I told you there'd be a delay...

Anyway - on with the show...a relatively short chapter - but hey, I'm old and I need to nap more frequently than I used to... As always thank you so much for reading. To those who review, you have my utmost gratitude. There will be more cake nonsense in the next chapter and to belle - you asked me a question - the answer is yes and no - since it actually all ties into to a random sub plot later on...or something like that.

Recipe for Disaster

by achitka

A Hanged Man

You ain't dead --

-- good cause - hey, --...who said?

me, Futa

Where -- see anything...

Close -- eyes...

-- so f'ed up...

-- keep eyes shut

Easy -- shorty…where --?

-- not important--.

Yes it is, -- if we don't ?

Can't leave -- your hand.

What --this?

Don't know -- it --exists, --stuck -- consciousness -- not able -- help.

You said -- sent--who is -- need help -- why -- the hard way Mi?

-- can't tell -- promised -- and...

And what?

You -- promise

Eh? then how -- help?

don't know, -- nee-chan.

-- what if -- no?

-- neechan, -- won't -- leave here either.

Is -- you said was here before?-- Alright -- promise.

Remember -- promise -- release.

Hito blinked awake as he lay in bed staring into the darkness. Well that was just weird, he thought. Normally Hito didn't remember dreams, he just fell asleep then wake up the next day, but whenever he did...shit...sure sounded like Futa and Mi. Maybe he'd ask Yon in the morning…it was probably just wishful thinking on his part anyway. Sitting up, Hito was confused for a second as he looked around at the strange surroundings. When he remembered where he was and why he wasn't in his own bed, Hito sighed.

Going to the window, he opened it and welcomed the cool October breeze that blew in and Hito wondered why this apartment stood empty for so long. Sure it wasn't the best part of town, but you could see practically the whole village from here. A light in the distance, Hito knew was his father's office in the Hokage tower, disappeared briefly behind a black mass of something. The light flickered in and out of sight and Hito stared at it in an attempt to figure out why that was. When he realized it was a flock of birds, he yawned as he absently wondered why they were so quiet, but he was feeling tired again so he didn't wonder very much…he was probably just too far away...probably.

Hito shoved the question to the back of his head. He was already in trouble for letting his odd obsessions get the better of him and that's probably why his mother told him what she did, the way she did. Not because she was trying to be mean, but because if she did sugarcoat it just to make him feel better, it still would've been a lie. She knew better than anyone just how his brain worked and where would they be when he did learn the truth of it.

Hito managed to sit through a lot of lectures in the past six months, none of which he'd really bothered to listen to. Simply put, he could no longer afford to keep repeating the same stupid mistakes. He really did need to focus less on what happened back in the day and a lot more on the things that were happening now. When an especially brisk wind blew by, Hito took a deep breath and held it before slowly exhaling.

On notice...

Those two words still left him more than a little nervous. While his mother didn't downplay the status, she did confirm the severity of the reprimand, especially for a genin. Hito now knew he'd been working his way toward that designation since after his first set of assignments. He'd been lackadaisical in his approach to his assigned missions, too frequently not where he should be, ignoring direct orders from his Sensei and endangering others by consistently disregarding reprimands. It made Hito wonder why it didn't happen sooner.

Noticing Yon shiver, Hito shut the window and went over and noted his brother was half out of his blankets and still wearing his clothes. Little goof, Hito thought as he gently pulled off his brother's jacket. Chucking it aside Hito jumped at the dull metallic sound the jacket made when it hit the floor. He couldn't have thrown it that hard. After he finished rearranging Yon, he made sure to pull the blanket up around his brother's neck the way he liked and watched his little brother sleep.

Few people understood Mi and Yon's limitations, but he did. It was why he let himself fail those graduation exams, but lately, he realized, he'd been taking out his frustrations more and more on his little brothers. He'd had been so wrapped up in his own bullshit that Hito wasn't really surprised when Yon belted him the day before. He'd actually been expecting them to try to pull some sort of prank to get him back since both were acting pretty weird lately and now there was all this.

