It had been a week since Emily and Spencer last talked. It wasn't because either of them was mad at the other but because they had agreed a little space and time would help Spencer figure it all out. It had helped a little bit, if Spencer was honest. She had gotten the chance to just be with Toby and really enjoy him again in an effort to know that if what she felt was still as amazing as it had always been or if she had to start thinking about maybe moving on.
Then she got bored of that. She missed Emily. She missed not talking to her or seeing her over Skype. She missed her jokes and her laugh and most of all just missed being around her. So when she looked at her calendar and realized there was another swim meet coming up she decided to pay her a visit.
So she packed up an overnight bag, just in case, and made the trip down to see Emily. She was all smiles as she walked into the familiar building where the dorms were held and when she reached Emily's room her excitement almost boiled over. She could hear people inside talking and it sounded like a lot of the team was there getting pumped up for the meet.
She lifted her hand and gave a few knocks to the door, loud enough to hopefully cut through the excited chatter that was filling the room on the other side of the door. She bit her lip and rocked back on her heels as she waited for an answer. She couldn't wait to just see Emily's face again.
It was Paige who answered the door and the look on her face made it obvious that she had been expecting another team mate and seeing Spencer had taken her by surprise. "Hastings?" She looked at her a moment then laughed "What are you doing here?"
"Paige" Spencer gave her a genuine smile "Hey! I came to watch you guys swim, of course!" She rolled her eyes as if that should have been obvious then gave her shoulders a shrug "I just thought I would stop by and wish you two luck before heading to the pool to get a good seat."
"Always so supportive" Paige stepped to the side and turned around to yell back into the room "Hey Em, there's someone at the door for you."
"Me?" Emily perked up and looked at the door to see if she could see who it might be. She wasn't expecting anyone. When she didn't catch sight of who it was right away she moved through the crowd and toward the door. As soon as her eyes fell onto the familiar smiling face of Spencer Hastings her heart jumped and her smile grew tenfold. "Spence!"
"Hey Em" Spencer grinned just as widely as her friend did and opened her arms awaiting the hug she knew was coming.
"What are you doing here?" Emily asked with a laugh as she launched herself into her arms and wrapped her up in a hug. The immediate warmth from being pressed against Spencer sent a shiver down her spine and she had to fight it off before anyone saw it.
"You have a swim meet. I thought I'd come cheer you on" Spencer said with a shrug, still grinning even as the girls pulled back from the hug. "I told you I would try and be at every one I could."
"But you've been so busy. I mean, we haven't talked in a week." Emily smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear.
"That's not because I've been busy" Spencer perked an eyebrow as she spoke, silently reminding Emily they had agreed not to talk so Spencer could clear her head.
"Oh yeah" Emily said with a nod, biting her lip and fighting a smile. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Paige had stepped back inside the room but was hovering near the door, watching out of the corner of her eye and probably listening too. Emily looked back at Spencer and nodded "Not here." She reached out and grabbed her hand, tugging it firmly so Spencer would follow before leading her down the stairs and out of the building.
"Where are we going, Emily?" Spencer asked as she swatted a branch out of her face, it having nearly slapped her when it swung back from Emily having pushed it away.
"You'll see soon enough" Emily said softly, a smile on her lips as she glanced back at her friend.
It was one of the many weekends the girls spent together during the school year and Emily had been against hanging out with the rest of the girls. Spencer had been assigned the task by Ali to talk Emily into coming, saying Emily always listened to what Spencer had to say. When Spencer had gone to Emily's house to see what was wrong, she had said she didn't want to talk about it there and thus began the adventure through the woods they were on now.
The path was not worn but the way Emily navigated it, it was obvious she knew exactly where to step to avoid tripping over rocks or roots. She had obviously taken this path more times than she could say and it made Spencer wonder exactly where they were going.
A few moments later they hit a clearing in the woods and they were greeted with an old abandoned house. There were vines from base to roof all over it and there was a tree growing out of the living room. Spencer stopped and looked at the house, smiling at the subtle beauty it held. "Where are we?"
"I don't know" Emily said with a shrug, slowly letting her hand slide away from Spencer's now, having been holding it to guide her through the woods. "I found it once when I was eight and ran away from my parents because my dad had been deployed again and I thought if I disappeared he would have to stay." She let out a laugh and walked over to the house "I come here every now and then to clear my head, to just get away, and to hide when things get tough."
Spencer frowned a little bit and went over to her friend, putting a hand on her shoulder "What's wrong now, Em?"
Emily just shrugged and turned to look at Spencer "Ali's been bugging me lately. I just can't seem to make her happy. If it's not my clothes then it's my hair or who I sit by in class or who I date." She shook her head and looked at her feet "She said I'm holding back the group because I haven't even been on a date."
"That's bull" Spencer rolled her eyes. Her hand moved and gently started to rub at Emily's back, hoping to comfort her. "Don't let her get to you. She just likes to think we are her little play things. Ignore her and she will stop picking on you, I promise."
