Darlene Shan: A Living Nightmare Chapter 13, a darren shan saga/cirque du freak fanfic

Blue Kitsune: Hey people school's been tiring and finals are going to be coming up for me pretty soon but fortunately it's all right and hoping to hear some new comments on this chapter. Please show your support and enjoy this as I dedicate to everyone who reads this.

I like to give thanks to xXSkye-Blue-SeaXx for their help. Thankfully I hope everyone enjoy this new chapter and have done my best not to copy too much of the story from the original b and hope everyone will like it and tell me your honest opinion. Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Darren Shan's Cirque Du Freak and think Larten Crepsley is a smexy vampire

Please read and review!

Chapter Thirteen

Three days.

That was all I had. Only three days to get myself ready and to also say farewell to everything and everyone I loved in my old life. It didn't seem like it would be enough for me in such a concise time limit but knew there was so much to do in the little time I had to get done before I'm gone.

I would have never guessed that this would be happening to me so soon, that I wouldn't get the chance to turn sixteen or finish high school or doing all the other things I wanted to do later on in my life. I thought it was so unfair that I would have to give it all up but then I realize that not many people were privileged to know exactly when they were going to die even though it wasn't like I had a choice in the matter or could do anything about it.

But what's done is done and at least I was given the opportunity, unlike few others, as not many people had the chance to say their goodbyes. Speaking of which I best get moving. I had to make sure that everything second counted and I needed to get it all done before the three days were up.

For the past two days I went to school to see my friends and listen to the lectures given by the teachers. I wanted to make the most of what I had left and this would be my last time doing these things.

Throughout the hour I sat there thinking to myself about how much I was going to miss going to this school even as I recall the many times I had been moaning and griping about having to be here and wishing to get the hell out of these place a lot before.

I gave the teachers my full attention during their sessions. I had gained a new respect for them, seeing how much they gave in order for us to learn and that these might be the last things I would ever learn from them. I try so hard not to cry in Mr. Dalton's class, even though my handwriting came out slightly scratchy.

I was hanging out with Alan and Tommy a lot and sometimes, between breaks, I would look over to where Jamie was but then find her disappearing when she caught my gaze and going as far to avoiding me the rest of those times.

I wonder if she had try to tell anyone about what I did to her but somehow it look like the bruise had vanish and she had somehow forgotten the incident. Whatever Mr. Crepsley did to make her forget it must have worked but she seem to be wary of me now these days.

I did not mind and it didn't really matter to me but as I stared at the clock counting the hours, not for school to finish but for how much time I had left considering I knew what was going to happen the next day.

Tomorrow, I thought. I was watching the seconds tick by and each moment felt like a piece of me was slipping away although I could not reach to grab them, to keep a hold of what little I had left before I ran out of it.

Tomorrow is the day I die.

I would've liked to pretend that everything would turn out all right, that I shouldn't be worried about what might, no will, happen tomorrow. If only I could. The thought that I was going to die didn't make it easier on me and I was wondering how the others would deal with it once I'm gone.

But to be honest, I wasn't really dying. I remembered what I learnt in biology about the metamorphous phases of a caterpillar that took place in order to become a butterfly.

Thinking that when a caterpillar changes, it loses its caterpillar life. No more shinnying up twigs, no more eating leaves.

No more being a caterpillar, plain and simple. For me it was no more being Darlene Shan. And just like a caterpillar, I was slowly undergoing those changes myself even though I hadn't really changed right away but still won't be long before I must spread my wings and fly away from this place, leaving my old life behind me.

Forever…

My thoughts were cut short as I heard the bell rang and then started heading towards the door and thinking that soon it will be all gone.

Just imagine, I thought as I started walking to my next class with Tommy and Alan by my side talking about something I wasn't really paying any attention to but pretending I was while my mind was on other things.

This is the last time I'll ever walk down this hall, the last time I'll see people from this school, all the kids and teachers that I see from time to time and I'll no longer be a part of it.

It was a depressing thought but I try not to let it show as the last thing I would want is for my friends to wonder what was wrong. It wasn't easy trying not to give away what was going to happen but still there was nothing else I could do for them to ease their minds about me leaving them.

Don't panic. You still have time, I told myself and when school was finally over I was with Tommy and Alan walking down the street, talking about the usual stuff, about soccer and music and books and other ordinary things.

For me it was trying to learn a little bit about the life I was about to exit, the people I know. Trying to appreciate it all, fast, before I had to leave it all behind and disappear out of everyone's lives.

We kept talking about how once Steve was out of the hospital we could make plans for the four of us to hang out more before we started heading our separate ways. We said our goodbyes, only they had no idea why or that this would be the last time I ever got to see them again.