"I've been kind of a crap ass lately, eh little brother?"

People at the academy often times avoided them and their odd way of speaking was only part of it. Both really were genius level shinobi and most of the kids and even some of the adults were afraid of them because of it.

Standing up Hito decided he'd definitely find his way back into the good graces of the Hokage, and he was determined he'd make double damned sure it wasn't at his brothers' expense. And if the only way to that was to survive the geezer's training...he would. Picking up his brother's coat, he remembered the thunk he'd heard earlier. Hito stood there for quite awhile and weighed the jacket trying to decide if he should go through his brother's pockets. In the end Hito was unable to talk himself out of it, as his curiosity got the better of him so he slipped quietly out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen. Turning on the light Hito set the jacket on the table and carefully removed the items that weren't the usual ninja gear. There was an astounding amount of junk but only two items held any interest for him. One was a scroll and the other a small figurine.

Running a finger over the figure's tiny stone face, Hito struggled to recall where he'd seen something similar in the past. He knew he'd seen it somewhere. How could anyone forget such a creepy little thing, with its hunched back, large crazy eyes, set off by an elongated nose and mouth? Turning it over he almost dropped it when he noted the symbol carefully painted in what looked like fresh blood. It was the only part that didn't look worn or faded. Shi?

Stuffing it back in its pocket, Hito picked up the scroll and noticed there was a tiny chakra seal on it. The scroll case itself was old and a bit beat up; the chakra seal wasn't. More weirdness. The string was definitely Mi's handiwork, the only reason Hito knew that was because Mi was left handed, so everything he did always looked backwards to Hito. This didn't actually worry him since he already knew how to get around them. Mi and Yon didn't know he could do that, but Hito thought it hilarious to mess the pair sometimes. He always had a knack for copying things like that but never bothered to tell them he'd picked up their trick of creating chakra threads before they entered the academy and Hito certainly didn't think twice about opening the scroll.

After the first few lines, Hito realized it was the scroll the Third Hokage made for his father. From the condition of the case it probably was made around the time the geezer said it was. Hito decided not to read the story itself right now, but instead focused his attention on the pictures and marveled at the skill with which they were drawn. That old man had a real talent for it; none of the colors appeared to have faded either.

Kushima's face was far prettier than he'd imagined framed, as it was by her long red hair making her green eyes stand out in an unexpected way. Or maybe it was the shape of them, Hito couldn't decide. He blinked as he looked at the depiction of the old farmer, Sarutahiko, and immediately stood up as he held it up to the light.

What the...he looks just like the geezer, Hito thought. Then he remembered that the old man, really wasn't and it made him curious as to what the old man did look like. Hito assumed he just looked like his regular self, just older, but something about that bugged him since he found out the old man's name. There wasn't a lot of information laying around about the Uchiha Clan. He was sure his parents knew, but there was no way he could think of to get them to tell him. Storing the information away, Hito looked next at young shinobi and blinked. Not only did he seem weirdly familiar, but looked a lot like his father.

It wasn't until he got to the pictures near the end of the scroll that Hito stopped again. Examining one of the last illustrations, he pulled the creepy little statue out of his brother's pocket again. No doubt about it, he thought. The pictures of the tengu demons drawn there, looked just like the figurine and Hito suddenly remembered where he'd seen it before. His father's library. He was also pretty sure there were more than one too.

Chances were this little trinket was cursed or worse - but the bigger mystery was why Yon would be carrying something like that around in the first place? Glancing at the figure again, Hito shuddered. Damn thing still creeped him out, so he decided to think about it later and stuffed it and the scroll back into the pockets he'd found them in.

Returning to the bedroom Hito carefully laid Yon's jacket next to him and crawled back under his covers and quickly fell asleep. All that thinking was making his brain hurt and his dreams were filled with pretty red haired girls, fighting demons while flying on the backs of talking crows.