Emily smiled gently and nodded her head "You always know how to cheer me up, Spence. What would I do without you?"
"We will never have to find out" Spencer said with a soft laugh, nudging Emily playfully with her hip.
The girls now moved to the back of the library, their hands still tangled together as Emily lead the way. She glanced over her shoulder and when she was sure no one was around she finally stopped and turned to face Spencer now, only this time her hand did not slide away.
"Geez, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want to be seen with me" Spencer joked, glancing around the library and back to her friend "Why the sudden secret meeting place?"
"It's not a secret meeting place" Emily rolled her eyes and finally let go of Spencer's hand, the warmth immediately missed by her fingers. "Everyone knows Paige and I are together. I didn't want anyone over hearing us and going to tell her."
"What would we say that you might not want to get out?" Spencer asked with a smirk, her arms folding across her chest now.
"I don't know" Emily said with a shrug, laughing a little "I guess it's just such a habit to have to be careful who we talk about. Old habits die hard." She rolled her eyes at how stupid that sounded then stepped back and let herself lean into one of the bookshelves. "You know, you never told me why you were here."
"You never gave me the chance" Spencer replied, still smirking.
"Well now is your chance" Emily said sarcastically, scowling playfully at her friend.
"I" Spencer started then stopped when she realized she really didn't have an explanation. She wanted to see Emily, that was what it was, really. But if that was all it was she could just ask her to skype and see her face then, right? That didn't sound good to her though so instead she had driven all the way down to see her in person.
"Spence?" Emily could see the way Spencer's mind was racing and now wondered if something was wrong. "What is it?"
"Nothing" Spencer shook her head a little "I mean, I wanted to see you but that seems obvious now, right? That is why I'm here. But it's more than that. I guess I just needed to be around you."
Emily nodded a little and shrugged her shoulder "I get it, I guess. I thought we were taking a break from each other so you could figure things out."
"We were" Spencer nodded "We are. I don't know. I just had the urge to see you and it was like a craving I couldn't fulfill with anything but the real thing, does that make sense?"
Emily nodded slowly "I guess. But does this mean you figured it out?"
"No" Spencer said with a frown. She looked up at Emily and knew that was not what she had wanted to hear. "I just…" She tried to explain again and the words just evaded her. She let out a sigh and stepped forward. Without thinking about it she leaned into Emily, cupped a hand against her cheek, and pressed her lips firmly into Emily's.
Emily was a little more surprised than she should have been. The last time they had seen each other they had kissed, too, but it still completely caught her off guard every time it happened. She didn't stop it, though. Instead her own hand lifted and slid to the back of Spencer's neck, her fingers curling into her hair and pulling their lips together more tightly.
Both girls let out a soft moan into the kiss as Spencer's lips parted and her tongue sought out Emily's. Neither girl hesitated in taking the kiss deeper, each of them allowing their other to fully taste and explore their mouth.
Spencer had been so sure about so many things in her life and yet nothing seemed as crystal clear as this did in the moment. Nothing felt so right and nothing made more sense than this. The way Emily's lips felt on her, the way their tongues danced together, and how their bodies fit together as Spencer pushed Emily into the shelf were all clearer to her than anything. Emily made her feel for the first time in longer than she knew.
Emily shivered against Spencer's body when she felt her press into her. Her back was pinned to the shelf and her entire front was pressed from head to toe against Spencer. It felt more amazing to her than she could have ever imagined it would. It was everything she had dreamed of and more and there was nothing more she would rather be doing in that moment that this. It was the most electricity she had ever felt in her life.
That's why it physically pained her to pull from the kiss but she knew she had to. She had to stop them for Paige, for Toby, and for their friendship. This is not how this could happen and if this was the only way they could be together then Emily didn't want it, even though she really wanted it. "Spencer" She mumbled softly as she broke from the kiss and pushed at her shoulder lightly "We can't. We have to stop."
Spencer groaned but backed away because she knew Emily was right. She had a meet to go to. She had a girlfriend to go to. She wasn't sure what had taken hold of her but fighting it was nearly impossible when she was near Emily. "I'm sorry, I just-"
"I know" Emily breathed out softly. Spencer didn't have to explain, she knew exactly what it was like to be swept up by someone so completely that all you wanted to do was be lost in them forever.
Spencer drew in a breath and nodded, stepping back away from her completely now and offering a shy smile. She smoothed her hands over her outfit and licked her lips. "I guess we should get to the meet now."
"Yeah" Emily let out a laugh and motioned toward the exit of the library. "The meet is a good idea."
The meet had gone swimmingly and with the team easily winning, a celebration was at hand. Since Spencer did not have to be home the next day for class she had been invited by Paige, Emily, and the rest of the team to come with them to celebrate. She had insisted that she did not want to intrude but when no one let that be an excuse not to come, she gave in and decided a little celebrating could be fun. It wasn't like she and Emily would make out again, they would be in a room full of people this time!
