ikilled iCarly

Jealous

Carly p o v

Sam was laying so still she was barely breathing if it wasn't for this machine she would be dead. After her seizure Sam had thrown up so much they had to give her anti nausea medication and iv fluids to rebuild her system. Spencer was sitting on the window sill he was there for me but trying to give me privacy, I knew he was worried about both of us. I saw it in his eyes they didn't leave Sam for long. I saw how much this was hurting him. I watched the Iv pole it had so many bags on it she was getting 3 units of blood ,plasma, potassium, sodium. I ran my fingers over her arm which had the needle stuck in her arm, she was swollen , bruised. I hated how they made her glued to the bed she should be free running and laughing not stuck in a hospital.

Tubes wore protruding outside her body two were in her groin area from the femoral arteries they lead to the ECMO Machine one was carrying her oxygen poor blood into the machine where it was oxygenated by a special membrane the other tube carried the blood back into her body to her oxygen starved system. Surprisingly it was very quite too quite it added to the tense feeling of life and death it was playing in Sam's life. Her eyes didn't flinch she didn't wake up, the soft hum and hiss of the machine was the only indication she was even still alive.

Spencer was red faced as he watched me his eyes red rimmed as he struggled not to cry. I saw his fists were clenched completely white.

I sat on her bed holding her hand praying she would wake up Sam's face was pale and gaunt reminding me of death mask stalk and white chillingly hallow. I touched her face and kissed it she was warm which scared me if she was running a fever it could mean she had antibodies in her blood or a infection either one could mean she wouldn't be able to get a transplant. No transplant meant …

It didn't take a genius or a math mathematician to put two and two together Sam wasn't moving hadn't been moving since she had her seizure the machines were beeping and humming. I felt cold and clammy as I held onto her tears running freely down my face. It was amazing how these simple plastic square apparatuses held her fragile life signs. One slide down and Sam's life could be over her blood pressure gleamed a bright green at me 90 over 56 it was lower then a hour ago when it was holding steady at 99 over 87.

The green lines kept dipping and skipping reminding me of a roller coaster that we had ridden last summer at Six flags it scared the Chiz out of me and I had grabbed onto Sam who had laughed. As I buried my face in her chest she had held me and kissed me while we sat on a bench I was shaking and almost throwing up but she had held me so lovingly and showered me with secret kisses that it made up for the horror of being propelled 365 ft in the air at 3 seconds before being skyrocketed into the air at a downwards spiral. Which had left my stomach at the top...pretty much like this machine was doing to me now when the lines were up my heart and my stomach was flying happy when they crashed down my heart stopped and squeezed so tight I thought it was going to squeeze itself to death. My stomach felt like it was going to come up. My head was pounding as my neck was hurting from bending over Sam so much . My hands were cramped as I held onto hers …

Sam Baby you need to hold on and keep staying strong sweetie

Were all right here we all love you

Your my best friend Sam

I need you I can't do this without you

You can't die on me

Please Sam I need you to hear me

Spencer was by my side his hand on my shoulder I moved past him my legs were shaky he held me and lead me over to the window sill even though she was in the ICU and visiting hours were usually short with the shootings the hospital was packed and over capacity so they let us stay with Sam. Thank god cause there was no way I was leaving.

I looked at the letter that was laying there what the police had shown Sam which is what caused her to hyperventilate.

What had she read that was so awful?

I couldn't believe the words coming form the paper..this person was sick blaming Sam for all their problems how could they! I was ready to kill who ever this was. Then I came upon the middle of the letter my heart froze...

Carly you are all I ever wanted you are the most gorgeous sweetest sexiest girl I have ever met ..you have never even given me the time of the day. Why ? Because that bitch filled your sweet trusting brain with her sick evil ways.