Everyone seem to be faring much better now these days. My parents were after finding out Steve was going to make it when they had been worried about him, thinking he might not pull through.

But when they heard the good new and thinking now that the worst was over, that everything would be like before and could get on with our lives.

Yeah I like to believe that too but I couldn't. I mean this wouldn't be easy. It was like realizing you have a terminal disease with no cure and weren't going to live much longer. It was almost as if you couldn't tell your own family that you weren't going to be around anymore? That I was going to be long gone out of their lives before they knew it.

But there wasn't anything I could do other then pretended that everything was ok, while having the terrible sick feeling raged inside me as I wanted to let them know the truth. How can you act happy while the people around you might start crying at the news?

I couldn't do that; I thought grimly. It would just make it much harder for me to keep from my resolve.

All I did was made sure to put on my best acting skill to the fullest, saying it's great and can't wait.

The three days were nearly up and time literally seemed to be flying by before my very eyes and only had a few things left to do before I had to get ready and made my way towards the hospital.

It's a shame though that I won't get to say goodbye to Steve in person the day after tomorrow.

Mr. Crepsley said the antidote would take about three days for him to come out of it. I had made sure, no needed, to see him for the last time before I must leave him, my best friend.

He was still in his self-induced sleep by the time I got there. I sat by his side watching him. The nurses were nice and allowed me to stay as long as I wanted without making such disturbance, which I thought was all right since he wasn't really at all conscious.

Tomorrow he would be released and I was glad that he would make it though with no trouble. He might not know how he survived after being bitten by such a poisonous spider and how close to death he had been if Mr. Crepsley hadn't given him the antidote.

The doctors had been perplex and thought was a miracle seeing they found no trace of the poison in him and look like it had simply disappeared. Steve never really woke up yet he seemed to have improved; his color returning slowly and his breathing back to normal. He was bound to regain conscious soon and be up on his feet again in no time.

I wish there was a way I could talk to him one last time, just hearing his voice once more. I didn't know what I might say if I did and decided to leave him a note in my stead as I held it in my hand after spending many hours trying to find the right words to tell him how I felt about what happen and how sorry I was for what he went through because of me.

I look to the note in my lap and then at him, hoping this would make up for what I did to him and that he'll remember me by once I'm long gone from here.

I hope that he could forgive me for not saying to him in his face and that he wouldn't bear any grudge, though I wouldn't blame him if he did for the horrible mess I put him through.

I stayed there for a while longer by his side and grab hold of his hand and right before I left I bent to kiss Steve's cheek and then saw a small smile come across his face.

Seeing that I felt like it made my heart less heavy now and was ready to leave now and head on home.

It was a quiet walk and decided to take the long way home, taking the time to enjoy the scenery and wishing I could take some of it with me where I'm going.

My life isn't going to be the same anymore.

No more playing soccer with Tommy, Alan and Steve down at the park, I thought. No more being with my folks down at the beach. No more hanging out at the mall.

Things from my old life. Things that suddenly seemed to have happened a hundred years ago.

My life was drawn to a different path now and I have no choice but to walk towards it. It was like looking at a pale and curving road stretching in front of me, and not being able to see where it went as it disappeared into the darkness.

It felt like the flow of time had no effect on me and yet I was changing so much in such short time and so quickly. I wish I didn't have to leave but I knew I couldn't stay because I have already gone past the point. I made the choice to go down that path.

I was still scared, partly with the normal fear that we'd get caught and partly with the supernatural fear that we wouldn't and who wouldn't be once you find your life is on a double edge sword and not sure if you'll be able to pull through or not.

I was now standing on the bridge and went to look at my own reflection in the water. I was startled by how different I had become and with the changes that had taken place not long ago.

I didn't have red eyes and a chalky face like the one from my dream which I was relieved but yet couldn't help wondering if this was really me I was seeing.

So white and translucent my skin was in the light but not ghostly pale like in those horror movies.

My eyes were so blue and fierce that they burned like glowing sapphires as I look upon myself wondering if this was really me I was seeing and unable to draw myself away from the person I saw right below me.

So this was what a vampire Darlene looked like. And I knew, without being quite sure how that I wasn't the same Darlene I was anymore.

I could see it in my other's eyes looking up at where I was and as if it were speaking to 'me' in my own words, "I'm going away. I'm changing. This is goodbye then."

I couldn't explain exactly, but something in me said I was doing the right thing. I was dying in my old life. It was a solemn occasion, a Passage.

I knew my body was no longer the same now thanks to the vampire's blood that had already worked its strange magic in me.

I felt different, it was hard to describe. I'm not sure why but I felt like something happen to me, something during the transition and whether it was the strange alien blood in me or just part of growing up, I didn't know. But I was changing that's all I knew for sure.