The team had opened the doors to their dorms on the top floor, the floor Paige stayed on, and they were now all mingling with one another. They were roaming freely from room to room and even lingering in the hallways. There were drinks, non-alcoholic of course, and snacks. There was music playing softly in one room and soon more people started to show up. Before long it was a victory party that had turned into a dorm party but none of the team seemed to be complaining.
Spencer was leaning against one of the walls in the hall, talking with the girl who had anchored the backstroke relay that day when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning to see Paige, she gave her a smile and excused herself from the conversation she had been having. After taking a few steps away from her, she looked up at Paige and nodded "What's up, Paige?"
"Look" Paige said bluntly, glancing around to make sure no one else was within ear shot, especially not Emily, before her eyes returned to meet Spencer's "I know what's going on."
"What do you mean?" Spencer asked calmly. She felt her heart start to race a little but she was not going to get worked up over something that Paige might not really be talking about.
"Don't play dumb, Spencer. It's a little insulting to my intelligence."
"Paige" Spencer shook her head a little now, meeting her eyes with sincerity "I'm not sure what it is you are talking about here exactly." It was true. She didn't know exactly what she was referring to.
"Emily" Paige said with a frown. She glanced down the hallway and saw the girl standing at the end, surrounded with a group of people, probably all of which were swooning over her relay swim that day.
"What about her?" Spencer silently gulped then covered the action with taking a drink from her cup.
"I see the way she looks at you, Spencer" Paige said with a shake of her head and a defeated sigh. "I see the way she lights up when you come around. She used to smile at me the same way but she doesn't anymore." She glanced at her feet and took a breath, not wanting to get upset. She nodded and looked back at Spencer "You look at her the way I looked at her all through high school. I'm not blind, I see the effect the girl has on people, she's always had it on people, but with you it's different. You get that look in your eye like she is the best person you've ever known."
"Paige, we're just friends, I-"
"Stop" Paige lifted a hand to stop her before continuing herself. She looked back at Emily through the crowd and let out a heavy sigh. She shook her head and when she looked back at Spencer there were tears in her eyes "Don't take her from me, Spencer. She is the best person I have ever known and you know that's true for you, too. We both know how incredible she is. I've always thought I was lucky that I got the chance to be with her. I've always know the only person I could lose her to was you." She bit at her lip and swallowed the lump in her throat "I'll never love anyone the way I love her so please don't take that from me."
Spencer opened her mouth to say something but there was nothing to say. She was looking heartbreak right in the eye and it felt horrible. She and Paige had not always gotten along but that was in the past now and she knew Paige was a good person who loved her friend more than anything in the world. To see what she was doing to her, to an innocent party in this, it was just too much to handle. She shook her head and quickly handed her cup over to Paige "I'm sorry" She managed to mumble before she turned and bolted down the steps as fast as she could.
Emily saw Spencer suddenly disappear and immediately she excused herself from the crowd. She dodged her way through the people gathered in the hallway and made her way over to Paige, concern in her eyes when she reached her "Where did Spencer go?"
Paige shrugged and looked at her girlfriend "We were talking and she got a phone call and just left suddenly. She didn't have time to explain."
Emily frowned and nodded with her eyes on the steps as if she might be able to will Spencer to come back. "Don't know who called?"
Paige just shrugged and shook her head "She just said she was sorry and left." She reached out and took Emily's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze "Let's get back to the party."
Spencer could barely see through her tears as she tore through the streets trying to leave Emily behind as fast as possible. The pure pain on Paige's face was something she could never get out of her head. And to think that Toby could look the exact same way if she found out what had been going on. It hurt. What was she doing? She was hurting people she cared about who didn't deserve it. And Emily? What if whatever this was never worked out? Their friendship could be over and she couldn't handle that. Emily was right, she needed to figure it out and she just did. None of it was worth hurting those so close to her and it definitely wasn't worth potentially losing Emily forever. It had to be over and it had to be over for good.
It was a few hours later and Emily still had not heard from Spencer. Every phone call went straight to voicemail and every text went unanswered. She was worried to say the least. If something had happened that caused Spencer to have to leave without saying goodbye, she would have hoped her friend would have at least texted her to tell her everything was okay now. What if it wasn't? Or what if Spencer had decided to leave forever and Paige was just being a good girlfriend making up a story about the phone call. It wasn't like Spencer to not at least let Emily know what had happened.
It was after midnight when her phone finally vibrated. Emily had just about been asleep when she heard her phone go off. She reached for it quickly and when she glanced at the screen to see it was a text from Spencer, she smiled in relief. She was alive and still talking to her. Quickly she opened the message and in that moment she felt her heart twist like a sponge being rung out. It was two simple words but they said so much. She knew now nothing had happened, no phone call, no emergency. Spencer had made up her mind once and for all and now Emily had no idea if she would ever see her friend again.
"We can't" Emily whispered as she re-read the text once more before closing her phone and collapsing onto her pillow in tears. She was almost sure she would never feel happy again. The one thing she had wanted most in life has just been torn from her grip forever, never to return, and the only thing that remained was the bittersweet taste in her mouth. Spencer Hastings had broken her heart.