"Wanna play hangman?" Futa asked hopefully.

"Futa-san, why would we do that?" Renji asked. Shinto himself cocked an eyebrow at Futa's request just as Hina-Sensei reentered the room and sat down near the window. The three paused in their conversation, but their Sensei said nothing to them. Just opened the book she had with her and started reading. Shinto shrugged and noticed Futa was already busy scribbling something on the pad in addition to the usual gallows.

It said: got ?? can't say

"Well, Futa-san?" Renji asked again.

"Because..." she said with a heavy sigh, "I'm bored."

Since the beginning of Team 8's existence, Renji pretty much named himself the 'leader' of their genin team. This grated on Futa and though she put up with it for the most part, she tended to lose her temper when Renji would chide her as if she were some academy student. The fact that she was the only one on their team to advance to the finals was pretty much lost on the Hyuuga.

"You've only been here for a day and awake for less than a few hours of that," Renji said.

"Your point being what, Renji?"

Shinto noted the tartness of Futa's reply. There was also a hint of impatience that Shinto knew Renji would react to.

"You should be resting."

"I'm not tired…well, not any more."

"Why are you being so difficult? You're lucky they said you could leave tomorrow. You are the Hokage's daughter after all."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Futa snapped, but Shinto noted that all the while, Futa continued writing. This time she wrote: fuzzy + medic & 3 + 3 ??

Interest piqued, Shinto decided he'd better break it up before the pair really got started and said, "Alright, Uzumaki, I'm game, but how 'bout we do it tomorrow? It's late and they'll kick us out of here soon anyway."

Renji looked at him as if he's sprouted another head and not just because he'd been interrupted. It was common knowledge Shinto hated word games of any kind. They were just too random and Futa being Futa, tended to make this aspect twenty times worse.

Covering the pad with her hand, Futa schooled her features into a hopeful smile but didn't bother to hide the disappointment in her voice, "Okay, but tomorrow for sure?"

"Uh, yeah, for sure," Shinto replied, surprised by Futa's sudden willingness to cooperate. "Come on Hyuuga, I'm kinda tired myself. Hey, Uzumaki, mind if I borrow that pad?"

"No, not at all," Futa replied as Shinto took the pad of paper and stuffed it in a pocket. "Need a pen?" she asked.

"No, I'm all set."

"Great, g'nite guys."

As the boys left the hospital and walked back to the hotel, Renji asked, "So why is it that she only listens to you?"

"How the hell should I know? But you might want to try not talking to her like she's a helpless idiot."

"I do no such thing."

Shinto stared at his teammate for a moment trying to decide if he should argue that point. Deciding against it Shinto pulled out the pad and after handing it to his teammate he asked, "What do you make of this?"

"Eh?" Renji asked as he read Futa's message, "this doesn't make any sense."

"Sure don't, but something weird is going on. Why else would Futa waste time confirming that the 'fuzzy' and the medic were connected, we'd already guessed that. It's the rest that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I noticed you activated your byakugan before Hina-sensei, what did you see?"

"There was nothing out of the ordinary until you achieved your shadow possession. Then for a split second, I thought I saw something but at the time I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me."

"So what was it?"

"Got that pen?"

Shinto produced the requested instrument, which Renji used to sketch a most peculiar thing. It was only an outline, but from the shape Shinto could see its hunched back and drawn out nose. Nothing at all like that medic, but it did remind him of something disturbing.

Fuzzy + medic & 3 + 3 ??

"So what do you think the rest of it means?" Renji asked pulling him out of his thoughts.

"I still have no idea, that medic should not have been able to break my shadow possession, but she did and probably could have any time she wanted to and that leads me to believe that the medic wasn't human. We somehow gotta find a way to let Hina-Sensei and the others know what's going on without involving Futa. Something must have happened while she was knocked out and if she went to this much trouble to tell us this, without actually saying it, Futa's not going to talk about it."