I look down at my hands seeing the scars that stood out inside my palm and knew this had really happened and thinking there's no going back now and had to move on with my life. My unlife or whatever…

It wasn't easy I'll tell you this much. I was trying so hard not to seem like my usual self so that no one notice or think something wrong with me. I didn't want to arouse any suspicion, it would make everyone concerned and I did not need that now. I don't want my family being told and then worried about it after they calm down during the whole 'Steve' incident and didn't want to bring it into their lives so soon.

But even when I wish there was another way, all I know will bring them sadness in the end.

I was thinking while heading home: How exactly are we were going to pull this off, faking my death and all? I knew that it was all in good time and that I was going to die. Die soon. I couldn't help but wonder how soon?

Come to think of it, I hadn't asked Mr. Crepsley exactly how we were going to do it.

He didn't exactly tell me in full detail but told me to let him handle it and to go and deal with my affairs. I try not to think too much of it, seeing as today was my last day and should spend it with my family before I disappear out of their lives forever.

I wasn't sure how long I could go on not thinking about it.

I was going to have to leave it all behind. My family, my hometown. My entire human life. I was starting out into a strange new future with no idea of what was ahead. All I could do was trust Mr. Crepsley and my own ability to adapt.

I would make sure to spend some time with mom and dad, making conversation and then playing with Annie and making her happy in the process. It felt too good to be true and I know that in less than a few hours I'll be dead.

I head on home and found mom in the kitchen. I saw she was getting some things out to start cooking soon and I felt this might be my last chance to do something with her.

"Hi, Mom," I said shakily, "Can I help you cook tonight?"

Mom, at first, seemed surprise but then she smiled and said, "Sure."

It was then that I was helping with most of the stuff while she set the stove ready and took me almost a second to realize she was making my favorite dish.

"Hey mom what's the occasion?"

She look confused to hear me ask and said, "Oh well I had a feeling you want to have this. Call it a mother's intuition."

She smiled which made me smile yet inside I was reeling and felt like crying. I had a feeling that somehow she knows about what was going to happen but not everything. How could she be talking coherently when all I wanted to do was scream and rush up at her?

It felt so terrible I wanted to throw myself into her arms and never let go.

But I didn't. It would seem too weird and she might think something was really wrong. I found myself smiling faintly, with self-deprecating humor if nothing else. We worked together and mom made sure I didn't cut myself as we sliced the chicken and cut the mushroom. She touched me every so often with hands that shook slightly.

I frowned slightly. She wasn't acting like Mom at all and she was not aware of it. But putting up an effort as we both worked silently, trying to pretend everything was fine.

It's too cruel, I thought dimly. There ought to be a way to tell her. But she would never believe it, and if she did her and dad would probably try to stop me from doing it and I can't let them get into any danger....

I couldn't stand to look into my mother's anxiously hopeful face, and the thought of food made me nauseated but I told myself that this was to be my last night and should make the best of it.

Dad arrived home earlier than usual and somehow I had a feeling my parents knew even though they weren't aware at what was going to happen.

We sat around the table, eating and talking like it was one of those normal nights we had only for me I felt this was to be my last supper together with everyone and wanted to remember everything.

And that was good. It was incredible that I could sit there and talk to them when part of me was farther away than Neptune, but I did talk and that kept my brain turned off.

Later we decided to go and watch a movie, the four of us huddle together as Dad started flipping through channels until we came across one of those new recent movies.

As dad turned on the television I pretended to be following the story that was going on but my mind was elsewhere. How could I be into talk shows or infomercials when all I could think about was how I was going to be giving everything up in a matter of minutes?

Annie and I got to play a little bit and weren't long before she started getting tired and hurried off to her bedroom to sleep. She was getting her PJ on and let me put her to bed while she ask me to read a bedtime story.

"Ok so what shall it be?" It's been such a long time since I did something like this and knowing this was to be our last time and wanted to make it something she'll always remember.

She said whatever I wanted and so I picked one book off the shelf and saw to be one of my former favorites about a child who is about to partake a journey into the unknown, not certain what would await them but somehow coming to an understanding of the decision they must make along the way.

It call out to me feeling that it gave some comfort as I read out loud and seeing Annie listen to every word I said.

I felt myself lost in the story and as it was nearing the end I noticed Annie was already getting sleepy. She laid down when I finished and I put the book to the side and then placed a kiss on her forehead.

"What that's for?" She asked sleepily

She was not sure why I was doing this as I made sure to have her tuck in and look at her watching her getting ready to fall asleep. I reach to stroke one of her bangs from her eyes and smiled warmly, "Annie you know I'll always be your big sister and that you mean so much to me…"

She nodded, "You too big sis, you're the best big sister in the world…" Then she lay back and shut her eyes.

