Repeat Patterns
Tim came in late from his trip. Tony lay in bed, anxiously listening to him moving around, sure that his husband would spend the night in the guest room. Tim had been so angry when he'd left and had only called once in the entire week he was away. It had gone to voicemail and Tony had listened to the message a dozen times, trying to find some hope in the spare words.
"Be back on Friday. Look, I don't know why I'm apologizing but I'm sorry, and...and we need to talk."
The toilet flushed and then, thank God, Tim slipped into bed. Tony's back was to him but he wanted so badly to face Tim and say, 'No, I'm the one who should be apologizing.' Afraid of rejection, he did nothing.
Tim touched him, gently, a hand sliding up his arm. "Tony?"
Tony turned into him, and next thing he knew they were kissing and he was whispering, "I'm sorry, so sorry…" Asking Tim for forgiveness would be pointless so Tony lay in Tim's arms and accepted whatever he was willing to give him.
Tim was too tired to do more than thrust against Tony's hip before falling asleep, but Tony was just glad to have him back. The next morning they lay in bed facing each other and had the talk they'd avoided for so long.
"It's a good opportunity," said Tim.
"A great opportunity," Tony agreed. "Head of the Cyber Department? When do you start?"
Instead of answering his question, Tim said, "At first I was walking on air, but on the flight, the closer I got to home, the less important the job seemed. I almost forgot what matters most, Tony, but being so far away from you and Nicky gave me the kick in the butt I needed."
"Oh, Tim."
"See, I blamed Gibbs for being so damned accessible all the time, for making the moves on you. For being him. Then I blamed you for falling for his crap, for being willing, for being unfaithful."
"Tim…"
"I blame myself for not giving you what you needed, for failing as a husband."
"No, no…"
Tim shook his head. "We're all tied up, the three of us. It's like one of those Chinese finger traps, where the harder you try to escape, the tighter it gets. So I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't fight it. Putting distance between you and Gibbs probably won't be enough to break your addiction for him. I can put up barriers between you two, can go over and beat the shit out of him...okay, that's not likely to happen...but the only person who can make this work is you, Tony. The choice is yours but it kills me to think of you being with him. It fucking kills me! He's going to hurt you again. I know you'd put everything you've got into the relationship but there's no way he can sustain it. Look at his track record. Same old pattern."
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