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Chapter 14- I Loved You More Than You'll Ever Know

"Stay here," Gibbs warned Ziva and Abby as he left them in autopsy. "Abby, do you have your phone?" Gibbs asked, remembering that he had smashed his and Ziva's earlier. Abby nodded. "Good," Gibbs said. "Call Dinozzo or McGee if you need anything." Gibbs turned to leave.

"Gibbs," Ziva said solemnly after him.

"Yeah," Gibbs said, turning back around.

"I'm sorry," Ziva said quietly, looking at her feet.

"Did you fire those bullets into Abby's lab?" Ziva shook her head. "Well, then I don't wanna hear it. Stay put." Gibbs closed the door to autopsy, leaving Ziva and Abby alone. Ziva went over to the sinks and washed Ducky's blood from her hands. She turned to Abby who was clutching Bert and standing as still as a statue, leaning against one of the autopsy tables.

"Abby," Ziva said. Abby didn't appear to hear her. "Abby!" Ziva said, louder this time. Abby snapped out of her reverie and looked at Ziva. "Look, you're covered in blood," Ziva said, pointing to the front of Abby's shirt which was stained with Ducky's blood, transferred from Bert. "Why don't you put the toy down?" Ziva tried to take Bert from Abby but Abby resisted. Ziva sighed in resignation and let go. She walked to another autopsy table and sat on it, swinging her legs impatiently and hating that she wasn't allowed to help.

"This feels like Ari all over again," Abby said, close to tears.

"Yes it does," Ziva agreed, sadly.

"Poor Ducky," Abby said, the shock starting to wear off and the panic starting to set in. "Oh my God, what if he dies? Or what if he's paralysed?! Oh my God, oh my God!"

"Abby-" Ziva started, but she stopped herself, remembering that Abby needed to get these things out of her system.

Suddenly the autopsy doors opened and Ziva jumped to her feet, pulled her gun out of her holster and pointed it squarely at the doorway.

"Don't shoot," McGee said as he walked in with his hands in the air. "It's just us." Ziva put her gun back in its holster.

"How's Ducky?" Abby asked, urgently.

"No news," Tony said as he and Gibbs followed McGee inside. "The whole base was searched and they came up with nothing."

"Except a few shells," McGee said, holding an evidence bag. "Can you run them, Abby?" Abby shook her head.

"I'm not going back down there," she said defiantly.

"Abs," Gibbs said, walking over to her. He gently put his hands on her shoulders and began massaging them. "I know you're frightened and I'm sorry that you had to see what you did. But I need you to do this. I don't know how to do your job. If I did, I wouldn't ask you to do this. I will come down to the lab with you and I won't leave until you do, okay?" Abby thought about this for a moment and nodded.

"For Ducky," she said in a small voice.

"Good girl," Gibbs said. "Ziva, you stay with Dinozzo. McGee, let the team in Jordan know about this. They could use this evidence to build their case against Hadar."

"On it, boss," McGee replied as he left with Gibbs and Abby.

"Are you alright?" Tony asked Ziva, walking over to her and standing in front of her. Ziva nodded.

"I am fine. It's Ducky that I am worried about."

"Me too," Tony admitted. "Your hands are shaking," he observed.

"It was almost me," Ziva said. "It should have been me. Ducky was standing in front of me. Gibbs pulled me away and-"

"It's not your fault," Tony said.

"Then why do I feel like it is?" Ziva asked. "If I hadn't brought my problems back to your country than-"

"-than you'd be dead," Tony interrupted her. "And that's not an option in my book." He reached forward and took Ziva's hand in his. She didn't resist. "Come on," he said. "Let's go back to the squad room. I might even give you something to do to save you going out of your mind."

"Thank you," Ziva said, hoping to be of some use. Ziva let Tony lead her by the hand to the elevator.

"You're in pain," Tony said as the ascended to the squad room floor. "I can tell by the way that you're standing."

"I left my medicine in Abby's lab," Ziva admitted.