I try not to cry as I watch her sleep and then place another kiss but this time on her cheek. "I love you Annie, I love you always in my heart."

When I left the room, Annie was still asleep—and smiling.

There was still one last thing to do and I came back downstairs, hearing the TV still on and saw mom and dad on the couch. I just stood there watching them and wasn't long before I saw Dad turn around and looking to me, "Everything all right sweetheart?"

Mom turned too and I nodded before I went to them and gave them a hug, holding on as if my life depend on it, memorizing the feel of them in my arms as I held on to them. I realized just how terribly I was going to miss them.

"Mom, Dad, you're the best parents a girl could ask for and I hope you don't think that I'm merely saying that and though you feel like I take it for granted I mean every word you say. You mean everything to me."

Mom chuckled and so did Dad. They seemed happy to hear me say that, "Of course and we think you're the best daughter we could have. You're a good sister for Annie too though I wish you two stop picking on each other but that's love for you. We love you so much and hope you don't forget that."

I wanted to tell him that I won't, but there was so much to say, and the words were trapped inside my throat but I nodded numbly and said, "Of course dad. Don't worry."

I knew I wouldn't, no matter how much time would pass or even if I live for almost a thousand years or more, their words giving me comfort knowing they loved me and I thought of how they meant the world to me. I wished I could stay with them until the world falls down but I knew that would never be possible, not for the likes for me.

But at last I gave dad a hug and got a kiss on the cheek from him in return and I knew it would be my last kiss from him. And then there was nothing to do but say goodbye to mom.

I hugged mom hard, in that one moment I was aware of so many little sensations: the feel of her hands rubbing my back in a soothing matter like she usually does, the faint coconut smell that clung to her hair from her shampoo. Her arms wrapped around me, and the warmth of my mother's body. I burrowed deeper into my mother's embrace.

At first I had wanted them to be the ones to make me feel better, tell me things were going to be ok but then it changed when I walked in and decide from wanting them to comfort me to wanting to comfort them as this would be the last thing I could probably offer them before I'm gone.

It felt so good being held by her and didn't want her to let me go anytime soon. All I could do was hold on to her. "Mom," I said, muffled against her shoulder. "Just remember I love you," I muttered into her shoulder, blinking back tears.

Mom then looked at me concern when I pulled back, "Honey you ok? You're crying."

I blinked and then reached to touch my face. I felt the wet tears on my cheek before I made to wiped them away.

What can I say? I wondered. It's not like I could tell her it's going to be okay and that I'm crying because I'm going to die. Actually it's just leaving you but I'm not really dying; I'm going to become a vampire. I hope.

I can't be sure, because I don't know if I can pull this off but with any luck, I should be sucking blood in a few weeks.

I couldn't answer let alone say what was really on my mind. I wished I could but what could I say. Should I fess up and tell them, a part of me wanted to but knew they would not believe me and don't think it would be a wise idea and decided not to.

The one thing I don't want is make them be unhappy or worry even though it would be impossible to do so, so I merely look at her and shook my head, "Oh it's just I had something in my eyes and just needed to get it out." Before Mom could push any further I yawned and said, "Don't worry, Mom; I'm a little bit sleepy think I'll turn in early myself."

"You're really something, Darling," was all she said, but my lips trembled. Yeah sure, I'm something all right. I said goodnight and start to head upstairs to my room. I could tell my parents were a little confuse and concern for my behavior and I even managed to disregard my mother's whispered comments to Dad about how different I was.

"Oh don't worry. It's all part of growing up she'll be fine." I felt my chest tighten and thought yeah just keep thinking that as I closed the door behind me and leaning against it, trying not to cry out even when I could feel the tears ready to come thinking dad had never been more right and wrong at the same time.

I went to stand by my window and look outside. I was waiting for when the night approaches and saw it was slightly cloudy and the light in my bedroom was pale. I looked at every corner of my room.

Goodbye white-painted dresser.

Goodbye desk where I had sat writing in my journal-as proven by the scratches and pencil shavings on the wood.

Goodbye bed, goodbye books, goodbye computer. Goodbye stereo. Ouch, I thought. My stereo. And my CDs. I can't leave them; I can't....

But of course I could. I would have to I can't take my stereo with me where I'm going and besides I knew Annie would have wanted it and could consider my farewell gift to her.

It came to me, then, that I wasn't going to be able to say goodbye to everything after all. I couldn't tie up all the loose ends of my life in one afternoon. She might be privileged to know that this was my last day here, but I was going out just like everyone else unprepared.

I was thinking that everything felt off to me and I realized why since it wouldn't be long yet everything still seem the same.

How could the walls be still standing? How could the TV be blaring downstairs? And how was everything around me was just like always? The hardwood floor was still solid underneath me.