I know you were and could never be like her you are the epitome of all that is good and right in this world. I love everything about you from your sweet lips that twist into the cutest smile I have ever seen to the way your eyes shine when you hear a good joke to the cute laugh to the curves of your sexy body I could sit and watch you move all day the way you swing your hips your cute little butt. I just wanted to have a chance to be the one who's arms you wrap around to be the one you kiss goodnight and whisper lyrics to a love song to. I dream every night that we will be married and have kids someday I want to be your first ...the first one you make love to the first one you say " I Love you" to the first one you trust with your heart and soul to.

It's been a dream for so long I don''t remember what it even feels like to live without it it's been my security blanket. Kind of like a baby holding onto a pacifier even though he's old enough to let go he just likes the comfort.

Sam killed that dream when she poisoned you with her lies and disease if your reading this I bet your asking why I did this. If by some mistake your alive then you will have a lot of questions number one Why? Because I am sick of losing! Losing my dreams my heart my self worth my dignity my chances all to her.

She stole you from me it makes me sick to know that she gets to touch you the way I long to to kiss you to snuggle with you at night to keep you warm to be the one who you whisper your wildest dreams to.

That is why I am doing this because I am sick of losing and I WILL NOT LOSE ANYMORE!

I know I will never be happy having to live watching her put her hands all over your sexy body having to listen to her lips kiss your gorgeous soft lips. So I'm taking control back , everyday of my life has been one of daily pain at her hands. What's the point of living if I can't be with the one I love?

I could of just killed myself and yea I know you would of mourn but for how long until you forgot about me until she made you forget?

I know everybody will talk about me what's the difference between what they say now and what they will say? I'm a jealous, I'm insecure I'm a heartless Ba...d maybe I am but in the end who cares what I am cuz no one did when I was alive..Why start now so you can all pat yourselves on the back and say you did your part it wasn't your fault? Well Guess what too little too late..Carly You just don't understand the power you have over people. There's a reason iCarly was so damn popular it wasn't just cause it was a awesome show nah it was because of you. There's something special inside of you and it shines through in everything you do you have a presence that people would die to be around a sweetness that makes you unique. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go mad just from wishing and hoping that you would notice me but you never do I am always on the outside in a pool of my own jealous dreams. We always did things big on iCarly because you never wanted to settle for little changes when we could make big changes that's why this web-show was started so us little people could have a big voice make a big impact .. it's what made us so awesome so loved and so hated at the same time.

Well why would I go and off myself softly when we lived our lives so big! I want to make a impact I want something to change for some poor kid out there like me who feels life is crap and that they are worthless. The way I feel everyday because of her! Sam your precious baby girl who was and is nothing but a bully a heartless thug who doesn't care about anybody expect herself .

That's why I have to save you Carls I know she will only hurt you in the end and I can't let that happen so I'm taking you with me. We can be together Forever...in heaven ..a place she'll never go to..

It's the perfect plan honey I get my wish and I let her stay alive living in pure hell like she left me in everyday she can stand at your grave and weep ..weep for lost dreams a shattered heart distorted visions of what could have been. She can live the rest of her life in jealous pain knowing in the end I won I got the girl..and she got chiz...

I had to stop it was all too much how could this person be so jealous? How could they be so sick to think that I would be with them after they killed my best friend? I was burning in anger I was seething in pain. How could someone blame Sam for their screwed up mind she never went too far she always kept it clean ..she wasn't a bully...she has the kindest heart and the sweetest soul she was tough sure cuz she had to be she had a screwed up life her mom beat her she abused her verbally and physically she was scared to go home so she slept at my place. Every time her mom brought home a new boyfriend he used her as a rag doll what ever they wanted from her they took. She had shed so many tears over it with only me she was ashamed and she was hurt. She had to grow up being tough and that meant not taking anyone's chiz.

Sam my poor Sam all she did was find a way to survive and what did it get her? A bullet in her chest I was so angry I wanted to break his face..looking at her as she laid there struggling to breathe while Spencer held her hand his head down as he prayed I felt myself getting up and before I knew it I was out the door and on the way to his room. He was going to get a piece of my mind like it or not.