"I'll get it," Tony said as the elevator doors opened. He walked Ziva over to her desk and McGee, who was on hold on the phone tried not to react when he saw them hand in hand. Ziva sat down at her desk. "Stay here," Tony said. Ziva nodded. "Probie, don't let Ziva out of your sight," Tony said as he went back to the elevator.

Ziva sat at her desk for the first time since she had been back at NCIS. So much had happened since the last time that she had been there that she felt like an entirely different person.

"Ziva?" McGee asked as he watched her staring into space. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Ziva said, nodding and trying to shake off the memories. "Is it safe for me to check my email?" McGee quickly checked that the network's firewall and other protection settings were in order and nodded before somebody on the other end of the line finally became available.

"Yes this is special Agent Timothy McGee from NCIS… no, you called me… yes… She isn't here… No I'm afraid that I can't disclose that information at the present time…"

Ziva wondered who was looking for her but she immediately stopped hearing McGee when she opened her NCIS email account and, among the usual office memos and jokes from Tony she saw an email from Eli David. It was dated at the previous day. Nervously, Ziva clicked on it and waited for it to open. When it opened, it read:

Ziva,

I understand that I have let my position as Director overshadow my duty to you. I realize that I should have flown to Somalia to see you after what you went through. I admit that I was afraid of seeing what they had done to you. Israelis are not cowards and yet I acted as a coward and not as a father who loves his daughter. I need you to know that I behaved as I did because I love you, not because I don't. I understand that you need some time away and I will give you all the time that you need. When you feel that you are ready, I would like to talk, as a father, not as a Director.

All my love

Papa

Ziva noticed that the email had an attachment. She clicked on it and waited for it to open. The attachment was the same photograph that she had left on the container ship, and which sat in Eli's office, of Ziva, her brother Ari and her little sister Tali as children. It had been scanned. Ziva felt her eyes well with tears at this unexpected development. At that moment she suddenly wanted to do nothing more than pick up the phone and talk to her father, wanting to continue the progress that he had made through the email but knowing that she would never have that chance. Ziva set the photograph as her computer's desktop background and stared at it. Now Ari, Tali and her father were dead, who did she have left?

Ziva's question was answered as the elevator doors opened and Gibbs, Abby and Tony, who was carrying Ziva's belongings, emerged with grim expressions on their faces.

"Uh… Ziva…" McGee said as he hung up the phone.

"Not now, McGee," Gibbs said they walked to Ziva's desk.

"What?" Ziva asked, her heart starting to pound. "Did you get news about Ducky?"

"No," Gibbs said. "Abby matched the casings found from the shooting."

"To what?" Ziva asked.

"They were .22 Long Rifle bullets," Abby said. "From a .22-caliber Beretta 70."

"Sound familiar?" Gibbs asked. Ziva nodded, her jaw dropping slightly.

"They don't make those weapons anymore," McGee said, confused.

"No," Ziva spoke up. "But they are the most reliable, effective weapons. And still widely used by Mossad. Almost signatory."

"That explains the phone call that I just got…" McGee said.

"What phone call?" Gibbs asked.

"The one I just tried to tell you about," McGee said.

"Who was it?" Gibbs asked impatiently.

"It was from the Israeli embassy. They want Ziva to go there immediately."

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Two of their staff members, ex Mossad, have gone missing with their weapons. They want to know if Ziva knows where they are."

"They want more than that," Gibbs said under his breath.

"You think that Hadar's influence extends to the Israeli embassy?" Tony asked. "You think that they're all in on this?"

"I don't know who I trust," Gibbs said, frustrated.

"Join the cub," Ziva said quietly.

"Club," McGee corrected her.

"All I know is that as long as Ziva is here with us, she's not being doublecrossed so she stays here. I don't care if the Israeli Prime Minister wants to speak to her," Gibbs said. "Do I make myself clear?" Everybody nodded.

Suddenly the phone on Gibbs' desk rang. He went over to answer it.

"Yeah, Gibbs," he said.

"Jethro," Ducky's slightly drugged voice said. "Did you get the bastard?"

- Thoughts?