It made me dizzy thinking these things and try not to think of them and as soon as I closed my eyes, phantoms swirled around me. Not images of being with my family or hanging with my friends but instead surrounded by skeletons. Coffins. And worst of all, an endless darkness.

I didn't know much of death but having been curious and looked it up online and knew some of the stages of dying, knew the difference between the moment breathing stopped and the moment the brain turned off; knew the unmistakable ghostlike pallor of a fresh corpse.

The way the eyeballs flattened out about five minutes after expiration. Now, that was a detail most people weren't familiar with. Five minutes after you die, your eyes go flat and filmy gray.

And then your body starts to shrink. You actually get smaller and then…

It was too much and I fought the pictures that wanted to form in my mind. I couldn't think about it now; I needed to be detached. That was the only way to convince myself and to remain as calm as I could.

A part of me should be terrified for what was to come, knowing I would be buried six feet under the ground and that I would be jammed inside a casket still alive.

But strangely enough, I didn't feel frightened.

What I felt was vastly surprised and the surprise kept coming, over and over, with every thought being interrupted by those seven words.

It is almost time, Time to die…

I would be lying if I said I didn't have any regrets. I had some and I wish could've done like being more helpful to mom whenever she needed me. I shouldn't have teased Annie so much. I should have help more around the house, I should have done the things mom and dad asked me to do…

I thought about school and wishing I had actually read the play Our Town when I'd been assigned it last year, instead of using Cliff Notes and quick thinking to fake it.

All I could remember now was that it was about a dead girl who got the chance to look at one ordinary day in her life and really appreciate it. It might have helped me sort out my own feelings now-but it was too late.

I wasted a lot of high school, I realized. I used my brains to outsmart the teachers-and that really wasn't very smart at all.

I watched as the sky darkened and it was getting very late. It seemed I was the only one still up. I was one solid ache of misery from my throat down to my feet, and lay awake with the light on.

Then I realized I'd forgotten the most important thing. How I could not have noticed? I'd never told Steve I loved him. Not even in the letter I wrote for him.

I should have put it there but now my time was already up and now I was here waiting for Mr. Crepsley to show up.

I didn't want to think about it and decided to maybe listen to some music to cheer me up. I grabbed my iPod from my desk. It played by random and I put my headphones in.

The music was unearthly and sweet, and I felt I could fall into it forever, the way I fell in my dreams. Usually Steve used to refer to my taste in music, the haunting soft strains of ambient as 'Gothic mush.' Even when he listened to the same stuff I did and it made me feel outside of the void when I need to get away from it all.

I started to one of my favorite songs that gave me comfort and then before I knew it began to sing softly to myself.

Does it even matter what I've said
Too much in the past
to forget
Does it even matter what I feel

Does it even matter what I've done
Pushed you out of
the harms way
Does it even matter
Does it even
matter

It was one of those sweet, wrenching songs that made the hair on your arms stand up. That makes you want to throw yourself on the floor and just bawl. Or fall backward and surrender to the music utterly.

One of those songs.

Same way that you've burned
I feel
the fire in my words
The soon forgotten words of deceit

Now you feel like the one who was left alone in the
sun

Does it even matter what I've said
To
ease your one regret
Does it even matter
How your
lives shatter

Same way that you've yearned
I feel the mourning in my words
The soon forgotten words
of deceit

I let myself fall backward into the music, and it was like falling in a dream, without fear. It was like being a raindrop falling into the ocean. I was thinking of everything that went and happened, wondering how I could have let it happen.

Now you feel like the one who was left alone in the
Sun

Now you feel like the one who was left in
the sun to see all the light behind the shadow
And you know
that the whole world can see when you dry your heartless tears
of remorse

I was crying by the end of that song. Real tears, because even if I wasn't going to die truly, I was going to lose so much. My old life, my family, everything familiar. It felt good to cry over it; it was something I needed to do.

I felt the tears course down my face. I no longer cared if someone heard me. I sat down on the window sill and waited for him to appear so that we can get this started.

It was late and hadn't even realized I fell asleep. My eyes flew open and sitting up abruptly as I looked around. I could still hear the TV, but it was far away. The door was ajar, but the hallway outside was dim. A hush seemed to have fallen over the whole house and outside could hear the crickets and distant traffic.

But that's not what woke me up with such a start. I heard a soft sound came from the hallway.

Footsteps. The footsteps didn't sound like my parent, and anyway they'd gone to bed.

To my slowly rising annoyance, they were coming in the house heading to where I was.

For a second I had a wild idea that it was Death itself coming to get me but then realized who it was and frowned.

"Oh it's just you? You're early."

