket slipping it on, and putting my bag over my shoulder.
The three of them stared at me in silence as I walked away. I'm sure they found the whole situation and the way I'd acted extremely odd but none of them brought it up.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said walking out, in the complete opposite of a mood that I'd been in when I arrived.
xxxxxx
Flashback Nathan POV
"Hey," I said, walking into the living room to see Haley had come in whilst I was putting Jamie to bed.
"Hi," she said, unzipping her boots as she sat on the couch.
"How was your day?" I asked her.
"Yeah it was good, didn't realise it would get so late," she said.
"That's ok, we only got back a few hours ago," I told her, "Jamie fell asleep on the way back he's exhausted himself having fun."
"Are you sure it wasn't too much for him?" Haley asked.
"No, he was fine. He didn't want to leave," I said, going over to make some tea, "Do you want some?"
"Sure," Haley said, sitting opposite me on one of the stools on the other side of the counter.
"You should have come today," I said, filling water in the kettle, "we had a good day. It was nice to spend time with everyone again, and Jamie loved being around everyone he was like centre of attention you should have seen how he was loving being carried around the whole day."
"What did you do?" she asked.
"We just went to see the court, and then went to the park and then grabbed pizza on the way back. I tried to call you to see if you wanted to come and get dinner with us but you didn't answer," I told her.
A part of me was glad Haley didn't come because even though it was a horrible thing to say I felt like I wouldn't have completely relaxed if she was around; on the other hand though I wish she had come just to make it better for us and more like the path we were meant to be on. I hoped being around the others would make us feel like 'us' again, as we fell into who we used to be when we were around them and how things used to be before it changed for us. We were in a situation that neither of us planned for and I was trying to make the best out of it.
"Yeah I know," she said, reaching over the counter and pulling two mugs off the rack and setting them down, "I saw the calls but I was busy."
"You know you should ignore calls just because you're in the studio, I mean how will you know if something happens like an emergency and I need to get a hold of you?" I asked her.
"Seriously? You're telling me you keep your phone on you while you're playing basketball?" she asked me.
"That's completely different!" I pointed out, "I'm out there playing an active sport and you're sitting in a room discussing things to do with music—and I do check my phone, you see the calls and ignore them, not even a text to see if everything' ok."
"I thought you said at Jamie's last check up that he was doing fine?" she asked.
"Yeah I did, but that doesn't mean nothing could ever happen," I said.
"Ok, it's not like I left him with a stranger, he was with you so I knew it would be fine if I wasn't on high alert," she said.
"Ok fine, but we should figure out a plan for in case something ever happens," I said.
"Fantastic," she said sarcastically.
"I'm not saying I want it to happen Haley, I'm just trying to be responsible," I retaliated.
"Yeah ok I get it, I didn't say we shouldn't," she snapped.
"Maybe we can ask them about protocol of bringing him in tomorrow at the appointment, and if we just take him to normal Accident and Emergency, or straight to like a Cardiac department that know his case?"
Haley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.
"Yeah I forgot to tell you, that appointment tomorrow I can't make it," she said.
"What? Why not?" I said putting the box of tea bags down so I could focus on her.
"I just have this session with some people from the LA office and they cant make it any other time so I cant reschedule and I have to be there, the whole team does," she justified.
"Haley we booked all these appointments in one go months ago," I said.
"Yeah I know that Nathan, I was there, I just told you though that this came up and I have to be there," she said.
"You didn't come to the last one either," I said.
"Yeah and you said everything was ok," she said.
"Yeah it was—"
"So can't you just update me and give me the short version then when you're back?"
"You don't want to come and make sure everything's ok?" I asked her, genuinely convinced that she just didn't understand the fact Jamie had an appointment and it was just miscommunication.
"But you don't want to come hear it yourself?"
"Whether I'm there or not the result isn't going to change," she pointed out, "I don't get why you're making a whole big deal out of this."
Despite being technically true, her argument sounded plain ridiculous to me. I didn't understand how she didn't care about being at the meeting herself. It was our chance to hear what the doctors had to say and ask any questions we had. Yes the check ups were routine and would be there for a long time but that didn't change anything.
"I'm making a big deal out of it because it is a big deal," I reminded her.
"Yeah and Nathan in case you haven't realised it will be a big deal for the rest of our lives now," she snapped.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her.
"Never mind," she said, "I'm not going to go down that road."
"Haley, Jamie is sick and he's our son. It's not ideal but resenting the fact that he has an illness—"
"Woah! I did not say I resented it!" she said, standing up, "I'm just pointing out that this is here forever now and we can't make everything about this."
"That's not what I'm doing," I told her, "I'm trying to stay on top of it!"
"Oh please, you went to a charity thing for kids with a heart condition," she said.
"So?" I asked, not following.
"You're basically just drawing attention to Jamie and everything that's going on," she said.
"Haley they're sick kids, and it's good to support a charity," I said.
"If you want to help kids then there's a million other charities out there! I don't get why you seem to want to make this who we are now!"
"I have no clue where this is coming from! Haley everyone on the team has to support a charity and I chose that one because I felt like I had a connection to it," I said.
"Then why were you on the front page of three newspapers the next day when none of your team mates were?" she asked.
"What? I don't know," I said.
"It's because you told them about Jamie in your speech that's why!"
"So what?" I shouted.
"Ok don't yell, you're going to wake him up," she shouted back just as loudly.
I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes.
What were we doing right now?
I felt like I was struggling against a strong wave for a long time now and no matter how much I tried to give it my all since we were in this place now I couldn't move from where I was being held back.
"Are you really that ashamed or embarrassed that Jamie has a heart condition?" I asked her in a calmer voice, "that everyone is going to view us differently?"
Haley sat back down on the stool and exhaled loudly.
"You just don't get it," she said.
"Then talk to me," I tried.
"I'm trying to start a brand here ok, and an image—"
"Oh my god you have got to be kidding, that's what this is about?!"
"See I knew you wouldn't get it," she said.
"The hell I don't get it! It's ridiculous," I pointed out.
"Nathan you're here right now in New York doing something amazing and your mind is still in Tree Hill! You need to realise who you are in this life now and make it work!"
"Haley even though we're here now we're still the same people, we can't just build ourselves up from nothing!"
"That's the whole point! We have a chance to be better!"
"I—I just cant have this conversation with you right now," I said more to myself than to her.
I walked out the kitchen and took my keys and wallet out the bowl, looking for where I'd left my jacket.
Haley just rolled her eyes at me, and turned on the television onto some gossip channel relaying celebrity news.
I had no idea who this person in front of me was anymore.
I stormed out, and walked into the street, getting into my car. As soon as the engine was on, my feet were moving quickly as I steered, clearly knowing where I was going before my mind had caught up.
My heart was racing, and I could almost hear my brain ticking as I tried to get my thoughts in control. I couldn't believe I had actually just had that conversation with Haley. It just continued to show me that I was completely out of my depth here.
All I knew was right now I had to calm down.
A tiny voice in the back of my head was asking what I was doing and measuring up the consequences but I just kept replaying my last ten minutes with Haley and the voice got quieter and quieter.
Xxxxxxxxx
A/N: Don't freak out, the next chapter is kinda a continuation of this one. just together it was more than 13,000 words when each chapter usually is about 6,000. I have it done though and will post it once I read through it!