Shinto shoved the pad back into his pocket as the pair melted into the larger crowd of folks arriving for the festival prior to the Main Matches.

"That does present problems," Renji said thoughtfully.

Shinto let out a snort and asked, "When has anything involving an Uzumaki not been?"

This elicited an uncharacteristic bark of laughter from Renji, who agreed saying, "True enough."

When the moon set and the last of Naruto's crows poofed out of existence, the Hokage sighed as he rubbed his face and waited. Bunshin training was always exhausting and Naruto closed his eyes as he sorted through the memory sets his clones piled up in his head. Normally he'd only use ten or less clones, but for this he'd used close to two hundred and still only felt a bit more confident he'd mastered what was needed, it would have to do though. The teme was right about learning to fly; it was a serious pain in the ass. Sasuke was expecting him or one of his clones to show up at his apartment by 8am. Glancing at the clock, Naruto knew he'd have at least one hour to sleep once he and Sai finished up. He stretched before heading for the door with Sai in tow and as he reached for the door handle he remembered there wasn't one.

"Damn kids, destroy everything-dattebayo," Naruto said with a smirk. Pulling the door open he came to an abrupt halt, smacking his forehead as he suddenly remembered to look at his calendar. Retracing his steps back to his desk, he opened a drawer and sifted through an unusual assortment of items but the dreaded book of doom was not there. Naruto straightened and absently scratched the thin whiskers on his face as he realized he'd lost track of the days again. "Eh, Sai?"

Sai reached down and plucked Naruto's calendar from beneath a pile of unread scrolls and stated, "Today is Tuesday."

Naruto favored Sai with a sour look that was completely lost on the other shinobi. Still, he was expecting him to say Sunday and added in nonchalant way, "Already?"

"Yes, Naruto-sama," Sai said as he nodded.

"You're getting as bad as Nara," Naruto mumbled and flipped forward through the pages of his calendar in an attempt to figure which date Shikamaru referred to earlier...Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...Fri- "Aaahhh..." Naruto set down the book and stared at the entry. It really would be bad if one of his bunshin showed up for that. A wave of chakra he did not recognize made him look at Sai who noticed it also, but just as quickly as it manifested, it was gone.

"Naruto-kun?"

The Hokage blinked at the sound of his wife's voice. Naruto-kun? He certainly wasn't expecting Sakura to show up, but there she was, just outside the still open door of his office. Sai was standing near the door, out of her line of sight and shook his head. That's not good, Naruto thought. Waving his hand, Sai melted backward through the wall and at the same time Naruto asked, "So what brings you out this late Sakura-chan?"

"I was worried when you didn't come home. You look tired, you should come with me and rest."

Naruto went about straightening the items on his desk and replied, "No, I'm fine actually and I'll sleep later."

"But you need to rest now..."

"I'll sleep here then-

"No."

"-when I'm done."

"You have to come with me.

"Eh?"

"It's important."

"Well if it's important, then of course," Naruto said and after a quick hand sign there were two of him. Nodding to himself, the Hokage said, "Alright, let's go." When he reached her, Sakura punched him full force and the bunshin Naruto exploded in a puff of expended chakra.

"No bunshin, Naruto-kun," Sakura said flatly.

Naruto smiled and stepped from behind his desk. Turning out the light, he followed the woman out the door saying, "Aaah, you got me again, Sakura-chan. I never could fool you. I guess the paperwork can wait until later then."

When the door to the office closed, a crow walked from beneath the desk and took off. Fluttering atop the desk it watched from the darkened office as the Hokage exited the tower. Sai's head manifested back through the wall and he said quietly, "I've sent word to Sakura-san at the hospital. ANBU have been dispatched there and around your old apartment. Shall I round up the others?"

Jumping off the desk, the crow clapped its beak, releasing the transformation jutsu and Naruto sat heavily into his chair saying, "No, not yet, just follow them for now, I want to find out what's so damned important but send a message to Nara and the teme. We can take care of the other later."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Sai said and disappeared from view.