Much earlier than I would have anticipated but I guess he was as much anxious as I was and wanted to get this over and be done with it. I heard the door open and close quickly and couldn't identify the black silhouette that enter within a short second in the darkened room. Then again I really didn't have to turn on the lights, the moonlight outside was enough to let me see as I turn around.

Mr. Crepsley threw his cape over a chair and sat down on my bed. "Well I just did not want to be interrupted, would not do us any good to have your family walk in on us now would we?" He said with a gesture of dismissal. I wanted to roll my eyes but I remained where I was and didn't say a word to him.

"Have you said your farewells?" I heard him say quietly. It wasn't a question.

I look away and was tracing the spider necklace around my neck, thinking of all the things I'll never do or be with the people I love the most.

I sighed and said, "Yes I have."

"Good." He walked over towards where I was and I looked out the window for a moment and then he pulled from his pocket a small vial and holds it out to me. I look to it curiously before waiting for him to explain what I had to do with it.

"Drink this, it will make you grow numb and put you into a dead-like state that should last about twenty-four hours. Once you drink the potion you'll feel weaker and weaker. And then you'll just go to sleep. You'll look dead and be unconscious for a while. And then...you'll wake up. No one will be able to detect neither your heartbeat nor your pulse. To them they'll find you dead."

"I see." Sort of like the old 'Juliet in the tomb' thing, I thought and no one would be the wiser but had a few questions yet said not a word as I left everything up to him since he seem to know what he was doing.

"And when do I wake up?" I asked.

"Hopefully tomorrow after midnight or so though sometimes the potion do not always have a lasting effect to some more than other." He nodded and then look to me with one more thing on his mind, "There is another thing you should know," He was saying. "A certain percentage of people do not make it."

What? What did he mean don't make it, he means that I could actually be dead for real…my chances of surviving would be slim and what would happen to me? If I wake up then my life is over and if I don't, I really didn't want to think about it but I couldn't help it when he had never mention about this before and would be a minor setback to our plan.

"Wait a minute," I said in almost a croak. "When-when you say 'don't make it' you mean I might not wake up and instead I could be…that I might actually be..."

"Dead." Mr. Crepsley supplied, when my voice ran out and saw him nodded, "Unfortunately that what happens to most made vampires and since you're still in part human, your body might not make it through the procedure and survive the process. It is only very likely and the chances are slim."

WHAT?! I could not believe he said this now of all times! Why hadn't he told me this before? I mean how do I know if this would work? What if this stuff really killed me?! Could I really end up dead then? I was mostly afraid of what might happen but then Mr. Crepsley seeing how unsettled I was and said, "There is nothing to fear Darlene, and everyone has that feeling, even us vampire."

"But how do you know that, you're saying there's a fifty-fifty chance that it won't work. I mean for all you know I might end up dead instead of waking up?! How can you be honestly sure that I'll pull through huh! Can you at least tell me that much?!"

I knew I wasn't being rational but I didn't care. I know that it was too good to be true and feeling unsure about how we can pull this off. I didn't know if I could endure not knowing what would happen were while lying inside my coffin, whether I'll be brought back to life or not.

How can he act so calmly about this while I'm the one whose going to end up dead?!

His face was expressionless though I saw Mr. Crepsley's forehead furrow and crossing his arms as he look to me saying in a clip tone, "Well, I cannot give you any." He stared at me down with eyes as cold as ice. "I have never done this before, all right? I am just going by the book. And there are always things that can go wrong. But," he said tersely when I opened my mouth ready to speak, "I have faith you will pull through."

I wanted to ask him how could he be certain but then told myself that I should at least rely on him after everything he has done.

I mean after all this was only temporary, right?

"You're sure there isn't any other way? That, that I won't be…" I didn't finish the rest as I was still thinking of what my likely chances were should this fail.

Mr. Crepsley shook his head, very slightly, "I just do," he said. "I would not let that happen to you. Trust me; I have thought of everything. For now, just believe in what I say." He then reach for my hand and gave it a squeeze and making me look up at him to see him looking at me, his eyes expressing how much he believes that I would be able to pull through and that I should put my faith in him.

I nodded. I did trust him. I felt him let go and I found myself with the bottle now in my grasp and realize that this was it. The point of no return and there was no going back and that I can no longer go down the same road anymore.

My old life was now long gone and it was time to for me to head for a new one.

"You're right," I said and looking up to see him with the ghost of his old efficient manner on his face. "Okay, I'm dealing with it and you're sure this will work and no one will realize what happened will they? I mean that this is the only way?"

He nodded. "If it will mean going away from here then yes. You must leave everyone, your parents, your friends, all those you know. They cannot find out and soon you will be long gone from this place."

"Yeah, I was just realizing that. Sort of like getting a new identity from the FBI, huh?"

