A/N: If the Dursleys were proper caring guardians of their nephew, undoubtedly lots of things about the books would change, but this is an exchange that was inspired by a Dudley-is-a-Wizard story and chatting with my friends. It just struck me out of the blue that if something like Umbridge had happened to Dudley, Petunia would have had a fit, so I kinda twisted it into a nice!Dursleys story with Harry. Enjoy. If the OCC-ness bothers you, try to imagine it in this way . . . If Petunia loved Harry as much as she loved Dudley, are the characterizations right then?

Warnings: Mentions of Child Abuse

Disclaimer: Anything recognizeable belongs to JKR . . . situation belongs to me.

Petunia marched onto Hogwarts grounds, ignoring the wards and even the gates sprang open before her. Entering the Great Hall, she turned to a startled Ernie McMillan. "Take me to the new Headmistress," she ordered.

"I am right here, Madame," Umbridge said stiffly. "How may I help you?"

"This is the formal paperwork for removing my nephew, Harry James Potter, from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Petunia snipped at the toad-like woman. "The same paperwork has been submitted to your Ministry of Magic and the appropriate muggle authorities." She waved the So Your Child's a Wizard/Witch brochure that every muggle-raised child's family received before First Year. "This was very helpful."

"You can't do this!" Umbridge yelped.

"I can," Petunia leveled a very stern look at the Headmistress. "I am Harry's legal guardian. He has taken his OWLs and I have enrolled him in the local day school until you have been removed from Hogwarts, something that I will personally ensure, Madame Umbridge. You have overstepped your bounds as a teacher and a headmistress. I will be suing Hogwarts on Harry's behalf for the flagrant misuse of authority and abuse of a child."

"As well as the use of an illegal artifact," Remus supplied helpfully. Petunia had given him the authority to act as Harry's guardian while in the Magical World years ago. He had been having tea with the Dursley's when Sirius had passed along the message from Harry.

Umbridge began to shake and started to go for her wand, but thought better of it. "That is a lie," she hissed.

Petunia raised one brow in an eerily Snape-like manner. "So state the marks on his hand, which clearly show otherwise. Now, I will be taking my nephew with me."

Harry hurried forward from Gryffindor Table, having already packed his things as Sirius had ordered. "Here I am, Aunt Petunia."

"Come along, Harry-dear. Your Uncle has the car waiting outside the wards."

"I forbid you from leaving, Potter!" Umbridge shrieked.

Petunia turned away from her nephew and promptly slapped the woman across the face. Not only was it a perfectly acceptable cure for hysteria, Petunia didn't mind delivering the harder than necessary slap one bit.

Harry grinned a bit from the safety between his aunt and Remus. "That, Umbridge, is what you get for messing with a muggle."

Finite.