"More than that. You will be living in a new world. And it is a lonely world, full of secrets. But you will be walking around in it, instead of lying in the ground." He touched my cheek with his hand.

The briefest contact, but it made my heart leap though I didn't understand why and it turned my words into the truth. I would be all right.

Then he said very quietly and seriously, "Are you ready for this?"

In other words what it comes down to is: Do you want to live or not?

He seemed sure that I'll pull through but I, oddly, wasn't as certain as he was. I looked at him, seeing his green eyes on me and I felt doubt slosh back and forth inside me.

Until today I'd assumed it was my unconditional right to live. I hadn't even been grateful for the privilege. But now I knew it wasn't something to take for granted-and I also knew it was some thing I'd fight for.

If I die, I won't be here. Will I be anywhere? Or will I just Not Be at all?

It was the scariest thing I'd ever imagined, Not Being. And I was definitely thinking now, I couldn't help it. I'd lost control. A galloping fear consumed me, made me shiver thinking I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die…

Now calm down, there's no need to panic, Mr. Crepsley said it was a fifty-fifty chance.

Yes but what if I don't make it, how am I suppose to deal with that?!

Yes. But you're not dying, Darlene. This is a death scene you're setting up, this is real, and you have to go through of this. He held up his bargain and now you have to too. It's time to move on…

Yes I thought I have to deal with the reality, and the reality is that one way or another I'm going to die soon. And I'd rather die and wake up a vampire- than die and not wake up at all.

And the truth is, if I were really dying, I'd go kicking and screaming all the way.

But it's hard to say if I might or might not make it through, I thought. This is all a gamble. And I'd never take it, except that the only alternative was to give up without even trying to fight. The something I refuse to do was sit back and not do anything about it.

I had given up too much and I know that everything in life has its risk and we had to face them sooner or later and this would probably be one of many I would have to deal with now as a half vampire.

Mr. Crepsley seemed to notice my concern and put a hand on my shoulder, "Do not worry about it; I have got all the details figured out. All you need to do is have faith in your mentor. I will be there to get you when you wake up, everything will be fine, I promise."

I look up at him and then nodded, that was what I needed to hear.

"I'm not scared," I said, even though my mind was saying otherwise but doing my best to stay calm. "I can't explain why I'm not but it's the truth, do you Mr. Crepsley?"

He simply shrug but he seem to know that I was being honest with what I said because I couldn't shake this feeling I had, the one that seem to think that everything would turn out alright and that we'll pull through somehow.

This was my thought and of course, although neither of us mentioned it, we both knew I might die for good should I turn out wrong. Mr. Crepsley had been very frank about that-some people didn't make it through and survive.

Yet as I stared at the bottle lying in the palm of my hand and remembered something from English class that seem so long ago yet recalling the words so clearly and bringing them up from my memories.

"And this distilled liquor drink thou off;
when presently through all thy veins shall run
A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse
Shall keep his native progress, but surcease:"

Mr. Crepsley's eyebrows rose, hearing me recite and hadn't been expecting this from me, even I was surprise to find myself remembering them and saying them word for word without knowing it, "Act 4, scene 1, Romeo and Juliet. Not bad."

Taking that as I compliment I look to him straight in the eye and licking my lips in an unease manner. "I'm ready," I said through stiff lips. I uncorked it and lift the bottle in mock salute to him, "Cheers then." and I took it without hesitation.

Ugh, the stuff was nasty; the taste was revolting as I drank it down, every last drop and leaving me with a strange aftertaste in my mouth.

At first nothing seemed to happen but five seconds later my body was feeling like pins and needles were going through me which I took to be a sign that the fluid was running its course.

Man…he didn't mention it would take affect this fast.

I turn to Mr. Crepsley and not sure what I was even saying, not having control over my mouth for the words that came out and I was still trying desperately to sound casual.

"You know, I always wonder about something, about why Juliet did it. Right as she was about to take the potion and knowing that she was putting herself at risk, chances were that she might not survive or not but still she would rather take death than have no life at all without, without…"

I couldn't finish the rest of my sentence, my tongue felt thick; my whole body weak and languorous.

I was slowly losing the battle of staying conscious and my knees started to buckle and my vision grayed out. Every muscle in my body was rigid and then a great wave of drowsiness overtook me.

I couldn't...I just couldn't...keep my eyes open.

"I'm really sleepy." In my muddled and weakened state, I couldn't seem to make myself move. There was no pain, just a feeling of wanting to glide away. My body now felt warm and numb, as if I were insulated by a soft, thick aura.

It was so calming and so effective that I could feel my other senses growing dull with every passing moment. I was taking deep calming breaths slowly and gently, in through the nose and out through the mouth.

The room had a scent of vanilla, a warm and homey smell. A smell that reminded me of being a kid. Vanilla wafers and naptime. That was what this was like.

Just a nap in Miss Kimberly's kindergarten, with the sun slanting across the floor and Steve on a mat beside me.

So safe, so serene...I could fall asleep and never wake up, yeah just fall right into the safe serenity of sleep and never open my eyes again…

But the more peaceful I got, the more terrified I felt.

I'm not ready. But I already knew the answer to that. Nobody was ever ready. And felt myself falling backwards.

I'm going to die, I thought with a curious calm.

Before I could hit the floor hard arms held me up and led me towards the window. Mr. Crepsley carries me bridal style as he walked out onto the roof.

He leaned over, staring over the ledge and then nodded as he said, "This will do."

He set me down but then lifted me slightly. Even as I saw what was happening I couldn't help but wonder what he plan to do.

Sure he told me the potion would slow my heart and makes me appear dead but what else was he trying to.

He put his other hand under my neck, lifting me just slightly. I saw his face peering closely at me, his dark eyes staring into mine. I could not read his face nor understand what were reflecting in those eyes of him.

"I'm sure you will feel this when you wake up."

It left me confused.

What did he mean by that? That thought didn't last long because the next thing I know Mr. Crepsley put both hands on the side of my head and then the next I feel it twist. I heard a loud snap as the bones in neck were broken.

If I hadn't drunken that potion I might have felt that and believe me it probably hurt like a bitch especially after he throw me to the ground and hitting it with a hard thud to make sure my death looked accidental.

I laid there, my body at an awkward angle and my head had been turned slightly. I saw him jump down to come to my side, and then putting his hand over my cold cheek, stroking it but could not feel his touch but staring deep into them to see there was something there.

Was that sadness and sorrow? I could not tell for sure. My mind was feeling foggy and I could not grasp it as much as I wanted to understand why he was looking at me like this.

I saw him bend down to whisper inside my ear, hearing his words kept me conscious for the most part before he disappeared within a second after he spoke to me that night.

"Good night, sweet princess, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"

I then felt something brush against my lips but must have imagined it. My first kiss, I thought and I'm comatose. Great.

As I lay on the ground, still and unmoving my body was getting cold lying out here. I paid no attention as I realized that this was it, that I'm going to be dead soon.

I'm dying, I thought. I'm going to die right now. Right now.

I was nearly out when I heard the faint sound of my parents coming out as they wonder what was that noise and then my mom shriek as she saw me lying to the side. Dad rushed over while mom ran back into the house to call 911.

Dad tried to perform CPR on me. I saw him desperately trying to breathe life into me but it proved useless seeing I wasn't breathing or moving. His efforts were in vain. By now I just felt numb and barely register what was happening though knew that my dad was saying something to me.

"Darlene," Dad said, hearing the dangerous, unbalanced tone in his own voice. "Darlene, come on. Darlene, wake up!" He didn't sound like himself, his voice on a rising note. His hands were shaking violently, scrabbling at my shoulders and try to shake me to get up.

He lost all rationality and he was struggling to get me to come back. He was telling me that I was supposed to grow up, travel the world and all that. He couldn't finish the rest as he brought me to his chest and held me to him.

He was still holding on to me, saying how he hadn't want this to happen, that I had so much to give and I didn't know how long until his voice would start growing faint and everything was getting much darker.

I'd never seen dad cry before. I was sorry to have brought this upon them, to make my family cry like this. I wanted to tell him not to cry but my mouth wasn't able to move and I couldn't say a word to calm him down.

The only thought that resounded in my brain was I'm sorry dad; I'm sorry I couldn't grow up and be like you.

I heard Mom coming back out and Annie following behind her even though Mom told her to get back in the house but when she saw me she cried and then mom put her arms around her. Mom just held on fiercely, as if Death might try to snatch Annie out of her arms as well that minute.

For a moment all I could focus on was their faces, which gave me the strange illusion that the faces were floating in midair. I saw mom and Annie coming over to Dad's side and Annie crying, her tears splashing down on my face. I'm sorry mom for making you cry. I'm sorry Annie.

I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry…I'm…sorry…goodbye…

I tried to get enough air, enough strength to say it. But it was too late. The outside world was gone and I couldn't feel my body any longer. I was floating in the darkness and the music, and all I could do now was sleep.

That night I died in my father's arms by the time the paramedics did come but had already been too late.

It had been the longest day in my life, and I knew it was just the beginning but for now I was 'dead' to the world. It seemed that way, at least up until the funeral.

Blue Kitsune: Well I hope you like that, the dying scene was a little hard for me to pull off and hope you guys liked it. Please review and tell me what you think.